24, Milliways: The Milliways Variations - Option 1 (1/3)
Fandom: 24, Milliways
Characters: Jack Bauer
Rating: R
Summary: Three possible entry posts for Jack's return to Milliways after Season 4, based on the spoilers that were coming out a couple weeks before the finale.
Warnings: Character death, dark themes, intended suicide.
Originally written: May, 2005
Background:
The spoilers these were based on were that Tony was going to be killed by Mandy at the end of season 4, and that Jack would actually die in the finale. Obviously they turned out to be foilers, but I wanted to be prepared, just in case.
Sept. 19-20th, 2008 is the day we've set in the RP for Day 3.
The mention of a promise to Kim, as well as "the Chappelles" is from a plot we did where all of the 24 gang--including one of Ryan's children--found out about how Ryan really died. Jack did not take this well, and Kim made him promise that he would never try and take his own life.
The "bullet with your name on it" story is actually from the short-lived but brilliant TV show Firefly.
Many dead people who arrive in the bar don't remember their deaths--or not at first. That was the case with Ryan Chappelle when he entered; he simply woke up in an empty trainyard, and saw a building ahead. He went in to contact CTU, and ended up in the bar. Jack was one of the people that had to tell him what had happened, so he knows what Ryan experienced, and therefore was able to recognise it himself in this third variant.
Also, the mention of "raging against the dying of the light" is, of course, from the Dylan Thomas poem "Do Not Go Gently".
It's the most horrific kind of repeat of the effects of Sept 20th, 2008. CTU and Division in chaos. The people in charge dead or too traumatized by what had happened to stay in the building, much less take charge. Director, Head of Comm, Head of Field Ops, all dead or mourning or too shell-shocked to do their jobs, deal with the aftermath.
Somehow he isn't surprised when Buchanan comes up to him, asking him to take over control of CTU. He can't ask Driscoll to come back in today, maybe not the next. It'll take a few hours at least to get someone from Division, CTU Vegas or CTU Frisco to come in and take charge. And Jack's been walking around like a zombie ever since it happened--even now he can't give the event its proper term. He's spent so much time living in a hollow shell that he distantly thinks that he's gotten good at it, that that hollow emptiness simply seems like a businesslike focus. No wonder Buchanan asks him, as he seems to have himself together.
And so he slips back into the role like he did after Tony was arrested a year and a half before, making sure all the loose ends are tied up, giving orders. Only this time he sees people looking at him curiously as he walks by, and he knows what they're thinking. How can he be so calm, cold but otherwise so seemingly unaffected by the death of someone they had thought was his friend, considering all Jack had done to get Tony in the building that day? He doesn't need to hear the whispers to listen to them. To know that people are speculating that maybe he is as cold, as ruthless as some people have said. That he really doesn't care about anyone.
What they don't know is that at the moment he can't even allow himself to think of what happened. That inside he's already collapsed, his body and whatever remains functioning of his brain like the burnt-out shell of a building. That if he doesn't do this, doesn't turn off every part of him except what is needed, that the facade of the building will collapse along with the inside. And he can't face any of it now. He has to keep moving, keep going, because if he stops for a second, the crippling pain will overwhelm him and he won't be able to move, much less function.
It's a few hours before the new department heads arrive, and another hour before they're brought up to speed on what active protocols are running, what staff are unavailable and for how long. As he leaves the situation room, he can feel their confused stares on his back. None of them have worked with him before, but doubtless they've heard rumours, and he knows right now they're thinking the same things. That he's a sociopath, incapable of human emotion, that the coldness and ruthlessness are inhuman.
He grabs his briefcase and the bag with his suit and other belongings, looking at his clothing as though it belongs to another person. Hard to believe that 24 hours ago he was putting on that tie, kissing Audrey, heading to CTU for a quick, routine budget meeting. It feels like years ago.
Before Audrey and Secretary Heller were kidnapped. Before the San Gabriel Island Nuclear Plant meltdown. Before he was captured by Marwan, before Air Force One was shot down.
Before Paul and Tony died.
Can't think about that now, can't let myself see it in my head again, can't listen to Tony's last words again, can't hear Audrey's screams again, can't think about it, can't think about it-- The mantra repeats itself over and over in his head as it has for the last couple hours, the only thing preventing him from breaking down. He has to think of other things, concentrate on work. Only now there's nothing left for him to concentrate on, nothing to focus on but the sight of Tony dying in front of him, the sound of Audrey's screams bouncing around in his head.
Someone asks him if there's anything else he needs and he turns away without a word. He needs to get out of here, though he doesn't want to go back to his hotel room, to the bed where he and Audrey had made love and slept in each other's arms only a day ago. Doesn't want to go back there and face everything that's happened, though he's so tired now he can hardly stand.
Numbly, he heads for the bathroom, to change back into his own clothes. He pushes the door open, and steps in the room. It takes a moment for the noise and the light to permeate his mind but after a moment he realizes that this isn't CTU.
It's Milliways. It's home.
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A man enters the bar, standing in front of the door for a moment and looking around in a daze. He's dressed in black pants, a t-shirt and a bulletproof vest. His face is lined, his eyes vacant, haunted.
Outside, it's April 25th, 2010, and Jack Bauer has returned to Milliways at the end of one of the longest days of his life.
He nearly feels like crying with relief, to be back in a place that's so familiar, so unchanged. Instead he heads for the bar, and he hardly has a chance to place his hand on the bar top before a key appears, the key for room 24. He takes the key and turns for the stairs, as the numbness is gradually being replaced by pain--both physical and emotional--and extreme fatigue. He needs his bed, now, before he passes out.
He almost literally drags himself up the stairs, pulling himself up by grabbing onto the handrail and pulling himself up the stairs. He's noticing an ache in his left knee, in his shoulders, a sharp pain in his sides, but he keeps moving, tunnel-visioned on the top of the stairs, on the hallway, on the door of his room.
His hands are shaking by the time he reaches his door, but he manages to get the key in the lock, turn it, and let himself in. He drops his belongings on the floor, not caring where they land. He's still wearing the flak jacket he got from CTU, and he rips the velcro closures open with numbed hands, tossing it on one of the chairs, his last conscious action to kick off his shoes. Then he crawls onto the bed and gratefully lets the darkness pull him under into an unconsciousness that will keep him in its grip for the next 20 hours.
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He wakes slowly, the aches and pains in his body his first conscious thought. He shifts on the bed and snaps awake as intense, stabbing pain flares through his ribs and his left knee. Seconds later, memories of everything that happened the day before crash over him like a wave, drowning him in sorrow.
President Keeler. The meltdown. Paul.
Tony.
Tony, his friend, the one person he trusted, and Jack had failed him. Had dragged him into the whole mess in the first place. Had gotten him killed, had destroyed Michelle. At the moment, even his failure to help protect the president can't match the pain of failing Tony, though it was the president that the country would mourn, whose name would be remembered.
Goddammit, why Tony? Tony had been at CTU most of the day, had been putting his life back together, making up wiht Michelle... Why, when everything was nearly finished, when they were all nearly safe, did that have to happen? Godammit, they were so fucking close!
He wants someone to shout at, someone to ask who can answer, someone he can punish. But there's no one, and so in one swift, unconscious movement he grabs the lamp from the bedside table and tosses it across the room as hard as he can. The twisting mostion his torso makes as he throws it hurts like hell but he doesn't care, because he's just so fucking angry, and if he doesn't get it out somehow he's going to explode.
But almost as soon as the lamp shatters against the wall, the shards of ceramic and glass falling to the floor, the anger dissipates, leaving only a crushing sorrow. He sits on the edge of the bed and lets the choking sobs overtake him; only now, 48 hours later, is he able to cry for the friend he's lost.
His sobs are fading as he suddenly remembers something. Tony's living in Milliways. He can't be dead, not the Tony that's here. He's still alive, he has to be.
He drags himself out of his bed, ignoring the fact that he can't straighten his left knee and every limping step hurts, ignores the burning of the stab wound in his side, the way every muscle and bruise aches, the way his jaw is throbbing with pain. He has to see Tony, has to know for himself that somewhere, somehow, his friend is still alive.
He limps down the hall to room 48, pounding on the door, and praying, praying that he's not wrong and that Tony's still here. He leans against the doorframe, breathing a little hard from the pain but not even noticing that, and waits for a response.