I hate my life!!!!!!

[knockout4lyf]

My life is deff. not going good right now.....the guy I lyk is going out wid one of my friends. I guess i knew it was coming bcuz shes way prettier than me but i guess i didnt want it to happen....Im happy for them in everything but at the sametym im upset, sad, mad, depressed...anything you can think of. I mean if he didnt lyk me he should have told me straight out..."I dont lyk you lyk dat". But whatever thats alot of tym wasted on him!!! I just feel really bad, ugly, and not good enough for him. I have been rejected but i guess its not that bad bcuz she is really really pretty. Idk what to think right now im juss really down. now that I look at it I feel as though the whole tym hes been giving me signs that he doesnt lyk me but i just ignored them...I guess i should have pay more attention to what was going on and i wouldnt be feeling so ugh right now. Thats not even it ...on top of all this i find out i got a 77 on my math test. isnt that great??? ya well that made me a lil more upset. The i go to biology and sum girl spills iodine and blue dye on my WHITE jacket....ughhh right now I feel as though im a volcano about to erupt....i dont know what to do. So then i come home and I thought it could get NO worse.... I called up Kendaris just to talk and Ricky and Edwin are there. I hear Ricky in the background sayin im a slut n all this otha shit...He was lyk i hope u cry about juan n danielle!!! And he was also lyk u r tha biggest slut EVER!!!! So then I couldnt take it anymore so I hung up...I cant just sit there and have ppl talk shit bout me...I am a very emotional person(all my friends kno this) sooo of course i begin to cry... I really cant take it wen ppl talk about me lyk that...I kno this may make me seem lyk a cry baby but I dont even care....I guess if ur reading my journal u have to care a lil bout me so Im juss tellin you whats up. I dont even want to go to skool tomorrow...(im tearin up right now) I dont wanna have to see the person I lyk wid his NEW girlfriend and I dont wanna have to face Ricky. I dont see how he thinks im a slut...Wow i just really hate my life...Im hoping it wont get any worse any time soon. I just feel so....whats the word???? WORTHLESS!!!! I feel that I have no worth and that no1 cares about me. I mean I kno my mom and my dad do but Im starting to doubt my "supposed to be friends" do. I just need some1 to comfort me I cant keep all this stuff bottled up inside me...I guess its a lil better now that I wrote about it but I really dont kno what to do....Why are people so crule??? If you kno me I am really nice to everyone...I try not to get enemies and I styll do. I get ppl callin me a Slut... and anything else you can think of.... I really just dont kno what to do...And about the Ricky thing Kendaris and Edwin are supposed to be my friends and they were just sittin there laughing at everything he said. I feel lyk askin my mom to stay home but shell prolly say "no" Ughh I just feel soooo.....Worthless!!! I dont see why the ppl dont lyk me??? Am I that horrible??? Man idk I mean im not gunna be lyk my sister n threatin to take my lyf but sometyms I feel lyk desappearin... I bet you if I just dissapeared TONS of ppl would have parties... I dont really think any1 would miss me except my parents and Myah. Thoes are the ppl im cloesest to and If I knew they wouldnt care I dont kno what I would do!!! Ughh sometyms I sit and wonder why was I born??? I dont have a purpose! I just want to feel loved and I want to kno if I was gone that people would miss me.

I want to feel as though I have worth!!!