Long update
We are creating this journal entry in a text editor as this will be a multi-day entry because we have a bad case of writers block or get distracted when we get ready to do the actual entry. We appologize if it seems we are jumpy in our talking about topics.
Things here have gone..ok we guess. The human's mother finally was able to get a vehicle, not that it matters much as the only insurance company she was able to get insured with (due to money constraints) is apparently picky about who drives the vehicle that is on the policy and apparently really resourcefull in finding out. So we havent been able to really drive the car that much due to that fact.
One might say "why not walk to where you need to go" well...in the DC area it was a peice of really big cake, here its more like just a crumb of that cake. A week after getting back we got attacked by a sinus infection/cold/alergy attack BIGtime so that knocked us out of going outside much for almost a month solid (and trying several different brand of alergy meds) on top of that the humidity down here is MUCH different than in dc. I'm sure bridgette can attest to that after spending a few days in atlanta. Add to this yet another problem, our asthma has came back with full force. We did NOT miss using a rescue inhailer while we were in DC. So all of this has hindered our walking trips. Esspecially the trips to find a job.
People here has actually gotten even MORE homophobic since we left for DC. We have heard more negative comments towards homosexuals in the last 3 months than we think we have in our entire lives. Add in the fact that word travels virtually the speed of sound in small towns like this one (esspecially if the person spreading the first word works at the center of the universe in the town called Wal-Mart) it makes it very dangerous here for us to come out. While we have decided to put a halt on that plan for the time being it does not mean we will not come out to the human's parent. We have, however, started leaving WAY more clues than ever before out for her to figure things out. We have put up all of the G Rated furry male art up on our wall (granted all but 5 are from the same artist)and so far she has just figured that we like the art aspect of it or she hasnt said anything different about it yet.
The money situation is a smidgen better than when we left back in 2005. The human's mother has managed to come up with the 50 bucks to pay for the shitty ass internet 3 months in a row. She has mentioned several times it would be better for us to just get a landline phone and a dailup connection again once we get a job, however that WILL NOT happen if it means we have to put up with slow cable internet for the rest of the time I am here.
UPS decided to do a number on our computers in shipping. Both of the cases are now warped beyond repair. Both of them had parts that came off the motherboard in shipping, however, only one was seriously damaged. We have found a old ATI Mach64 PCI card to use in that machine as the AGP port is fucked beyond repair. As far as we can tell the card itself is fine but it needs a new heatsink. We have gotten it to atleast post with the card in there, which with this card it shows the model and bios version at startup before the motherboard bios screen is even shown so we know the card is atleast partially working. We are going to have to replace both cases given the chance and pretty much half of the other system that had the agp port damaged. One machine has bad memory now and we suspect the powersupply might have gotten damaged too but we are not sure as of yet.
Our mother's central heat/air conditioner has decided to spring a BIG leak in the coil. For those of you not AC Savy thats the metal A shaped item inside the unit that sits inside your house that the air is pulled through to chill or heat by the fan. This simple peice of metal (granted its basically a copper honeycomb) is going to cost $1500 to fix. The unit inside only had a one year warranty and the unit itself is A. 3 years old and B. not in production anymore anyway. Yay suckage. We are going to have high electric bills now as we are going to have to use alternative heating methods which includes space heaters and keroseen heaters.
We have been doing alot of thinking lately and have realized some stuff. One thing is that while we loved the city life we did miss the country life of our home town even if we are horindously missing the convinience of city life. We have come to find that we want to settle down somewhere. Maybe own our own house with our future mate just outside of the city area like where rusty's mom used to live. Where you feel like you are living in the country yet within a reasonable driving distance to the nearest city to where its still convinient. Unfortunatly we both know that will not happen for a long long time.
We both have both known for a while that we have to get this human body in shape and soon. Unfortunatly the way our money situation keeps going belly up that is also going to take a while. It's also unfortunate because we can feel a huge event coming and it isnt going to be pretty. It is going to be massivly violent. We have an idea on where it will be but we are still not positive. We do feel however it is going to be somewhere in the northeast close to the D.C. area. We feel however it is not going to be something like a nuclear weapon type of event. More like alot of people invading or something. In the visions we keep having it has us, rusty, tim, rusty's mom (weird we know since she doesnt like physical violence), and a couple of other people that we cant figure out who they are yet. It's going to be somewhere in the city. At this moment this is all we are somewhat certain on from the visions.
We have decided though that when we start getting this human body in shape to prepair for our transformation and the big event we are going to take any steps necessary to get into shape weither it is taking over the counter suppliments or steriods. Some, if not all or most of you might dissagree on that, However, it is our right and it is our choice to if we decide to. The thing we are not certain about yet is just how our body should look. We are actually split 50/50 on just looking ripped or massively muscled. There are both advantages and disadvantages to both and we have our reasons for each size. We will go into those at a later date when we actually have a source of income that we can use to start eating better, which is the first step to obtaining both levels of fitness reguardless of how big or small we want to be. Just be aware if any of you decide to comment or critisize us about this that we ARE aware no matter what type of way we choose to get inshape it will still be a long journey reguardless.
We both love the human's bloodmother very much...however we are both starting to get the, I guess you would call it fedupness? of being around her and have started wanting to be away from here again. Unfortunatly that is pretty much back to where it was before we got hired on with servercave, out of the question for a while. While we are much bolder on certain things than we were before we left here in 2005, we are still pretty much forced to hide alot of ourselves from her. It's like she is suffocating us. We are getting tired of it already and we havent been here but 2 and a half months.
We have realized the type of guy we are wanting for a mate and in that field what type of guy we are. We are the hopeless romantic type. We want the type of man who is really strong both physically and mentally to protect us, yet it conflicts with what we are trying to beable to do ourselves. We realize that even the protectors need a protector as nobody is a perfect somebody and sometimes we need protection from ourselves. We have realized this part after reading a SwatKatz fanfic over on yiffstar. If anyone of you who goes to yiffstar and are interested in the series the author is named Sour_Wolf and its the only stories he has written. Interestingly enough, we read the stories before noticing this, he lives somewhat close to me somewhere in texas and is looking for someone but we have not contacted him yet. Every time we read stories that has drama like that we somehow feel like I relate in a way.
Over the last few weeks we have felt the overwhelming urge to go out into the wilderness and hunt down a wild animal and kill it with our bare talons then eat it. We can not explain it in any way except that its our bestial side showing itself we guess. It is such a overwhelming urg that we find ourselves salivating at the thought of it. The same goes for wanting our physical gargoyle body as well. Today we actually paced up and down the hallway of the house growling and salivating over these urges for a while. In a way once we got control over ourselves again it kindof freaked us out alittle as this is not how we normally behave. We do not normally get the urge to go out and hunt a deer or bear yet we are. To go out and track down our pray, then kill it with our bare talons showing who is the better beast, it is exciting us for some reason. We guess that is what they call "The Thrill of the Hunt".
In the past few days we have had visions about the big event again. In each of the visions, for some unknown reason, the person/being that is the source of the power behind the event is looking for us by contacting people we know and attempting to get them to tell this..thing where we are. When they dont tell or say they do not know where we are it attacks them. The last person this entity is contacting about us is rusty and his mom. This entity is about to attack them when our group of friends (we have not figured out who yet) come in to protect rusty and his mom. The battle will take place in a field that is a hill in a clearing. One tree is on or somewhere around the top of the hill and to our left and right is a big patch of trees like a forest or just a plot of land with lots of trees thats been planted on it. This field would be roughly the size of...possibly 10 football fields from our left to right but we have not figured out how far past the top of the hill it goes. But we are curtain of one thing, it is big enough to permit lots of movement in battle. To our backs is a fence that we want to say is a barbwire fence but we are not sure as to what type as we do not actually see it in the vision but do have the sense it is right there behind us and it doesnt feel like a solid fence like a privacy fence would be either. Things get blured after the first blow is dealt by me when the entity refuses to resolve the issue with us peicefully and it tries to once again attack rusty and his mom. We have not figured out why this entity is so mad with us or why they want to hurt us through hurting rusty and his mom. The entity we feel is a man of some species but we can not be certain.
This event we feel is coming soon. We do not know how soon but soon. Rusty says he believes in the scenario of the world ending in 2012, there is a possiblity that the event will be in 2012 but we are not sure. We need to start prepairing, star getting phsyically able to handle the event as soon as possible. Which brings up another thing we have realized.
We need a mentor, trainer, master, whatever you want to call this person. We need a person we feel comfortable enough around to follow as a student you might say. Someone who will give us the vibe that we can trust the person enough to actually push us into getting into shape, push us to learn self-dicipline, to have confidence in ourselves, help us not strugle in our mind over control and allow the gargoyle to fully come out. We need to beable to learn self control. We also need to beable to learn how to fight. We do not mean just physical hand to hand combat (we know that will happen at some point in the event) but metaphysically as well. In the vision we are able to cast shields to protect the people around us from stuff, able to send energyballs aimed at the enemy. Unfortunatly finding someone who will beable to do that is difficult at best. Not only that but we have a feeling in order to do it we will have to disappear without telling anyone where we have gone or what we are doing. Or if not that telling our bloodmother the truth about the gargoyle side of us. We feel like in order to make this happen we have to cut alot of ties which in and of itself is going to be hard for us even though we do not have that many, the ones we have are strong even if we do not talk about them like they are at times.
We do know that the event is going to be massive. We do not doubt it will get media attention if someone gets curious enough and calls the cops and stuff. We also know unfortunatly that some of my friends will be lost in this event. We are not sure if we are going to die in the event yet though so that is still open.
We are going to go ahead and post this as it is getting really long in our opinion. Plus its taking longer to work on it than we thought it would. We are not through though. We still have alot to say, but it may take time to write it all out.
Things here have gone..ok we guess. The human's mother finally was able to get a vehicle, not that it matters much as the only insurance company she was able to get insured with (due to money constraints) is apparently picky about who drives the vehicle that is on the policy and apparently really resourcefull in finding out. So we havent been able to really drive the car that much due to that fact.
One might say "why not walk to where you need to go" well...in the DC area it was a peice of really big cake, here its more like just a crumb of that cake. A week after getting back we got attacked by a sinus infection/cold/alergy attack BIGtime so that knocked us out of going outside much for almost a month solid (and trying several different brand of alergy meds) on top of that the humidity down here is MUCH different than in dc. I'm sure bridgette can attest to that after spending a few days in atlanta. Add to this yet another problem, our asthma has came back with full force. We did NOT miss using a rescue inhailer while we were in DC. So all of this has hindered our walking trips. Esspecially the trips to find a job.
People here has actually gotten even MORE homophobic since we left for DC. We have heard more negative comments towards homosexuals in the last 3 months than we think we have in our entire lives. Add in the fact that word travels virtually the speed of sound in small towns like this one (esspecially if the person spreading the first word works at the center of the universe in the town called Wal-Mart) it makes it very dangerous here for us to come out. While we have decided to put a halt on that plan for the time being it does not mean we will not come out to the human's parent. We have, however, started leaving WAY more clues than ever before out for her to figure things out. We have put up all of the G Rated furry male art up on our wall (granted all but 5 are from the same artist)and so far she has just figured that we like the art aspect of it or she hasnt said anything different about it yet.
The money situation is a smidgen better than when we left back in 2005. The human's mother has managed to come up with the 50 bucks to pay for the shitty ass internet 3 months in a row. She has mentioned several times it would be better for us to just get a landline phone and a dailup connection again once we get a job, however that WILL NOT happen if it means we have to put up with slow cable internet for the rest of the time I am here.
UPS decided to do a number on our computers in shipping. Both of the cases are now warped beyond repair. Both of them had parts that came off the motherboard in shipping, however, only one was seriously damaged. We have found a old ATI Mach64 PCI card to use in that machine as the AGP port is fucked beyond repair. As far as we can tell the card itself is fine but it needs a new heatsink. We have gotten it to atleast post with the card in there, which with this card it shows the model and bios version at startup before the motherboard bios screen is even shown so we know the card is atleast partially working. We are going to have to replace both cases given the chance and pretty much half of the other system that had the agp port damaged. One machine has bad memory now and we suspect the powersupply might have gotten damaged too but we are not sure as of yet.
Our mother's central heat/air conditioner has decided to spring a BIG leak in the coil. For those of you not AC Savy thats the metal A shaped item inside the unit that sits inside your house that the air is pulled through to chill or heat by the fan. This simple peice of metal (granted its basically a copper honeycomb) is going to cost $1500 to fix. The unit inside only had a one year warranty and the unit itself is A. 3 years old and B. not in production anymore anyway. Yay suckage. We are going to have high electric bills now as we are going to have to use alternative heating methods which includes space heaters and keroseen heaters.
We have been doing alot of thinking lately and have realized some stuff. One thing is that while we loved the city life we did miss the country life of our home town even if we are horindously missing the convinience of city life. We have come to find that we want to settle down somewhere. Maybe own our own house with our future mate just outside of the city area like where rusty's mom used to live. Where you feel like you are living in the country yet within a reasonable driving distance to the nearest city to where its still convinient. Unfortunatly we both know that will not happen for a long long time.
We both have both known for a while that we have to get this human body in shape and soon. Unfortunatly the way our money situation keeps going belly up that is also going to take a while. It's also unfortunate because we can feel a huge event coming and it isnt going to be pretty. It is going to be massivly violent. We have an idea on where it will be but we are still not positive. We do feel however it is going to be somewhere in the northeast close to the D.C. area. We feel however it is not going to be something like a nuclear weapon type of event. More like alot of people invading or something. In the visions we keep having it has us, rusty, tim, rusty's mom (weird we know since she doesnt like physical violence), and a couple of other people that we cant figure out who they are yet. It's going to be somewhere in the city. At this moment this is all we are somewhat certain on from the visions.
We have decided though that when we start getting this human body in shape to prepair for our transformation and the big event we are going to take any steps necessary to get into shape weither it is taking over the counter suppliments or steriods. Some, if not all or most of you might dissagree on that, However, it is our right and it is our choice to if we decide to. The thing we are not certain about yet is just how our body should look. We are actually split 50/50 on just looking ripped or massively muscled. There are both advantages and disadvantages to both and we have our reasons for each size. We will go into those at a later date when we actually have a source of income that we can use to start eating better, which is the first step to obtaining both levels of fitness reguardless of how big or small we want to be. Just be aware if any of you decide to comment or critisize us about this that we ARE aware no matter what type of way we choose to get inshape it will still be a long journey reguardless.
We both love the human's bloodmother very much...however we are both starting to get the, I guess you would call it fedupness? of being around her and have started wanting to be away from here again. Unfortunatly that is pretty much back to where it was before we got hired on with servercave, out of the question for a while. While we are much bolder on certain things than we were before we left here in 2005, we are still pretty much forced to hide alot of ourselves from her. It's like she is suffocating us. We are getting tired of it already and we havent been here but 2 and a half months.
We have realized the type of guy we are wanting for a mate and in that field what type of guy we are. We are the hopeless romantic type. We want the type of man who is really strong both physically and mentally to protect us, yet it conflicts with what we are trying to beable to do ourselves. We realize that even the protectors need a protector as nobody is a perfect somebody and sometimes we need protection from ourselves. We have realized this part after reading a SwatKatz fanfic over on yiffstar. If anyone of you who goes to yiffstar and are interested in the series the author is named Sour_Wolf and its the only stories he has written. Interestingly enough, we read the stories before noticing this, he lives somewhat close to me somewhere in texas and is looking for someone but we have not contacted him yet. Every time we read stories that has drama like that we somehow feel like I relate in a way.
Over the last few weeks we have felt the overwhelming urge to go out into the wilderness and hunt down a wild animal and kill it with our bare talons then eat it. We can not explain it in any way except that its our bestial side showing itself we guess. It is such a overwhelming urg that we find ourselves salivating at the thought of it. The same goes for wanting our physical gargoyle body as well. Today we actually paced up and down the hallway of the house growling and salivating over these urges for a while. In a way once we got control over ourselves again it kindof freaked us out alittle as this is not how we normally behave. We do not normally get the urge to go out and hunt a deer or bear yet we are. To go out and track down our pray, then kill it with our bare talons showing who is the better beast, it is exciting us for some reason. We guess that is what they call "The Thrill of the Hunt".
In the past few days we have had visions about the big event again. In each of the visions, for some unknown reason, the person/being that is the source of the power behind the event is looking for us by contacting people we know and attempting to get them to tell this..thing where we are. When they dont tell or say they do not know where we are it attacks them. The last person this entity is contacting about us is rusty and his mom. This entity is about to attack them when our group of friends (we have not figured out who yet) come in to protect rusty and his mom. The battle will take place in a field that is a hill in a clearing. One tree is on or somewhere around the top of the hill and to our left and right is a big patch of trees like a forest or just a plot of land with lots of trees thats been planted on it. This field would be roughly the size of...possibly 10 football fields from our left to right but we have not figured out how far past the top of the hill it goes. But we are curtain of one thing, it is big enough to permit lots of movement in battle. To our backs is a fence that we want to say is a barbwire fence but we are not sure as to what type as we do not actually see it in the vision but do have the sense it is right there behind us and it doesnt feel like a solid fence like a privacy fence would be either. Things get blured after the first blow is dealt by me when the entity refuses to resolve the issue with us peicefully and it tries to once again attack rusty and his mom. We have not figured out why this entity is so mad with us or why they want to hurt us through hurting rusty and his mom. The entity we feel is a man of some species but we can not be certain.
This event we feel is coming soon. We do not know how soon but soon. Rusty says he believes in the scenario of the world ending in 2012, there is a possiblity that the event will be in 2012 but we are not sure. We need to start prepairing, star getting phsyically able to handle the event as soon as possible. Which brings up another thing we have realized.
We need a mentor, trainer, master, whatever you want to call this person. We need a person we feel comfortable enough around to follow as a student you might say. Someone who will give us the vibe that we can trust the person enough to actually push us into getting into shape, push us to learn self-dicipline, to have confidence in ourselves, help us not strugle in our mind over control and allow the gargoyle to fully come out. We need to beable to learn self control. We also need to beable to learn how to fight. We do not mean just physical hand to hand combat (we know that will happen at some point in the event) but metaphysically as well. In the vision we are able to cast shields to protect the people around us from stuff, able to send energyballs aimed at the enemy. Unfortunatly finding someone who will beable to do that is difficult at best. Not only that but we have a feeling in order to do it we will have to disappear without telling anyone where we have gone or what we are doing. Or if not that telling our bloodmother the truth about the gargoyle side of us. We feel like in order to make this happen we have to cut alot of ties which in and of itself is going to be hard for us even though we do not have that many, the ones we have are strong even if we do not talk about them like they are at times.
We do know that the event is going to be massive. We do not doubt it will get media attention if someone gets curious enough and calls the cops and stuff. We also know unfortunatly that some of my friends will be lost in this event. We are not sure if we are going to die in the event yet though so that is still open.
We are going to go ahead and post this as it is getting really long in our opinion. Plus its taking longer to work on it than we thought it would. We are not through though. We still have alot to say, but it may take time to write it all out.