Fic: An Ideal Shelf Life, 5/6
Title: An Ideal Shelf Life, 5/6 (for LJ posting purposes)
Author:knittycat99
Rating: NC-17
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Kurt/Puck
Genre: AU, romance
Spoilers: all aired episodes, to be safe
Disclaimer: I don't own or profit from Glee. Song lyrics are property of Sting. Dialogue from The American President belongs to Aaron Sorkin.
Author Notes: Written for this prompt in the Writing The Fic I Didn't Write Challenge. First, massive amounts of thanks and lifelong adoration for my awesome friend and beta, nubianamy, who spent many nights watching me write this in googledocs, asking questions and challenging my plot, and picking up the innumerable times I misspelled cappuccino. She also provided musical inspiration in the forms of Eva Cassidy, Adam Lambert, and Five For Fighting. I couldn't have done this without her! Second, I've seriously upended the Glee timeline here to make it fit my purposes. As a result, the actions and attitudes of my characters reflect the time and places where they grew up. For more information on the issues and institutions I talk about, follow these links: Senate Page Program, Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, and Don't Ask Don't Tell (this link is to wikipedia, but there is also a really good history at the SLDN page, I just didn't want to link you to the same page twice).
Summary: Two quietly out of the closet White House staffers, years of unresolved romantic tension, mid-term elections, and a major GLBT social issue.
Word Count: 31,926
Kurt had too much work to do on Thursday to risk the distractions of the office, so he stayed home. Not that his email didn’t chime every 30 seconds with messages from his assistant, or AJ, or Noah, but working from home meant bigger blocks of uninterrupted writing time. It also meant working in sweatpants and a t-shirt, and ordering Chinese for lunch, and the kind of illicit thrill of speechwriting while watching Days of Our Lives, but he wasn’t going to mention the last one to anybody at the office.
By 4 pm, he had a good speech for Bill Brennan and an even better short press release. He emailed the release to AJ and Noah, and the text of the speech to Bill, and then closed his eyes for the rarest of afternoon naps.
He got less than five minutes before his email started chiming.
From: aj.hammonds@whitehouse.gov
To: kurt.hummel@whitehouse.gov, noah.puckerman@whitehouse.gov
Subject: re: release
K-
Good stuff. I’ll format it and put it in the morning’s press packet.
-AJ
From: noah.puckerman@whitehouse.gov
To: kurt.hummel@whitehouse.gov
Subject: re: release
Thank you. I know you’re still a little unsure, but the press release is good, and it’s going to be fine. Besides, we’re going to be overshadowed by the time AJ gives the last briefing.
See you tonight.
-N
From: bill.brennan@gmail.com
To: keh@gmail.com
Subject: re: speech
Kurt-
Wow. Thank you.
I wasn’t sure what it would feel like, having someone else give me words to say. But you took everything we talked about the other night and put it here. I know you don’t even know me, but these feel like my words. It’s perfect.
Jamie and I are very much looking forward to meeting you this evening.
-Bill
**
Noah could feel Kurt’s hand shaking in his as they waited in front of 15ria for Bill and Jamie. He pulled Kurt close, and into the dark by the side of the building, so that he could press a kiss to the side of Kurt’s jaw. “It’s going to be fine, baby.”
Kurt leaned slightly into the pressure of Noah’s body and sighed. “I know. I just- there’s so much at stake. What if someone sees us, all of us, and the news breaks on Bill before he can do it on his own terms?”
“Bill is a big boy. He and I talked about that possibility, and he’s okay. So,” Noah ran his hand over the back of Kurt’s neck and reveled in the delicious shiver he felt course through Kurt’s body, “just relax, okay? You’re too tense. This is supposed to be fun.”
“Uh huh.”
“When was the last time you were out with any gay man who wasn’t me or that asshole from JAG?”
Kurt huffed a laugh. “God. You and my father. He was never going to be anything serious.”
Noah felt warmth spread through his abdomen at the intensity of Kurt’s gaze. “I know. But really, Kurt. When was the last time you went out and had fun with like-minded people?”
“Okay. Okay. I’ll do my best.”
Noah couldn’t help it, he had to kiss Kurt. He was just so fucking in love, and the idea of being out in public with his boyfriend was more than a little intoxicating. He pulled Kurt close, let his fingers play in Kurt’s hair, and sunk their lips together. Kurt let out a little gasp, but didn’t pull away even though they were still on the street and Noah could feel him struggling to control his urge to just throw himself into the kiss. He also wasn’t surprised that Kurt pulled away first and looked at him with sparkling eyes and pink cheeks.
“Not fair,” he said, smiling anyway.
Noah shrugged. “You’re more relaxed now, though, aren’t you?”
“That depends on how you define relaxed.” Kurt reached out for Noah’s hand and tugged him back into the light from the streetlamp. “If by relaxed you mean take me home and do unmentionable things to me then yes, you succeeded at your mission.”
Noah felt color rise on his own cheeks and stumbled over himself trying to get words out. “I’ll file that away for later,” he finally managed to choke out.
“Good.” Kurt squeezed his hand again and turned at the sound of footsteps approaching from behind them. Noah smiled at Bill, ambling hand-in-hand with a slightly shorter man who had to be Jamie. Noah reached out and hugged Bill like they were old friends, because really, managing someone else’s public coming out was as close as you could get to family in Noah’s mind, and he was pleased when Bill didn’t pull away. He tugged Kurt over, and Bill nodded before extending his hand.
“My wordsmith. I can’t even-”
Kurt was shaking his head. “It was an honor, really. I usually only write for the President, so this was fun.”
Noah rolled his eyes at Bill, and smiled at Kurt. “I think Kurt might be the only one who thinks that writing speeches is fun.”
Kurt nudged him with an elbow. “Says the man who still tracks election results on a color-coded white board map.”
“It worked for Tim Russert, man.”
Bill laughed, and put an arm around Jamie, pulling him closer. “Noah, Kurt, this is my boyfriend Jamie.”
Jamie nodded at them each in turn before fixing his gaze on Noah. His blue eyes were vibrant and piercing. “Thank you,” he said.
“For what?” Noah was feeling a little off-kilter.
“For not discounting Bill because of his father. And for helping him with the process.” He held back with Noah for a moment while Kurt and Bill slipped into the restaurant. “It’s going to be good for him, yes, but good for us, too.”
Noah ushered Jamie through the door and spoke softly. “I think coming out is going to be good for everybody.”
**
Noah had been right, Kurt mused as he sipped at his martini and listened to Bill and Jamie banter over the appetizer menu, it was nice to spend some time with other gay men. He never had, really, in social situations. But tonight, being part of a couple, out with another couple, made Kurt feel like he belonged to something a little bigger, a little more of himself, than his usual dinner company of other political folks.
Kurt let the vodka burn a trail down his throat, and he could feel his limbs going warm and loose with every sip, and every gentle brush of Noah’s arm against his own as they looked over the menu. He felt surprisingly unselfconscious, and leaned further into the touch in the moments after the waitress came and took their orders. He caught Bill and Jamie watching, smiling in the flickering light of the candles on the table, and he couldn’t help but smile back at them.
The talk stayed casual through the first round of drinks and appetizers, and then veered off into the edge of slightly too personal with a second round of drinks and their entrees. Noah regaled Bill and Jamie with stories of their time as pages, and what it was like to work on the campaign. Jamie rubbed circles on the back of Bill’s hand as he told the story of their whirlwind romance, and Bill kept jumping in with snarky commentary that had Kurt laughing so hard he couldn’t eat.
When the plates had been cleared and drinks replaced with coffee, Kurt laid his head on Noah’s shoulder and whispered above the light din of the other diners. “I like them. Can we keep them?”
Noah just pressed a kiss to his temple. “I don’t think you could pay me to get rid of them now. Our first couple friends.”
Kurt was going back and forth between the molten chocolate cake and the apple-pear cobbler when he felt rather than heard Noah gasp next to him, and then the oh, crap under his breath.
Kurt rested a hand on Noah’s forearm. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“Goddamn Crandall.”
“DNC Crandall?” Kurt wasn’t sure why he asked; he followed Noah’s gaze to the other side of the room, where Crandall was indeed dining with a woman who was presumably his wife and a trio of teenagers.
“What?” Jamie dropped his dessert menu on the table and looked at Kurt with worried eyes.
“Nothing. Just-” Kurt stammered, but Noah picked up the thread, nodding at Bill.
“Just a bigger bastard than your father.”
“That’s saying something,” Jamie muttered, and Bill nodded in understanding.
“Crandall, isn’t it?,” he asked before elbowing Jamie. “And my father isn’t that big of a bastard.” He grinned a sideways grin that made Kurt relax a breath. Bill leaned across the table and whispered conspiratorially at them. “Do we have a plan of attack?”
“I don’t think we need one if he doesn’t see us,” Noah said optimistically, but Kurt was already squeezing at his hand.
“Too late.” Kurt swallowed against the butterflies in his stomach. He nodded to where Crandall was crossing the space to their table, stride determined and face stony. “I think we’re going to have to improvise.” At the panicked look in everyone else’s faces, Kurt turned on them. “Are you really going to tell me that I’m the only one who did speech and debate in high school?”
He got blank looks from the three of them, and huffed before sitting straighter in his chair. “I hate you all,” he snapped before fixing a docile look on his face and rising languidly to meet Crandall.
“Mr. Crandall, how nice to see you. Are you and your family having a nice evening?” He offered his hand, fully expecting Crandall to brush it aside, but Crandall took it and shook limply.
“Mr. Hummel.” Crandall was stone-faced as he took in the rest of the table. He nodded at Noah. “Mr. Puckerman. I don’t believe I’ve met your friends.”
Kurt shot Noah a let me take care of this look and swept his hand in Jamie and Bill’s direction. “William Brennan, and his friend James Hamilton.”
Crandall nodded at Bill. “Any relation to Senator Ian Brennan?”
“My father, sir.” Bill nodded firmly and eyed Crandall without blinking. “How are you and your family enjoying your dinner?”
“Fine, fine.” Crandall brushed the question away and let his eyes roam over the table a second time. “I didn’t realize you knew each other,” he said, ignoring Kurt in favor of Bill.
“Noah and Kurt are very kindly helping me with something. I figured a nice dinner out was the least thanks I could offer,” Bill said with a nod.
“That’s . . . kind of you.” Crandall’s tone suggested it was anything but kind. “Does your father know you’re in town? And that you’re socializing with- with-”
Bill smiled sweetly at Crandall. “With who? I have my own friends, Mr. Crandall. That isn’t, and never has been my father’s place.”
Kurt felt the whole situation falling rapidly out of control. He struggled and stammered for his next word or action, while Bill just kept on. “Are you implying something about my dinner company?”
Crandall sputtered for a moment before choking out the thoughts Kurt knew he’d been keeping close for weeks. “I’d be more worried about what your dinner company implies about you, William.”
Bill’s eyes went cold, and Kurt watched him grip a steadying hand on Jamie’s arm. “Mr. Crandall. You’re interrupting my evening out. Perhaps you should go back to your family before either one of us says something we might regret. And, for your information, I have no worries as to what assumptions people might make about me based on my friends. Especially not if those assumptions are true.”
Kurt could feel something simmering in his gut, something he’d left buried all these years. The very thing he’d been told was wrong about him was burning, and he took a deep breath before turning his most charming expression and tone to Crandall. He let his hand float out and rest gently against the slightly scratchy fabric of Crandall’s sport coat and felt his voice rise a few notes. “Mr. Crandall, what exactly are your thoughts about our little soirée this evening? I mean,” he gestured again at the table, “it’s not every evening that gay White House staffers are seen out on the town. It must seem positively scandalous.”
Kurt smiled, and felt every bit of his body relax into the more effeminate posture and gesture that had gotten him teased as a very young child, back before he learned to control it. “I’d love to hear your opinions about gays serving openly in the military, but I suspect you’re not exactly toeing the party line on that issue. Are you, Mr. Crandall?”
Kurt fixed the man with a steely gaze, and waited for him to blink before he continued. He reached into his jacket pocket for his cell phone, and scrolled through the contacts. “I know you like to think you run the party, but I have the real leaders on speed dial. I’m sure they’d all love to hear your opinions, too. Who should it be? Press Secretary? Chief of Staff? Or, wait, what about the President? I’m sure she’d be especially interested to hear about a little email that a poor intern sent, a very threatening email that resulted in said intern being fired. I do believe your name came up in her story.” Kurt waved his phone in the air, and watched while Crandall turned bright red, then pale, then red again.
“I- you- ” Crandall sputtered ineffectually, hands opening and closing at the hem of his jacket.
Kurt set his phone on the table and patted Crandall gently on the shoulder. He softened his voice even more. “Why don’t you go back to your family. Enjoy the rest of your meal. And be sure to watch the news tomorrow; you’ll have a lot to talk about then. I’d just be careful what you say in public. Because we will all be watching.”
Kurt waited until Crandall had retreated silently before sinking back into his chair. Noah just stared at him, and Jamie smiled.
“Did you even know you had such a snarky Inner Queen?,” he asked as he slid the dessert menu back towards Kurt.
Kurt shook his head. “I haven’t- um. No.” He shrugged. “I got picked on a lot in elementary school, so I just hid that part of me.” He waited while the others took that in, and waved the waitress over.
“Molten chocolate cake and another martini, please.” He smiled at her, and then looked back at Noah, Jamie, and Bill. He felt his eyes light up, and his laugh was more like a cackle. “That was long overdue. And,” he continued after a sip of water, “it was fun!”
**
Kurt felt like he was waiting on pins and needles all day. AJ had released their simple, four sentence press release in the packet at the morning briefing, and hadn’t taken a single question about it. Kurt spent the morning in his office reading and re-reading Bill’s speech, and he kept catching glimpses of Noah pacing anxiously in the hall until he left at 11 am for a final meeting at the Capital with Bill and Senator Brennan. Kurt waited until noon before he couldn’t stand it anymore, and packed up to head to the Capital himself. He met Jamie as planned at 12:30, escorted him through security and up to Senator Brennan’s office. And then it was just a matter of waiting.
The Senator tried his best to make small talk, but Kurt figured that was kind of futile when both Bill and Noah looked like they were about to vomit. In the end, he pulled Noah into the long-unused copy room on the third floor that was still unused, and shoved a lukewarm ginger ale at him. “Sip, gently.” He rubbed small, soothing circles on Noah’s shoulder and felt Noah relax slightly. “You’ve done all you can. You can’t control the outcome, you can just get your message out there. And like you told me last night, Bill is a big boy who can take care of himself.”
“What if this is all a mistake?” Noah sipped the ginger ale with trembling hands.
“If those West Point cadets were here right now, would they tell you it was a mistake?”
“Probably not.”
“Okay, then. We can only move forward from here.” Noah stared at his impeccably shined dress shoes, and Kurt had to strengthen his voice to get his attention. “Baby. It’s going to be fine.”
Noah reached up and laced his fingers into Kurt’s. “When did you get so brave?”
Kurt shrugged. “I guess channeling my inner diva last night did something.”
“You’re not scared anymore.” It wasn’t a question.
Kurt shook his head and smiled. “No. I suppose I’m not.”
“Good. That’s good.” Kurt could tell Noah’s mind was wandering back to the press conference, so he took his hand and squeezed gently before pulling Noah to his feet and leading him back up the hall to the Senator’s office, where the silence threatened to suffocate. He left Noah then, and escaped into the cool bright and bustle of the hallway and waited, head tilted back against the wall and eyes closed against the echo of Noah’s words in his brain. What if this is all a mistake?
It couldn’t be a mistake; Kurt wasn’t sure of much, but his new inner resolve was positive of that. And he felt like he needed to hold onto it with an iron grip.
**
Noah sipped at that damn warm soda for close to an hour before Senator Brennan’s assistant threw the office door open and nodded at them. “It’s time,” she whispered, and Noah followed the Senator and Bill out into the hall, Jamie on his heels. The procession was slightly awkward, the Senator moving briskly while Noah and Bill tried to keep up, Kurt and Jamie lingering back a handful of steps. As they rounded a corner, Noah heard Kurt whisper to Jamie, sotto voce: Welcome to the spouse’s club!
Noah was almost surprised at the number of press there; he wondered absently if it had to do with the morning’s press release, but he didn’t have time to dwell before he was being urged to the podium. He cleared his throat once, and began.
“Thank you all for coming today. As you know, we have been working hard to foster cooperation among both parties on the matter of repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. We are here today for important statements in that matter from Senator William Brennan of Nebraska and his son, Air Force Lieutenant Colonel William Brennan.”
Noah stepped aside, and then back to the area at the side of the room where Kurt and Jamie stood, pretending to be invisible. He moved close enough so that the motion of Kurt’s hand against his own was invisible, and let out a breath as Bill started his statement.
“Good afternoon. The statement I am about to read has the potential to impact 16 years of military service, but the continued enforcement of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell will impact many more lives and careers than just mine. I am a graduate of the United States Air Force Academy. I have served two combat tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. And I am here today to come out publicly as a gay man. I have served proudly in the Air Force since I was 18 years old; I have upheld the values and beliefs of our military because they are my values and beliefs as well. But it is no longer prudent for me to keep serving in secrecy, not when my coming out can help the fight. I stand here today to urge all members of Congress to support the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. It’s not just my career on the line. It’s the careers of hundreds of service members around the world, and it’s about the strength and health of our military. Asking soldiers to keep secrets in order to serve is contrary to every value the military instills in recruits. It harms us and our families, and weakens unit cohesion and readiness. I am lucky; I have parents who have kept my secret, and feared for me every day since I was 22 years old. I have a partner who waits patiently, and supports me, and wonders every day if today is going to be the day one of us slips up and I get investigated. Serving in secret is a life lived in fear. It is time for all of us to come together and repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, so that nobody else has to sacrifice identity for country.”
The press was silent as Senator Brennan stepped up, clapped Bill on the shoulder and turned his gaze into the room.
“I am here today as the proud father of a gay soldier. When William came to me just after his graduation from the Air Force Academy and told me he was gay, I asked him what that meant for his career. William assured me that he wanted to honor his commitment, and wanted to make a career of military service. In that moment, I had to make a decision, and I made the right one, the only one I could make at the time: I promised William that I would support him, and his career. And if that meant keeping his secret, so be it. I urge my colleagues on the Armed Services Committee to move on the bill before us before the close of business on Monday, so that we may begin the ling process of repealing the law that is harming not only our military as an institution but also the men and women who give their lives in service to it. And once the bill reaches the House and the Senate, I will advocate for swift passage. This move is long overdue. We can never right the wrong for those soldiers who have already been discharged in the years since the law took effect, but we can change things for those who are still serving, who are living lives of secrets and silence. Thank you.”
The reporters were silent for half a breath before exploding into a frenzy of shouts and camera flashes and utter chaos. Kurt leaned into Noah and raised his voice to be heard above the noise. “Are you going to take questions?”
Noah shook his head. “Not me, but I think Bill and the Senator might.”
They did. Or, rather, the Senator did. Bill stood behind him, slightly to his right, and waited while his father answered questions about being a parent of a gay child, and whether that affected his votes on every social issue under the sun. Noah couldn’t help but fidget a little at some of the more inane questions, and he was a little disappointed that none of the reporters asked more about the repeal. But he supposed he had no right to complain; bad questions were better than no questions, and the fact that a known conservative Senator was coming out in support of his gay son was going to get them lots of news coverage regardless.
**
It was edging close to midnight by the time Kurt and Noah said their goodnights to Bill and Jamie and a surprisingly jovial Senator Brennan.
“I think,” Kurt mused into Noah’s jacket as they walked, entwined, from the restaurant to the Metro, “that Senator Brennan was a little drunk.”
He felt Noah’s lips graze his cheek. “I think someone else might be a little drunk.”
Kurt felt his cheeks warm in the darkness. “Nope. A little buzzed, maybe, but not drunk.”
“It was a good day,” Noah sighed, straightening and taking Kurt’s hand as they descended the Metro stairs. “Do you have any idea how proud I am of you?”
“Proud of me for what?” Kurt had to dig around in his pocket for his fare card, and he waited on the other side of the turnstile for Noah to swipe his own card before they wandered slowly through the echoing, nearly empty station.
“For everything. The press statement, and Bill’s statement, and being there with me today. You didn’t have to do that.”
Kurt shrugged. “It was important. Not just for you, you know that, right? For all of us. I haven’t had a chance to tell you about this kid I met. When I was in Lima?”
“When you talked to those classes.” Noah pulled him closer in the cool of the station; their train was still 10 minutes out, by the computerized board over the tracks.
“Yeah. His name is Michael. His teacher said that he’s a good kid, quiet and smart. He seemed a little shy, and so grateful that I was open and honest about being gay.” Kurt scuffed at the yellow safety line with the toe of his loafer. “He asked me if it really did get better, like all those videos say.”
“What did you tell him?”
“I told him things got easier. Never perfect, but yes, better. And I gave him one of my cards.” He huffed a breath of air that turned pale white. “He’s got a friend looking out for him, and his teacher. He’ll be okay. But he made me realize that being scared doesn’t just hurt me. It hurts Michael and the other kids like him, like us.”
“I love you, but I also really like seeing a more confident you.” Kurt could feel Noah’s smile. “You did a really good job on Bill’s statement, and the one you gave to AJ for the press? So much in so few words. We’ll have to go out for the papers in the morning.”
Kurt leaned in a little closer as the approaching train sucked into the station, and they waited, hand-in-hand, for a couple of passengers to get off. The train itself was warm and bright, and Kurt picked a seat in the back, because his alcohol buzz was making him want to be a little handsy with Noah. He waited patiently while Noah folded himself into the seat against the motion of the already-moving train, and then he leaned over and ran the tip of his tongue over the spot just behind Noah’s ear that made him shiver every freaking time. He felt the shiver, and heard Noah’s faint moan, and then Noah was pulling away and clearing his throat.
“K,” he said, voice low and full, nodding at a middle-aged man sitting in one of the sideways seats in the middle of the car. He was clearly trying not to watch them, and Kurt felt suddenly embarrassed. He ducked his forehead against Noah’s shoulder.
“Crap. I didn’t think-”
Noah’s hand was gentle on his arm. “it’s okay. But I think we should wait till we get home.”
“Yeah. You’re right.” He still leaned into Noah, though, letting the motion of the train wash over him as the world passed by outside.
After the next stop, though, the man got up and moved closer to them. He smiled, and looked at Noah with kind eyes. “You put together that press conference today.”
“Yes, sir,” Noah nodded. The man turned his gaze on Kurt.
“Did you write all the statements today?” The man gestured to the folded newspaper tucked under his arm.
“Yes.”
“Good work, both of you,” he nodded as the train slowed around the final curve before Noah and Kurt’s stop. “Brave. I hope . . .” he swallowed against something, and Kurt pretended that he didn’t see the man’s eyes filling up with tears. “I hope it works. The silence, it takes some people. We need more who speak out, to save the ones who can’t. Anyway. Thank you.” The man smiled sadly at them, and was up and off the train before Noah and Kurt had even registered he was gone.
“I guess we did good,” Kurt whispered as they left the train for the cool of the night.
Noah wrapped an arm around Kurt’s waist and kissed his hair. “Yeah, we did. C’mon, let’s go home.”
Author:knittycat99
Rating: NC-17
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Kurt/Puck
Genre: AU, romance
Spoilers: all aired episodes, to be safe
Disclaimer: I don't own or profit from Glee. Song lyrics are property of Sting. Dialogue from The American President belongs to Aaron Sorkin.
Author Notes: Written for this prompt in the Writing The Fic I Didn't Write Challenge. First, massive amounts of thanks and lifelong adoration for my awesome friend and beta, nubianamy, who spent many nights watching me write this in googledocs, asking questions and challenging my plot, and picking up the innumerable times I misspelled cappuccino. She also provided musical inspiration in the forms of Eva Cassidy, Adam Lambert, and Five For Fighting. I couldn't have done this without her! Second, I've seriously upended the Glee timeline here to make it fit my purposes. As a result, the actions and attitudes of my characters reflect the time and places where they grew up. For more information on the issues and institutions I talk about, follow these links: Senate Page Program, Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, and Don't Ask Don't Tell (this link is to wikipedia, but there is also a really good history at the SLDN page, I just didn't want to link you to the same page twice).
Summary: Two quietly out of the closet White House staffers, years of unresolved romantic tension, mid-term elections, and a major GLBT social issue.
Word Count: 31,926
Kurt had too much work to do on Thursday to risk the distractions of the office, so he stayed home. Not that his email didn’t chime every 30 seconds with messages from his assistant, or AJ, or Noah, but working from home meant bigger blocks of uninterrupted writing time. It also meant working in sweatpants and a t-shirt, and ordering Chinese for lunch, and the kind of illicit thrill of speechwriting while watching Days of Our Lives, but he wasn’t going to mention the last one to anybody at the office.
By 4 pm, he had a good speech for Bill Brennan and an even better short press release. He emailed the release to AJ and Noah, and the text of the speech to Bill, and then closed his eyes for the rarest of afternoon naps.
He got less than five minutes before his email started chiming.
From: aj.hammonds@whitehouse.gov
To: kurt.hummel@whitehouse.gov, noah.puckerman@whitehouse.gov
Subject: re: release
K-
Good stuff. I’ll format it and put it in the morning’s press packet.
-AJ
From: noah.puckerman@whitehouse.gov
To: kurt.hummel@whitehouse.gov
Subject: re: release
Thank you. I know you’re still a little unsure, but the press release is good, and it’s going to be fine. Besides, we’re going to be overshadowed by the time AJ gives the last briefing.
See you tonight.
-N
From: bill.brennan@gmail.com
To: keh@gmail.com
Subject: re: speech
Kurt-
Wow. Thank you.
I wasn’t sure what it would feel like, having someone else give me words to say. But you took everything we talked about the other night and put it here. I know you don’t even know me, but these feel like my words. It’s perfect.
Jamie and I are very much looking forward to meeting you this evening.
-Bill
**
Noah could feel Kurt’s hand shaking in his as they waited in front of 15ria for Bill and Jamie. He pulled Kurt close, and into the dark by the side of the building, so that he could press a kiss to the side of Kurt’s jaw. “It’s going to be fine, baby.”
Kurt leaned slightly into the pressure of Noah’s body and sighed. “I know. I just- there’s so much at stake. What if someone sees us, all of us, and the news breaks on Bill before he can do it on his own terms?”
“Bill is a big boy. He and I talked about that possibility, and he’s okay. So,” Noah ran his hand over the back of Kurt’s neck and reveled in the delicious shiver he felt course through Kurt’s body, “just relax, okay? You’re too tense. This is supposed to be fun.”
“Uh huh.”
“When was the last time you were out with any gay man who wasn’t me or that asshole from JAG?”
Kurt huffed a laugh. “God. You and my father. He was never going to be anything serious.”
Noah felt warmth spread through his abdomen at the intensity of Kurt’s gaze. “I know. But really, Kurt. When was the last time you went out and had fun with like-minded people?”
“Okay. Okay. I’ll do my best.”
Noah couldn’t help it, he had to kiss Kurt. He was just so fucking in love, and the idea of being out in public with his boyfriend was more than a little intoxicating. He pulled Kurt close, let his fingers play in Kurt’s hair, and sunk their lips together. Kurt let out a little gasp, but didn’t pull away even though they were still on the street and Noah could feel him struggling to control his urge to just throw himself into the kiss. He also wasn’t surprised that Kurt pulled away first and looked at him with sparkling eyes and pink cheeks.
“Not fair,” he said, smiling anyway.
Noah shrugged. “You’re more relaxed now, though, aren’t you?”
“That depends on how you define relaxed.” Kurt reached out for Noah’s hand and tugged him back into the light from the streetlamp. “If by relaxed you mean take me home and do unmentionable things to me then yes, you succeeded at your mission.”
Noah felt color rise on his own cheeks and stumbled over himself trying to get words out. “I’ll file that away for later,” he finally managed to choke out.
“Good.” Kurt squeezed his hand again and turned at the sound of footsteps approaching from behind them. Noah smiled at Bill, ambling hand-in-hand with a slightly shorter man who had to be Jamie. Noah reached out and hugged Bill like they were old friends, because really, managing someone else’s public coming out was as close as you could get to family in Noah’s mind, and he was pleased when Bill didn’t pull away. He tugged Kurt over, and Bill nodded before extending his hand.
“My wordsmith. I can’t even-”
Kurt was shaking his head. “It was an honor, really. I usually only write for the President, so this was fun.”
Noah rolled his eyes at Bill, and smiled at Kurt. “I think Kurt might be the only one who thinks that writing speeches is fun.”
Kurt nudged him with an elbow. “Says the man who still tracks election results on a color-coded white board map.”
“It worked for Tim Russert, man.”
Bill laughed, and put an arm around Jamie, pulling him closer. “Noah, Kurt, this is my boyfriend Jamie.”
Jamie nodded at them each in turn before fixing his gaze on Noah. His blue eyes were vibrant and piercing. “Thank you,” he said.
“For what?” Noah was feeling a little off-kilter.
“For not discounting Bill because of his father. And for helping him with the process.” He held back with Noah for a moment while Kurt and Bill slipped into the restaurant. “It’s going to be good for him, yes, but good for us, too.”
Noah ushered Jamie through the door and spoke softly. “I think coming out is going to be good for everybody.”
**
Noah had been right, Kurt mused as he sipped at his martini and listened to Bill and Jamie banter over the appetizer menu, it was nice to spend some time with other gay men. He never had, really, in social situations. But tonight, being part of a couple, out with another couple, made Kurt feel like he belonged to something a little bigger, a little more of himself, than his usual dinner company of other political folks.
Kurt let the vodka burn a trail down his throat, and he could feel his limbs going warm and loose with every sip, and every gentle brush of Noah’s arm against his own as they looked over the menu. He felt surprisingly unselfconscious, and leaned further into the touch in the moments after the waitress came and took their orders. He caught Bill and Jamie watching, smiling in the flickering light of the candles on the table, and he couldn’t help but smile back at them.
The talk stayed casual through the first round of drinks and appetizers, and then veered off into the edge of slightly too personal with a second round of drinks and their entrees. Noah regaled Bill and Jamie with stories of their time as pages, and what it was like to work on the campaign. Jamie rubbed circles on the back of Bill’s hand as he told the story of their whirlwind romance, and Bill kept jumping in with snarky commentary that had Kurt laughing so hard he couldn’t eat.
When the plates had been cleared and drinks replaced with coffee, Kurt laid his head on Noah’s shoulder and whispered above the light din of the other diners. “I like them. Can we keep them?”
Noah just pressed a kiss to his temple. “I don’t think you could pay me to get rid of them now. Our first couple friends.”
Kurt was going back and forth between the molten chocolate cake and the apple-pear cobbler when he felt rather than heard Noah gasp next to him, and then the oh, crap under his breath.
Kurt rested a hand on Noah’s forearm. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“Goddamn Crandall.”
“DNC Crandall?” Kurt wasn’t sure why he asked; he followed Noah’s gaze to the other side of the room, where Crandall was indeed dining with a woman who was presumably his wife and a trio of teenagers.
“What?” Jamie dropped his dessert menu on the table and looked at Kurt with worried eyes.
“Nothing. Just-” Kurt stammered, but Noah picked up the thread, nodding at Bill.
“Just a bigger bastard than your father.”
“That’s saying something,” Jamie muttered, and Bill nodded in understanding.
“Crandall, isn’t it?,” he asked before elbowing Jamie. “And my father isn’t that big of a bastard.” He grinned a sideways grin that made Kurt relax a breath. Bill leaned across the table and whispered conspiratorially at them. “Do we have a plan of attack?”
“I don’t think we need one if he doesn’t see us,” Noah said optimistically, but Kurt was already squeezing at his hand.
“Too late.” Kurt swallowed against the butterflies in his stomach. He nodded to where Crandall was crossing the space to their table, stride determined and face stony. “I think we’re going to have to improvise.” At the panicked look in everyone else’s faces, Kurt turned on them. “Are you really going to tell me that I’m the only one who did speech and debate in high school?”
He got blank looks from the three of them, and huffed before sitting straighter in his chair. “I hate you all,” he snapped before fixing a docile look on his face and rising languidly to meet Crandall.
“Mr. Crandall, how nice to see you. Are you and your family having a nice evening?” He offered his hand, fully expecting Crandall to brush it aside, but Crandall took it and shook limply.
“Mr. Hummel.” Crandall was stone-faced as he took in the rest of the table. He nodded at Noah. “Mr. Puckerman. I don’t believe I’ve met your friends.”
Kurt shot Noah a let me take care of this look and swept his hand in Jamie and Bill’s direction. “William Brennan, and his friend James Hamilton.”
Crandall nodded at Bill. “Any relation to Senator Ian Brennan?”
“My father, sir.” Bill nodded firmly and eyed Crandall without blinking. “How are you and your family enjoying your dinner?”
“Fine, fine.” Crandall brushed the question away and let his eyes roam over the table a second time. “I didn’t realize you knew each other,” he said, ignoring Kurt in favor of Bill.
“Noah and Kurt are very kindly helping me with something. I figured a nice dinner out was the least thanks I could offer,” Bill said with a nod.
“That’s . . . kind of you.” Crandall’s tone suggested it was anything but kind. “Does your father know you’re in town? And that you’re socializing with- with-”
Bill smiled sweetly at Crandall. “With who? I have my own friends, Mr. Crandall. That isn’t, and never has been my father’s place.”
Kurt felt the whole situation falling rapidly out of control. He struggled and stammered for his next word or action, while Bill just kept on. “Are you implying something about my dinner company?”
Crandall sputtered for a moment before choking out the thoughts Kurt knew he’d been keeping close for weeks. “I’d be more worried about what your dinner company implies about you, William.”
Bill’s eyes went cold, and Kurt watched him grip a steadying hand on Jamie’s arm. “Mr. Crandall. You’re interrupting my evening out. Perhaps you should go back to your family before either one of us says something we might regret. And, for your information, I have no worries as to what assumptions people might make about me based on my friends. Especially not if those assumptions are true.”
Kurt could feel something simmering in his gut, something he’d left buried all these years. The very thing he’d been told was wrong about him was burning, and he took a deep breath before turning his most charming expression and tone to Crandall. He let his hand float out and rest gently against the slightly scratchy fabric of Crandall’s sport coat and felt his voice rise a few notes. “Mr. Crandall, what exactly are your thoughts about our little soirée this evening? I mean,” he gestured again at the table, “it’s not every evening that gay White House staffers are seen out on the town. It must seem positively scandalous.”
Kurt smiled, and felt every bit of his body relax into the more effeminate posture and gesture that had gotten him teased as a very young child, back before he learned to control it. “I’d love to hear your opinions about gays serving openly in the military, but I suspect you’re not exactly toeing the party line on that issue. Are you, Mr. Crandall?”
Kurt fixed the man with a steely gaze, and waited for him to blink before he continued. He reached into his jacket pocket for his cell phone, and scrolled through the contacts. “I know you like to think you run the party, but I have the real leaders on speed dial. I’m sure they’d all love to hear your opinions, too. Who should it be? Press Secretary? Chief of Staff? Or, wait, what about the President? I’m sure she’d be especially interested to hear about a little email that a poor intern sent, a very threatening email that resulted in said intern being fired. I do believe your name came up in her story.” Kurt waved his phone in the air, and watched while Crandall turned bright red, then pale, then red again.
“I- you- ” Crandall sputtered ineffectually, hands opening and closing at the hem of his jacket.
Kurt set his phone on the table and patted Crandall gently on the shoulder. He softened his voice even more. “Why don’t you go back to your family. Enjoy the rest of your meal. And be sure to watch the news tomorrow; you’ll have a lot to talk about then. I’d just be careful what you say in public. Because we will all be watching.”
Kurt waited until Crandall had retreated silently before sinking back into his chair. Noah just stared at him, and Jamie smiled.
“Did you even know you had such a snarky Inner Queen?,” he asked as he slid the dessert menu back towards Kurt.
Kurt shook his head. “I haven’t- um. No.” He shrugged. “I got picked on a lot in elementary school, so I just hid that part of me.” He waited while the others took that in, and waved the waitress over.
“Molten chocolate cake and another martini, please.” He smiled at her, and then looked back at Noah, Jamie, and Bill. He felt his eyes light up, and his laugh was more like a cackle. “That was long overdue. And,” he continued after a sip of water, “it was fun!”
**
Kurt felt like he was waiting on pins and needles all day. AJ had released their simple, four sentence press release in the packet at the morning briefing, and hadn’t taken a single question about it. Kurt spent the morning in his office reading and re-reading Bill’s speech, and he kept catching glimpses of Noah pacing anxiously in the hall until he left at 11 am for a final meeting at the Capital with Bill and Senator Brennan. Kurt waited until noon before he couldn’t stand it anymore, and packed up to head to the Capital himself. He met Jamie as planned at 12:30, escorted him through security and up to Senator Brennan’s office. And then it was just a matter of waiting.
The Senator tried his best to make small talk, but Kurt figured that was kind of futile when both Bill and Noah looked like they were about to vomit. In the end, he pulled Noah into the long-unused copy room on the third floor that was still unused, and shoved a lukewarm ginger ale at him. “Sip, gently.” He rubbed small, soothing circles on Noah’s shoulder and felt Noah relax slightly. “You’ve done all you can. You can’t control the outcome, you can just get your message out there. And like you told me last night, Bill is a big boy who can take care of himself.”
“What if this is all a mistake?” Noah sipped the ginger ale with trembling hands.
“If those West Point cadets were here right now, would they tell you it was a mistake?”
“Probably not.”
“Okay, then. We can only move forward from here.” Noah stared at his impeccably shined dress shoes, and Kurt had to strengthen his voice to get his attention. “Baby. It’s going to be fine.”
Noah reached up and laced his fingers into Kurt’s. “When did you get so brave?”
Kurt shrugged. “I guess channeling my inner diva last night did something.”
“You’re not scared anymore.” It wasn’t a question.
Kurt shook his head and smiled. “No. I suppose I’m not.”
“Good. That’s good.” Kurt could tell Noah’s mind was wandering back to the press conference, so he took his hand and squeezed gently before pulling Noah to his feet and leading him back up the hall to the Senator’s office, where the silence threatened to suffocate. He left Noah then, and escaped into the cool bright and bustle of the hallway and waited, head tilted back against the wall and eyes closed against the echo of Noah’s words in his brain. What if this is all a mistake?
It couldn’t be a mistake; Kurt wasn’t sure of much, but his new inner resolve was positive of that. And he felt like he needed to hold onto it with an iron grip.
**
Noah sipped at that damn warm soda for close to an hour before Senator Brennan’s assistant threw the office door open and nodded at them. “It’s time,” she whispered, and Noah followed the Senator and Bill out into the hall, Jamie on his heels. The procession was slightly awkward, the Senator moving briskly while Noah and Bill tried to keep up, Kurt and Jamie lingering back a handful of steps. As they rounded a corner, Noah heard Kurt whisper to Jamie, sotto voce: Welcome to the spouse’s club!
Noah was almost surprised at the number of press there; he wondered absently if it had to do with the morning’s press release, but he didn’t have time to dwell before he was being urged to the podium. He cleared his throat once, and began.
“Thank you all for coming today. As you know, we have been working hard to foster cooperation among both parties on the matter of repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. We are here today for important statements in that matter from Senator William Brennan of Nebraska and his son, Air Force Lieutenant Colonel William Brennan.”
Noah stepped aside, and then back to the area at the side of the room where Kurt and Jamie stood, pretending to be invisible. He moved close enough so that the motion of Kurt’s hand against his own was invisible, and let out a breath as Bill started his statement.
“Good afternoon. The statement I am about to read has the potential to impact 16 years of military service, but the continued enforcement of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell will impact many more lives and careers than just mine. I am a graduate of the United States Air Force Academy. I have served two combat tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. And I am here today to come out publicly as a gay man. I have served proudly in the Air Force since I was 18 years old; I have upheld the values and beliefs of our military because they are my values and beliefs as well. But it is no longer prudent for me to keep serving in secrecy, not when my coming out can help the fight. I stand here today to urge all members of Congress to support the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. It’s not just my career on the line. It’s the careers of hundreds of service members around the world, and it’s about the strength and health of our military. Asking soldiers to keep secrets in order to serve is contrary to every value the military instills in recruits. It harms us and our families, and weakens unit cohesion and readiness. I am lucky; I have parents who have kept my secret, and feared for me every day since I was 22 years old. I have a partner who waits patiently, and supports me, and wonders every day if today is going to be the day one of us slips up and I get investigated. Serving in secret is a life lived in fear. It is time for all of us to come together and repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, so that nobody else has to sacrifice identity for country.”
The press was silent as Senator Brennan stepped up, clapped Bill on the shoulder and turned his gaze into the room.
“I am here today as the proud father of a gay soldier. When William came to me just after his graduation from the Air Force Academy and told me he was gay, I asked him what that meant for his career. William assured me that he wanted to honor his commitment, and wanted to make a career of military service. In that moment, I had to make a decision, and I made the right one, the only one I could make at the time: I promised William that I would support him, and his career. And if that meant keeping his secret, so be it. I urge my colleagues on the Armed Services Committee to move on the bill before us before the close of business on Monday, so that we may begin the ling process of repealing the law that is harming not only our military as an institution but also the men and women who give their lives in service to it. And once the bill reaches the House and the Senate, I will advocate for swift passage. This move is long overdue. We can never right the wrong for those soldiers who have already been discharged in the years since the law took effect, but we can change things for those who are still serving, who are living lives of secrets and silence. Thank you.”
The reporters were silent for half a breath before exploding into a frenzy of shouts and camera flashes and utter chaos. Kurt leaned into Noah and raised his voice to be heard above the noise. “Are you going to take questions?”
Noah shook his head. “Not me, but I think Bill and the Senator might.”
They did. Or, rather, the Senator did. Bill stood behind him, slightly to his right, and waited while his father answered questions about being a parent of a gay child, and whether that affected his votes on every social issue under the sun. Noah couldn’t help but fidget a little at some of the more inane questions, and he was a little disappointed that none of the reporters asked more about the repeal. But he supposed he had no right to complain; bad questions were better than no questions, and the fact that a known conservative Senator was coming out in support of his gay son was going to get them lots of news coverage regardless.
**
It was edging close to midnight by the time Kurt and Noah said their goodnights to Bill and Jamie and a surprisingly jovial Senator Brennan.
“I think,” Kurt mused into Noah’s jacket as they walked, entwined, from the restaurant to the Metro, “that Senator Brennan was a little drunk.”
He felt Noah’s lips graze his cheek. “I think someone else might be a little drunk.”
Kurt felt his cheeks warm in the darkness. “Nope. A little buzzed, maybe, but not drunk.”
“It was a good day,” Noah sighed, straightening and taking Kurt’s hand as they descended the Metro stairs. “Do you have any idea how proud I am of you?”
“Proud of me for what?” Kurt had to dig around in his pocket for his fare card, and he waited on the other side of the turnstile for Noah to swipe his own card before they wandered slowly through the echoing, nearly empty station.
“For everything. The press statement, and Bill’s statement, and being there with me today. You didn’t have to do that.”
Kurt shrugged. “It was important. Not just for you, you know that, right? For all of us. I haven’t had a chance to tell you about this kid I met. When I was in Lima?”
“When you talked to those classes.” Noah pulled him closer in the cool of the station; their train was still 10 minutes out, by the computerized board over the tracks.
“Yeah. His name is Michael. His teacher said that he’s a good kid, quiet and smart. He seemed a little shy, and so grateful that I was open and honest about being gay.” Kurt scuffed at the yellow safety line with the toe of his loafer. “He asked me if it really did get better, like all those videos say.”
“What did you tell him?”
“I told him things got easier. Never perfect, but yes, better. And I gave him one of my cards.” He huffed a breath of air that turned pale white. “He’s got a friend looking out for him, and his teacher. He’ll be okay. But he made me realize that being scared doesn’t just hurt me. It hurts Michael and the other kids like him, like us.”
“I love you, but I also really like seeing a more confident you.” Kurt could feel Noah’s smile. “You did a really good job on Bill’s statement, and the one you gave to AJ for the press? So much in so few words. We’ll have to go out for the papers in the morning.”
Kurt leaned in a little closer as the approaching train sucked into the station, and they waited, hand-in-hand, for a couple of passengers to get off. The train itself was warm and bright, and Kurt picked a seat in the back, because his alcohol buzz was making him want to be a little handsy with Noah. He waited patiently while Noah folded himself into the seat against the motion of the already-moving train, and then he leaned over and ran the tip of his tongue over the spot just behind Noah’s ear that made him shiver every freaking time. He felt the shiver, and heard Noah’s faint moan, and then Noah was pulling away and clearing his throat.
“K,” he said, voice low and full, nodding at a middle-aged man sitting in one of the sideways seats in the middle of the car. He was clearly trying not to watch them, and Kurt felt suddenly embarrassed. He ducked his forehead against Noah’s shoulder.
“Crap. I didn’t think-”
Noah’s hand was gentle on his arm. “it’s okay. But I think we should wait till we get home.”
“Yeah. You’re right.” He still leaned into Noah, though, letting the motion of the train wash over him as the world passed by outside.
After the next stop, though, the man got up and moved closer to them. He smiled, and looked at Noah with kind eyes. “You put together that press conference today.”
“Yes, sir,” Noah nodded. The man turned his gaze on Kurt.
“Did you write all the statements today?” The man gestured to the folded newspaper tucked under his arm.
“Yes.”
“Good work, both of you,” he nodded as the train slowed around the final curve before Noah and Kurt’s stop. “Brave. I hope . . .” he swallowed against something, and Kurt pretended that he didn’t see the man’s eyes filling up with tears. “I hope it works. The silence, it takes some people. We need more who speak out, to save the ones who can’t. Anyway. Thank you.” The man smiled sadly at them, and was up and off the train before Noah and Kurt had even registered he was gone.
“I guess we did good,” Kurt whispered as they left the train for the cool of the night.
Noah wrapped an arm around Kurt’s waist and kissed his hair. “Yeah, we did. C’mon, let’s go home.”