Finally Gonna Do Things Right.....with my journal at least.
Haha. Apologies in advance for the depressing nature of this entry. With that said...I always say I'm going to change the way I do things with relationships,etc. Not the case thusfar in life. It is possible I am only seeing the things I don't change and not realizing the progress I've made. I keep getting myself into situations where I end up being the one who is hurt. I realize I am sensitive and open to letting people into my life yet I keep coming back for more despite this realization. I guess I expect a lot out of the people I am close to or want to be close to. I don't really let many people in on my personal life and feelings and opinions so when I do I see it as a big deal, regardless of the fact that the people I am "letting in" rarely realize what has happened. I wish I was less aware of the things I did and the way I felt. Sometimes I think I am too sure what I want and that causes me to be set up to be let down. It's even more ironic based on the fact that I am quite easygoing (so I am told) and love change, but get frustrated when things change against the way I had played them out in my mind. I guess the best thing I could do is try not to expect anything from anyone. I don't want to go home to the US, but at times I don't want to stay here either. Complexity continues. I miss the way things used to be....