Another Year In America, Extravaganza Edition (November 26, December 3, and December 10, 2009)
America returns from vacation, anticipating the next vacation, and here we do three weeks as one, featuring Taylor Swift.
John Mayer f. Taylor Swift "Half Of My Heart": Used my most-relevant T. Swifty last time I mentioned this song, so I suppose I'll now have to check the oracle at Delphi before trying another (said Tom half-heartedly). This track lopes along gently, Mayer half-gruff and half-purring. Taylor adds a pretty harmony that others could do as well, then is glimpsed briefly on her own singing a steady line that avoids her expressive waver, since the waver wouldn't be right for this song; but that's the song's fault. NO TICK.
Boys Like Girls f. Taylor Swift "Two Is Better Than One": No, one Taylor is better than Taylor with a bunch of non-Taylors, esp. when the non-T's are weany, weedy weak boys trying to emote. NO TICK.
Leona Lewis "Happy": Technically impressive mannerisms can't pull together a mediocre song (or vice versa). NO TICK.
Rihanna f. Jeezy "Hard": RiRi sends her voice out over the savanna, then sings a relentless incantation. Hypnotic. TICK.
Shakira f. Lil Wayne "Give It Up To Me": Wayne's flow is a dog, can't keep it down, but that's the only bearable part of this, most of the rest being sexlessly sexy chants and coos from Shakira. Just totally wrong. NO TICK.
Lady GaGa f. Beyoncé "Telephone": Electronic communication devices prove distracting on the dance floor. A modest little track, prosaic, sounds nice. TICK.
Young Money f. Lloyd "Bedrock": To answer the question that's atop all your minds, yes, the lyrics do contain a Flintstones reference. Track also contains AutoTune, using it in a way I like, as a WTF who-gives-a-damn toy. The lyrics are prime silliness about sex. (Right, this can't be altogether serious. Right?) And Lloyd can actually sing. And I still hate this, the melodic plinks being sickly and the pretty melody a complete bore. Makes Jason DeRulo seem weighty and deep in comparison. NO TICK.
New Boyz f. Ray J "Tie Me Down": Dancing fools go spacey and contemplative, though what they're contemplating is which bitch to fuck next. Without the dance, they sound callow and hollow, which may be the point, but NO TICK.
Snoop Dogg f. The-Dream "Gangsta Luv": Snoop and Terius relax, knock back a few cold ones, and knock out one of those funny love-man tracks that everybody's been goofin' on this year. Right? I'm not just projecting that this is humor, am I? Right? TICK.
Trey Songz f. Fabolous "Say Aah": I'm saying "um" more than "aah" as still more skinny stainless-steel tunefulness pleases me despite myself, esp. the brown harmonies on "Go girl, it's your birthday." Refs Fiddy, Jamie, and Jeremih. BORDERLINE TICK.
John Mayer f. Taylor Swift "Half Of My Heart": Used my most-relevant T. Swifty last time I mentioned this song, so I suppose I'll now have to check the oracle at Delphi before trying another (said Tom half-heartedly). This track lopes along gently, Mayer half-gruff and half-purring. Taylor adds a pretty harmony that others could do as well, then is glimpsed briefly on her own singing a steady line that avoids her expressive waver, since the waver wouldn't be right for this song; but that's the song's fault. NO TICK.
Boys Like Girls f. Taylor Swift "Two Is Better Than One": No, one Taylor is better than Taylor with a bunch of non-Taylors, esp. when the non-T's are weany, weedy weak boys trying to emote. NO TICK.
Leona Lewis "Happy": Technically impressive mannerisms can't pull together a mediocre song (or vice versa). NO TICK.
Rihanna f. Jeezy "Hard": RiRi sends her voice out over the savanna, then sings a relentless incantation. Hypnotic. TICK.
Shakira f. Lil Wayne "Give It Up To Me": Wayne's flow is a dog, can't keep it down, but that's the only bearable part of this, most of the rest being sexlessly sexy chants and coos from Shakira. Just totally wrong. NO TICK.
Lady GaGa f. Beyoncé "Telephone": Electronic communication devices prove distracting on the dance floor. A modest little track, prosaic, sounds nice. TICK.
Young Money f. Lloyd "Bedrock": To answer the question that's atop all your minds, yes, the lyrics do contain a Flintstones reference. Track also contains AutoTune, using it in a way I like, as a WTF who-gives-a-damn toy. The lyrics are prime silliness about sex. (Right, this can't be altogether serious. Right?) And Lloyd can actually sing. And I still hate this, the melodic plinks being sickly and the pretty melody a complete bore. Makes Jason DeRulo seem weighty and deep in comparison. NO TICK.
New Boyz f. Ray J "Tie Me Down": Dancing fools go spacey and contemplative, though what they're contemplating is which bitch to fuck next. Without the dance, they sound callow and hollow, which may be the point, but NO TICK.
Snoop Dogg f. The-Dream "Gangsta Luv": Snoop and Terius relax, knock back a few cold ones, and knock out one of those funny love-man tracks that everybody's been goofin' on this year. Right? I'm not just projecting that this is humor, am I? Right? TICK.
Trey Songz f. Fabolous "Say Aah": I'm saying "um" more than "aah" as still more skinny stainless-steel tunefulness pleases me despite myself, esp. the brown harmonies on "Go girl, it's your birthday." Refs Fiddy, Jamie, and Jeremih. BORDERLINE TICK.