I'm not sure if there is really even a point to leaving this comment. Or really if you'll even see it. I just feel like I should. If you delete it, cool, if not, well. Whatever. Heh.
Anyhow, I just wanted to say I'm sorry shit went down like it has been. Not a day has gone by that I don't wish we could hang out, though I'm sure you have other people you'd rather be hanging with. Sometimes I think about calling you and seeing how you're doing, but then I remember that everyone in your family hates me now, so really. I'd only be wasting my time. August wasn't the nest month for me. Kinda sad considering I turned 18, it should have been an awesome month. Everytime something comes up, I still reach for the phone to call and say "OMG April, you won't BELIEVE such-and-such-blah-blah-blah."
I dunno. I miss you. I feel stupid leaving this comment. I don't even think you'll see it. I've been going crazy since the night you told me that right now you don't want to be my friend. I quit crying about it cause crying doesn't help anything. I guess it just kills me how easily you can just toss our friendship out the window. I dunno.
This comment is so stupid. Ugh.
Anyway, I'm gonna leave it at that. I love you still, and I miss you all the time- x-Steff
I don't know what to say. I'm sory I haven't read this sooner, I stopped useing this journal when I forgot the password. I know I said I didn't want to be your friend, and I meant it, only not like that. I WANT to be your friend only...well it's really hard to explain. I don't want to put you at risk.
I remember your birthday going by and crying because I couldn't be a part of it, then finally calling you (oh, and I was sooo afraid to- I thought you'd hate me becasue of my Mom) and just wanting to die after hearing your voice.
I miss you so much. I'd tell you I think about you every second of the day, but it would be a lie 'cause I don't. I don't even think about you every day (at least I didn't until seeing you, and I do my best not to thnk about you at all. I can't let myself. It hurts too much not to be able to call you either. I don't even say your name, and I haven't except once in 3 months. After seeing you, after your risking so much to come see me, I understand how wrong it was to do that. I didn't realize at the time how my doing that would affect you. I just figured I was protecting you and left it at that. I'm sorry I didn't see that what I was doing was hurting you, worse even than what my Mom tried to do.
I count the days and wait for freedom, not to buy ciggarettes and go crazy !whoa!18!whoa!, but the freedom to love openly again. And to love you. I want you to know I still love you, and that somehow it feels as though that love is stronger still than ever before. I hide it not because I don't want to be your friend, but because I don't want my parents to put you through any more of that bull-shit. I don't want them trying to hurt you.
I'm so sorry they did that. I'm so sorry they hurt you Stephanie. And I'm even more sorry for my hurting you.
Re: Um.. Hey.annenihilateOctober 19 2005, 21:28:57 UTC
What really hurt me about their accusations was that at first, you believed them. I sat their listening like "Why would I even THINK about taking something from you guys?" It just floored me that your mom would think I would take her jewelry. I coulda sworn she knew I hate yellow gold. o.O; Not even that, but why would I risk not being able to see you anymore??
It was really nice that you and Chris called me, and I apreciate it still. Just when you said "Am I allowed to talk to you?" I got apprehensive because I was tired of hearing "Oh by the way, my mom said that if you don't do this and this by Monday, she's gonna call the sheriff." It's not exactly my favorite phrase. ^^;
I know you try not to think about me, and I know you try to distance yourself from problems when they come up with your family and people involved. I understand that, believe me. I've watched you do it more than once over the past four years. I try not to think about you a whole lot either because it always leads to "Man. I wish I could hang out with April." My mom kept telling me that maybe it would be better if I just didn't talk to you anymore and find a new best friend and all I could think of was "But I want APRIL. How god damned hard is that for you to understand?!" It's hard to just pretend a 4+ year long friendship didn't exist and move on like nothing is wrong. I dwell too much.
Your parents aren't going to hurt me. I told the investigator guy "I know that even when they realize I didn't do it, I still won't get to see April." And he asks "Is that all that matters to you, right now? You're not worried that you might go to jail?" And I just laughed and said "What is jail gonna do? Punish me ahead of time for something I haven't done?". It was a VERY akward situation.
April is only a few more months away, and maybe then we can start hanging out again without me feeling like your dad would chase me around with a shotgun. XD I was more afraid of you hating me than going to jail. I know that sounds sort of pathetic, but whatever. It's the truth. u.u;
Anyhow, I just wanted to say I'm sorry shit went down like it has been.
Not a day has gone by that I don't wish we could hang out, though I'm sure you have other people you'd rather be hanging with.
Sometimes I think about calling you and seeing how you're doing, but then I remember that everyone in your family hates me now, so really. I'd only be wasting my time.
August wasn't the nest month for me. Kinda sad considering I turned 18, it should have been an awesome month.
Everytime something comes up, I still reach for the phone to call and say "OMG April, you won't BELIEVE such-and-such-blah-blah-blah."
I dunno.
I miss you. I feel stupid leaving this comment. I don't even think you'll see it.
I've been going crazy since the night you told me that right now you don't want to be my friend. I quit crying about it cause crying doesn't help anything. I guess it just kills me how easily you can just toss our friendship out the window. I dunno.
This comment is so stupid.
Ugh.
Anyway, I'm gonna leave it at that.
I love you still, and I miss you all the time-
x-Steff
Reply
I remember your birthday going by and crying because I couldn't be a part of it, then finally calling you (oh, and I was sooo afraid to- I thought you'd hate me becasue of my Mom) and just wanting to die after hearing your voice.
I miss you so much. I'd tell you I think about you every second of the day, but it would be a lie 'cause I don't. I don't even think about you every day (at least I didn't until seeing you, and I do my best not to thnk about you at all. I can't let myself. It hurts too much not to be able to call you either. I don't even say your name, and I haven't except once in 3 months. After seeing you, after your risking so much to come see me, I understand how wrong it was to do that. I didn't realize at the time how my doing that would affect you. I just figured I was protecting you and left it at that. I'm sorry I didn't see that what I was doing was hurting you, worse even than what my Mom tried to do.
I count the days and wait for freedom, not to buy ciggarettes and go crazy !whoa!18!whoa!, but the freedom to love openly again. And to love you. I want you to know I still love you, and that somehow it feels as though that love is stronger still than ever before. I hide it not because I don't want to be your friend, but because I don't want my parents to put you through any more of that bull-shit. I don't want them trying to hurt you.
I'm so sorry they did that. I'm so sorry they hurt you Stephanie. And I'm even more sorry for my hurting you.
April
Reply
It just floored me that your mom would think I would take her jewelry. I coulda sworn she knew I hate yellow gold. o.O; Not even that, but why would I risk not being able to see you anymore??
It was really nice that you and Chris called me, and I apreciate it still. Just when you said "Am I allowed to talk to you?" I got apprehensive because I was tired of hearing "Oh by the way, my mom said that if you don't do this and this by Monday, she's gonna call the sheriff."
It's not exactly my favorite phrase. ^^;
I know you try not to think about me, and I know you try to distance yourself from problems when they come up with your family and people involved. I understand that, believe me. I've watched you do it more than once over the past four years. I try not to think about you a whole lot either because it always leads to "Man. I wish I could hang out with April." My mom kept telling me that maybe it would be better if I just didn't talk to you anymore and find a new best friend and all I could think of was "But I want APRIL. How god damned hard is that for you to understand?!" It's hard to just pretend a 4+ year long friendship didn't exist and move on like nothing is wrong. I dwell too much.
Your parents aren't going to hurt me. I told the investigator guy "I know that even when they realize I didn't do it, I still won't get to see April." And he asks "Is that all that matters to you, right now? You're not worried that you might go to jail?" And I just laughed and said "What is jail gonna do? Punish me ahead of time for something I haven't done?". It was a VERY akward situation.
April is only a few more months away, and maybe then we can start hanging out again without me feeling like your dad would chase me around with a shotgun. XD
I was more afraid of you hating me than going to jail. I know that sounds sort of pathetic, but whatever. It's the truth. u.u;
Reply
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