home is where the heart is.
Well, more venting is in the process of happening. You know, it doesn't even matter if anybody reads my enteries anymore or not. It's just the fact of me letting go somewhere where I can let go and that's on here. Anyways, last night was my last night with Andy until who knows when and it hurt, a lot, to walk out that door last night. I couldn't say goodbye to him, so I just said goodnight. Jarin and Kaylynn had to give me a ride home cause my truck was sitting up at the Double Play parking lot. I would have liked Andy to give me a ride into town, but I knew he had to pack for going to camp Ripley today. Jarin was asking me if I'm going to miss Andy and I go, "what do you think? of course I'm going to miss him." and then he started telling me how he was talking to Andy about him and me again the other night. Jarin told me that he was telling Andy how he'll get to spend even more time with me next summer and Andy goes, "if she even comes back, or feels the same." When Jarin said that, I asked him about 5 times if Andy really told him that and he said yes. I cried. When we got to my truck I thanked them for the ride, drove home, sat in my truck and cried. Got to my bedroom and cried. I'm going to miss him so much. I started talking to my cousin about it on MSN because no one else was online really and I needed to talk to someone about it. She told me to have hope and that if we both feel the same for one another that we'll make time to see eachother. Which is true. But it's hard to know if Andy feels the same for me or not. I think he does, but it's hard to tell. The reason it's hard to tell is because he says that because of the military training it's hard for him to show a lot of emotion. Which I believe because he doesn't really show much emotion most of the time. I mean he does, but it's constricted. But I thought going to sleep last night would make me feel better and it did, until I woke up and started thinking again. I'm not going to let this throw me into a sadfit or a depression. God no. But it just...hurts to finally find something, no, someone when I wasn't even expecting this to happen to me anytime soon and then RIGHT as it's pretty much in full swing, I have to leave. I'm the one leaving, not him. Usually it's the other way around. But it's my choice to leave, but like I said before I can't just stop my life in Moorhead, a life that I do love, just for one guy I've only known for a few months. So I'm going to see how this school year plays out and how Andy and I play out within this whole me being gone thing. Then we'll see what happens..