Disappearing for Awhile
It’s a windy day here in Berkeley, CA. It reminds me of a certain Winnie the Pooh episode I saw a long time ago, the one about the blustery day. It was pretty much Hurricane Katrina for Pooh and his friends. Piglet was blown all over the place, houses got damaged. Rabbit was freaking out as always. I think Eeyore, being the fatalistic emo guy, was pretty much okay with it. Eeyore was always my favorite.
My depression has creeped up on me again. I stopped taking my medication over the summer, but I’m thinking about starting it back up. It’s no big deal, really. It just makes getting through the days harder. Every task seems more difficult, and there’s a feeling of hopelessness through it all. It sounds worse than it is. As my doctor said, it’s a mild case. It’s like 8 cylinders running on 6.
I saw Death Cab for Cutie last night! It was a riot. They played a lot of their older stuff, which was delightful. Note to self: don’t buy alcohol at concerts anymore. 20 bucks for three beers just isn’t worth it. I smuggled in the Captain with me, but he didn’t last very long. I felt like such a boozer drinking amber-tinted liquid out of a flask-sized bottle. The best part about it is that I had the bottle of Captain with me in my book bag the entire day. I didn’t go home before the concert, so I was toting hard alcohol to all my classes as well as to the tutoring center with all the kids. I couldn’t help but laugh that in between my books and papers, I had a few ounces of Captain Morgan on me.
The wind just picked up outside, tossing all of the fallen leaves into the air. For a moment it looked like a swarm of locusts. I think one of our lawn chairs was just blown off the porch.
The purpose of this entry (yes, it does have one) is to inform everyone of how busy I am. This is my most critical semester in college. I purposely chose a difficult course load because I wanted to work hard this semester. I wanted to know that I earned my place as a Berkeley graduate, that it wasn’t just an accident that I ended up here. In short, I just want to earn the education I’m paying for.
With that said, I’m absolutely loving what I’m doing: most of my coursework has to do with films and literature of the West. Though my personal interest runs towards the mythological Old West, I’m also enjoying other works of film and literature that are situated in the West: i.e. Blade Runner, which I just saw again and loved. It took me back to Mr. Ojeda’s film class in 11th grade, when I first realized that movies can be examined critically in the same way that books can. It steered me in a new direction back then, and I’m seriously considering a grad-school path in a film/literature field.
I’ll be busy from now until mid-December. You probably won’t hear from me much until then. I’ll do my best to stay connected through internet, though you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t respond for awhile. I wanna do good, and in order for me to do that I need to restrict my Hotmail/MySpace/Facebook addiction. Still, I’ll read messages and appreciate any support thrown my way.
I’ve got my Rocky soundtrack uploaded to my iPod, and I’m getting psyched for the big fight. If life were a Rocky movie right now, I’d be getting ready to fight the Russian. This will be the hardest fight of my career, of my school career at least. Okay, it’s corny, but it’s enough to get me pumped for the rough road ahead. I used to imagine I was Rocky as far back as 9th grade. I think Rocky works so well because fighting, or boxing, is the best analogy for facing a challenge.
Wish me well, my friends. I’ve gotta thank everyone who has supported me and helped me since I’ve been here. I truly, truly love you guys. Who knew five years ago, as a meek senior in high school, that I would end up in a place like UC Berkeley? I was listening to the Eagles and dreaming of Rocky Balboa.
Pray that I take the punches, and avoid the Rocky analogies. Thanks again for your support in this critical time.
Yo Adrian... I did it.
Love, Nick