Stupid foreigners
Why in the fuck do foreign people have to ask such weird questions? I was talking to some random foreign girl at ASU the other day, and she asked me about my regrets in life and if I'd do things differently. I thought about it, and yes, I have some regrets, but that's only after the fact and having knowledge of things after they happen and not while they are happening. Some things I have done, I deeply regret, but at the time that I did them, I was happy and didn't think twice about whether or not this could horribly backfire. Most of the things that have backfired on me came as complete surprises, and shocked me to no extent. So yes, if I knew that said shocking surprises would ensue, I would definitely consider another course of action.
As for doing things differently, it all depends. As I said, if I knew what was going to happen, I probably would do something else, but I didn't know, so I chose to do what I thought at the time was most representative of myself. And I thought about had I done things differently, would I have met some of the wonderful people I've met over the years? if certain friendships and certain relationships would have taken a different turn, I probably wouldn't have met and talked to other people. Plus, all the shit that has gone on, and the stuff that I think about daily, there's no way to change it, but even though it may have been the best moment of my life, or the worst day of my life, it taught me things.
Then this got me thinking about would you really ever take a risk knowing the outcome? Isn't the whole point of living in not knowing and betting it all on one little chance? Sure that chance may fuck up your life pretty badly, but if it succeeds, oh how sweet it is. : ) I'd rather live my life not knowing everything, and just living my life as I have. I may not have had the best luck in the past, but things will get better someday.
All this thinking made me kind of sad tonight. I wanted the people in my life to know that I do love them, and have loved them, no matter how fucked up or nonexistent my connection with them has been in the past or is now. One thing I do like about my life is that I can't ever remember a day that I haven't laughed or smiled at least sometime during the day. Even on the worst day of my life, which I remember vividly, I still laughed and told jokes. Even if people don't talk to me anymore, I don't think anyone really hates me, because I've laughed and joked with everyone I've ever met. A lot of the people that I see from either grade school or high school, or at someone's house from a long time ago, when I see them, they usually smile and say it's good to see me, and it's always good to see them. But getting back to the sadness, I remember the good times with people, and wish that all times could be like that. Even the bad times with some people I never really minded, because the good were that much better, and I never thought about how it was going to be bad in the future, I was only concerned with the happy.
I don't know if that made sense or not, but it's my thoughts.
As for doing things differently, it all depends. As I said, if I knew what was going to happen, I probably would do something else, but I didn't know, so I chose to do what I thought at the time was most representative of myself. And I thought about had I done things differently, would I have met some of the wonderful people I've met over the years? if certain friendships and certain relationships would have taken a different turn, I probably wouldn't have met and talked to other people. Plus, all the shit that has gone on, and the stuff that I think about daily, there's no way to change it, but even though it may have been the best moment of my life, or the worst day of my life, it taught me things.
Then this got me thinking about would you really ever take a risk knowing the outcome? Isn't the whole point of living in not knowing and betting it all on one little chance? Sure that chance may fuck up your life pretty badly, but if it succeeds, oh how sweet it is. : ) I'd rather live my life not knowing everything, and just living my life as I have. I may not have had the best luck in the past, but things will get better someday.
All this thinking made me kind of sad tonight. I wanted the people in my life to know that I do love them, and have loved them, no matter how fucked up or nonexistent my connection with them has been in the past or is now. One thing I do like about my life is that I can't ever remember a day that I haven't laughed or smiled at least sometime during the day. Even on the worst day of my life, which I remember vividly, I still laughed and told jokes. Even if people don't talk to me anymore, I don't think anyone really hates me, because I've laughed and joked with everyone I've ever met. A lot of the people that I see from either grade school or high school, or at someone's house from a long time ago, when I see them, they usually smile and say it's good to see me, and it's always good to see them. But getting back to the sadness, I remember the good times with people, and wish that all times could be like that. Even the bad times with some people I never really minded, because the good were that much better, and I never thought about how it was going to be bad in the future, I was only concerned with the happy.
I don't know if that made sense or not, but it's my thoughts.