Run Down, Beat Me. Rise Up, Save Me.
Title: Run Down, Beat Me. Rise Up, Save Me.
Pairing: YunJae
Length:One Shot
Genre: Romance; Angst; Humor
Warning: Abuse
Rating: NC-17 (no real smut, guys, sorry)
Disclaimer: I don't have enough time to babysit five grown men.
Summary: “A pet's a pet, Jung.” No. A pet is a dog. Not a broken college student a year ahead of you with plans to become a doctor someday. He only met Jaejoong once but, damn, that meeting would haunt him for eternity. He wasn't supposed to meet him, wasn't supposed to walk into his dorm room to find his roommate's pet tied up and gagged. But he did. He has to save him, doesn't he? He has to.
~
The fuck?
Yunho was gay. He came out to his parents about two weeks before university started, and they flipped, expectedly, but things settled down after about a week. His friends took it easier, and Changmin was surprised that Yunho hadn't been out already, because apparently, they all knew. Had for years. They had spent the rest of the night getting hammered at a gay club (which was hilarious because all of his friends except Changmin were straighter than raw liquor), while he spent the majority of the time letting them in on all of his past failed relationships and one-night fucks-all one of each.
But even as a self-respecting gay man with a libido the size of the United Kingdom, Yunho could not find the image presented before him arousing in the least. If anything, it was sick. Disgustingly sick.
He'd never forgotten his Calculus book in his dorm room before, given that it was his best class, but he had pulled an all-night-er, and, hey, he was only human. He had no idea that someone would be tied to his roommate's headboard, legs spread wide and brown potato sack covering his head. Maybe he should have knocked first.
Yunho dropped his eyes to the boy's dick, standing proud with a cock ring nestled in the black curls around the base, before stepping farther into the room. He closed the door quickly; with his luck, the Dean of the school would just decide to walk down the hall at this very moment. The body on the bed didn't move at the sound of the slamming door.
Trying again to elicit some sort of response, Yunho threw his dorm key onto the dresser beside the bathroom door, letting it clatter loudly to the ground when it bounced off of the wooden top. Again, the body remained motionless.
Ah, fuck, was he dead?
Not knowing what else to do, Yunho stepped up to the foot of the bed. His eyes roamed the pale skin, marred with spots of black and blue, lines of red and white crisscrossing over the open thighs. He was going to be sick. With only slight hesitation, he reached forward, tracing the path of something white and hard with the tip of a finger, from the boy's knee to his ankle. What the hell was-
The body beneath him began to shake. Yunho almost yelped for joy. “Thank god,” he whispered, giving a relieved sigh, “I thought you were dead or something.”
At that, the boy completely froze, body becoming unnaturally still. Yunho's voice was apparently not what he was expecting to hear.
Nevertheless, Yunho continued, coughing awkwardly. “Um, yeah. I'm guessing that you're my roommate's boyfriend?” He scratched the back of his neck, cheeks reddening. Seriously, why was he talking to him? “I didn't even know that he was into this kind of thing. SMBD or BDSM or whatever it's called. I knew he was bi, though.” When he received nothing but silence in reply, he turned away, feeling like a complete moron. “Okay, well, um,” he cleared his throat, “I guess I'll just leave you to it. Let me just find my calc book-”
It was then, when Yunho glanced back at the gruesome picture from the other side of the room, that he noticed the boy trying to close his legs. It was a pointless struggle, his knees held apart by an adjustable bar. Yunho was at the side of the bed in a flash.
“Do you want this off?” Yunho asked, fingers winding around the bar and causing the body to become still again. “Or maybe it's just uncomfortable? I can adjust it so it's not as wide, I mean-” He was rambling, but for some reason he just couldn't stop talking. If he had walked in on a bondage scene, he would have just grabbed his book and left as soon as humanly possible. But this boy was covered in marks and scars and bruises and whatever the hell the rest of this shit was.
And he was alone. Where had Yunho's roommate gone?
The potato sack turned from side to side frantically. Yunho paused in confusion. “No? But you were just-”
The boy mumbled something.
Yunho's heart skipped a beat. “What?” he murmured, leaning forward and placing his ear in front of the sack where he suspected the boy's mouth to be. “Sorry, what was that?”
This time, when the boy spoke, it came out as a muffled hum.
Yunho's eyebrows furrowed before he shook his head, straightening up. “Wait, okay, sorry, but I can't understand you. I think it's the sack, so I'll take it off you for just a few minutes, okay?” He ignored the boy's furiously shaking head and the muffled yells that came from behind the sack, and took hold of the dirty thing gingerly. “If I pull any of your hair, say something, okay?” he whispered, soothing.
When the bag was finally off, Yunho's breath caught in his throat. A ball gag. No wonder why the boy couldn't speak. And his lips, stretched around the ball as much as they could be, were cracked, covered in dry blood. His cheeks, too, were red with the substance, clotting two long cuts along his cheek bones. The blood had even dripped into his messy, raven hair.
He knew then that he'd never be able to forget this person.
The boy hummed something again, snapping Yunho back to reality. He raised his eyes from the blood-caked skin to meet the raven's gaze, gasping when he'd done so. “Shit!” he cursed, moving to block the lamp; the boy was squinting from the brightness of it. “Sorry, I just... yeah.”
In the shadow of Yunho's body, the boy's eyes were able to adjust rather quickly, and Yunho was impressed with how wide the boy's eyes grew when he saw him. Or rather, saw who he was. Instantly, he was struggling, pulling at his restraints with a vigor that had Yunho's attention flicker to the raven's well developed arms momentarily. But the ropes were too tight, and soon they were cutting into the already red skin at the boy's wrists. This didn't deter the raven in the least.
“Wait,” Yunho whispered, eyes fixed on the breaking skin. “Hold up, you're hurting yourself.”
That only had the boy pulling harder. A whimper was heard when the first drop of blood dripped onto the sheets.
“Stop!” Yunho yelled, looking away to yank open the top drawer of his dresser. The boy ignored him. “Fuck,” he muttered, spotting more blood from the corner of his eye. “Listen to me, god dammit.” He pulled out a pocket knife before slamming the drawer shut.
The boy began to scream around the ball gag when Yunho straddled his waist, and Yunho took hold of one of the bloody wrists.
“I'm not gonna hurt you,” he soothed, positioning his knife behind one of the ropes. “I'm just gonna cut these, okay?”
Some other sounds came from the boy's mouth, some that were unmistakably sobs, long and suffering, and Yunho paused in his movements to glance down at the raven's face. Tears slipped freely from his pleading eyes, mixing with the blood on his cheeks and causing streaks of watery red to run unabashed down his ears and neck.
It was enough to make Yunho second-guess his actions. He cleared his throat. “But... But you were fighting. You want out of them, don't you?”
The boy merely shook his head, face reddening, before squeezing his eyes shut. Yunho panicked as he began to cry harder.
“Shh,” he soothed, snapping the knife closed and slipping it into his back pocket. “I... I'm sorry, I just...” he trailed off when the boy only continued to cry silently. He sighed, climbing off of the raven and reaching for the tissue box on his roommate's bedside table. “Hold on a sec, you have to at least let me do this much.”
The boy flinched away when Yunho dabbed at his wet eyes with a tissue, but there was little room for escape, and he relaxed begrudgingly.
Yunho chuckled, smiling gratefully. “Thank you.” Then, without realizing it, he brushed the paper over one of the cuts on the boy's cheeks, and the raven's entire body seized up. Yunho pulled away, wincing. “Sorry! I'm so sorry! Let me just-” The boy's calls stopped him before he could grab his backpack and retrieve a box of band-aids from its front pocket. He looked at the boy exasperatedly. “What? They won't stop bleeding until-” He cut himself off this time.
Fuck, he was such an asshole. Dropping the bag back to the floor where it had fallen previously, he leaned over the naked body, hands cupping the boy's cheeks. The boy's eyes widened as he tried to pull away. Yunho ignored the futile efforts, following the strap of the ball gag with his fingers.
“Shh,” he repeated, not knowing what else to say to the frightened body beneath him. “I almost have it, just a sec-there!” he muttered to himself more than the boy, and his fingers unsnapped the metal clasp that held the gag in place.
As soon as it fell away, the boy turned his head to the side, spitting a mysterious mixture that looked suspiciously like semen, bile, and piss onto the sheets, some of it catching his arm as well.
Yunho moved to clean it up with the rest of the tissues, nose wrinkling at the thought that he was most likely touching his roommate's piss and cum. The bile, he guessed, was the boy's; he'd have thrown up, too, if he had that shit in his mouth for longer than five minutes.
Once the soiled tissues were in the garbage bin, Yunho sat on the edge of the bed, touching the boy's cheek softly. The raven shook the hand away. “I should have done that from the beginning, sorry. Are you... alright?” Yunho asked, trying to catch the boy's eyes. “Do you need water or anything?”
“You shouldn't have done that,” the boy said quietly, refusing to look at him.
Yunho blinked at the hoarse voice. “... Shouldn't have done what?”
The boy sniffed, licking his chapped lips. “Do you have chap-stick?” he asked, brushing over the question.
Yunho nodded, nonetheless, climbing to his feet to rummage through his top drawer once more. Then he was back at the raven's side, uncapping the stick. “Do you want me to put it on you?” he asked uncertainly.
The boy nodded. Yunho reached forward to cup the raven's cheek, and this time, he wasn't shaken away. He dragged the stick over each sensitive lip gently, making up for the lack of pressure by repeating the motion once or twice. The boy gave a sharp intake of breath at the sting of the medication meeting his cracked skin.
When Yunho finally pulled away, eyes still on the raven's lips, the boy gave him a small smile. “Thank you.”
Yunho only shrugged, throwing the chap-stick across the room so it landed on his own bed. “Anything else?” he asked, frowning. He didn't like this, just sitting here. He wanted to let the boy go, if anything.
But the boy shook his head, eyes dropping. “No, but, um, don't you have class right now? You're probably really late.”
“I'm most definitely really late,” Yunho agreed, raising his gaze to the roped wrists hanging off of the bedposts. “Can I cut those now?” he asked patiently, hand slipping into his back pocket to wrap around the pocket knife he had dropped in there before.
The boy on the bed went almost completely still, the color draining from his face. “N-No!” he yelled breathlessly, head shaking back and forth. “No, please, don't!”
“Okay,” Yunho replied assuringly, laying a hand over the boy's neck in an attempt to calm him down. The raven reddened. “Okay, I won't,” he continued, but his eyes still strayed up to the knots regretfully. “But I... I don't understand why-” he began, long suffering, when he felt something hard and leathery around around the boy's neck. Immediately, he tilted the raven's chin up, eliciting a gasp of surprise from the confused boy. “What the hell?”
“Asphyxiation,” the raven explained, voice shaky. Yunho paused. “You're looking at the collar, right?”
“It's way too tight,” Yunho noted aloud, fingering the line of skin just below the black leather. It was beginning to raw. “Your skin is all red and swollen-and what the hell is `asphyxiation'?”
The boy gulped, silent, when Yunho's thumb carelessly found the dip of his collarbone. “I-It's breath play. Have you heard of it?”
Yunho had, and everything snapped together right at that moment. He began to work on the clasp without another word.
“Wait,” the boy told him, eyes widening. “Hold on!”
Yunho growled in frustration, pulling away and pressing a thumb to the boy's chin to bring the raven's eyes back down again. “What?” he asked impatiently. “Why do you keep telling me to stop?”
“Because if he were to walk in to see me different than the way he left me,” the raven explained, eyes locked with Yunho's, “he would be furious. Last time I made him angry, he cracked one of my ribs.”
Yunho's eyes hardened, realization hitting him like the barrel of a shotgun. This was just getting more fucked up by the minute. “He's beating you? My roommate?”
“You don't believe me?” the boy asked, suddenly looking even more terrified than he had been already. “You don't have to, but could you please not-”
“I'm not going to tell that bastard jack shit,” Yunho told him, face reddening further, before he pushed off of the bed. He turned, looking anywhere he could but at the ruined face of the living corpse tied to the headboard. Jesus Christ, all he'd wanted was his fucking calculus book.
“You should have just grabbed your book and left as soon as you could,” the ghostly voice whispered from behind him, as if the raven had read his thoughts. Yunho glanced back at him reluctantly. The boy was staring at the ceiling, smiling bitterly. “You don't need any of this bullshit.”
Yunho ran a hand through his hair, eyes dropping to his bookshelf. The calculus book was settled right between the chemistry and physics books, waving at him, as if hurt that it had been forgotten. “You're right,” he said finally, looking back to find the raven watching him now. “I don't.”
The boy blinked, but didn't break his stare. “You still can if you want. Leave, I mean. I won't hold it against you.”
“No,” Yunho replied almost immediately, before coming back to the boy's side. “I would hold it against myself.” And he would. He'd never forgive himself for leaving someone in this position. He sighed, decided, and slumped to the ground at the bedside and folded his arms over the sheets, resting his chin over them. He kept the boy's stare the entire time.
After several moments, the raven looked away first, eyes back to tracing the cracks in the ceiling. “Thank you,” he murmured quietly.
“Seriously,” Yunho told him, finger tracing a scar running along the boy's side, “don't mention it.”
Silence fell over them after that, the boy staring at the white ceiling above him, Yunho sketching the white lines marring the pale chest and stomach. The silence was anything but comfortable, for obvious reasons, but neither could think of much to say. Yunho couldn't leave the boy the way he'd found him, but he couldn't let the boy walk away, and there was only one other option, so he stayed where he was.
He wasn't quite sure why he was touching the scars, tracing the gashes and even a few possible teeth marks. They were deep, some of them scabbed, some white, and some fresh. He shuddered, unable to comprehend what could possibly be going through someone's mind to make them cause this. To mark someone so harshly.
Suddenly, the boy coughed, drawing Yunho's attention to his closed eyes. “Um could you, you know... stop that?” the raven asked awkwardly, cheeks flushing slightly. “I'm kind of ticklish around my stomach and sides.”
Yunho instantly jerked his hand away. “Oh, I-I'm sorry!”
The raven attempted a shrug that failed due to his tied arms. He shook his head instead. “It's... fine. But, um, could you lend me a hand? I'm kind of tied up here.”
Yunho wasn't sure if that was meant to be a joke or not, so he only gave a half-laugh, climbing to his feet. “Yes, anything.”
The boy's eyes were still closed, but his eyelids fluttered under Yunho's gaze. “The... The blood. From my cheeks. It's running into my eyes.”
“Oh!” Yunho exclaimed, suddenly becoming aware of the red pooling in the crevices of the raven's face. “Yes, I-Let me see, I think I can...” he trailed off, hands reaching forward. His thumbs ran along the boy's eyelashes, brushing the liquid from them, but more only joined it, rendering his attempts useless.
“That's not working, is it?” the boy asked tiredly, frowning. He began to pull at his restraints once more. “Damn, if I could just sit up, the blood would roll down my cheeks, not up, and-”
“Wait!” Yunho cut in, grinning. “We need something to soak up the blood. There are more tissues in the bathroom. Hold on a second.” Without waiting for a reply, he hurried toward the door beside his roommate's dresser, nearly tripping over his backpack on the way. He flicked the lights on. “So,” he called loudly as he scanned the shelf over the toilet. “The cuts... is that some other kind of kinky thing, or is he just being, well...”
“It's blood play,” the raven called back from the main room, voice hardly strong enough to carry. “Knives and such. It only happens during sex,” he added, weaker. “He's really quite nice at other times.”
Yunho was out of the bathroom in record time, standing at the foot of the bed with a fresh box of tissues in one hand and a look of utter disbelief on his face. It made the boy look away, biting his lip. “I can't believe it,” said Yunho, shaking his head. “You're actually defending him?”
“But he is,” the boy argued quietly, though he didn't meet Yunho's eyes, and Yunho knew there was no way anyone could believe that shit. The raven closed his eyes once more. “Just help me, okay?”
“But you won't let me,” Yunho replied before he could bite it back, and the room was left in a sudden, chilly silence. Yunho rolled his eyes, ripping the box of tissues open. “Whatever.”
The raven remained silent as Yunho climbed onto the bed, knees on either side of the boy's small waist. He gulped when Yunho took his chin. “... You don't,” he began finally, voice barely above a whisper when a tissue began to dab at his blood-blinded eyes, “You don't need to be this close to clean my eyes.”
Yunho nodded, leaning closer. “You're right, but I do need to be close to do this,” he explained, reaching behind him after he had thrown the tissues into the waste basket.
The raven's eyes opened curiously, now completely blood free. “Do what-” he asked before breaking off into a hiss. Tears began to well in his eyes, and he squeezed them shut once again with a wince of pain. His cheek felt like it was on fire.
Yunho held firmly onto the boy's chin, fingers curling around the boy's jaw to keep him in place as the raven attempted to shake him off weakly. “Hold still,” he ordered, leaning further over the boy. “You're only going to make it hurt worse.”
“What the hell are you doing to me?” the raven wailed, thrashing beneath the larger man. He gasped as he felt the wounds on his wrists reopen.
“Jesus Christ, stop moving!” Yunho cursed, pulling away from the boy's cheeks for only a moment in order to grab his wrists. “You're only making these worse. Someone's going to think you're cutting yourself.” Once he was sure that the raven was done struggling against the ropes, he raised a bloodied cotton ball to the boy's eyes.
The raven was only confused, eyebrows furrowing. “A cotton ball?”
Yunho nodded. “Yep. It's what I've been using to clean your cuts.” With that, he lowered the cotton back to the cut he was cleaning. “It would be the alcohol that hurts so much.”
The boy began to wiggle beneath him agitatedly, but not enough to disturb his other injuries. “Why the hell would you-”
He gave a start when Yunho clamped his legs down harder, keeping him still and in place as well as he could. “Look,” Yunho began, eyes hardening irritatedly. “Do you want warts on your cheeks from infection?” He didn't wait for an answer, and was soon cleaning the other cheek as well.
The raven whimpered from the contact, shifting only slightly (because that was all he could shift with Yunho pinning him down and his arms tied the way they were) before his entire body became completely still.
Yunho was grateful for the submission, finishing up the clean job within a few more seconds. “Awesome. Now you don't need to worry about infection,” he noted with a smile. “Though, it would be better if you'd let me put band-aids on-” He stopped, sitting up. “Hey, are you okay?”
The boy had been laying frozen, fists and teeth clenched with his eyes sealed shut, but when Yunho moved to straighten his back, he shuddered, muscles in his arms twitching. There was no way in hell that that was an effect of the alcohol.
“Uh...” Yunho commented dumbly, scratching the back of his head.
“Don't move,” the raven whispered, cracking his eyes open. His cheeks reddened when his gaze met Yunho's. “Just... anything but move.”
“Am I hurting you?” Yunho asked, moving to climb off of the boy's wait, but the movement only resulted in the raven's back arching, a strangled whimper escaping his throat. Yunho stilled.
“Y-Your...” the boy murmured, looking away from Yunho's bewildered stare and blushing further, “Your jeans. They're rubbing against my... you know...”
At that, Yunho craned his neck back, glancing down over his shoulder. The shift in weight brought a gasp from the raven's lips. Sure enough, Yunho saw, there was the raven's cock, still rock hard and standing with the help of the cock ring, sliding against the pockets of Yunho's jeans ever so slightly. Yunho immediately got off of the bed despite the boy's protests.
He stood, staring down at the swollen rod with hardly suppressed interest. The boy tried to shimmy away, but there was no way that he could hide it, and the bar between his legs would not allow him to close them. He was forced to lay where he was, body on display for however long Yunho wanted to look.
Yunho cleared his throat after a few moments, blushing slightly. He was really not used to this kind of thing. “You're... You're still hard after all this time?”
The raven kept his eyes on the wall, biting his lip. “Um, it's the... ring. The cock ring.”
“You like cock rings so much that they keep you hard?” Yunho asked incredulously, reaching out a finger to brush against the tip. It pulsed, and a string of precum latched onto his fingertip as he pulled it away, connecting him with the cock in a way that totally shouldn't have turned him on. Hey, he was only human.
The boy squirmed, gaze snapping to the erotic sight. “Wh-What are you doing?” he asked, panting. Yunho touched the shaft again, trailing his finger down the side to the base where the ring was, and then came back up just as slow. The raven licked his lips. “I-If you put the ring on when you're hard, the ring keeps you hard, so-ah!” he cried, back arching again when Yunho wrapped his entire hand around the dick.
Then Yunho snapped back to the present. He grimaced apologetically, pulling away and leaving the boy whimpering, before diverting his eyes. What the fuck was he doing? “I'm sorry,” he muttered, clearing his throat. The boy remained silent, panting. “That was inappropriate. I shouldn't have-It's just been so long since I've had sex, and...” he trailed off awkwardly. “Sorry.”
“It's...” the raven replied, voice barely above a whisper. His eyes were trained on the ceiling above him determinedly. “It's fine.”
“No, it's not,” Yunho argued, finally turning back, and he stepped forward, placing a hand on the sheets above the boy's shoulder. The raven was forced to look at him as Yunho leaned into his line of sight. “I'm not like my roommate. Okay? You know that, don't you?” he asked, pleading. When the boy only stared at him, eyes big and round, Yunho felt his heart break a little more. “I'm not... I won't take advantage of you. Okay?”
After a another while of silence, the raven nodded, blushing.
Yunho smiled. “Great.” He stood up, then, fixing his clothing. “Now, are you hungry? Can I get you something?”
That made the boy laugh, lips stretching into a small smile, and Yunho smiled wider. “No, thank you.”
“Really?” Yunho asked, cocking his head to the side. “You sure?” His eyes trailed down the raven's body, bare skin resting above the dirtied sheets. He coughed. “Are you... cold, at all?”
When the boy flushed in surprise, Yunho was already pulling off his jacket. “Um, no, not really, just...” he dropped his eyes.
“Embarrassed?” Yunho offered, moving his jacket under the bar holding the raven's legs open and spreading it wide to cover the boy's genitals and ass.
“Humiliated,” the boy corrected, voice quiet. He looked up at Yunho uncertainly. “Wouldn't you be?”
Yunho would have rather been dead than on display like the boy was right then. He only nodded. “Definitely,” was his answer before he changed the subject, running a hand through his hair. “I have a few questions, though. About this entire thing going on here.”
The raven sighed, looking down at the tent his cock was causing in Yunho's jacket. “I have time.”
“Cool,” Yunho replied, moving back to the boy's legs. “I just don't understand a few things. For one,” he began, running his finger along the waxy substance that had dried in streaks down the boy's calves and thighs. “What is this? Cum isn't that thick, or that white.”
The boy strained his neck to see what Yunho was referring to, grunting when he finally caught a glimpse of Yunho's finger touching the white stuff. “Oh. That's wax.”
Yunho raised an eyebrow dubiously, finger still rubbing up and down the boy's calf. “Wax? I don't understand.”
The raven coughed, looking away from the innocent man in front of him. “Temperature play? Heard of that one?” At Yunho's blank look, he guessed not, biting his lip. “Um, well, it's like playing with different temperature extremes. He'd shove ice cubes up my ass while dripping hot wax on my leg.”
Like a bucket of water. That's how it felt when Yunho finally connected the dots, and even when he had, he still wasn't sure if he really understood. “Wait,” he said quietly, moving away from the bed. The boy's eyebrows furrowed at the unreadable look on his face. “Are you saying that my roommate not only beats you, he cuts you, chokes you, and fucking burns you, too?”
The raven stared at him. “Um, yeah, but, only during sex, and-”
“You're supposed to fucking enjoy sex, the last time I checked,” Yunho seethed, unable to look at the boy. His eyes roamed the floor instead. “Are you telling me you enjoy this?”
“Yes!” the raven replied; too quickly, Yunho noted. “I do!”
“Really?” Yunho asked skeptically, angrily. He wasn't angry at the boy, they both understood that, but he was still angry. He strode up to the bed, eyes hard and fierce. “You enjoy being tortured for someone else's twisted pleasure? I doubt that.”
“There are tons of people who love this treatment,” the boy argued back, returning the glare with just as much vigor. “Why can't I be one of them? I like it sometimes, okay?”
“`Sometimes?'” Yunho parroted, quirking an eyebrow. “Interesting choice of words.” He looked down at the raven's chest and stomach, etched with cuts and bruises and god knows what else. “And what are these?” he asked, hand sliding easily over the marred skin. The boy's breath hitched. “All of these lines and ovals and shit?”
The boy refused to look down and identify what Yunho was going on about. “I don't know, more cuts?”
“And bites,” Yunho added, barely audible.
The raven softened. “And probably some marks left over from the whip, I'm guessing. I'd have to see a mirror.”
Yunho snorted, disgusted. “A fucking whip? Ah, this shit just keeps getting better and better.”
“Hey,” the boy protested, giving the larger man a pointed look. “I actually like the whip.”
“So that means that you don't like all of it, right?” Yunho asked, dropping to his knees at the side of the boy's head, and the boy looked away. “If you don't like it, just tell him. Or break it off with his sorry ass.”
“I can't!” the raven yelled suddenly, eyes again on the ceiling. “He's... He's into this stuff, so I'm into this stuff, and even if I say I don't like it, it won't change anything, and-”
“Shh,” Yunho interrupted, laying his palm over the boy's forehead, and the boy stilled. Yunho paused a moment, reaching for the box of tissues that had fallen to the ground earlier, before turning the raven's head to face him. “You're crying.”
It was true. Tears, bigger than the ones from before, were welling in the raven's eyes, threatening to spill over at any second. Yunho could only imagine what was going through his mind. Humiliation, hurt, fear. Especially fear. That was always the big one.
It killed him. It really did. All Yunho could do was sit there with him, wiping his tears away with a year's supply of tissue paper, hoping that somehow that action could speak all the words Yunho wanted to say, because god knew that he couldn't say those things out loud.
Not to his roommate's boyfriend.
“You shouldn't try so hard,” Yunho murmured softly, wiping the last of the raven's tears away with a thumb. The boy finally looked at him. “You can't try to be what he wants you to be if it's so different than who you are.”
“What makes you think,” the boy whispered, guarded, “that you know who I am?”
Yunho shook his head, ignoring the bait. “I don't,” he replied. “I just know that it's not this.” The raven had nothing to say to that. Yunho hadn't been expecting anything, anyway, and he took the pause that ensued to climb to his feet once more. He checked his watch. “Holy shit,” he muttered, bewildered. “It's been almost forty-five minutes since I got here. Where is he?”
“You mean your roommate?” the boy asked quietly, wincing a little as he moved his stiff neck from side to side. “He had class.”
Yunho stared down at him in disbelief. “What? Wait, how long have you been here?”
The raven looked back at him bemusedly. “I don't know. What time is it?”
“4:56,” Yunho replied.
“Then I've been left here, alone, for almost three and a half hours.”
“The fuck?” Yunho cried, anger boiling through him once more. Kinkiness aside, that was just fucked up. “Please tell me you're kidding.”
The boy dropped his eyes, clearing his throat. “Wish I was.”
“And you had that ring on your cock, that bag over your head, and that shit in your mouth for three fucking hours?” Yunho continued, pacing up and down the bedside. He shook his head. “That's just too fucking much.”
“It's better than last time,” the raven told him, laying his head back. “I was chained to the radiator for seven hours straight, vibrator on the highest setting, cock ring in place, vacuum around my dick, dog licking-”
“Enough!” Yunho cut in, hands over his ears. He growled, making his way over to his desk and ripping a sheet of paper from one of the notebooks. He grabbed a pen from the cup. “What's your name?”
The boy was silent for a moment. “I'm not allowed to tell people that. At least, not in this way. If you let it slip that you know, he'll be pissed.”
“Seriously?” Yunho asked incredulously, glancing over his shoulder, before turning back to his current task. “Whatever. Well, my name is Yunho. Jung Yunho, sophomore, mathematics major.”
“Yunho,” the raven murmured, tasting the name on his lips.
“That's right,” Yunho replied, turning back to the bed and stuffing the piece of paper inside of the jacket covering the boy's groin. “Now, this paper has my cellphone number, my mom's home number, my mom's address, and my best friend's number. His name is Shim Changmin, freshman, chemistry major. If he asks who the fuck you are-because he will say it exactly like that, trust me-tell him that you're a friend of Yunho's, alright? Same for my mom.”
The raven stared at him in confusion, eyes flicking from Yunho to the jacket and back again. “What? I don't understand.”
“If you need help,” Yunho explained, sitting on the edge of the bed. The boy's eyebrows furrowed. “If you need somewhere to stay, someone to talk to, or just someone to... someone to run to, call one of us, okay? My mom and Changmin will take real good care of you, okay?”
The raven blushed, looking past Yunho at the door. The uncertainty in his eyes was overwhelming. “I-If he... If he were to walk in right now, he'd kill someone,” he muttered darkly.
That hung in the air for a few moments. Yunho's eyes softened, raising a hand to brush the hair out of the boy's eyes. “I'll tell him that it was my fault.”
“That's what I'm afraid of,” the boy whispered, eyes locked with Yunho's.
That gave Yunho pause, and he took a moment to analyze the boy in front of him. He let his hand slip down the boy's neck, then, shaking his head. “Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself.” No matter what it sounded like, it wasn't a matter of pride. He didn't know what it was.
“So can I,” the raven shot back, somewhat bitterly. Something unreadable flashed across his features.
Yunho, however, simply fixed him with a skeptical stare. “Obviously.” There was no need to point out the entire situation in which they were becoming acquainted, and the raven looked away, knowing exactly what he was talking about. Yunho paid no attention to the cold gesture, instead rubbing the boy's neck, up and down, easing the reddened skin below the collar.
The boy licked his lips before speaking again, voice uncertain. “Um... Jung Yunho?”
“Hm?” Yunho hummed in reply, eyes on the boy's wrists, still wanting to cut them free. Hearing his name spoken in such a hoarse, faint voice sent chills down his spine.
“You're really smart, aren't you?” the raven asked, looking at him. “You won, like, five awards or something last year, didn't you?”
Yunho blinked, lowering his gaze to meet the boy's. After a moment, he went along with the topic change: things were getting a little tense. “Six. I know how to study, but that doesn't make me smart. How did you know? Are you in my class?”
The boy shook his head, corner of his lips twitching. “No, I'm a junior. I just remember. I was on the committee for putting the names on the awards.”
“Oh,” Yunho replied, eyes lighting up, and he grinned, so much so that all of his teeth showed. “You're a year ahead of us. Good memory, by the way.”
“Photographic memory,” the boy informed him, unable to keep himself from smiling as well.
“Really?” Yunho asked, surprised. “I always wanted one of those. It would have made a math major so much easier.” He glanced back at that stupid calculus book before asking a question of his own. “Major? Or are you not allowed to-”
“Premed,” the raven answered quickly, not letting Yunho mention the elephant in the room. “I'm hoping to be a doctor. Hopefully a pediatrician, but that might change if I don't get over my fear of children.”
Yunho laughed at that. “That's cool. I want to be-”
“You said that it's been a while since you had sex, right?” the boy interrupted once more, to Yunho's surprise. He didn't let Yunho adjust to the new change in topic. “How long, exactly? Three months? Six months?”
Yunho stared at him a moment, caught off guard, before blushing: this turn in conversation was random to say the least. “Uh, more like three years,” he admitted shyly.
The raven's eyes widened, smile slipping from his face. “`Three years?'” he parroted in disbelief. “That's so... long.”
“Tell me about it,” Yunho replied, smirking.
“Well, what did you do?” the boy asked curiously, trying to adjust himself so he was more comfortable. The change in position was invisible.
“Um,” Yunho hummed in bewilderment, not understanding where this was going. “Normal guy on girl stuff, I guess.”
At that, the raven gaped, gasping. “Wait-Are you straight? I just kind of assumed that-”
“The night I slept with her was the night I realized I was gay,” Yunho explained in amusement. He shrugged. “It broke her heart, but at least I know.” His lack of a sex life wasn't really a sore point for him, but he was still cautious about who he related it to. Some men could be really cruel about the subject. Especially gay men.
“Oh,” the boy replied, looking away. He bit his lip. “So you've never...”
“Fucked a man?” Yunho supplied, folding his arms over his knees. “No. I tried to, but he was dead drunk, and when we made it to the hotel, he threw up all over me.”
The boy grimaced. “Ew.” He opened his mouth for a short moment, trying to say something, but snapped it shut shortly after. Then he caught Yunho's eyes with his, something twinkling behind his irises. “So, have you ever seen a dry orgasm?” he asked, nonchalant.
Yunho was dense, but not that dense, and he quickly realized why they were talking about his love life at all. He actually had the decency to blush. “Um,” he began, eyes trailing down the raven's body to the tent in his jacket. “No, I haven't. I've heard of them, though.”
“Do you...” the boy murmured, beginning to blush as well, “want to see one?”
The invitation was clearer than water, but Yunho thought he might as well make sure. He cleared his throat, bringing his hand down from the raven's neck to his stomach. The boy quivered under his touch. “You want me to...? To you?” he asked vaguely.
The raven simply nodded, holding his gaze.
“But,” Yunho argued, knowing that somewhere, someone was cursing him for questioning this perfect opportunity (and their name was most likely Changmin). But he needed some clarity. “You're with my roommate,” he muttered insecurely, dropping his eyes. “Aren't you?”
The boy was silent.
A shuffle sounded from the other side of the dorm room door, and both students froze. Holy hell.
~
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