Glasses
Most of the time I don't like my glasses. The prescription is outdated, my hair gets caught in the frames, and there are a million little scratches on them that make everything look cloudy, and not in a good way. I think if it could just be cloudy around the edges then I could pretend that life was just one long dream sequence and I would feel brave enough to take more risks since the outcome wouldn't matter if I was just going to wake up at any minute. Maybe when I replace this pair I will look into it.
I also don't like the way they look on me. My face is too small for glasses, truth be told. I have a tiny head and a weird little body like an upside down mushroom. Being near-sighted makes your eyes look smaller from the other side of the lens, especially if you don't splurge at the glasses shop and buy the super thin lenses. No - if you try to save some money you get the kind of lenses that are thin in the middle and thick on the outside, so you end up with a cute little reverse-magnifying-glass effect that gives Jessie tiny eyes on a tiny face on a tiny head on a big lumpy lady's body. Or tiny lumpy lady, whatever. If you're short, and have any kind of curves, you are a lumpy lady, whether or not you are actually female. And I hope for your sake you are - because a short curvy man is one of the most disgusting things I can imagine.
And I don't like that I can't see anything outside of my lenses. Instead of being able to use my eyes to look around, I have to use my neck, so my neck is like the size and strength of a body builder's. This would be impressive if I had been trying to bulk up my neck (maybe for necking purposes?) but in reality it just makes up about 12% of my entire body mass and 25% of my height. Anyone else ever call it "heighth" by mistake? I had a sort of identity crisis in elementary school when I heard a nurse say it. Nurse = respectable, intelligent, attention to details, etc - right? Well I started alternating the way I said the word and in the end wasn't sure which was correct so I probably looked it up in the dictionary. World = shattered, at that point.
Anyway - most of the time I don't like my glasses. But sometimes it's not so bad. Like when someone says something incredulous you can always peer at them over your glasses for dramatic effect. Sure you can't see anything, and you can only hope that they are at least facing you in order to fully appreciate the drama - but it's like the one move that people without glasses just can't do. They can roll their eyes, rub their temples, rub their eyes out of exhaustion ... but they can't peer!
The one major downside to peering is the double chin that pops up if you don't do it right. Or if you just always have a double chin.
I also don't like the way they look on me. My face is too small for glasses, truth be told. I have a tiny head and a weird little body like an upside down mushroom. Being near-sighted makes your eyes look smaller from the other side of the lens, especially if you don't splurge at the glasses shop and buy the super thin lenses. No - if you try to save some money you get the kind of lenses that are thin in the middle and thick on the outside, so you end up with a cute little reverse-magnifying-glass effect that gives Jessie tiny eyes on a tiny face on a tiny head on a big lumpy lady's body. Or tiny lumpy lady, whatever. If you're short, and have any kind of curves, you are a lumpy lady, whether or not you are actually female. And I hope for your sake you are - because a short curvy man is one of the most disgusting things I can imagine.
And I don't like that I can't see anything outside of my lenses. Instead of being able to use my eyes to look around, I have to use my neck, so my neck is like the size and strength of a body builder's. This would be impressive if I had been trying to bulk up my neck (maybe for necking purposes?) but in reality it just makes up about 12% of my entire body mass and 25% of my height. Anyone else ever call it "heighth" by mistake? I had a sort of identity crisis in elementary school when I heard a nurse say it. Nurse = respectable, intelligent, attention to details, etc - right? Well I started alternating the way I said the word and in the end wasn't sure which was correct so I probably looked it up in the dictionary. World = shattered, at that point.
Anyway - most of the time I don't like my glasses. But sometimes it's not so bad. Like when someone says something incredulous you can always peer at them over your glasses for dramatic effect. Sure you can't see anything, and you can only hope that they are at least facing you in order to fully appreciate the drama - but it's like the one move that people without glasses just can't do. They can roll their eyes, rub their temples, rub their eyes out of exhaustion ... but they can't peer!
The one major downside to peering is the double chin that pops up if you don't do it right. Or if you just always have a double chin.