Stuff
Augh, there's so much I wanna do. And then there's the feeling that I'm not doing anything at all. Especially nothing adventurous. Ye gods. I guess the stress of being unemployed for so long can ding the spirit of adventure and finding. So busy trying to find a job and keep myself barely afloat, there's no time for me to just hop around abandoned buildings. My worrywart nature simply wouldn't allow the time and effort. Which sucks because I really like urban spelunking and being at least a little adventurous.
Now, I'm saying all this now, still shifting from the "Oh gods, I have no money, how will I find a job? I don't know what I'll do" to "Woo hoo, JAAAWWWWB. I wanna buy stuff! This will help me create stuff."
I hope working a gov. job won't turn me into a boring nerd that forever live through escapist hobbies, I don't want a job/career that can't seam in fine enough. However, I am new. I'm prolly gonna settle in and hopefully things will work out well (except the security searches, I am no fan of having those).
I seem hyper interested in getting a car tho. If I can save at least $500 or more a month. I think I can work that. Woo hoo. I think after car and getting debts taken care of (everyone, know that being unemployed - especially for a long stretch of time - will put you in debt, no matter how much money you tried to save prior. Heavy debt), I can go back to buying fun stuff and being adventurous. Woo.
I think I just worry of becoming a weekend warrior, that's all. That would suck so hard but I think also part of is I'm from the working class, I'm not entirely acclimated to the potential of being well off. Basically, it spooks me, the concept of having a potential lack of struggle but also getting used to something new that I'm not entirely familiar with. I don't want to feel bad for not wanting to be around what I grew around (because, seriously, higher likelihood of death, higher likelihood of criminal victimization, reduced opportunities, stuff like that) but I do a little. I don't want to be like some class traitor or a sell out wannabe yuppie. Ick, that would be awful. But I also want an airtrike and to have a backyard garden (which is totally possible in the city but I'm not so sure in the inner city). I definitely don't want to live in the suburbs. At all. Ever. Cul de sacs scare me to death because of what they symbolize. Can't possibly be a creative person living in an area like that. Too sanitized and boring. And I'm convinced those areas breed serial killers and mass murderers. (No one who shot up Columbine, Little Hook, the movie theatre in Aurora, CO or the Boston Marathon came from the hood).
I always wonder this constantly, it's a problem but I'm just not used to chintzy stuff like white parties and evening summer dinners with people who look like they came from an Old Navy or Sears commercial. That stuff creeps me out. Not a goth or punk in sight. Everyone looks all clean cut and "respectable" (by regular cultural standards) and, frankly, boring. Really boring. Creepy and boring.