[FIC] Virtues: And Again (Kurosaki x Tsurara)
Title: Virtues: And Again
Author: kohee
Pairing: Kurosaki x Tsurara
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It always has been her and him, and it always will be.
A/N: Originally for je_whiteday. Written for the wonderful shy_hinata as a remix to the wonderful fic she wrote me. I mixed this up with opposing POVs as presented in my present!fic. Also, I haven't written fandom!fic in ages (like zillion year? been writing real-people like a LOT) and I've never actually written for Kurosagi before so apologies for any ensuing OOC-ness.
i. Prudence
Being a swindler means that I have to be prudent, no matter how ironic or contradictory that seems to be. I have to be careful about each word I say, each expression I put on, each disguise I wear, each step I take. I cannot be careless; or all prior hard work and planning would have gone to waste. So yes, I am prudent. The one thing I have always been careful about, are my feelings. I have to keep every single emotion under wraps, stored and guarded in a secret chamber within myself because I cannot have any emotions, I cannot allow myself to be ruled by feelings, if I ever want revenge for my family, and that is all I ever wanted.
Until I met you.
I didn’t know, and I still don’t know, what possessed me to risk my own life to jump down on those tracks and lifted you up from there, but there was something in me that just compelled me to. And when I looked into your eyes, I felt something within me, I felt, I feel, and something shifted, something changed.
And then I had to push you away, push you away and affect nonchalance, because I have to be careful, because I have to be careful to keep my feelings locked away.
-
ii. Justice
You do not see that your way of justice is not the true way. You do not see that what you do just breeds more hate, more injustice. You swindled one person to gain revenge (or justice, as you call it) for another, but really, does it ever end? This other person will wait, wait in the shadows, wait for a chance, and when the chance comes along, when he grabs it, it all begins again, and then where is your justice?
I am not as naïve as you think; I know the legal system is not perfect. I am one person, but if I can be the one person that really stands firm in what I believe in - that the law can be fair and exercised justly - I believe I can make the change. To right the wrongs of this world the right way, because I cannot never accept your brand of justice.
An eye for an eye makes the world go blind, why can’t you see it?
We both wanted it, justice. But ironically, we are on opposite ends of it.
-
iii. Restraint
I wish you will hold back more. I wish you have more restraint so that you will not approach me, not talk to me, not wait for me by those rickety steps. I wish that you will ignore me the way I ignored you, or insult me, be as cruel to me as I am to you.
But a small part of me wishes that you will see that I am despicable to you because that is all I can be if I want to hold back.
Because if you cannot restrain yourself, then I have to be the one to do it.
-
iv. Courage
From the day I met you on the train tracks, and to the day I found out you are my landlord, and then to the fact that you are a swindler to my future prosecutor, my initial feelings never changed. If anything, they grow stronger, day by day, despite my effort to restrain them, despite me reminding myself every single day of the future possibility that I will be prosecuting you in a courtroom. I guess I just cannot help the way I feel and I wonder what is it about you, and you alone.
I wish I have more courage to tell you how I really feel. Not the veiled words and vague meanings, but how I really feel about you. But I never dared to. Maybe partly because I fear your harsh and cruel rejection, typical of you, but most of all, I fear what it really means for me to admit that I could possibly love you, be in love with you.
Some may think that you are not courageous enough to face yourself. Well, neither am I.
-
v. Faith
It has been a year since I last saw you, and I have to admit to myself that it was because I have been keeping my distance. I know there is no possibility for us, you will never give up your beliefs and I will never give up mine, so maybe it is for the better.
So it came as a complete surprise when I saw you that day, armed with flyers, and the surprise in your eyes reflected mine when you thrust that flyer at me, and your name hedged in my throat - Tsurara - as I instinctively reached my hand out for yours before I remembered where we were and who we were.
So I called you Yoshida, and flippantly commented on your hair, and you told me that it was none of my business. And the year between us seemed to melt away and I guess I always held the faith that I would see you again, because I wanted to.
-
vi. Hope
I never planned on attending the Summer Festival; I only ended up going because Yukari made me, practically forced me to because she thinks I am getting too immersed in exams and books.
Once I get there, I wander aimlessly around as Yukari flits off, being the social butterfly she is, and I bought a candy apple just because it seems like the thing to do. As I bite into it, a voice sounds from behind me, and I turn around to see a young man from one of my law classes, flanked by his friends that I am not familiar with.
He speaks to me, and I can barely hear him above the din, but I smile to be polite, and I catch a snippet of his words, he says that I am beautiful. I thank him and try to move away but he crowded in, as his friends form a semi-circle around me. I really do not want to be rude, but I see no way out of it, and I am just about to fend them off when an arm curves around my waist, pulling me close, and I turn to see you, you, of all people, touching me, and smiling casually at me as if this is a thing we do all the time.
“Hey, Tsurara. Sorry for making you wait. Are these gentlemen bothering you?"
I try to hide my surprise and shock the best I can, which isn’t easy at all when there are a million questions pounding through my head - what do you think you are doing, why are you here and really, just why - as I smile at you and cast a glance towards the young men.
“No, no. I’m fine. What took you so long?”
Your hand slips from my waist and your fingers curl around mine, as I bow to my classmate and back away. As they melt away into the crowd, you do not release your hold on my hand. You look at me, an unreadable expression on your face as your fingers tighten just the slightest bit around mine.
I do not know what is going through your head at that moment, but I hope. I hope, as I always have, and always will.
-
vii. Love
Once upon a time, I thought it was impossible for us to be together. I would never compromise, and neither would you, and despite that, or maybe because of that, our lives were intertwined and bound in a way so complex that I could not begin to understand.
I don’t know when things began to change, and I don’t really see a need to pinpoint when it changed. All I need to know that it has changed, and I have changed; I have unlocked that deep chamber and allowed myself to feel, to see, and to be free of the constant hatred that has ruled my life. And it was you who unlocked it; maybe I have given you the key when I lifted you from the train tracks all those years ago, and you’ve kept it, guarded it until you know that it is the time to use it.
For the first time in many, many years, I feel content, and I feel the peace that I thought had eluded me forever, feeling the warmth of your body next to mine as I slept, and I think to myself that is all I need, you beside me. I feel you getting out of bed and I catch your wrist with one hand, keeping my eyes closed, wanting you with me for just a little while longer. I ask you to stay, and you brush back my hair and say okay, settling back into bed, and I curled my arm around you, drawing you close to me. I rest my chin on top of your head, breathing in the fragrance of your hair, and as you bury your face into my chest, I think about how much I love you, and how this is going to be forever.
-----
- end -
On another note, please read shy_hinata's original fic. It is possibly a zillion trillion zillion times more wonderful. ♥
Commnes are ♥ :)
Author: kohee
Pairing: Kurosaki x Tsurara
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It always has been her and him, and it always will be.
A/N: Originally for je_whiteday. Written for the wonderful shy_hinata as a remix to the wonderful fic she wrote me. I mixed this up with opposing POVs as presented in my present!fic. Also, I haven't written fandom!fic in ages (like zillion year? been writing real-people like a LOT) and I've never actually written for Kurosagi before so apologies for any ensuing OOC-ness.
i. Prudence
Being a swindler means that I have to be prudent, no matter how ironic or contradictory that seems to be. I have to be careful about each word I say, each expression I put on, each disguise I wear, each step I take. I cannot be careless; or all prior hard work and planning would have gone to waste. So yes, I am prudent. The one thing I have always been careful about, are my feelings. I have to keep every single emotion under wraps, stored and guarded in a secret chamber within myself because I cannot have any emotions, I cannot allow myself to be ruled by feelings, if I ever want revenge for my family, and that is all I ever wanted.
Until I met you.
I didn’t know, and I still don’t know, what possessed me to risk my own life to jump down on those tracks and lifted you up from there, but there was something in me that just compelled me to. And when I looked into your eyes, I felt something within me, I felt, I feel, and something shifted, something changed.
And then I had to push you away, push you away and affect nonchalance, because I have to be careful, because I have to be careful to keep my feelings locked away.
-
ii. Justice
You do not see that your way of justice is not the true way. You do not see that what you do just breeds more hate, more injustice. You swindled one person to gain revenge (or justice, as you call it) for another, but really, does it ever end? This other person will wait, wait in the shadows, wait for a chance, and when the chance comes along, when he grabs it, it all begins again, and then where is your justice?
I am not as naïve as you think; I know the legal system is not perfect. I am one person, but if I can be the one person that really stands firm in what I believe in - that the law can be fair and exercised justly - I believe I can make the change. To right the wrongs of this world the right way, because I cannot never accept your brand of justice.
An eye for an eye makes the world go blind, why can’t you see it?
We both wanted it, justice. But ironically, we are on opposite ends of it.
-
iii. Restraint
I wish you will hold back more. I wish you have more restraint so that you will not approach me, not talk to me, not wait for me by those rickety steps. I wish that you will ignore me the way I ignored you, or insult me, be as cruel to me as I am to you.
But a small part of me wishes that you will see that I am despicable to you because that is all I can be if I want to hold back.
Because if you cannot restrain yourself, then I have to be the one to do it.
-
iv. Courage
From the day I met you on the train tracks, and to the day I found out you are my landlord, and then to the fact that you are a swindler to my future prosecutor, my initial feelings never changed. If anything, they grow stronger, day by day, despite my effort to restrain them, despite me reminding myself every single day of the future possibility that I will be prosecuting you in a courtroom. I guess I just cannot help the way I feel and I wonder what is it about you, and you alone.
I wish I have more courage to tell you how I really feel. Not the veiled words and vague meanings, but how I really feel about you. But I never dared to. Maybe partly because I fear your harsh and cruel rejection, typical of you, but most of all, I fear what it really means for me to admit that I could possibly love you, be in love with you.
Some may think that you are not courageous enough to face yourself. Well, neither am I.
-
v. Faith
It has been a year since I last saw you, and I have to admit to myself that it was because I have been keeping my distance. I know there is no possibility for us, you will never give up your beliefs and I will never give up mine, so maybe it is for the better.
So it came as a complete surprise when I saw you that day, armed with flyers, and the surprise in your eyes reflected mine when you thrust that flyer at me, and your name hedged in my throat - Tsurara - as I instinctively reached my hand out for yours before I remembered where we were and who we were.
So I called you Yoshida, and flippantly commented on your hair, and you told me that it was none of my business. And the year between us seemed to melt away and I guess I always held the faith that I would see you again, because I wanted to.
-
vi. Hope
I never planned on attending the Summer Festival; I only ended up going because Yukari made me, practically forced me to because she thinks I am getting too immersed in exams and books.
Once I get there, I wander aimlessly around as Yukari flits off, being the social butterfly she is, and I bought a candy apple just because it seems like the thing to do. As I bite into it, a voice sounds from behind me, and I turn around to see a young man from one of my law classes, flanked by his friends that I am not familiar with.
He speaks to me, and I can barely hear him above the din, but I smile to be polite, and I catch a snippet of his words, he says that I am beautiful. I thank him and try to move away but he crowded in, as his friends form a semi-circle around me. I really do not want to be rude, but I see no way out of it, and I am just about to fend them off when an arm curves around my waist, pulling me close, and I turn to see you, you, of all people, touching me, and smiling casually at me as if this is a thing we do all the time.
“Hey, Tsurara. Sorry for making you wait. Are these gentlemen bothering you?"
I try to hide my surprise and shock the best I can, which isn’t easy at all when there are a million questions pounding through my head - what do you think you are doing, why are you here and really, just why - as I smile at you and cast a glance towards the young men.
“No, no. I’m fine. What took you so long?”
Your hand slips from my waist and your fingers curl around mine, as I bow to my classmate and back away. As they melt away into the crowd, you do not release your hold on my hand. You look at me, an unreadable expression on your face as your fingers tighten just the slightest bit around mine.
I do not know what is going through your head at that moment, but I hope. I hope, as I always have, and always will.
-
vii. Love
Once upon a time, I thought it was impossible for us to be together. I would never compromise, and neither would you, and despite that, or maybe because of that, our lives were intertwined and bound in a way so complex that I could not begin to understand.
I don’t know when things began to change, and I don’t really see a need to pinpoint when it changed. All I need to know that it has changed, and I have changed; I have unlocked that deep chamber and allowed myself to feel, to see, and to be free of the constant hatred that has ruled my life. And it was you who unlocked it; maybe I have given you the key when I lifted you from the train tracks all those years ago, and you’ve kept it, guarded it until you know that it is the time to use it.
For the first time in many, many years, I feel content, and I feel the peace that I thought had eluded me forever, feeling the warmth of your body next to mine as I slept, and I think to myself that is all I need, you beside me. I feel you getting out of bed and I catch your wrist with one hand, keeping my eyes closed, wanting you with me for just a little while longer. I ask you to stay, and you brush back my hair and say okay, settling back into bed, and I curled my arm around you, drawing you close to me. I rest my chin on top of your head, breathing in the fragrance of your hair, and as you bury your face into my chest, I think about how much I love you, and how this is going to be forever.
-----
- end -
On another note, please read shy_hinata's original fic. It is possibly a zillion trillion zillion times more wonderful. ♥
Commnes are ♥ :)