"Do not start bringing up awesome ideas now."
Wedding Planners
Fandom: Avengers
Rated: PG
Genre: Humor
Spoilers: Not really.
Warnings: Salty language and threats of violence.
Disclaimer: Not mine, won't profit, just chillin'.
In a word...: Tony and Pepper are getting married. The Avengers take it upon themselves to help plan the ceremony.
“One last thing,” Pepper said, firmly tapping buttons on her PDA. “This absolutely has to be kept on the down low. You can imagine the chaos if word gets out. I’m going to have enough trouble controlling Tony, who has already suggested a talking tuxedo, bridesmaids chosen from glamour magazines, and rockets to celebrate at the end. So just do what I’ve asked you to do, and stay quiet.”
“Absolutely,” Natasha said, nodding firmly. “You can count on me.”
Naturally, everybody else knew about Tony and Pepper’s impending nuptials by lunch time.
*~*~*~*
“But it’s a really sweet tradition,” Steve said, somewhat confused. “Why wouldn’t you want to include it?”
“Well,” Pepper said, trying to maintain her usual attitude of calm, “it’s just that the veil and the train and everything are a little old-fashioned for my taste. And I don’t plan to wear white.”
Steve was obviously aghast. “You don’t? But that’s broadcasting to the entire world that - ”
“Yes, I’m aware of what the color white symbolizes for the bride,” Pepper said, not pointing out that as such, she had no right to wear it. If Steve thought she was a virgin, she was not about to disabuse him of the notion, and she dearly hoped he wouldn’t bring it up while Tony was in earshot. “But I really do look better in cream because of my complexion. You understand. Now, thank you for your advice, but I have a lot of work to do - ”
“Pepper!” Tony bounced into the room. “I’ve just had the most awesome idea!”
Pepper felt a migraine coming on. “Tony, we are getting married in twelve days. Do not start bringing up awesome ideas now.”
“Come on, we’ve got plenty of time,” Tony said, brushing her concerns off. “I thought - ”
Steve interrupted. “Tony, tell her that she should wear white.”
“What?” Tony asked, thrown off balance by Steve’s intervention. He looked at Pepper and said, “I thought you had your dress already.”
“I do, but - ”
“But it’s not white,” Steve said.
Seeing an opportunity, Tony said, “Of course it should be white. You can get a new dress. We can push the wedding back a week or two. That’s great because it’ll give me more time to work on this: doves! But not real doves because that’s inhumane, so I’m going to create robot doves, and maybe if I have enough time I can program them to play music - ”
Pepper groaned.
*~*~*~*
“A wedding! Magnificent! How fortuitous that I was able to make it back in time!” Thor drained his mug of coffee and remembered at the last moment that Midgardian mugs were delicate, and not to be smashed onto the counter. “You must let me help with the feast! Otherwise it will not be done properly.”
“Thank you, Thor, but the arrangements have been made already - ”
“Nonsense!” Thor protested. “You can’t have a wedding feast without good mead, and what you drink here barely passes for it! I’ll have to bring some from my homeland.”
Tony perked up. “Real Asgardian mead? Oh, we are all over that, Pepper.” To Thor, he added, “Can you bring some for the bachelor party too?”
Thor frowned. “What is this bachelor party you speak of? A Midgardian tradition?”
Pepper hurriedly left the room before she could hear Tony’s explanation.
*~*~*~*
“Here.” Coulson offered Pepper the papers he had been working on. “Everything’s all set at the caterer. The florist just needs your final approval.”
“I can’t thank you enough for all of your help,” Pepper said. “I know it’s a little outside your job description.”
“Not at all,” Coulson said, smiling at her. “If I didn’t help you keep things organized, then Tony would manage to get some of his ideas put together. Since looking after all of the Avengers is my job description, it’s important to make sure that he doesn’t wind up getting strangled by his irate bride-to-be. Right?”
Pepper laughed despite herself. “Right.”
*~*~*~*
“No way,” Bruce said. “He did not do that.”
“He totally did!” Natasha said, cackling. “He was just going on and on about how absolutely important it was to him that they work in ‘to live long and prosper’ into the vows, all while Pepper’s standing there doing that foot-tapping thing she does - ”
“Oh boy,” Clint said.
“Getting more and more irritated by the minute. Finally, just as she was about to explode, I told Tony that if he was going to put that in, he should really make sure to include a Star Wars reference as well, and then he practically went cross-eyed trying to think of something that might be applicable and wandered off muttering. Pepper looked like she didn’t know if she wanted to kiss me or strangle me.”
“I wonder what he’ll come up with,” Bruce said thoughtfully.
“Give him ten minutes and he’ll forget all about it when he has some new amazing idea,” Clint said, rolling his eyes. “Pepper’s gonna be a widow before she’s a wife at this rate.”
*~*~*~*
“Why the hell is it that we have to provide security for two locations again?” Fury asked, glaring at Coulson, clearly not amused.
“Because Mr. Stark doesn’t want his wedding to be interrupted by the paparazzi,” Coulson said, “so he’s set up a bait location and that’s the one that’s been leaked to the media. Meanwhile he and Pepper are actually having a small ceremony at Stark Tower.”
“Right, but why do we have to guard the other location?”
“I figured it would be worthwhile to have a small detail there in case one of Iron Man’s enemies showed up, to protect the public, as the Avengers will all be at the ceremony, and Miss Potts has threatened, er, some rather dire things if it’s interrupted.”
Fury’s eye narrowed.
Coulson waited.
“Fine,” Fury grunted. “I’ll take care of it.”
*~*~*~*
“A green tie,” Bruce said. “Nice. Very subtle.”
“I like mine,” Steve said cheerfully, looking at the red, white, and blue vest and bow tie that had been chosen to go with his tuxedo.
“Why weren’t we allowed to pick our own outfits?” Clint asked, looking at the plain black and silver accoutrements that had been selected for him.
“I agree!” Thor thundered. “My traditional Asgardian formalwear would suit much better at such a ceremony - ”
“Guys,” Natasha said patiently. “Tony picked your outfits. You should all be glad you’re not wearing yellow spandex. Now shut up.”
Everyone shut up.
*~*~*~*
“Please, please, please - ”
“Breathe, Tony.”
Exhale, inhale. “Please, please, please - ”
Pepper gave him a sideways look. “Okay,” she said.
“Really?” he asked, brightening.
“Yes. Dummy can be the flower girl.”
“Yes!”
“If you give up the idea of marching down the aisle instead of filing in from the side.” Pepper looked up and saw Tony’s pouting face. She composed herself. “I have been very fair about this whole thing, Tony. But you are not the bride. You do not march down the aisle. You will look like an idiot if you march down the aisle.”
“Can I still have my music as I file in from the side?”
Pepper thought of the five minute orchestral arrangement of Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man” that Tony had commissioned. Shame to let that money go to waste. “Sure. Just make sure you file in very, very slowly.”
“Done!”
*~*~*~*
“I need a favor,” Pepper said. She looked very harried.
“Okay,” Natasha said warily, thinking of doilies and corsages and how she did not get along with any of these things.
“Tony keeps making not-so-subtle allusions to how stupid he thinks the whole ‘not seeing the bride before the wedding’ thing is. So you are hereby being appointed my bodyguard in addition to my bridesmaid, and if he tries to get in here, I want you to kick him somewhere that he won’t visibly bruise for the wedding photos, and then haul his ass away.”
“Now that is a job I can handle.”
*~*~*~*
“Why do I have to be the designated driver?” Steve asked.
“Because you can’t get drunk, remember?” Tony asked.
“Neither can Thor,” Steve said. “Well, okay, he can, but it takes a hell of a lot.”
“Do you want to see Thor behind the wheel of a motor vehicle?”
Steve grimaced. “Okay, fine.”
*~*~*~*
“Don’t worry,” Bruce assured Pepper. “I’ve put a system in place that should prevent any electronics from activating during the wedding ceremony. Not a single cell phone will ring. And if Tony’s decided to have any robots crash the wedding to enact any of his ludicrous ideas, they shouldn’t be able to turn on either. I made an exception for Dummy’s frequency.”
“You’re a lifesaver,” Pepper said.
“Right,” Bruce said, amused. “Tony’s.”
*~*~*~*
Much to everyone’s surprise, the ceremony went off without a hitch. The robotic doves didn’t burst into song (or flame). No villains showed up, and no paparazzi, either. Not a single cell phone rang. The Avengers wore their color-coded ties and looked as dignified as possible. Tony was dissuaded from bursting into the room where Pepper was getting ready by a well-placed kick to the solar plexus. He was only mildly hungover, thanks to Steve cutting off his liquor the night before. The mead was excellent. Even Nick Fury had trouble glowering as Tony and Pepper swore to live long and prosper together.
Everyone cheered when they kissed, including Dummy and the robotic doves, and then Tony and Pepper took the elevator down to the ground floor, where Happy had the Rolls-Royce ready for them. Pepper nearly collapsed in relief in the back seat.
“Champagne, my dear?” Tony asked, pouring her a glass without asking. Then his eyes lit up. “I just had the best idea,” he said.
Pepper punched him in the face.
*~*~*~*
Fandom: Avengers
Rated: PG
Genre: Humor
Spoilers: Not really.
Warnings: Salty language and threats of violence.
Disclaimer: Not mine, won't profit, just chillin'.
In a word...: Tony and Pepper are getting married. The Avengers take it upon themselves to help plan the ceremony.
“One last thing,” Pepper said, firmly tapping buttons on her PDA. “This absolutely has to be kept on the down low. You can imagine the chaos if word gets out. I’m going to have enough trouble controlling Tony, who has already suggested a talking tuxedo, bridesmaids chosen from glamour magazines, and rockets to celebrate at the end. So just do what I’ve asked you to do, and stay quiet.”
“Absolutely,” Natasha said, nodding firmly. “You can count on me.”
Naturally, everybody else knew about Tony and Pepper’s impending nuptials by lunch time.
*~*~*~*
“But it’s a really sweet tradition,” Steve said, somewhat confused. “Why wouldn’t you want to include it?”
“Well,” Pepper said, trying to maintain her usual attitude of calm, “it’s just that the veil and the train and everything are a little old-fashioned for my taste. And I don’t plan to wear white.”
Steve was obviously aghast. “You don’t? But that’s broadcasting to the entire world that - ”
“Yes, I’m aware of what the color white symbolizes for the bride,” Pepper said, not pointing out that as such, she had no right to wear it. If Steve thought she was a virgin, she was not about to disabuse him of the notion, and she dearly hoped he wouldn’t bring it up while Tony was in earshot. “But I really do look better in cream because of my complexion. You understand. Now, thank you for your advice, but I have a lot of work to do - ”
“Pepper!” Tony bounced into the room. “I’ve just had the most awesome idea!”
Pepper felt a migraine coming on. “Tony, we are getting married in twelve days. Do not start bringing up awesome ideas now.”
“Come on, we’ve got plenty of time,” Tony said, brushing her concerns off. “I thought - ”
Steve interrupted. “Tony, tell her that she should wear white.”
“What?” Tony asked, thrown off balance by Steve’s intervention. He looked at Pepper and said, “I thought you had your dress already.”
“I do, but - ”
“But it’s not white,” Steve said.
Seeing an opportunity, Tony said, “Of course it should be white. You can get a new dress. We can push the wedding back a week or two. That’s great because it’ll give me more time to work on this: doves! But not real doves because that’s inhumane, so I’m going to create robot doves, and maybe if I have enough time I can program them to play music - ”
Pepper groaned.
*~*~*~*
“A wedding! Magnificent! How fortuitous that I was able to make it back in time!” Thor drained his mug of coffee and remembered at the last moment that Midgardian mugs were delicate, and not to be smashed onto the counter. “You must let me help with the feast! Otherwise it will not be done properly.”
“Thank you, Thor, but the arrangements have been made already - ”
“Nonsense!” Thor protested. “You can’t have a wedding feast without good mead, and what you drink here barely passes for it! I’ll have to bring some from my homeland.”
Tony perked up. “Real Asgardian mead? Oh, we are all over that, Pepper.” To Thor, he added, “Can you bring some for the bachelor party too?”
Thor frowned. “What is this bachelor party you speak of? A Midgardian tradition?”
Pepper hurriedly left the room before she could hear Tony’s explanation.
*~*~*~*
“Here.” Coulson offered Pepper the papers he had been working on. “Everything’s all set at the caterer. The florist just needs your final approval.”
“I can’t thank you enough for all of your help,” Pepper said. “I know it’s a little outside your job description.”
“Not at all,” Coulson said, smiling at her. “If I didn’t help you keep things organized, then Tony would manage to get some of his ideas put together. Since looking after all of the Avengers is my job description, it’s important to make sure that he doesn’t wind up getting strangled by his irate bride-to-be. Right?”
Pepper laughed despite herself. “Right.”
*~*~*~*
“No way,” Bruce said. “He did not do that.”
“He totally did!” Natasha said, cackling. “He was just going on and on about how absolutely important it was to him that they work in ‘to live long and prosper’ into the vows, all while Pepper’s standing there doing that foot-tapping thing she does - ”
“Oh boy,” Clint said.
“Getting more and more irritated by the minute. Finally, just as she was about to explode, I told Tony that if he was going to put that in, he should really make sure to include a Star Wars reference as well, and then he practically went cross-eyed trying to think of something that might be applicable and wandered off muttering. Pepper looked like she didn’t know if she wanted to kiss me or strangle me.”
“I wonder what he’ll come up with,” Bruce said thoughtfully.
“Give him ten minutes and he’ll forget all about it when he has some new amazing idea,” Clint said, rolling his eyes. “Pepper’s gonna be a widow before she’s a wife at this rate.”
*~*~*~*
“Why the hell is it that we have to provide security for two locations again?” Fury asked, glaring at Coulson, clearly not amused.
“Because Mr. Stark doesn’t want his wedding to be interrupted by the paparazzi,” Coulson said, “so he’s set up a bait location and that’s the one that’s been leaked to the media. Meanwhile he and Pepper are actually having a small ceremony at Stark Tower.”
“Right, but why do we have to guard the other location?”
“I figured it would be worthwhile to have a small detail there in case one of Iron Man’s enemies showed up, to protect the public, as the Avengers will all be at the ceremony, and Miss Potts has threatened, er, some rather dire things if it’s interrupted.”
Fury’s eye narrowed.
Coulson waited.
“Fine,” Fury grunted. “I’ll take care of it.”
*~*~*~*
“A green tie,” Bruce said. “Nice. Very subtle.”
“I like mine,” Steve said cheerfully, looking at the red, white, and blue vest and bow tie that had been chosen to go with his tuxedo.
“Why weren’t we allowed to pick our own outfits?” Clint asked, looking at the plain black and silver accoutrements that had been selected for him.
“I agree!” Thor thundered. “My traditional Asgardian formalwear would suit much better at such a ceremony - ”
“Guys,” Natasha said patiently. “Tony picked your outfits. You should all be glad you’re not wearing yellow spandex. Now shut up.”
Everyone shut up.
*~*~*~*
“Please, please, please - ”
“Breathe, Tony.”
Exhale, inhale. “Please, please, please - ”
Pepper gave him a sideways look. “Okay,” she said.
“Really?” he asked, brightening.
“Yes. Dummy can be the flower girl.”
“Yes!”
“If you give up the idea of marching down the aisle instead of filing in from the side.” Pepper looked up and saw Tony’s pouting face. She composed herself. “I have been very fair about this whole thing, Tony. But you are not the bride. You do not march down the aisle. You will look like an idiot if you march down the aisle.”
“Can I still have my music as I file in from the side?”
Pepper thought of the five minute orchestral arrangement of Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man” that Tony had commissioned. Shame to let that money go to waste. “Sure. Just make sure you file in very, very slowly.”
“Done!”
*~*~*~*
“I need a favor,” Pepper said. She looked very harried.
“Okay,” Natasha said warily, thinking of doilies and corsages and how she did not get along with any of these things.
“Tony keeps making not-so-subtle allusions to how stupid he thinks the whole ‘not seeing the bride before the wedding’ thing is. So you are hereby being appointed my bodyguard in addition to my bridesmaid, and if he tries to get in here, I want you to kick him somewhere that he won’t visibly bruise for the wedding photos, and then haul his ass away.”
“Now that is a job I can handle.”
*~*~*~*
“Why do I have to be the designated driver?” Steve asked.
“Because you can’t get drunk, remember?” Tony asked.
“Neither can Thor,” Steve said. “Well, okay, he can, but it takes a hell of a lot.”
“Do you want to see Thor behind the wheel of a motor vehicle?”
Steve grimaced. “Okay, fine.”
*~*~*~*
“Don’t worry,” Bruce assured Pepper. “I’ve put a system in place that should prevent any electronics from activating during the wedding ceremony. Not a single cell phone will ring. And if Tony’s decided to have any robots crash the wedding to enact any of his ludicrous ideas, they shouldn’t be able to turn on either. I made an exception for Dummy’s frequency.”
“You’re a lifesaver,” Pepper said.
“Right,” Bruce said, amused. “Tony’s.”
*~*~*~*
Much to everyone’s surprise, the ceremony went off without a hitch. The robotic doves didn’t burst into song (or flame). No villains showed up, and no paparazzi, either. Not a single cell phone rang. The Avengers wore their color-coded ties and looked as dignified as possible. Tony was dissuaded from bursting into the room where Pepper was getting ready by a well-placed kick to the solar plexus. He was only mildly hungover, thanks to Steve cutting off his liquor the night before. The mead was excellent. Even Nick Fury had trouble glowering as Tony and Pepper swore to live long and prosper together.
Everyone cheered when they kissed, including Dummy and the robotic doves, and then Tony and Pepper took the elevator down to the ground floor, where Happy had the Rolls-Royce ready for them. Pepper nearly collapsed in relief in the back seat.
“Champagne, my dear?” Tony asked, pouring her a glass without asking. Then his eyes lit up. “I just had the best idea,” he said.
Pepper punched him in the face.
*~*~*~*