No More Secrets (part 2)

[ko_bands]

Part 1: Here

Part 2

Jaejoong sunk lower into his seat when a table of high schoolers began sending him furtive glances. He was hiding behind his menu, but it was quickly becoming a transparent disguise.

He was sitting in the same mom and pop café he had attended two nights before, Changmin ordering a couple of coffees at the counter, and Jaejoong was quite surprised by how popular it was in the daytime. It had been practically deserted during his last visit.

Jaejoong glanced over his shoulder to see what was taking Changmin so long with their drinks. The maknae was near the head of the line. Jaejoong returned his attention to his menu.

Annoyance aside, he was curious about Changmin's offering to buy him coffee. Changmin wasn't really a coffee enthusiast, though he enjoyed it socially from time to time, but Jaejoong was more interested in the fact that Changmin had requested that they both get dressed and leave the apartment, a gesture the five of them hadn't been too keen on making unless formally required to.

If Changmin simply wanted to skin him about something, Changmin would have felt more comfortable doing it in the privacy of their home.

“Here,” Changmin said, setting Jaejoong's coffee on the table in front of him.

The action brought Jaejoong's attention back to the present. He slid the paper to-go cup closer to himself. “Thanks,” he said.

Changmin smiled in welcome and slid into the booth across from Jaejoong.

Jaejoong watched him for a moment. “We didn't have to come here, you know,” he began before Changmin could open his mouth. “The kitchen was available, I think.”

“That kitchen has seen its fair share of arguments already,” Changmin said as he uncapped his coffee. “Besides, I thought we could use some air.”

“Cool,” Jaejoong said, nodding. He tapped the side of his cup with a finger when Changmin refused to continue. “So, no HIV, huh?” he asked.

Changmin bit his lip. “Yeah,” he said. “Life. It's awesome.”

“Yeah,” Jaejoong agreed. He took a sip of his coffee.

“But,” Changmin went on, and he began to spoon in lumps of sugar, “that's not why I wanted to talk.”

Jaejoong nodded and set down his cup. “Right,” he said.

Changmin returned his nod. “So,” he said.

“`So,'” Jaejoong parroted.

“So,” Changmin said, that smile still playing at his lips, “I've come to the realization that this thing you have for Yunho isn't going to just go away.”

Jaejoong blinked. “Oh,” was his bright reply. Explains some things. “Well, yeah.” He shrugged. “Thanks.”

“And that means that I have to switch tactics,” Changmin continued. He was still adding sugar to his coffee.

Jaejoong immediately glanced down at his own. Then his eyes met Changmin's. “You poisoned the coffee, didn't you?” he asked.

Changmin laughed.

The sound calmed Jaejoong's nerves only slightly.

“Not quite,” Changmin said, shaking his head. “No, I've decided that I'm going to do what I should have done when you came out to me: help you.”

Jaejoong's eyebrows rose at that. Help. Odd word. “`Help,' as in not blabbing to Yunho?” he asked, unable to contain himself.

Changmin dropped his eyes and cocked his head as he gave his coffee a good stir. He allowed himself several moments before replying, “I did that because Yunho needed to know for your sake.” He reached for the cream. “Then I realized,” he added, to himself rather than Jaejoong, “that for Yunho's sake, I should have probably kept it to myself.”

Jaejoong didn't pretend to know what Changmin was even talking about, and he took another sip of his coffee. The couple's strange manner of speaking no longer grated on his nerves; three and a half months were enough time to make it part of his routine.

Changmin cleared his throat, then sampled his coffee. “The thing is,” he began, reaching again for the sugar, “that Yunho is very important to me. I heard your argument in the hospital.” He met Jaejoong's gaze. “You know what he feels.”

“Have his feelings for me... been why you've been so protective of him these past few months?” Jaejoong asked.

Unfortunately, Changmin was not blind. “Yunho's feelings and who he had them for at what time is his business,” he stated. He leaned back in his seat. “And I'm not here to put words in his mouth.”

Jaejoong looked at his coffee, disappointed.

Changmin placed the lid back on his cup and popped it into place. “I just want to help you understand what's going on,” he explained. “You know, before you start diving into things, as you do.”

Jaejoong managed a smile. “Okay,” he said. He pointed at Changmin's cup as it was lifted, and the maknae paused before it reached his lips. “Did your medical results say anything about diabetes?” he asked. “I mean, no one else could drink that without puking.”

Changmin frowned. “The report mentioned something about blood sugar, but you'd have to ask Yunho,” he said. He then took a sip. “Hyung,” he went on, ignoring Jaejoong's look of disgust, “I... I know that this is a hard time for you. Coming to terms with yourself is one of the hardest things you'll have to do in your lifetime, short of coming out.”

Jaejoong's gaze moved from the cup Changmin was setting down to the maknae's face.

Changmin nodded. “You have lifelong supporters in me and Yunho,” he assured him, “and I am willing to help you out every step of the way.”

Jaejoong felt a but coming.

“But,” Changmin continued, predictably, “I know that this crush on Yunho is turning into much more than an infatuation. You want things to just fall into place with you two like they do in the real world when two normal people like each other, but Yunho is far from normal, and I...” He licked his lips. “I wonder if you know what you're doing.”

Jaejoong folded his hands on the table and nodded.

Changmin looked away. “This could break up the band, you know?” he said. “This will break up the band.”

Jaejoong's eyebrows furrowed. “What, you and Yunho breaking up?” he asked.

Changmin shook his head, grimacing. “No,” he said. “You and Yunho breaking up.”

Jaejoong blinked.

Changmin sighed. “If you should get with Yunho,” he explained, “you will break up with him. Whether or not you come back to him is the real question.”

Jaejoong bent forward, but Changmin cut in before he could protest.

“No one blames you for that, hyung,” he said. “It just happens. It's part of the process-I broke up with my first boyfriend because I realized I wanted something else, Yunho broke up with his first... partner or whatever he calls it after three days because he hated himself-but when you and Yunho break up, the band will, too.”

That was a lot of information at one time. Jaejoong shook his head. “You don't know that,” he said.

“I know Yunho,” Changmin countered calmly. “And he knows himself.”

True. Jaejoong ran a hand through his hair, trying to fake a smile so as not to look too distressed. Pedestrians were swarming the café like vultures would a boneyard. He waved a hand, granting Changmin permission to continue.

Changmin held his hands at his sides in surrender. “I can't tell you what to do,” he conceded gently. “He's my boyfriend, and I love him deeply, but you two have always had something for each other, even before the lawsuit. Just... keep it in mind, yeah?” he asked. “Yunho's doing everything he can to get the band back to where it was, and he doesn't want to jeopardize that, but if you think it's worth it, do as you see fit.”

Jaejoong stared at him. He had assumed that Changmin was telling him to back off (in an extremely round-about way), but in reality Changmin was doing... well, something else.

“So, what,” Jaejoong murmured, leaning close, “are you giving me your blessing or something?”

Changmin shrugged and thrummed his fingers on the table. “Maybe,” he mumbled. He watched a drop of condensation slide down the windowpane. “As his best friend and your dongsaeng. The band is all Yunho has right now, and you have a habit of leaping before you look.” He looked at Jaejoong. “This is kind of something you need to look at from all angles. The band is all he has.”

Jaejoong supposed that there was some truth to that, and he leaned back in his seat, considering Changmin for a moment. The maknae sat low in his chair, barely lifting his eyes, bangs unkempt. It confused Jaejoong, considering what he knew of the couple. Specifically, considering that they weren't really a couple at all.

Jaejoong sunk deeper into his seat, knees brushing Changmin's beneath the table, and began tapping a finger on the lid of his cup. The movement brought Changmin's eyes onto him once more. “So,” Jaejoong said, voice dropping to a murmur, “you heard the argument in the ER? Between Yunho and me?”

“Along with half the hospital, yes,” Changmin affirmed.

“Then you know that he molested me,” Jaejoong said.

Changmin held his scoff, but he did roll his eyes. “He snapped,” he said to the window.

“I know,” Jaejoong said, the memory fresh in his mind. “But how do you feel about it?”

Changmin gave him an odd look. “Well, I'm not bouncing off the walls,” he said.

Jaejoong sighed. “Changmin-ah...” he mumbled.

Changmin cocked his head and took a sip of his coffee. “I have mixed emotions,” he admitted finally. “As his boyfriend, I guess I'm resigned. As his best friend, I'm...”

He trailed off, and for a full minute, the sentence remained unfinished as Changmin stared at the table. Jaejoong watched him silently.

“I don't know,” Changmin said, voice soft. “I guess the best word would be `devastated.'” His lip curled at the word. “But that sounds a bit dramatic.”

Interesting. Very interesting, indeed. Jaejoong leaned forward, sliding himself upright in his chair. “You have two emotions?” he asked.

Changmin glanced up at him, curious. “I think the human psyche is capable of multitasking, hyung,” he said.

“No,” Jaejoong said, waving his hand. “I mean for everything. All the time. You and Yunho always have two parts to play. Two characters, I guess.” He bit his lip. “As if you're acting.”

It was a conclusion he'd come to when glancing over his handmade diagram, though he couldn't take all the credit; the thought had occurred to him while he was having lunch with his sisters, Sooyoung, Sukjin, and Mikyeon.

He met the three of them at the restaurant. Mikyeon was the first one he saw, because she jumped into his arms, catching him by surprise. He hugged her close.

“Hey!” Sooyoung called next as she rose from their table, followed by a glowing Sukjin. “How are you?” she asked.

“I'm good,” Jaejoong told her, hugging Sukjin. His eyes were on Sooyoung. “And how about you? Umma said that you're probably having another baby?”

“Oh, yeah,” she said, waving it off as it was her turn for a hug. “The results haven't come back from the doctor's yet, though.”

“She's not the only one with news, you know,” Mikyeon said, and Jaejoong blinked when her hand was shoved in his face.

Then he saw the ring. His eyes grew wide. “You're engaged?” he asked, baffled. He took her hand into his own so he could get a better look at the diamond. “Looks expensive. Did he steal it?”

Mikyeon huffed, yanking her hand away. “No, you ass,” she replied.

Sooyoung gestured for all four of them to sit down, and they did, smiling widely at each other.

Jaejoong turned to Sukjin. “How about you, noona?” he asked, curious. “You're quiet.”

“Tired,” Sukjin corrected with a soft smile. “The baby is driving me up a wall.”

“Oh, yeah, the baby,” Jaejoong said. “When am I going to get to meet him?”

“When you come back to Korea,” Mikyeon replied, and he turned to her. “That's something Umma wanted us to ask you, by the way.”

“Yeah,” Sooyoung butt in. “When are you coming home?”

Jaejoong had to think about it. He was so preoccupied with things at his home in Tokyo that he hadn't had much time to wonder about Korea or returning to see his family. There was simply too much going on. “In a month or two,” he replied finally, recalling a conversation he'd overheard between Yunho and the manager. “Once we release our new album.”

“Oh, that's not too bad,” Sukjin said. Their appetizer arrived. “We were afraid that it would take another six months at the least. You five haven't been over here long.”

Jaejoong reached for a fried pickle. “That's the five of us, though,” he reminded her. “Yoochun and Junsu and I have been here for almost a year, now.” He took a sip of his water when the waiter handed it to him. “We had some music recorded between the three of us,” he said, “but it was all wiped clean when Yunho and Changmin decided to join us.”

“That makes sense,” Sooyoung said around a mouthful of pickle and Ranch dressing.

“How is that going, anyway?” Mikyeon asked. At Jaejoong's bemused look, she clarified, “Living with Yunho and Changmin again.”

“Oh,” Jaejoong said. He shrugged, deciding it best to leave out the details. “Kind of like old times, but with soundproofed rooms.”

Sukjin gave a snort of laughter. “Couple of sex monkeys, are they?” she asked.

Jaejoong blushed.

“I think they're a cute couple,” Mikyeon added with a giggle. She gave her baby brother a wicked look. “Of course, I always thought that if Yunho was gay, he'd marry you, Jaejoong-ah.”

Jaejoong choked on his pickle, and his blush deepened.

“Stop it,” Sooyoung scolded, taking mercy on him. She smiled sweetly as she handed over his water. “You're embarrassing him.”

“But they're hot, right?” Mikyeon asked, not giving a damn about Jaejoong's shyness. She leaned close. “When they're, you know, doing the deed?”

“How the hell would I know?” he asked, looking away.

Sukjin and Mikyeon both squealed, then, and he dropped his head onto the table, covering it with his arms.

“Oh my god,” Sukjin whispered. “You walked in on them!”

“I did not!” Jaejoong groaned into the tabletop.

Mikyeon was bouncing in her chair. “Jaejoongie, we can read you like a book!” she reminded him. “You totally saw them!”

“Well, I didn't watch,” he grumbled. He sat back upright. “Can we just move on?”

“I think that would be a good idea,” Sooyoung agreed, nudging Sukjin and hitting Mikyeon upside the head. She smiled at Jaejoong again. “So,” she said. “What else is new?”

Addiction, alcoholism, depression, denial, bisexuality, HIV, medical visits, Jaejoong thought. “Nothing, really,” he said with a cough. “How about all of you? The others?”

“Oh, well, I joined a play,” Mikyeon replied, eyes brightening. “I play a duchess!”

Jaejoong was impressed. “Really, now?” he asked. “That's awesome! I'd like to get back into acting, but I was never really good at it.”

“I liked Heaven's Postman,” Sukjin argued.

Jaejoong grimaced. “I think I could have done better, I don't know,” he said. “I always have a hard time staying in character.”

“Oh, I have a trick for that!” Mikyeon told him excitedly.

Jaejoong nodded for her to continue.

“I just give myself three seconds,” she explained. “I close my eyes and just get back into character."

At the phrase "three seconds," Jaejoong was sold.

Granted, the thought was a long shot at best, but if these past three months had taught Jaejoong anything, it was that the five of them were pretty much capable of whatever they could convince themselves.

Changmin, however, wasn't pleased by the accusation. “Excuse me?” he said.

His aura had changed; Jaejoong decided to tread lightly.

“You and Yunho aren't like other couples who started as friends then became lovers,” he explained, closing his hands around his coffee cup. “That... banter, I guess, is still there. It's like you're always either the boyfriend or the best friend. You're never... both, you know?”

Changmin blinked at him. “Um... no,” he said. “I don't. What are you talking about?”

Jaejoong didn't want to piss Changmin off (he really didn't need that again), but it would be more difficult to ask Yunho. If this theory was correct, as strange as it was, Jaejoong would feel more obligated to do something to end the relationship. The "relationship" wasn't healthy either way, really, but this just made it worse.

The rationalization was just enough to persuade his courage to amble out of its cave, and he swallowed before asking quietly, “Are you acting?”

For being the youngest, Changmin had never been shy in asserting what was his and nobody else's, and with one look in Changmin's eyes, Jaejoong knew he'd crossed that line. He just wished he knew where.

“What?” Changmin asked, eyes sharp.

Jaejoong backpedalled. “Never mind,” he said, gesturing wildly. “It's a stupid question.”

But he was still on Changmin's turf, and Changmin leaned forward. “No.” He placed his elbows on the table. “Ask it. Go ahead.”

Jaejoong leaned back. “I just, well-” He cleared his throat. “You just seem to be more role-playing the boyfriend part, I guess. I mean, you two don't even love each other, so there's-”

“No.”

Jaejoong cut himself short. Changmin's tone was biting, chilly; it had only ever been used on Yunho.

“That part of Yunho's and my arrangement is none of your concern,” Changmin said. “Yes, you know about Yunho's feelings, and you can break us up and marry him and adopt a couple of babies, but that part, what you just asked, has nothing to do with you.”

Jaejoong gulped, staring straight ahead into Changmin's hardened gaze. He had never seen Changmin so angry. Changmin was respectful even when sarcastic, and Jaejoong had gotten on his nerves before, but never had he looked as he did now.

His eyes alone were oddly breathtaking. Filled with such raw emotion.

“Okay,” Jaejoong said, nodding his head.

“It's none of your business,” Changmin added.

“Okay,” Jaejoong repeated, and he raised his hands in the air.

Changmin looked him over for a moment, cautious, before leaning back in his seat with a nod and lifting his cup. It was halfway to his lips before he set it back down again.

“Wait,” he said. He locked eyes with Jaejoong. “What did you say?”

Jaejoong stared back, bewildered. “`Okay?'” he replied.

“No, before that,” Changmin said, and he was leaning forward again. “About Yunho and I not-Oh. He told you.”

Fuck. All color drained from Jaejoong's face as he almost knocked over his coffee in his haste to sit forward. “No, he-”

Changmin wasn't listening, instead looking at his hands. “That we don't...” He shook his head. “He told you.”

“Changmin-ah,” Jaejoong said, desperate to regain a handle on this conversation. He needed to save Yunho's balls somehow.

“No,” Changmin said, cool mask set back into place. He stood up, taking his coffee with him. “I hope you enjoy your coffee. I'm going to go, uh...” He glanced around them before finishing, “castrate my boyfriend.”

Jaejoong tried to stand, as well, but Changmin was already halfway out of the café.

It was when Jaejoong sat back down, weary and uneasy, that he noticed every single person in the café staring in his direction. He offered a nervous wave, and the majority of the crowd turned back to their drinks.

The table nearest his own began whispering, and one of the girls said loud enough for him to hear, “Isn't Changmin-san kind of sexy when he's angry?”

Jaejoong leaned toward the group. “You think so, too?” he whispered.

The table erupted in giggles, and he smiled warmly at the girls before returning his attention to his coffee, smile slipping away instantly.

He'd just sent a walking volcano to his apartment with a steaming hot beverage as a weapon, and Yunho was none the wiser. Jaejoong debated whether or not he should attempt to right the situation.

”Sooyoung-noona,” Jaejoong called before she could climb into the cab with his other two sisters.

She glanced over her shoulder, waiting.

“What do the others think?” he asked. “About... About Yunho. And Changmin.”

Sooyoung sighed, and her smile slipped away.

Jaejoong prepared himself.

“They're fine,” she said. “But... we're the only ones who came to see you, so... I guess I don't really know.”

Jaejoong allowed her to get into the cab then, and he saw it off with a wave.

Jaejoong tapped at the lid of his cup twice more; then he called a cab to take him to his favorite bar.

*

Please comment on Part 3: Here