Some kind of terrible parody

[kobayashi89]

TROLL (TRAVIS?)
If you were straight,
I wouldn’t have to wait,
I could have yoooouuuu~
And not just masturbate,
Because you see,
If you ask meeeee~
I’d think that it’d be great,
If you were straight
(But I am straight!)

LESBIAN
Travis, please!
I am trying to read....

What?!

TRAVIS
If you weren’t bent,

LESBIAN
Ah, Travis!

TRAVIS
It’d be heaven-sent!

LESBIAN
Travis, I'm trying to read this book.

TRAVIS
I’d be such a gent -

LESBIAN
Travis!

TRAVIS
My pants would tent
for you,

LESBIAN
Argh!

TRAVIS
And you know that I~

LESBIAN
What?

TRAVIS
would be a happy guy~

LESBIAN
You would?

TRAVIS
If you’d come out and state
“Hey, guess what!
I’m straight!”
(But I am straight!)

It’s crappy~
Just being with you.
Because it
Matters to me
What you’ll do in bed
With guys!

LESBIAN
Travis, that's GROSS!

TRAVIS
No, (Insert Name Here), it's not!
If you were straight-
I would elate!

LESBIAN
I am not listening!

TRAVIS
I’d ask you on a date!

LESBIAN
La la la la la!

TRAVIS
And hope you wouldn’t
Be late~

LESBIAN
Aaaah!

TRAVIS
You can count on me
To always beeee~
Eager to fornicate
Your needs in bed, I’d sate
You would exhilarate,
And not hate
To procreate!
If you were straaaaaaiiight!

LESBIAN
But I am straight!

TRAVIS
You’re so not straight.

LESBIAN
Argh!