There is no subject.
This has been a ridiculous year, honestly. I just finally started feeling a little better, having figured out a few of my health problems (and even some mental/emotional ones), and -- here's the part where I SWEAR that a fucking black cloud follows me wherever I go -- then life goes to hell again. First, Jeremy starts slipping into a diabetic coma after a few months of feeling like shit; he could have died (his sugar levels were off the charts to the point that they were unreadable, according to the physicians, and they had no idea how he was still walking). Then we moved back to the state that I hate most in the US -- Indiana. With all of our past issues with my mother-in-law, Jeremy still wanted to help her out as she's been living in Greensburg, and the house was just sitting there empty with it about to be foreclosed...so we moved back into the house. At least it's just us this time around. The bathroom sink doesn't work, the toilet works only half of the time, and the floor always feels like it's going to cave in, but the payments are cheaper, so what the hell. Cheaper is what matters in these wonderful times. Jesus, Obama can't get into the White House quickly enough for me.
It's the same old neighbors (mostly) as before, but this time, I'm getting to know them (some I don't wish to). Our neighbor to the right is a prick who thinks that everyone must accommodate him (so I've been told from other neighbors), the neighbor to the left is brand new, the neighbor directly across from us is remodeling their house and tearing the fuck out of our yard and peace to do so, and the neighbor diagonal from us is a she-male who's OK unless you get her drunk, and then she's a psychotic dick. She wants me to write a trilogy detailing her birth as a whole new person and the life she's lead. I've got enough to do as it is.
MY GODDAMN COMPUTER CRASHED WHEN WE MOVED HERE. I can't remember what caused it now (the sound card or video card...can't remember), but I lost everything. My novel, short stories, and new chapters went bye-bye when Jeremy reinstalled Winshit, and I was just so thoroughly pissed that I forgot to see if we could pull them from the hard drive before reinstalling. The whole situation turned me off writing, as can plainly be seen. Actually, today's the first day since the mess back in March where I've felt calm enough to write anything, so I'll eventually start typing up stuff from memory. Slow agonizing process, that.
I hate Indiana with a passion, and when I live here, I am reminded bitterly of why that is. This state is so ass-backwards and behind the times in everything, it isn't funny. Everyone is a prejudice cunt who cares only for what can be done for them. Yes, I do realize that it's basic instinct to worry over one's self uberalle (I can't be arsed to remember the code for umlauts right now), but I've worked really, really hard this year to "do the right thing and help others," and Indiana's collective attitude is reminding me why I've always felt that it's a waste of precious time. I get sick of the racist and homophobic shit, and while every place in the US has its share of ignorant jackasses, I swear that it's at its worst here. After all, this is the birthplace of the modern (20th century) KKK.
It's a struggle, really. You have queers (this would be anyone and everyone who falls into this label -- the "non-vanilla" people out there, like myself) who are beaten for just trying to love and live (like my brother-in-law just the other day), and then you have queers who make it their soul existence to live the stereotypes just for the shockhorror value. Switch "queer" with any other cause (ie. "black," "latino," "women's rights," etc.), and it's the same thing again. This state, if not mankind, is a good example of why we will never live together without some sort of ongoing drama.
Eh, sorry. We have no insurance in this state (the only state where it's difficult to get insurance), and I'm without my medication -- another reason why I feel so blah. I go back and forth from feeling on top of the world to feeling like I twisting on a stake in hell. I'm also panicky lately because of no anti-anxiety meds. Sometimes, it's as if I'm having a heart attack. I can't breathe, my arm tingles, and my chest hurts. Damn anxiety.
Hope everyone is doing OK. I don't have a lot of time to myself while the kids are out of school, but I try to keep up on how everyone is even if I can't comment.
Oh, if you heard about the tornadoes that struck Indianapolis at the end of May/beginning of June...yeah, we were in the middle of that. Scary shit.
Got to go for now. Have more work to do.
It's the same old neighbors (mostly) as before, but this time, I'm getting to know them (some I don't wish to). Our neighbor to the right is a prick who thinks that everyone must accommodate him (so I've been told from other neighbors), the neighbor to the left is brand new, the neighbor directly across from us is remodeling their house and tearing the fuck out of our yard and peace to do so, and the neighbor diagonal from us is a she-male who's OK unless you get her drunk, and then she's a psychotic dick. She wants me to write a trilogy detailing her birth as a whole new person and the life she's lead. I've got enough to do as it is.
MY GODDAMN COMPUTER CRASHED WHEN WE MOVED HERE. I can't remember what caused it now (the sound card or video card...can't remember), but I lost everything. My novel, short stories, and new chapters went bye-bye when Jeremy reinstalled Winshit, and I was just so thoroughly pissed that I forgot to see if we could pull them from the hard drive before reinstalling. The whole situation turned me off writing, as can plainly be seen. Actually, today's the first day since the mess back in March where I've felt calm enough to write anything, so I'll eventually start typing up stuff from memory. Slow agonizing process, that.
I hate Indiana with a passion, and when I live here, I am reminded bitterly of why that is. This state is so ass-backwards and behind the times in everything, it isn't funny. Everyone is a prejudice cunt who cares only for what can be done for them. Yes, I do realize that it's basic instinct to worry over one's self uberalle (I can't be arsed to remember the code for umlauts right now), but I've worked really, really hard this year to "do the right thing and help others," and Indiana's collective attitude is reminding me why I've always felt that it's a waste of precious time. I get sick of the racist and homophobic shit, and while every place in the US has its share of ignorant jackasses, I swear that it's at its worst here. After all, this is the birthplace of the modern (20th century) KKK.
It's a struggle, really. You have queers (this would be anyone and everyone who falls into this label -- the "non-vanilla" people out there, like myself) who are beaten for just trying to love and live (like my brother-in-law just the other day), and then you have queers who make it their soul existence to live the stereotypes just for the shockhorror value. Switch "queer" with any other cause (ie. "black," "latino," "women's rights," etc.), and it's the same thing again. This state, if not mankind, is a good example of why we will never live together without some sort of ongoing drama.
Eh, sorry. We have no insurance in this state (the only state where it's difficult to get insurance), and I'm without my medication -- another reason why I feel so blah. I go back and forth from feeling on top of the world to feeling like I twisting on a stake in hell. I'm also panicky lately because of no anti-anxiety meds. Sometimes, it's as if I'm having a heart attack. I can't breathe, my arm tingles, and my chest hurts. Damn anxiety.
Hope everyone is doing OK. I don't have a lot of time to myself while the kids are out of school, but I try to keep up on how everyone is even if I can't comment.
Oh, if you heard about the tornadoes that struck Indianapolis at the end of May/beginning of June...yeah, we were in the middle of that. Scary shit.
Got to go for now. Have more work to do.