(no subject)
"I'm sorry, there are just way too many people in this room."
Ugh, worst excuse ever. Even if it was true.
I really do like my housemates. One or two at a time, and even all together if we're doing something that keeps people organized and not too loud. And I like their friends--or at least the ones I've met, so the new ones are probably fine too. But. But omg, four (five?) of them in the kitchen and three more in the adjoined living room, all bustling around making noise (and getting drinks, so the noise will only get louder) and it's like the lights go dim and the walls close in, and I can't meet anyone's eyes because there's no room to lift my head.
I feel so bad--I ditched Kirt without even saying goodnight or anything. But she was in the other room watching a show with people and I just. Couldn't be in there anymore. I really hope people understand that it's not personal, since I know I didn't manage to sneak away without being noticed all together.
Ugh. I don't wish I was different exactly--I can't imagine enjoying a crowd like that, so it's not like I feel like I'm missing out. But I wish I managed it better, more smoothly so I was less conspicuous. Or else that I could turn invisible. Actually mostly just that.
In other news, art!
I ♥ Bro. Partly I love him because he's raising his younger sibling (sort of) and it gives me Lilo and Stitch feels. But I also actually kind of love him for his creepy porn--because it makes me imagine him as having this total lack of concern for what other people think. That he's this huge, total freak and he doesn't care who knows it.
When I was in 11th grade I made a Link costume and wore it to school every day to embarrass myself on purpose, hoping to build up an immunity so I could purge myself of vanity and become truly immune to all social judgement forever. I was kind of intense in 11th grade. Sadly, the effort failed, but I have huge admiration for people who really don't care what other people think.
Ugh I spent so long trying to get the anatomy in his lower back right, do you have idea idea the kinds of things I had to google search for reference? And I'm still not quite happy with it but I'm too fatigued with the thing to mess with it anymore
Ugh, worst excuse ever. Even if it was true.
I really do like my housemates. One or two at a time, and even all together if we're doing something that keeps people organized and not too loud. And I like their friends--or at least the ones I've met, so the new ones are probably fine too. But. But omg, four (five?) of them in the kitchen and three more in the adjoined living room, all bustling around making noise (and getting drinks, so the noise will only get louder) and it's like the lights go dim and the walls close in, and I can't meet anyone's eyes because there's no room to lift my head.
I feel so bad--I ditched Kirt without even saying goodnight or anything. But she was in the other room watching a show with people and I just. Couldn't be in there anymore. I really hope people understand that it's not personal, since I know I didn't manage to sneak away without being noticed all together.
Ugh. I don't wish I was different exactly--I can't imagine enjoying a crowd like that, so it's not like I feel like I'm missing out. But I wish I managed it better, more smoothly so I was less conspicuous. Or else that I could turn invisible. Actually mostly just that.
In other news, art!
I ♥ Bro. Partly I love him because he's raising his younger sibling (sort of) and it gives me Lilo and Stitch feels. But I also actually kind of love him for his creepy porn--because it makes me imagine him as having this total lack of concern for what other people think. That he's this huge, total freak and he doesn't care who knows it.
When I was in 11th grade I made a Link costume and wore it to school every day to embarrass myself on purpose, hoping to build up an immunity so I could purge myself of vanity and become truly immune to all social judgement forever. I was kind of intense in 11th grade. Sadly, the effort failed, but I have huge admiration for people who really don't care what other people think.
Ugh I spent so long trying to get the anatomy in his lower back right, do you have idea idea the kinds of things I had to google search for reference? And I'm still not quite happy with it but I'm too fatigued with the thing to mess with it anymore