mass confusion
I really miss how I used to write in this thing. Not that I really wrote anything too deep or profound, but it was just a nice way for me to continuously track either my day, random ideas, thoughts or opinions, or even some of my interests, a rant...whatever. Point is, I used to write in this ALL.THE.TIME. Now, I never do.
Then I started thinking why - well, why don't I just sort of take you through my thought process, k?
I don't do a lot of the things I used to do...and a lot of the things I do now are things I never did before. Everything is really throwing me through a loop. My life has changed so much within the last few years, especially this past year alone. I really think that's what's been taking its toll on me. I mean, think about it. The whooooole first 21 years of my life had to get completely re-defined. I stopped living a lie, but really, I had to turn around and start to live the rest of my life in a way I hadn't for twenty-one years. It's kind of scary to me in a way.
It really blows my mind just looking back on so many different aspects of life, ANYONE'S life, really, and just thinking about how much things change. Look back a week, a month, six months, a year, two years, five years...did you ever imagine some of things that hold true for your life now? Look at your friends...think about when you first met them. When you met them, did you think you'd be as close to them as you are now? That's what really gets me - how we really can't see all that far ahead. Life just takes us on many twists and turns naturally, and they happen so often and so subtlely that we don't even notice them.
I haven't looked back yet at any old entries, but perhaps I should...it'd really be interesting to see what used to go on in my mind.
Soooooo yeah - all this stuff just goes inside my head all the time. I'm still really scared & insecure about being who I am and making a life for myself. I'm a completely new person, not to mention I'm still in a process of breaking out of being sheltered & naive until college. I'm still figuring out who I am. And on top of that, whenever I look back and see how different my life is today, it just makes me so hesitant to plan for the future.
See? This is why I need to write more often - it also helps give me a sense of clarity and figure out all the cumulative shit that's going on in my life & head.
Then I started thinking why - well, why don't I just sort of take you through my thought process, k?
I don't do a lot of the things I used to do...and a lot of the things I do now are things I never did before. Everything is really throwing me through a loop. My life has changed so much within the last few years, especially this past year alone. I really think that's what's been taking its toll on me. I mean, think about it. The whooooole first 21 years of my life had to get completely re-defined. I stopped living a lie, but really, I had to turn around and start to live the rest of my life in a way I hadn't for twenty-one years. It's kind of scary to me in a way.
It really blows my mind just looking back on so many different aspects of life, ANYONE'S life, really, and just thinking about how much things change. Look back a week, a month, six months, a year, two years, five years...did you ever imagine some of things that hold true for your life now? Look at your friends...think about when you first met them. When you met them, did you think you'd be as close to them as you are now? That's what really gets me - how we really can't see all that far ahead. Life just takes us on many twists and turns naturally, and they happen so often and so subtlely that we don't even notice them.
I haven't looked back yet at any old entries, but perhaps I should...it'd really be interesting to see what used to go on in my mind.
Soooooo yeah - all this stuff just goes inside my head all the time. I'm still really scared & insecure about being who I am and making a life for myself. I'm a completely new person, not to mention I'm still in a process of breaking out of being sheltered & naive until college. I'm still figuring out who I am. And on top of that, whenever I look back and see how different my life is today, it just makes me so hesitant to plan for the future.
See? This is why I need to write more often - it also helps give me a sense of clarity and figure out all the cumulative shit that's going on in my life & head.