(no subject)
Fic #2: Persecution
Request: Weiss Kreuz, Schwarz and Yohji, prompt: why me?
Requested by: hugin08
Length: 536
Rating: R
Notes: This fic was planned to be PG. Then Schuldig got involved.
It is a question that Yohji has asked so many times that he has lost count: eyes lifted heavenward, shoulders set in a helpless shrug, deep sigh preceding. “Why me?”
Schuldig always has a different answer.
Like the time he showed up in the flower shop, flirted with half a dozen different girls before telling them that he was Yo-chan’s illicit lover, thus leading to even more squealing and a few of them even taking pictures with their stupid little cameraphones. Yohji hoped he wouldn’t wind up on any porn sites and asked it: “Why me?”
“Because you’re so cute, Yo-chan,” was Schuldig’s reply.
Or the time that they were in the middle of a mission, and Yohji was getting kicked around by Farf - which didn’t bother him so much for two reasons: a) if Farf was kicking him around, he wasn’t kicking Omi around, and he was a lot better equipped to take it, and b) Schuldig had somehow made it known to Farf that if he actually killed Yohji or removed anything that Schuldig considered valuable, Farf would pay dearly. The mission had been interrupted when Schuldig had showed up and killed their target before they could get there, painting ‘ha ha, you guys are slow’ on the wall in the man’s blood. Yohji groaned out loud. “Why me?”
In his head, he heard the reply: You have no idea how funny the faces you guys make when I pull this kind of shit are.
Or the time that they were having sex on Schuldig’s sofa when Nagi came bursting in, shouting something about Schuldig having stolen his - well, Yohji never figured out exactly what Schuldig had stolen, since Nagi’s accusation had become something of a strangled squeak as he just as hurriedly stumbled out.
Really, hadn’t the kid ever read about kink on the internet?
Yohji closed his eyes and prayed that this wouldn’t end up on porn sites either, and that Nagi wouldn’t tell anybody - though Nagi couldn’t really talk, if the amount of time he and Omi spent ‘comparing hacking tips’ was any indication, and Yohji wasn’t sure exactly what that was a euphemism for but it couldn’t be good. He also wasn’t too worried about Nagi telling Crawford, since he was pretty sure the precog had to know about their relationship and yet for some reason allowed it. Yohji suspected that Schuldig had him blackmailed somehow, perhaps by sheer dint of how obnoxious he could become when he was pissed off about something.
Still, given the fact that Schuldig had taken to fits of laughter at the thoughts going through Nagi’s head, it had totally ruined the great sex they had been having, and Yohji moaned it at the ceiling: “Why me?”
“God must really hate you,” Schuldig agreed.
A question asked so many times it became routine, always with a different answer, until finally Schuldig found the right one.
“Why me?” Yohji muttered, after Aya had caught them in the greenhouse with Schuldig’s hand down Yohji’s pants and gone off on a rampage.
Schuldig quirked an eyebrow at him. “Would you rather it be somebody else?”
Much to his surprise, Yohji found that he would not.
He never asked again.