sinful worry
Well, things have taken a different turn lately. Yes, I was frustrated, angry, grumpy. Mostly, I believe, because I didn't have answers to certain things, because I saw situations gradually slipping out of my control, because I felt like I was failing. And while all those things haven't been solved, I have found peace through certain situations in my life.
Like the other day for instance. My mom was working at the hospital, so Luke and I were on our own to find means of entertainment. I drop Luke off at his friends house, and head over to Norco to stop by at Kate's house. Well, I wasn't coming from the direction that I've taken before, so I got all mixed up and couldn't find her house. The worst part was, it didn't have my cell phone with me and it was 150 degrees outside. So, I keep driving up and down streets and finally decide to find a pay phone. I eventually get a hold of my dad, completely upset and frustrated, and tell him my situation. Because it costs like $75 dollars a minute on those dumb pay phones, my dad says he'll call me right back. Well, just my luck, in all the pay phone in Norco, Ms. RTA lady pulls her little bus up and asks me if she can use the phone for a minute. I don't look too great, my face is still beat up from the diving accident, I have bloodshot, teary eyes, I'm sweaty. I looked like I just go beat up, and all she has to say is, "Can I use the phone?" So I tell her that my dad is calling me back and obviously that doesn't phase her because she just asks again to use the phone. So, I decide I'm just going to leave and get back to Luke's friends house because I didn't want to be late picking him up. I stopped my David's dad's house just to see if he or his dad were home, but, of course, they weren't.
I pull up, knock on the door, and the friend's grandma answers the door. Of course, in my blubbery state I mumble that I'm Luke's sister and I need to use the phone. She looks me in the face and says, "I don't know you." I almost punched her in the face. I don't care if you don't know me, I'm a desperate, lost child and I need help. So much for having a heart. I re-explain who I am and she apologize and let's me in. Whatev'. So I call my dad, only to find out that both him and Kate are driving around Norco looking for me. To make things worse, he got Kate's number by calling Matt. Why did the last person on earth I care to get involved in this just so happen to do that? So bleh...everything get’s settled. But, I still have an hour before my brother has to go home. So, I get so much needed gas, and go next door to the Plaza.
And this is where my story actually has a point. Here I am, feeling totally drained, feeling like my day is completely pointless....and I head to the Religion section and grab a book on dating (lame perhaps, but insightful) and sight in the corner and just begin trying to entertain myself for the remainder of the time.
Now, going back a couple day previous, I had been confronted with the fact that I am too worried about the future...in terms of relationships involving guys. I fear too much about what will come, rather than just enjoying the time and moment of the present. I defended myself saying that I felt it was the only way to prevent from and further headache or heart break. I want to be pain free. But see, I was reading through this book. And I can’t exactly remember what was being discussed in the particular section that I was reading, but I came to a part where the author used some verse about not being worried, and that God has everything in control. Being worried is almost like sinning against God, because I don’t have faith that he can protect and surround me.
I do worry too much about the future. I think too much like my mom....what is going to happen later, rather then what is going on right now. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have my future to consider. In fact, right now, I’m not thinking enough of the future on certain subjects like college and summer work I have to get done :/ But I do know that I have come to a better understanding of how to treat relationships. And the only way I can survive them is through God and his infinite wisdom.
Like the other day for instance. My mom was working at the hospital, so Luke and I were on our own to find means of entertainment. I drop Luke off at his friends house, and head over to Norco to stop by at Kate's house. Well, I wasn't coming from the direction that I've taken before, so I got all mixed up and couldn't find her house. The worst part was, it didn't have my cell phone with me and it was 150 degrees outside. So, I keep driving up and down streets and finally decide to find a pay phone. I eventually get a hold of my dad, completely upset and frustrated, and tell him my situation. Because it costs like $75 dollars a minute on those dumb pay phones, my dad says he'll call me right back. Well, just my luck, in all the pay phone in Norco, Ms. RTA lady pulls her little bus up and asks me if she can use the phone for a minute. I don't look too great, my face is still beat up from the diving accident, I have bloodshot, teary eyes, I'm sweaty. I looked like I just go beat up, and all she has to say is, "Can I use the phone?" So I tell her that my dad is calling me back and obviously that doesn't phase her because she just asks again to use the phone. So, I decide I'm just going to leave and get back to Luke's friends house because I didn't want to be late picking him up. I stopped my David's dad's house just to see if he or his dad were home, but, of course, they weren't.
I pull up, knock on the door, and the friend's grandma answers the door. Of course, in my blubbery state I mumble that I'm Luke's sister and I need to use the phone. She looks me in the face and says, "I don't know you." I almost punched her in the face. I don't care if you don't know me, I'm a desperate, lost child and I need help. So much for having a heart. I re-explain who I am and she apologize and let's me in. Whatev'. So I call my dad, only to find out that both him and Kate are driving around Norco looking for me. To make things worse, he got Kate's number by calling Matt. Why did the last person on earth I care to get involved in this just so happen to do that? So bleh...everything get’s settled. But, I still have an hour before my brother has to go home. So, I get so much needed gas, and go next door to the Plaza.
And this is where my story actually has a point. Here I am, feeling totally drained, feeling like my day is completely pointless....and I head to the Religion section and grab a book on dating (lame perhaps, but insightful) and sight in the corner and just begin trying to entertain myself for the remainder of the time.
Now, going back a couple day previous, I had been confronted with the fact that I am too worried about the future...in terms of relationships involving guys. I fear too much about what will come, rather than just enjoying the time and moment of the present. I defended myself saying that I felt it was the only way to prevent from and further headache or heart break. I want to be pain free. But see, I was reading through this book. And I can’t exactly remember what was being discussed in the particular section that I was reading, but I came to a part where the author used some verse about not being worried, and that God has everything in control. Being worried is almost like sinning against God, because I don’t have faith that he can protect and surround me.
I do worry too much about the future. I think too much like my mom....what is going to happen later, rather then what is going on right now. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have my future to consider. In fact, right now, I’m not thinking enough of the future on certain subjects like college and summer work I have to get done :/ But I do know that I have come to a better understanding of how to treat relationships. And the only way I can survive them is through God and his infinite wisdom.