Hearye Hearye
I thought I would just say
I leik Mikoto and Otoya and anime that have prince or princess in its name.lol
prince of tennis, princess princess d...or rather, I'venever seen the animefor that just the drama.... which is smex
and yes. I'm a geek. But I know a hot scene when I see one.
Who wants to hang out in the basement and go looking for Japanese guys? *twitch*
Work. ah. someone is getting on my nerves because every time something doesn't go her way she says she is going to quit. Shes close in age to be my grandmother, though still young. there is 7 years difference between her and my grandmother. so she knows better.
I feel the same way she does.I feel the company isnt as it used to be. which sucks, because that was the same thing with sears. Thing is, the new manager there is cool, and is asking people to come back. I think it MIGHT be fun, but its kind of like a nightmare as well. I had a lot of dreams about going back, and it was NEVER fun.
I liked the work, and the people. BUt the people have all retired or quit, and its more like, been there done that type of thing. I dont want to go back, but the IDEA of it,or the MEMORIES of working there is, I guess, whats fun, or what I think was fun.
anyway. I do want another job, but I want something easy and laid back, because I'm a slacker. I know it. Maybe I should challege myself and find a fast paced job, or a professional one. But, there are so many things that I THINK I SHOULD BE, when in reality its not me. But I always think I should be like that.
I think I would enjoy acting, once I get out there I'm fine, but the ideas of auditions, and taking classes, talking to people I dont know scares me. But If I could just skip all that, then I think I'd be fine. wether it be the stage or whatnot. I have no experience, and maybe It SEEMS fabulous, or for me, and maybe its not. I think thats the Leo in me. Wanting to be in the spotlight but I'm just to stuck in my ways to go out and do it, too shy to talk to people.
It sure does sound fun though. to get to know people, and act,like on stage, ordance. then again, I just dont have the physical appearance for it, looks and body wise. I shouldn't be to hung up on that sort of thing. I never used to be. I think, I like my face. I never used to. I've gotten to like it, but the more I like my face, the more I'mw orrying about how I look. I DONT WANT TO. But its there. lately at least.
Not that one should not care at all, but I'm starting to really hate my body. I always compare. Which i shouldn't do. I realise I'm me. Not someone else. but realising it and living it are different. I think anyway.
I need to get over myself. I think in a way its vanity. well, it is vanity!
I guess I dont want to be perfect, but I want to be perfect in my eyes. then again. when I paint, nothing is ever perfect. Maybe then, I havent really accomp,ished anything ...yet. When I think one of my own paintings is beautiful, have I become a true artist?
I dont think I'm an artist, I like to say I am, but I don't believe it. There is something,I dont know what yet, that I havent done. But I don't think i'mr eally eccentric, I dont live an artists life, but then again, what IS an artists life?
I think its outo f the ordinary. maybe I am kind of liket hat. I'm always thinking I should be doing something else,something more acceptable for my age...right. I think about it, write about it a lot. Ok. No I'm not conventional. I'm 25 and i dont work in a law office,I'm not a journalist, or a world traveller.
I however have never been to university or art college. No,I dont think one needs formal trainig to BE an artist, but I think it helps develop skills. useful skills. but here comes the fear again. the fear of disrupting my routine.
routine of what? not doing ANYTHING?
I know, I think that too. But in a way it is, because I am SO USED TO THIS, I want to look at change as a good thing, most of the time it is, but in reality I'm afraid of it. I think most people are...but I never do anything about it
I know, Its like I am complainng. I should just go and and DO IT instead think it.
Part of me wants someone to take my hand a lead me, and yet the other hates to be pressured into doing something. The more I am pressured the less I want to do it, but if I dont have a helping hand there ready to support me, I just brush off what it is I have to do.
I'm tired of people saying,sure Amy, you can do it. You can go to college, do art, this and that. and then when I say, where do I start,they say get a loan. How? government. okay, from there I Do?? (because I am clueless) and then thats where it stops. I'm encouraged (sometimes pushed by others) and then it stops at a certain point.
I guess I'm trying to say I dont know how to get started, ever. If I could get started, I think I will go through with it
then again, I say I think.
I'm afraid I'll start something and wont finish it, like I usually do, and end up wasting people's time, and my money. you know?But then, by NOT trying I miss out.
I wish I could get over it, but that would be giving up too huh? \
I say I give up alot. I hate that! I dont want to, but I do. maybe I dont give myself ewnough credit, because there ARE some things that I do, and see through. It may take me longer than the average person, because I have a hard time with doing the same thing every single day, like study
(although I cna sit my ass down in front of a compuer and type,or watch j dramas' lol)
I wish I could put that to something else, like painting, drawing, dancing, ddring, working out, cleaning.
ALthogh. I'm starting to pick up on my chores. and slowly started to ddr again.
*bangs head*
Its always the same thing. really. I'm waiting for something to happen. but I'm not the lucky type who has things fall into their lap. AFter allth is time I realise that/ people go out and get what they want. I admire them for it.
well! I did make supper, and then I did the dishes and put the leftovers in containers for lunch tomorrow. I NEVER dothat. I leave the dishes, and the food on the counter, and then if I REMEMBER to take it for lunch, I just scoop it up in the morning and go. hahah!
I'm a tard. IF you have read this far, I'm amazed! and a bit worried lol. I'm sure most know how I feel already since I write about it often, but if you read again, its like, wow, now you think I'm a bit loopy, or...leik. thinking, get over it Amy.
believe me, I want to. lol I wanna go out there. I just...stop myself.
LOL. I need an LJ therapist. haahah!
j/k
in any case. yeah! :D
Bai!
edit:
I write like I speak. I have never been so bad. I dont remember being thi sbad. I think its because of the NOTES i put in at work. Maybe.
I should read something,then maybe my english skillz will come back. Not that I had super English skills to begin with,but they were much better than this. I swear I'm using commas where I'm not supposed to,and forgot how to use ; I think I used to know before.
My spelling is also off *though most are typo's, my keyboard sticks sometimes*
I leik Mikoto and Otoya and anime that have prince or princess in its name.lol
prince of tennis, princess princess d...or rather, I'venever seen the animefor that just the drama.... which is smex
and yes. I'm a geek. But I know a hot scene when I see one.
Who wants to hang out in the basement and go looking for Japanese guys? *twitch*
Work. ah. someone is getting on my nerves because every time something doesn't go her way she says she is going to quit. Shes close in age to be my grandmother, though still young. there is 7 years difference between her and my grandmother. so she knows better.
I feel the same way she does.I feel the company isnt as it used to be. which sucks, because that was the same thing with sears. Thing is, the new manager there is cool, and is asking people to come back. I think it MIGHT be fun, but its kind of like a nightmare as well. I had a lot of dreams about going back, and it was NEVER fun.
I liked the work, and the people. BUt the people have all retired or quit, and its more like, been there done that type of thing. I dont want to go back, but the IDEA of it,or the MEMORIES of working there is, I guess, whats fun, or what I think was fun.
anyway. I do want another job, but I want something easy and laid back, because I'm a slacker. I know it. Maybe I should challege myself and find a fast paced job, or a professional one. But, there are so many things that I THINK I SHOULD BE, when in reality its not me. But I always think I should be like that.
I think I would enjoy acting, once I get out there I'm fine, but the ideas of auditions, and taking classes, talking to people I dont know scares me. But If I could just skip all that, then I think I'd be fine. wether it be the stage or whatnot. I have no experience, and maybe It SEEMS fabulous, or for me, and maybe its not. I think thats the Leo in me. Wanting to be in the spotlight but I'm just to stuck in my ways to go out and do it, too shy to talk to people.
It sure does sound fun though. to get to know people, and act,like on stage, ordance. then again, I just dont have the physical appearance for it, looks and body wise. I shouldn't be to hung up on that sort of thing. I never used to be. I think, I like my face. I never used to. I've gotten to like it, but the more I like my face, the more I'mw orrying about how I look. I DONT WANT TO. But its there. lately at least.
Not that one should not care at all, but I'm starting to really hate my body. I always compare. Which i shouldn't do. I realise I'm me. Not someone else. but realising it and living it are different. I think anyway.
I need to get over myself. I think in a way its vanity. well, it is vanity!
I guess I dont want to be perfect, but I want to be perfect in my eyes. then again. when I paint, nothing is ever perfect. Maybe then, I havent really accomp,ished anything ...yet. When I think one of my own paintings is beautiful, have I become a true artist?
I dont think I'm an artist, I like to say I am, but I don't believe it. There is something,I dont know what yet, that I havent done. But I don't think i'mr eally eccentric, I dont live an artists life, but then again, what IS an artists life?
I think its outo f the ordinary. maybe I am kind of liket hat. I'm always thinking I should be doing something else,something more acceptable for my age...right. I think about it, write about it a lot. Ok. No I'm not conventional. I'm 25 and i dont work in a law office,I'm not a journalist, or a world traveller.
I however have never been to university or art college. No,I dont think one needs formal trainig to BE an artist, but I think it helps develop skills. useful skills. but here comes the fear again. the fear of disrupting my routine.
routine of what? not doing ANYTHING?
I know, I think that too. But in a way it is, because I am SO USED TO THIS, I want to look at change as a good thing, most of the time it is, but in reality I'm afraid of it. I think most people are...but I never do anything about it
I know, Its like I am complainng. I should just go and and DO IT instead think it.
Part of me wants someone to take my hand a lead me, and yet the other hates to be pressured into doing something. The more I am pressured the less I want to do it, but if I dont have a helping hand there ready to support me, I just brush off what it is I have to do.
I'm tired of people saying,sure Amy, you can do it. You can go to college, do art, this and that. and then when I say, where do I start,they say get a loan. How? government. okay, from there I Do?? (because I am clueless) and then thats where it stops. I'm encouraged (sometimes pushed by others) and then it stops at a certain point.
I guess I'm trying to say I dont know how to get started, ever. If I could get started, I think I will go through with it
then again, I say I think.
I'm afraid I'll start something and wont finish it, like I usually do, and end up wasting people's time, and my money. you know?But then, by NOT trying I miss out.
I wish I could get over it, but that would be giving up too huh? \
I say I give up alot. I hate that! I dont want to, but I do. maybe I dont give myself ewnough credit, because there ARE some things that I do, and see through. It may take me longer than the average person, because I have a hard time with doing the same thing every single day, like study
(although I cna sit my ass down in front of a compuer and type,or watch j dramas' lol)
I wish I could put that to something else, like painting, drawing, dancing, ddring, working out, cleaning.
ALthogh. I'm starting to pick up on my chores. and slowly started to ddr again.
*bangs head*
Its always the same thing. really. I'm waiting for something to happen. but I'm not the lucky type who has things fall into their lap. AFter allth is time I realise that/ people go out and get what they want. I admire them for it.
well! I did make supper, and then I did the dishes and put the leftovers in containers for lunch tomorrow. I NEVER dothat. I leave the dishes, and the food on the counter, and then if I REMEMBER to take it for lunch, I just scoop it up in the morning and go. hahah!
I'm a tard. IF you have read this far, I'm amazed! and a bit worried lol. I'm sure most know how I feel already since I write about it often, but if you read again, its like, wow, now you think I'm a bit loopy, or...leik. thinking, get over it Amy.
believe me, I want to. lol I wanna go out there. I just...stop myself.
LOL. I need an LJ therapist. haahah!
j/k
in any case. yeah! :D
Bai!
edit:
I write like I speak. I have never been so bad. I dont remember being thi sbad. I think its because of the NOTES i put in at work. Maybe.
I should read something,then maybe my english skillz will come back. Not that I had super English skills to begin with,but they were much better than this. I swear I'm using commas where I'm not supposed to,and forgot how to use ; I think I used to know before.
My spelling is also off *though most are typo's, my keyboard sticks sometimes*