longest post EVAR
i'm very contemplative right now. there's alot going through this pretty head of mine.
seems like i'm trying to reorginize my life again.
- i can't believe how hard the holidays are this year. no, i'm not getting into fights or anything like that. it's overwhelming how much i miss certin people in my life (or people that were in my life). which is why my last post had so much grief about my grandpa. and no, i do not mean that i have been so torn up about d.eath in the world; but d.eath to God...i am torn about my family...my brothers...my sisters (in Christ i mean) losing themselves to the world. yes, i understand it is tempting; but why trade in for something cheaper and crappier?
why does every chick think that getting a boyfriend will change her life? why does she think that it'll fix everything? why settle for less? i mean, if you think this guy is great and you know he isn't for you; then imagin the man God has planned for you!
i guess that's why i've been so "needy" lately. makes sence.
- family gatherings always make my family point out me. they always tease me about my "punk rock" life. haha. i always get attacked with questions about my life. like, 'why don't you have a boyfriend? what's wrong with you? why can't you find one? what are you doing wrong? maybe there's something you should change. maybe you're not looking in the right place. maybe you'll never marry.' pft, please. for all i know, he's standing right infront of me. and that's just fine. i won't know till God smacks me upside the head. i'm that oblivious.
but it makes me doubt myself and the control (or lack thereof) that i have in my own life. i mean, am i really missing out? is there really something wrong with me? maybe i should date...but no, i couldn't do that to my husband. i couldn't give pieces of my heart away to people it doesn't belong to. but what if...what if...? haha, he better appreciate that i'm waiting for him...and he better be waiting for me too or he'll sleep on the couch!!!
my friend andrea told me, "your husband better have a sence of humor or he won't be able to deal with you!"
I am the cripple
and the Lord says, "Get up and walk."
where ever you are,
i can't wait for your hugs.
or our first offical date.
haha, or when i finally realize when i'm in love with you and blush.
i can't wait to grow with you.
i can't wait to bask in God's joy with you
believe it or not, i can't wait for our fights (i'll explain when we meet)
i can't wait till you figure out i'm extreemly ticklish (although i think everyone knows that)
i can't wait for when you're sick and i make you soup
i can't wait till i cook something horrible and you eat it anways
i can't wait for our one month anniversery
i can't wait to see how you react when i tell you for the first time that we need a break
i can't wait for your eyes or they way they'll glisten
i can't wait to get you something you really really want
i can't wait for the way you look when you're so upset
i can't wait for the way you'll laugh at me when i try to be mad at you
i can't wait to ask you questions
i can't wait for our Bible studies
but i will.
do you know i pray for you?
everytime i look at a guy and question our friendship; i pray for you.
do you know that i've never had a boyfriend before?
i haven't.
do you know that i have faith that you'll be my first and only?
well you will be.
i wonder what your job is
and if you have sibblings.
i wonder how old you are...what color your eyes have.
my bed feels so emtpy. it always has. i stuff myself in the corner of my bed with my pillows hopeing that it'll almost fill the void; but to tell you the truth (not that i was going to lie or anything, haha), it has never worked.
you have no idea (well, you probably do) how much it sucks to just need your embrace. you, my boy, have no idea how much i love hugs.
i'm sorry for everything that i've done. for the crushes i've hopelessly let myself have. i'm sorry that i've failed. i'm sorry for l.usting. i pray that you'll forgive me; actually, forget that; i know you will. i have faith that you will. but untill that day comes; you have no idea how much this hurts me to know that some day; when i do finally tell you everything; it'll crush you.
i pray constantly that when we do marry, that we'll never fade. that we'll always be on fire for Christ and that our hearts will live for that alone. i pray that we never loose touch like so many other couples do. i pray that we won't ever EVER doubt our love for the Lord and i pray that we'll never replace eachother for Him.
floating kisses from my hand
will find your loving face to land
love,
your wife.
funny how 4am can make you think about life and all it holds.
seems like i'm trying to reorginize my life again.
- i can't believe how hard the holidays are this year. no, i'm not getting into fights or anything like that. it's overwhelming how much i miss certin people in my life (or people that were in my life). which is why my last post had so much grief about my grandpa. and no, i do not mean that i have been so torn up about d.eath in the world; but d.eath to God...i am torn about my family...my brothers...my sisters (in Christ i mean) losing themselves to the world. yes, i understand it is tempting; but why trade in for something cheaper and crappier?
why does every chick think that getting a boyfriend will change her life? why does she think that it'll fix everything? why settle for less? i mean, if you think this guy is great and you know he isn't for you; then imagin the man God has planned for you!
i guess that's why i've been so "needy" lately. makes sence.
- family gatherings always make my family point out me. they always tease me about my "punk rock" life. haha. i always get attacked with questions about my life. like, 'why don't you have a boyfriend? what's wrong with you? why can't you find one? what are you doing wrong? maybe there's something you should change. maybe you're not looking in the right place. maybe you'll never marry.' pft, please. for all i know, he's standing right infront of me. and that's just fine. i won't know till God smacks me upside the head. i'm that oblivious.
but it makes me doubt myself and the control (or lack thereof) that i have in my own life. i mean, am i really missing out? is there really something wrong with me? maybe i should date...but no, i couldn't do that to my husband. i couldn't give pieces of my heart away to people it doesn't belong to. but what if...what if...? haha, he better appreciate that i'm waiting for him...and he better be waiting for me too or he'll sleep on the couch!!!
my friend andrea told me, "your husband better have a sence of humor or he won't be able to deal with you!"
I am the cripple
and the Lord says, "Get up and walk."
where ever you are,
i can't wait for your hugs.
or our first offical date.
haha, or when i finally realize when i'm in love with you and blush.
i can't wait to grow with you.
i can't wait to bask in God's joy with you
believe it or not, i can't wait for our fights (i'll explain when we meet)
i can't wait till you figure out i'm extreemly ticklish (although i think everyone knows that)
i can't wait for when you're sick and i make you soup
i can't wait till i cook something horrible and you eat it anways
i can't wait for our one month anniversery
i can't wait to see how you react when i tell you for the first time that we need a break
i can't wait for your eyes or they way they'll glisten
i can't wait to get you something you really really want
i can't wait for the way you look when you're so upset
i can't wait for the way you'll laugh at me when i try to be mad at you
i can't wait to ask you questions
i can't wait for our Bible studies
but i will.
do you know i pray for you?
everytime i look at a guy and question our friendship; i pray for you.
do you know that i've never had a boyfriend before?
i haven't.
do you know that i have faith that you'll be my first and only?
well you will be.
i wonder what your job is
and if you have sibblings.
i wonder how old you are...what color your eyes have.
my bed feels so emtpy. it always has. i stuff myself in the corner of my bed with my pillows hopeing that it'll almost fill the void; but to tell you the truth (not that i was going to lie or anything, haha), it has never worked.
you have no idea (well, you probably do) how much it sucks to just need your embrace. you, my boy, have no idea how much i love hugs.
i'm sorry for everything that i've done. for the crushes i've hopelessly let myself have. i'm sorry that i've failed. i'm sorry for l.usting. i pray that you'll forgive me; actually, forget that; i know you will. i have faith that you will. but untill that day comes; you have no idea how much this hurts me to know that some day; when i do finally tell you everything; it'll crush you.
i pray constantly that when we do marry, that we'll never fade. that we'll always be on fire for Christ and that our hearts will live for that alone. i pray that we never loose touch like so many other couples do. i pray that we won't ever EVER doubt our love for the Lord and i pray that we'll never replace eachother for Him.
floating kisses from my hand
will find your loving face to land
love,
your wife.
funny how 4am can make you think about life and all it holds.