[One-Shot] Eternity
Eternity by knowmonsta
Kibum/Ryeowook / PG-13 / 1,845 words / AU
Summary: Ryeowook gave him the best and worst years of his life and Kibum just doesn't know how to let go. Based on Eternity by Kangta.
Dear Reader: After wanting to kill this thing for eight months I finally finished it. I hope you enjoy it.
Even though it's late, even if it's very late, can you still come here?
Later on, much later on, if you ever happen to lose your way
I will stay where I am, so that you can see me, and find me easily
"This isn't healthy, Kibum," Donghae says as Kibum gets into his car. "You shouldn't keep doing this to yourself. You… you need help."
"I'm fine Donghae," Kibum replies, looking at his friend with what he hopes is a convincing smile. "And I won't stay long, I promise. I'll see you in a few hours, alright?"
"Fine," Donghae says sighing. "Just a few hours."
Kibum smiles again and what worries Donghae is how genuine this one is.
"See you soon," he says driving off.
Donghae watches him turn the corner and then reaches for his phone. It's been fourteen months. It had to stop.
~*~
As Kibum walks up the porch steps to his old home, the memory of the day he moved in comes to mind. He remembers how full of pride he felt that late summer. For months they toiled relentlessly at various part times jobs, saving every piece of won they earned and discussing the ideal features that their new home should have. They worked together to paint the house and move in all of the furniture. It was theirs, paid for in full with their own money, and Kibum couldn't think of a place that he'd rather live.
He looks back at his former front yard and smiles sadly. The grass is dead, the leaves in the yard need to be raked, and the porch could use a good sweeping. It's such a contrast from how it used to look, back when it was well cared for and hundreds of bright yellow daffodils were swaying in the breeze.
"Ryeowook it's one hundred degrees out here," Kibum said as he handed Ryeowook a water bottle. "Come back inside."
"In another thirty minutes," Ryeowook replied, removing the top from the bottle. Much to Kibum's annoyance, he poured the contents of it over the freshly dug up patch of dirt instead of drinking it himself. The younger man sighed and squatted next to him in the grass.
"How can I help?" he asked and Ryeowook beamed.
Kim Kibum silently turns the key in the lock and opens the front door. He switches on the lights and frowns as he sees the thin layer of dust that covers the living room and dining room. He sighs, kicks off his shoes, and rolls up his sleeves. He has a lot of work to do.
"This is going to stick to the bottom of the pot and burn if you don't stir it more often," Ryeowook said frowning as he gently took the spoon from Kibum. "Why don't you just let me cook?"
"You cook enough. It's my turn," Kibum replied. "Though, I'll probably kill you with this."
Ryeowook laughed.
"I'm sure it'll be fine," he said. "A little rough around the edges but fine none the less."
The kitchen has to be one of Kibum's favorite rooms in the house. The smell of grilled beef, sautéed vegetables, and sauces made from peppers and various seasonings spring to his sense memory as he cleans the stove top. He remembers how much attention Ryeowook would put into each detail of the meal and how he would laugh as he was pushed out of the kitchen for trying to eat anything before everything was fully prepared. As he wipes the dinner table the conversations they used to have while eating play over and over in his mind.
And unfortunately, so does the fighting and the meals that followed afterwards. The silence felt like an eternity on those nights and both were too stubborn to break it. In hindsight, he wishes that he had talked first. If he had they would be sitting down to eat dinner together tonight. He sighs and heads to the living room.
"You should write a mystery novel," Ryeowook said as he and Kibum lay on their stomachs on the carpet. "I'm sure it would do well."
"Maybe I will one day," Kibum replied. "I'll make sure that I thank you in the dedication."
"You'd better," Ryeowook told him and Kibum laughed, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
As Kibum vacuums the carpet in the living room, he remembers the evenings that he would sprawl out on his stomach and listen as Ryeowook sat cross legged next to him, reading aloud about far off places, events in history, classic literature, or a turbulent romance. He smiles as recalls the long nights they sat in front of the television watching murder mystery shows and trying to guess "who dun it" (and squabbling over why the other was wrong). On some days they would just lie on the floor and dream about the things they planned to do in the future. Kibum still remembers the list they spent hours making together, filling it with everything that they could think of.
But the living room wasn't always a place of laughter. Their fights occurred in this room too, and as Kibum fluffs pillows he reminiscences about how he would use them to empty his frustrations, as words were difficult for him to come by. He knows that if he hadn't kept his feelings inside they'd still be together, planning their four year anniversary, and his chest hurts at the thought. He drags himself out of the living room and slowly makes his way up the stairs to the bedroom bracing himself for what he's going to remember when he walks inside.
"I'm leaving," Ryeowook says as he tosses a few more articles of clothing into his suitcase and closes it. "I can't keep this up anymore."
Kibum feels panic rising up in his chest and takes a deep breath.
"We should talk about this before you do something this rash," he says, forcing himself to stay calm. "Is this what you really want?"
The tears well up in Ryeowook's eyes once more and Kibum feels his stomach churning.
"Be honest, is there anything that you or I could say that could fix things?"
"You don't know until we try," Kibum replies quietly and Ryeowook laughs bitterly.
"You haven't tried before," he says. "Why start now?"
Ryeowook's harsh tone takes Kibum by surprise.
"I -"
"- I don't want to get into this," Ryeowook says, cutting him off.
"So you date someone for two years, buy a house with them, say you love them, and then leave. Well that seems fair," Kibum says sarcastically his voice rising.
"We're not working!" Ryeowook yells.
There's silence. Kibum can't bring himself to counter Ryeowook's words. He'd be lying to himself.
"You've been acting like a stone wall and it's driving me crazy," Ryeowook says quietly. "I need to get out of here."
He grabs his suitcase by the handle, and turns to address Kibum for the last time.
"I…I'm sorry that it had to end like this," he says.
Reality starts to sink in and Kibum feels like the room is spinning. His chest is getting tighter.
"Me too," are the only words he can say.
As Kibum hears Ryeowook's footsteps getting farther and farther away he leans against the door frame of the bedroom for support. He wants to go after him, rip the front door open and tell him that he's sorry and that he'll do anything to make things work again. But he knew Ryeowook long enough to know that his decision was final.
Kibum collapses on the bed as he comes out of the memory. He believed that not going after Ryeowook was a decision that he made for the best. But it was a decision that he would always regret, along with the decision to never sell the house. Being inside of it every month only fed his delusion that Ryeowook would walk through the front door again one day and see that Kibum had kept the place clean and well cared for when he arrived. It was a foolish hope and he knew that he should move on, but he didn't want to. Ryeowook gave him the best and worst years of his life. He just didn't know how to let go.
There's a knock at the front door and Kibum groans. Donghae had finally come to kick him out. He knows it's for the best, the room was choking him. He gets up from the bed and jogs down the stairs just as a second knock echoes throughout the house, this one much louder than before.
"I know you're in there!"
Kibum stops at the foot of the stairs. He knows that voice, he's wanted to hear it for the past fourteen months. But for the first time he's afraid of it.
"Open the door!"
Kibum doesn't know if he can face him. He'll have too many questions that Kibum isn't ready to answer. He knows he'll sound just as pathetic as he feels.
"Kibum I'm not going to leave… please… just answer the door."
The voice is pleading with him and yet Kibum is still afraid. He reaches for the doorknob with shaking fingers, slowly unlocking and opening the door. Ryeowook is standing there, his eyes red. Kibum's seen that face too many times. He knows that Ryeowook's been upset for hours.
"Donghae told me that you were here," Ryeowook says softly and Kibum feels the air leave his lungs.
"He was right," he replies quietly.
"He told me that you're always here," Ryeowook continues. "That - that you come here just to clean the place."
"That's true," Kibum says not sure what else to say as he watches Ryeowook's eyes brim with tears. He feels more ashamed of himself by the second.
"He's worried about you and so am I," Ryeowook says truthfully.
"So he sends you here thinking it would help me?"
"Why would you do this to yourself!"
"You know why," Kibum replies quietly.
The tears in Ryeowook's eyes are threatening to spill over.
"You're an idiot," he says frustrated. "A real idiot."
"I've known that for a year now," Kibum replies. "And if you came here to insult me than you're wasting your time," he adds heatedly. "You're not telling me anything that I don't already know."
"That's not why I'm here," Ryeowook says as Kibum reaches for the door.
"Then why are you here?" Kibum asks.
"…you know why," Ryeowook replies, tears flowing down his face.
Kibum knows it won't be easy. It's going to take months of hard work to get them back to the way they used to be, months of talking, listening and being honest with each other. And after spending fourteen months away from Ryeowook, he realizes that he's ready to do it.
"The attic and basement need to be cleaned," he says. "And the yard looks terrible. I think we should do it together."
"Me too," Ryeowook says, voice breaking and Kibum smiles and embraces him tightly as he lets out a sob.
Kibum/Ryeowook / PG-13 / 1,845 words / AU
Summary: Ryeowook gave him the best and worst years of his life and Kibum just doesn't know how to let go. Based on Eternity by Kangta.
Dear Reader: After wanting to kill this thing for eight months I finally finished it. I hope you enjoy it.
Even though it's late, even if it's very late, can you still come here?
Later on, much later on, if you ever happen to lose your way
I will stay where I am, so that you can see me, and find me easily
"This isn't healthy, Kibum," Donghae says as Kibum gets into his car. "You shouldn't keep doing this to yourself. You… you need help."
"I'm fine Donghae," Kibum replies, looking at his friend with what he hopes is a convincing smile. "And I won't stay long, I promise. I'll see you in a few hours, alright?"
"Fine," Donghae says sighing. "Just a few hours."
Kibum smiles again and what worries Donghae is how genuine this one is.
"See you soon," he says driving off.
Donghae watches him turn the corner and then reaches for his phone. It's been fourteen months. It had to stop.
~*~
As Kibum walks up the porch steps to his old home, the memory of the day he moved in comes to mind. He remembers how full of pride he felt that late summer. For months they toiled relentlessly at various part times jobs, saving every piece of won they earned and discussing the ideal features that their new home should have. They worked together to paint the house and move in all of the furniture. It was theirs, paid for in full with their own money, and Kibum couldn't think of a place that he'd rather live.
He looks back at his former front yard and smiles sadly. The grass is dead, the leaves in the yard need to be raked, and the porch could use a good sweeping. It's such a contrast from how it used to look, back when it was well cared for and hundreds of bright yellow daffodils were swaying in the breeze.
"Ryeowook it's one hundred degrees out here," Kibum said as he handed Ryeowook a water bottle. "Come back inside."
"In another thirty minutes," Ryeowook replied, removing the top from the bottle. Much to Kibum's annoyance, he poured the contents of it over the freshly dug up patch of dirt instead of drinking it himself. The younger man sighed and squatted next to him in the grass.
"How can I help?" he asked and Ryeowook beamed.
Kim Kibum silently turns the key in the lock and opens the front door. He switches on the lights and frowns as he sees the thin layer of dust that covers the living room and dining room. He sighs, kicks off his shoes, and rolls up his sleeves. He has a lot of work to do.
"This is going to stick to the bottom of the pot and burn if you don't stir it more often," Ryeowook said frowning as he gently took the spoon from Kibum. "Why don't you just let me cook?"
"You cook enough. It's my turn," Kibum replied. "Though, I'll probably kill you with this."
Ryeowook laughed.
"I'm sure it'll be fine," he said. "A little rough around the edges but fine none the less."
The kitchen has to be one of Kibum's favorite rooms in the house. The smell of grilled beef, sautéed vegetables, and sauces made from peppers and various seasonings spring to his sense memory as he cleans the stove top. He remembers how much attention Ryeowook would put into each detail of the meal and how he would laugh as he was pushed out of the kitchen for trying to eat anything before everything was fully prepared. As he wipes the dinner table the conversations they used to have while eating play over and over in his mind.
And unfortunately, so does the fighting and the meals that followed afterwards. The silence felt like an eternity on those nights and both were too stubborn to break it. In hindsight, he wishes that he had talked first. If he had they would be sitting down to eat dinner together tonight. He sighs and heads to the living room.
"You should write a mystery novel," Ryeowook said as he and Kibum lay on their stomachs on the carpet. "I'm sure it would do well."
"Maybe I will one day," Kibum replied. "I'll make sure that I thank you in the dedication."
"You'd better," Ryeowook told him and Kibum laughed, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
As Kibum vacuums the carpet in the living room, he remembers the evenings that he would sprawl out on his stomach and listen as Ryeowook sat cross legged next to him, reading aloud about far off places, events in history, classic literature, or a turbulent romance. He smiles as recalls the long nights they sat in front of the television watching murder mystery shows and trying to guess "who dun it" (and squabbling over why the other was wrong). On some days they would just lie on the floor and dream about the things they planned to do in the future. Kibum still remembers the list they spent hours making together, filling it with everything that they could think of.
But the living room wasn't always a place of laughter. Their fights occurred in this room too, and as Kibum fluffs pillows he reminiscences about how he would use them to empty his frustrations, as words were difficult for him to come by. He knows that if he hadn't kept his feelings inside they'd still be together, planning their four year anniversary, and his chest hurts at the thought. He drags himself out of the living room and slowly makes his way up the stairs to the bedroom bracing himself for what he's going to remember when he walks inside.
"I'm leaving," Ryeowook says as he tosses a few more articles of clothing into his suitcase and closes it. "I can't keep this up anymore."
Kibum feels panic rising up in his chest and takes a deep breath.
"We should talk about this before you do something this rash," he says, forcing himself to stay calm. "Is this what you really want?"
The tears well up in Ryeowook's eyes once more and Kibum feels his stomach churning.
"Be honest, is there anything that you or I could say that could fix things?"
"You don't know until we try," Kibum replies quietly and Ryeowook laughs bitterly.
"You haven't tried before," he says. "Why start now?"
Ryeowook's harsh tone takes Kibum by surprise.
"I -"
"- I don't want to get into this," Ryeowook says, cutting him off.
"So you date someone for two years, buy a house with them, say you love them, and then leave. Well that seems fair," Kibum says sarcastically his voice rising.
"We're not working!" Ryeowook yells.
There's silence. Kibum can't bring himself to counter Ryeowook's words. He'd be lying to himself.
"You've been acting like a stone wall and it's driving me crazy," Ryeowook says quietly. "I need to get out of here."
He grabs his suitcase by the handle, and turns to address Kibum for the last time.
"I…I'm sorry that it had to end like this," he says.
Reality starts to sink in and Kibum feels like the room is spinning. His chest is getting tighter.
"Me too," are the only words he can say.
As Kibum hears Ryeowook's footsteps getting farther and farther away he leans against the door frame of the bedroom for support. He wants to go after him, rip the front door open and tell him that he's sorry and that he'll do anything to make things work again. But he knew Ryeowook long enough to know that his decision was final.
Kibum collapses on the bed as he comes out of the memory. He believed that not going after Ryeowook was a decision that he made for the best. But it was a decision that he would always regret, along with the decision to never sell the house. Being inside of it every month only fed his delusion that Ryeowook would walk through the front door again one day and see that Kibum had kept the place clean and well cared for when he arrived. It was a foolish hope and he knew that he should move on, but he didn't want to. Ryeowook gave him the best and worst years of his life. He just didn't know how to let go.
There's a knock at the front door and Kibum groans. Donghae had finally come to kick him out. He knows it's for the best, the room was choking him. He gets up from the bed and jogs down the stairs just as a second knock echoes throughout the house, this one much louder than before.
"I know you're in there!"
Kibum stops at the foot of the stairs. He knows that voice, he's wanted to hear it for the past fourteen months. But for the first time he's afraid of it.
"Open the door!"
Kibum doesn't know if he can face him. He'll have too many questions that Kibum isn't ready to answer. He knows he'll sound just as pathetic as he feels.
"Kibum I'm not going to leave… please… just answer the door."
The voice is pleading with him and yet Kibum is still afraid. He reaches for the doorknob with shaking fingers, slowly unlocking and opening the door. Ryeowook is standing there, his eyes red. Kibum's seen that face too many times. He knows that Ryeowook's been upset for hours.
"Donghae told me that you were here," Ryeowook says softly and Kibum feels the air leave his lungs.
"He was right," he replies quietly.
"He told me that you're always here," Ryeowook continues. "That - that you come here just to clean the place."
"That's true," Kibum says not sure what else to say as he watches Ryeowook's eyes brim with tears. He feels more ashamed of himself by the second.
"He's worried about you and so am I," Ryeowook says truthfully.
"So he sends you here thinking it would help me?"
"Why would you do this to yourself!"
"You know why," Kibum replies quietly.
The tears in Ryeowook's eyes are threatening to spill over.
"You're an idiot," he says frustrated. "A real idiot."
"I've known that for a year now," Kibum replies. "And if you came here to insult me than you're wasting your time," he adds heatedly. "You're not telling me anything that I don't already know."
"That's not why I'm here," Ryeowook says as Kibum reaches for the door.
"Then why are you here?" Kibum asks.
"…you know why," Ryeowook replies, tears flowing down his face.
Kibum knows it won't be easy. It's going to take months of hard work to get them back to the way they used to be, months of talking, listening and being honest with each other. And after spending fourteen months away from Ryeowook, he realizes that he's ready to do it.
"The attic and basement need to be cleaned," he says. "And the yard looks terrible. I think we should do it together."
"Me too," Ryeowook says, voice breaking and Kibum smiles and embraces him tightly as he lets out a sob.