Saturday night with thunderstorms ...long ramblings about work
It's Saturday night here and it's been raining on and off all day with more storms expected. Given the rumbling of thunder and the heavy rain I can hear now, it doesn't bode well for tomorrow's Dog School - sorry Jerry! I've taken the week off work and so will spend the rest of this week chillaxing - catching up on reading, some Hong Kong and Chinese movies I haven't watched yet and I want to re-watch the Martian. I also want to watch Brooklyn and a few other movies like Beasts of No Nation and Creed.
Showwise, we've been watching Man in the High Castle (my choice) and Mr Robot (Dan's choice) but will be glad when The Walking Dead returns. I've also looked at Younger which is entertaining but a bit ho hum.
We finished watching Jessica Jones which we both liked and were impressed by. Work has promised not to pester me next week, so we'll see how that goes. Yesterday morning was interesting, I came in to a message from a recruiter who contacted me on behalf of a law firm and wanted to know if I was interested in moving back to private practice. I don't think that they realise I'm actually engaged by a large corporate firm now but just seconded in to the client as an embedded resource. Turns out they weren't just offering me a job, they wanted to offer partnership. The guy was a little bit bemused when I said no. In my mind, the only upside of partnership is a tonne of money but we have enough money to buy whatever we want and do what we like. I have flexible hours and can work where and how I want ... I'm not prepared to trade that in for the yoke of partnership.
At that point, my brother out of the blue sent me a link to this article: Australia’s shameful bamboo ceiling: Australian of the Year David Morrison pushing for more Asian people in top jobs and articles like that make me feel guilty. See the thing is, I had partnership prospects at both my previous law firms - they would both have loved to have promoted me ... female, Asian, fluent in English and Mandarin - total poster child for diversity and gender equity ... I am the one that didn't want it and chose to do other things. I'm fully aware that there isn't enough female and non-white representation at that level particularly in corporate law firms but there are plent of women like me who opt out of it. It's not even that I have a family or anything like that - it's just not something I'm interested in pursuing and never have been.
I loved the work, salary and travel that a corporate law firm gave me. The UK firm I worked for in Beijing was amazing - travel and training in places like Cannes, Monoco, Paris, Malaysia. I have never regretted going down the corporate law firm path - but have just never been crazy about the thought of partnership. I was trying to explain it to the recruiter who was very startled at the first but then he understood. I explained to him that working all those years in China meant that we didn't have a mortgage so I could afford to pick a job I enjoyed and wanted to do, so I didn't have to do a job that made me unhappy. Don't get me wrong, there are days at work when people are irritating and project managers drive me bananas, but overall it's a very rewarding, flexible and challenging job that provides constant opportunities to learn and do interesting things. I don't just learn about law and procurement, I also balance political considerations and get an insight into government policy. I get to decide how much I want to do and how much I want to outsource - I bring the externals in as needed and I send them away when I feel like it. I've never had a role where my boss was so generous about letting me do the job exactly how I wanted to do it and on my terms - if things frustrate me, then she helps me change them.
After I explained all of that to the recruiter, he totally got it and said he understood why I didn't want to move but was still interested to catch up for a coffee. I think it's probably a change for him. Everyone's used to reading the articles about Why Lawyers Are So Unhappy. There are countless studies about the high levels of depression and unhappiness in lawyers. I was chatting with a fellow lawyer to try to understand why my experience had been so different. My unhappiness when i was at a law firm stemmed from ovework - they really worked us to death. I never had the stress of not having enough billable hours, quite the reverse, I always had too much work. My cousin, a lawyer and clinical psychologist who was writing his thesis on depression in lawyers said to me that there were probably a few factors.
The killer was apparently that lawyers are often over-achievers. Highly competitive, many of them are intelligent and so when you put them in a law firm environment, it's a survival of the fittest mentality that makes them think that they can't show any weakness. This creates intense loneliness. I think the reason my experience was so different was I was never to of my class at law school. I got HDs in political science and philosophy but had fairly average marks in law. I only got into a top law firm because of Mandarin and that sort of thing so I didn't go in with the mindset of an over-achieving person who had to portray invulnerability and perfection.
Growing up in Canberra, my schools had a small Asian presence so I was always used to being a bit isolated and on the outer. I've always been a dorky and untrendy so when I went into a law firm, I didn't wear the fancy expensive clothes the other girls did and I talked about geeky things like Buffy and Star Wars ...
I was able to admit to liking things that weren't cool and I was also able to be ok with making mistakes and not always getting things right. I think that was a bit of a surprise for the partners who were probably used to graduates always acting like they knew everything - i went in knowing that I knew nothing and wanting to learn. I didn't really have anything to prove and I could just be unthreatening, normal, average me.
In terms of my peers, I guess I always looked very unthreatening. Dorky, awkward and geeky ... so people would talk to me and confide in me. I used to laugh that I was part of people's Dork Outreach Programme. People get really lonely in law firms because it's hard to be friends with the competition.
In contrast, I had a lot of friends and we gave each other support - we'd cry in each other's offices, sneak out for coffee and meals ... stay there late to work but then go to Newtown for late night coffee and dessert after work. My friends were protective and nurturing - we never competed and we looked after each other. I remembering geeking out over Moulin Rouge with a friend, having one of my Buffy tapes circulating around the firm being borrowed by colleagues, singing along to I don't want to live on the moon with a friend in my office (with harmonies), comforting one another over Transaction Goggles and falling in 'love' with the wrong guy ...
One of my best friends was someone I met when I ran into his office and said; "I have no idea how to do this - do you?" :) A lot of the people working there were from law firm stock and had clerked and worked part time at law firms during uni. I had zero experience - had worked in the school canteen, at a yum cha restaurant and then at a CD store before working there so it was all new to me ... the terminology was strange and I spent a lot of time hiding out in the library where the librarians helped me with the research.
I remember partners leaving me to die on files, giving me no support and me feeling nauseated and unable to sleep because I knew that I just did not know how to do what I was being asked to do - but there were always people who would help me out when I confessed: "I just do not know how to do this ..." I remember constantly being given tasks and things to do that were just too hard for me or too much for me and yet you'd always find a way to do it even if later you looked back and wondered how you knew how you did it? I look back on my working life in the two law firms I worked at with a huge amount of fondness and nostalgia but I never wanted to take that extra step up to be a partner because it always seemed to me that that would really be an extremely lonely and isolated existence.
When you work in a law firm, the partners seem like God - they have so much power and control over your life and even then I did not want to be a partner. Now that I'm on the other side and getting to be the client, I know even more that I don't want to be a partner. The partner gets the money but it's the client who says - do this, do that, do it this way, you've charged too much - revise your invoice...
So this has been the dilemma for me for a number of years. I am the first to admit that there should be more women (particularly Asian women) up there - leading the way, showing that it can be done and inspiring other women to follow suit. Selfishly though, I like my quality of life and the work I do ... and I'm not inclined to trade that away to act as a role model. I've made a conscious choice not to e.g. be a General Counsel or a partner .. simply because I wouldn't enjoy a lot of aspects of those roles. I am very introspective and can't help thinking that if put myself in a role like that, I'd end up just one of the many unhappy and depressed lawyers I read about ...
Showwise, we've been watching Man in the High Castle (my choice) and Mr Robot (Dan's choice) but will be glad when The Walking Dead returns. I've also looked at Younger which is entertaining but a bit ho hum.
We finished watching Jessica Jones which we both liked and were impressed by. Work has promised not to pester me next week, so we'll see how that goes. Yesterday morning was interesting, I came in to a message from a recruiter who contacted me on behalf of a law firm and wanted to know if I was interested in moving back to private practice. I don't think that they realise I'm actually engaged by a large corporate firm now but just seconded in to the client as an embedded resource. Turns out they weren't just offering me a job, they wanted to offer partnership. The guy was a little bit bemused when I said no. In my mind, the only upside of partnership is a tonne of money but we have enough money to buy whatever we want and do what we like. I have flexible hours and can work where and how I want ... I'm not prepared to trade that in for the yoke of partnership.
At that point, my brother out of the blue sent me a link to this article: Australia’s shameful bamboo ceiling: Australian of the Year David Morrison pushing for more Asian people in top jobs and articles like that make me feel guilty. See the thing is, I had partnership prospects at both my previous law firms - they would both have loved to have promoted me ... female, Asian, fluent in English and Mandarin - total poster child for diversity and gender equity ... I am the one that didn't want it and chose to do other things. I'm fully aware that there isn't enough female and non-white representation at that level particularly in corporate law firms but there are plent of women like me who opt out of it. It's not even that I have a family or anything like that - it's just not something I'm interested in pursuing and never have been.
I loved the work, salary and travel that a corporate law firm gave me. The UK firm I worked for in Beijing was amazing - travel and training in places like Cannes, Monoco, Paris, Malaysia. I have never regretted going down the corporate law firm path - but have just never been crazy about the thought of partnership. I was trying to explain it to the recruiter who was very startled at the first but then he understood. I explained to him that working all those years in China meant that we didn't have a mortgage so I could afford to pick a job I enjoyed and wanted to do, so I didn't have to do a job that made me unhappy. Don't get me wrong, there are days at work when people are irritating and project managers drive me bananas, but overall it's a very rewarding, flexible and challenging job that provides constant opportunities to learn and do interesting things. I don't just learn about law and procurement, I also balance political considerations and get an insight into government policy. I get to decide how much I want to do and how much I want to outsource - I bring the externals in as needed and I send them away when I feel like it. I've never had a role where my boss was so generous about letting me do the job exactly how I wanted to do it and on my terms - if things frustrate me, then she helps me change them.
After I explained all of that to the recruiter, he totally got it and said he understood why I didn't want to move but was still interested to catch up for a coffee. I think it's probably a change for him. Everyone's used to reading the articles about Why Lawyers Are So Unhappy. There are countless studies about the high levels of depression and unhappiness in lawyers. I was chatting with a fellow lawyer to try to understand why my experience had been so different. My unhappiness when i was at a law firm stemmed from ovework - they really worked us to death. I never had the stress of not having enough billable hours, quite the reverse, I always had too much work. My cousin, a lawyer and clinical psychologist who was writing his thesis on depression in lawyers said to me that there were probably a few factors.
- overwork
- lack of appreciation
The killer was apparently that lawyers are often over-achievers. Highly competitive, many of them are intelligent and so when you put them in a law firm environment, it's a survival of the fittest mentality that makes them think that they can't show any weakness. This creates intense loneliness. I think the reason my experience was so different was I was never to of my class at law school. I got HDs in political science and philosophy but had fairly average marks in law. I only got into a top law firm because of Mandarin and that sort of thing so I didn't go in with the mindset of an over-achieving person who had to portray invulnerability and perfection.
Growing up in Canberra, my schools had a small Asian presence so I was always used to being a bit isolated and on the outer. I've always been a dorky and untrendy so when I went into a law firm, I didn't wear the fancy expensive clothes the other girls did and I talked about geeky things like Buffy and Star Wars ...
I was able to admit to liking things that weren't cool and I was also able to be ok with making mistakes and not always getting things right. I think that was a bit of a surprise for the partners who were probably used to graduates always acting like they knew everything - i went in knowing that I knew nothing and wanting to learn. I didn't really have anything to prove and I could just be unthreatening, normal, average me.
In terms of my peers, I guess I always looked very unthreatening. Dorky, awkward and geeky ... so people would talk to me and confide in me. I used to laugh that I was part of people's Dork Outreach Programme. People get really lonely in law firms because it's hard to be friends with the competition.
In contrast, I had a lot of friends and we gave each other support - we'd cry in each other's offices, sneak out for coffee and meals ... stay there late to work but then go to Newtown for late night coffee and dessert after work. My friends were protective and nurturing - we never competed and we looked after each other. I remembering geeking out over Moulin Rouge with a friend, having one of my Buffy tapes circulating around the firm being borrowed by colleagues, singing along to I don't want to live on the moon with a friend in my office (with harmonies), comforting one another over Transaction Goggles and falling in 'love' with the wrong guy ...
One of my best friends was someone I met when I ran into his office and said; "I have no idea how to do this - do you?" :) A lot of the people working there were from law firm stock and had clerked and worked part time at law firms during uni. I had zero experience - had worked in the school canteen, at a yum cha restaurant and then at a CD store before working there so it was all new to me ... the terminology was strange and I spent a lot of time hiding out in the library where the librarians helped me with the research.
I remember partners leaving me to die on files, giving me no support and me feeling nauseated and unable to sleep because I knew that I just did not know how to do what I was being asked to do - but there were always people who would help me out when I confessed: "I just do not know how to do this ..." I remember constantly being given tasks and things to do that were just too hard for me or too much for me and yet you'd always find a way to do it even if later you looked back and wondered how you knew how you did it? I look back on my working life in the two law firms I worked at with a huge amount of fondness and nostalgia but I never wanted to take that extra step up to be a partner because it always seemed to me that that would really be an extremely lonely and isolated existence.
When you work in a law firm, the partners seem like God - they have so much power and control over your life and even then I did not want to be a partner. Now that I'm on the other side and getting to be the client, I know even more that I don't want to be a partner. The partner gets the money but it's the client who says - do this, do that, do it this way, you've charged too much - revise your invoice...
So this has been the dilemma for me for a number of years. I am the first to admit that there should be more women (particularly Asian women) up there - leading the way, showing that it can be done and inspiring other women to follow suit. Selfishly though, I like my quality of life and the work I do ... and I'm not inclined to trade that away to act as a role model. I've made a conscious choice not to e.g. be a General Counsel or a partner .. simply because I wouldn't enjoy a lot of aspects of those roles. I am very introspective and can't help thinking that if put myself in a role like that, I'd end up just one of the many unhappy and depressed lawyers I read about ...