Primeval crack!fic: More Tea And Crackers
Title: More Tea and Crackers.
Author: knitekat
Word Count: ~1625
Characters: James Lester, Claudia Brown, Nick Cutter, Ditzy (OC)
Rating: 12
Disclaimer: Primeval belongs to Impossible Pictures. Certainly not me. Writing for fun and will replace. Ditzy belongs to Fred and the idea to Doc Martin.
A/N: Crack!fic and sequel to Tea and Crackers. Thanks to Luka for the beta.
Cutter shifted nervously from foot to foot as he waited for Lester to answer his door.
“I wouldn't think you'd be worried about a meal, Nick.”
Claudia's cultured tones served to ease Cutter's concerns. She'd soon see how crazy Lester was acting... assuming he was still acting like that. Cutter could only hope he was, as no one would believe him if he just accused Lester of being... well, mad.
Lester opened the door and motioned them inside. “Good, you're on time. Come in and sit down. Can I get you a drink? I make great coffee.”
Claudia smiled. “Coffee would be fine, James.”
“Right. Cutter?”
Cutter nodded as he looked around the flat. “Nice place you have, um, James.”
“Thanks. Anthony's been a great help with the decorating.”
Cutter managed to smile at that. “Oh? Good.”
“Lounge is through there. Make yourselves at home, I'll get the coffees.”
Cutter took his time to look around the room, waiting for Lester's return and then, hopefully, Claudia would know what to do about him.
“Here you are,” Lester announced as he returned with three coffees and a glass of water. “Ant doesn't drink coffee, doesn't do his nerves any good.” He glanced at the clock. “He's late. Maybe he'll join us later. I hope you like curry?”
“I'm sure we will, James,” Claudia smiled as she sipped her coffee. “Lovely coffee, isn't it Nick.”
Cutter hastily took a sip and almost coughed. “Best I've tasted.”
“Good.” Lester smiled. “Curry will be ready in about 10 minutes, so if you'll excuse me...”
After several minutes of Cutter wandering around the room and shooting glances at the kitchen, Claudia quirked an eyebrow at him. “You're acting jittery, Nick.”
“Um. Have you met Anthony?”
Before Claudia could reply, Lester came back in. “Curry's ready. I hope you're all hungry.”
Cutter's eyebrow rose as he spotted a plate with a yellow-coloured pile on it, plus the three empty plates.
“Oh, that's polenta. That's Anthony's favourite, you know.”
“Oh,” Cutter said as he carefully chose the chair furthest from Lester.
The three sat and ate their food, the conversation light until Lester sighed. “I'm really sorry about this. I don't know what to say. Anthony suggested this, I thought he'd be here.”
“Maybe he's been held up somewhere, James.”
Cutter sighed softly. So Claudia didn't know about Anthony...
“Ah, Anthony, there you are.” Lester stood up and wrapped an arm around his invisible friend. “Anthony wants a little chat. Will you be all right...?”
“On course, James.”
Cutter waited until Lester had left before turning to face Claudia. “What do we do about him?”
“Who?” Claudia asked as she continued with her meal.
“Lester.” Cutter's voice dropped to a whisper. “He's delusional. He thinks he lives with a giant squirrel.”
“Anthony?” Claudia asked calmly. “Well, that's nothing new. We've had Anthony for years.”
“You have?”
Claudia nodded. “You go along with him, James is fine.”
Cutter looked at her in shock. “He's mad.”
“No, James is just a little odd.” Claudia nodded. “He's actually quite brilliant and is superb at his job.”
“So...” Cutter waved his hand. “All this...”
“We cut him a lot of slack, Nick,” Claudia said firmly.
“Right,” Cutter muttered.
“James is fine, Nick. Just go along with Anthony and everything will be fine.” Claudia smiled as Lester re-entered the room. “James, how is Anthony?”
“Um.” Lester sighed softly. “He's upset. Wants to go to his room. I am sorry about that.”
Claudia's eyebrow rose. “James. Has he been taking his medication?”
Lester frowned. “Um. No. It ran out a few weeks ago and I haven't had time to see my doctor.”
Claudia nodded. “Right. I'll phone Ditzy and see if he can get you an emergency supply.”
“I'll make an appointment tomorrow, Claudia.”
“Ditzy won't mind, James.” Claudia reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. “Ah, sorry for phoning, Lieutenant Owen. James has run out of medication for Anthony...” She paused for a moment. “Oh, you will. Thank you, Lieutenant.”
Cutter had to wonder just how many people know about Lester as he listened in. Was insanity really that accepted in the Home Office?
“James, Ditzy says he will try to fill Anthony's prescription. He'll bring it around asap.”
Lester smiled gratefully. “Anthony will be so grateful.”
“And next time, James, you need to tell me or Ditzy or Lorraine when you get low, OK?”
Lester nodded. “Yes. I'll do that. Anthony gets so frantic when he runs out.”
Claudia nodded. “I know he does, James. Now, sit down and eat your curry before it gets cold.”
“Um.. I should go and see Ant.”
“James!” Claudia's voice had Lester looking at her. “Ditzy will be here soon, so why don't we just let Anthony have some time alone?”
Lester slowly nodded as he began to eat. “Nick? You're not eating. I hope you won't judge Anthony by tonight. He's usually much friendlier.”
Cutter blinked at Lester in shock, before a well-aimed kick by Claudia shook him from it. “Um. No. Not at all.” He quickly resumed eating. The sooner he finished the sooner he could get out of this mad-house.
***
A short time later, a knock on the door announced Ditzy's arrival. He shook a bottle of tablets at Lester. “Next time, James, tell me you're getting low.” Ditzy handed the bottle to Lester. “Now, these are slightly different. Stronger. Take one a day and no more than one every 24 hours. They're fast-acting too.”
Claudia nodded to Ditzy. “Thanks for getting them, Lieutenant.”
“Yes. Thank you. Anthony will be so grateful.” Lester took the bottle and tapped one pill into his hand.
“James? Can I get you a glass of water.”
“No thanks, Claudia.” Lester quickly dry-swallowed the pill and sighed. “Bloody miracle workers, these chemists, aren't they?”
“Yes, James.” Claudia spoke firmly. “I think it's time we were going.”
“So soon?”
“I think you need to get some sleep, sir,” Ditzy replied. “We'll all see you tomorrow, yeah?”
Lester nodded as he repeated, “Yes.” He shifted his feet slightly nervously. “Um. I've gone over the top, haven't I?”
“Just a little, James,” Claudia answered. “Just remember to tell someone if you run low on your pills again.”
Cutter almost snorted at that. A little? Lester was over the top and half-way up the hill.
“I will.”
“Good. Night, James,” Claudia leaned in to kiss Lester's cheek. “See you in the morning.”
“Night,” Lester said, waving as they turned back at his call.
Cutter's steps were somewhat faster then his companions. He just couldn't believe that no one seemed concerned that Lester was out-and-out bonkers. Were other members of the civil service equally mad? Was Claudia? Cutter hoped not, he was really starting to like her.
Ditzy just seemed to accept Lester's madness too. Didn't the Special Forces worry about their men being sent into danger by a man who thought he lived with a giant squirrel? Didn't they wonder if Lester'd get them killed on some delusional episode he was experiencing?
Bloody hell. Cutter knew he'd have to keep an eye on the man himself. He obviously couldn't trust his companions to do what they should... Cutter sighed.
“Nick?” Claudia's voice jolted Cutter from his thoughts. “Please, don't mention James' eccentricity to anyone. We do know what we're doing with him.”
“He's bonkers!”
“He's...” Claudia sighed softly. “There are things you don't know about James, Nick. He was in a bad situation several years ago. It made him... well, a bit odd.”
“Odd?” Cutter asked scathingly. “He's mad and in charge of the biggest discovery of the century.”
Ditzy cleared his throat. “Sir James is perfectly capable of doing his job, Professor.”
Cutter gave them a searching look. “Why do you cover for him?”
Claudia and Ditzy exchanged a look before Claudia sighed. “James is very good at his job, Nick.” She raised a hand before Nick could reply. “Yes, I know, he's 'mad'.” She sighed again. “James was tasked with a delicate and classified mission. He was captured and tortured by individuals who opposed his task. Ditzy was one of the soldiers who rescued him.”
Ditzy took up the story. “We look after him and keep his secret because it was one of our side who betrayed him.”
Cutter nodded. “And so, you just let him go on believing he lives with a squirrel? Couldn't a therapist help him?”
“We hope so, Nick.” Claudia glanced back towards Lester's flat. “It is finding one we trust and who James will talk too. Please, Nick, don't mention it to anyone.”
Cutter sighed as he looked at them. Could he just let it go? Should he? Lester was a pencil-pushing pain in the arse, but... he nodded. “OK.” At Claudia's and Ditzy's relieved sighs, Cutter added, “But I'm keeping an eye on him.”
“Of course,” Claudia said. “He really is harmless, Nick.”
“We'll see,” Cutter muttered, although he had to admit that, apart from 'Anthony', Lester seemed perfectly capable of living in the real world. After all, better the devil you know, even if he was bonkers, than the one you didn't.
Author: knitekat
Word Count: ~1625
Characters: James Lester, Claudia Brown, Nick Cutter, Ditzy (OC)
Rating: 12
Disclaimer: Primeval belongs to Impossible Pictures. Certainly not me. Writing for fun and will replace. Ditzy belongs to Fred and the idea to Doc Martin.
A/N: Crack!fic and sequel to Tea and Crackers. Thanks to Luka for the beta.
Cutter shifted nervously from foot to foot as he waited for Lester to answer his door.
“I wouldn't think you'd be worried about a meal, Nick.”
Claudia's cultured tones served to ease Cutter's concerns. She'd soon see how crazy Lester was acting... assuming he was still acting like that. Cutter could only hope he was, as no one would believe him if he just accused Lester of being... well, mad.
Lester opened the door and motioned them inside. “Good, you're on time. Come in and sit down. Can I get you a drink? I make great coffee.”
Claudia smiled. “Coffee would be fine, James.”
“Right. Cutter?”
Cutter nodded as he looked around the flat. “Nice place you have, um, James.”
“Thanks. Anthony's been a great help with the decorating.”
Cutter managed to smile at that. “Oh? Good.”
“Lounge is through there. Make yourselves at home, I'll get the coffees.”
Cutter took his time to look around the room, waiting for Lester's return and then, hopefully, Claudia would know what to do about him.
“Here you are,” Lester announced as he returned with three coffees and a glass of water. “Ant doesn't drink coffee, doesn't do his nerves any good.” He glanced at the clock. “He's late. Maybe he'll join us later. I hope you like curry?”
“I'm sure we will, James,” Claudia smiled as she sipped her coffee. “Lovely coffee, isn't it Nick.”
Cutter hastily took a sip and almost coughed. “Best I've tasted.”
“Good.” Lester smiled. “Curry will be ready in about 10 minutes, so if you'll excuse me...”
After several minutes of Cutter wandering around the room and shooting glances at the kitchen, Claudia quirked an eyebrow at him. “You're acting jittery, Nick.”
“Um. Have you met Anthony?”
Before Claudia could reply, Lester came back in. “Curry's ready. I hope you're all hungry.”
Cutter's eyebrow rose as he spotted a plate with a yellow-coloured pile on it, plus the three empty plates.
“Oh, that's polenta. That's Anthony's favourite, you know.”
“Oh,” Cutter said as he carefully chose the chair furthest from Lester.
The three sat and ate their food, the conversation light until Lester sighed. “I'm really sorry about this. I don't know what to say. Anthony suggested this, I thought he'd be here.”
“Maybe he's been held up somewhere, James.”
Cutter sighed softly. So Claudia didn't know about Anthony...
“Ah, Anthony, there you are.” Lester stood up and wrapped an arm around his invisible friend. “Anthony wants a little chat. Will you be all right...?”
“On course, James.”
Cutter waited until Lester had left before turning to face Claudia. “What do we do about him?”
“Who?” Claudia asked as she continued with her meal.
“Lester.” Cutter's voice dropped to a whisper. “He's delusional. He thinks he lives with a giant squirrel.”
“Anthony?” Claudia asked calmly. “Well, that's nothing new. We've had Anthony for years.”
“You have?”
Claudia nodded. “You go along with him, James is fine.”
Cutter looked at her in shock. “He's mad.”
“No, James is just a little odd.” Claudia nodded. “He's actually quite brilliant and is superb at his job.”
“So...” Cutter waved his hand. “All this...”
“We cut him a lot of slack, Nick,” Claudia said firmly.
“Right,” Cutter muttered.
“James is fine, Nick. Just go along with Anthony and everything will be fine.” Claudia smiled as Lester re-entered the room. “James, how is Anthony?”
“Um.” Lester sighed softly. “He's upset. Wants to go to his room. I am sorry about that.”
Claudia's eyebrow rose. “James. Has he been taking his medication?”
Lester frowned. “Um. No. It ran out a few weeks ago and I haven't had time to see my doctor.”
Claudia nodded. “Right. I'll phone Ditzy and see if he can get you an emergency supply.”
“I'll make an appointment tomorrow, Claudia.”
“Ditzy won't mind, James.” Claudia reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. “Ah, sorry for phoning, Lieutenant Owen. James has run out of medication for Anthony...” She paused for a moment. “Oh, you will. Thank you, Lieutenant.”
Cutter had to wonder just how many people know about Lester as he listened in. Was insanity really that accepted in the Home Office?
“James, Ditzy says he will try to fill Anthony's prescription. He'll bring it around asap.”
Lester smiled gratefully. “Anthony will be so grateful.”
“And next time, James, you need to tell me or Ditzy or Lorraine when you get low, OK?”
Lester nodded. “Yes. I'll do that. Anthony gets so frantic when he runs out.”
Claudia nodded. “I know he does, James. Now, sit down and eat your curry before it gets cold.”
“Um.. I should go and see Ant.”
“James!” Claudia's voice had Lester looking at her. “Ditzy will be here soon, so why don't we just let Anthony have some time alone?”
Lester slowly nodded as he began to eat. “Nick? You're not eating. I hope you won't judge Anthony by tonight. He's usually much friendlier.”
Cutter blinked at Lester in shock, before a well-aimed kick by Claudia shook him from it. “Um. No. Not at all.” He quickly resumed eating. The sooner he finished the sooner he could get out of this mad-house.
***
A short time later, a knock on the door announced Ditzy's arrival. He shook a bottle of tablets at Lester. “Next time, James, tell me you're getting low.” Ditzy handed the bottle to Lester. “Now, these are slightly different. Stronger. Take one a day and no more than one every 24 hours. They're fast-acting too.”
Claudia nodded to Ditzy. “Thanks for getting them, Lieutenant.”
“Yes. Thank you. Anthony will be so grateful.” Lester took the bottle and tapped one pill into his hand.
“James? Can I get you a glass of water.”
“No thanks, Claudia.” Lester quickly dry-swallowed the pill and sighed. “Bloody miracle workers, these chemists, aren't they?”
“Yes, James.” Claudia spoke firmly. “I think it's time we were going.”
“So soon?”
“I think you need to get some sleep, sir,” Ditzy replied. “We'll all see you tomorrow, yeah?”
Lester nodded as he repeated, “Yes.” He shifted his feet slightly nervously. “Um. I've gone over the top, haven't I?”
“Just a little, James,” Claudia answered. “Just remember to tell someone if you run low on your pills again.”
Cutter almost snorted at that. A little? Lester was over the top and half-way up the hill.
“I will.”
“Good. Night, James,” Claudia leaned in to kiss Lester's cheek. “See you in the morning.”
“Night,” Lester said, waving as they turned back at his call.
Cutter's steps were somewhat faster then his companions. He just couldn't believe that no one seemed concerned that Lester was out-and-out bonkers. Were other members of the civil service equally mad? Was Claudia? Cutter hoped not, he was really starting to like her.
Ditzy just seemed to accept Lester's madness too. Didn't the Special Forces worry about their men being sent into danger by a man who thought he lived with a giant squirrel? Didn't they wonder if Lester'd get them killed on some delusional episode he was experiencing?
Bloody hell. Cutter knew he'd have to keep an eye on the man himself. He obviously couldn't trust his companions to do what they should... Cutter sighed.
“Nick?” Claudia's voice jolted Cutter from his thoughts. “Please, don't mention James' eccentricity to anyone. We do know what we're doing with him.”
“He's bonkers!”
“He's...” Claudia sighed softly. “There are things you don't know about James, Nick. He was in a bad situation several years ago. It made him... well, a bit odd.”
“Odd?” Cutter asked scathingly. “He's mad and in charge of the biggest discovery of the century.”
Ditzy cleared his throat. “Sir James is perfectly capable of doing his job, Professor.”
Cutter gave them a searching look. “Why do you cover for him?”
Claudia and Ditzy exchanged a look before Claudia sighed. “James is very good at his job, Nick.” She raised a hand before Nick could reply. “Yes, I know, he's 'mad'.” She sighed again. “James was tasked with a delicate and classified mission. He was captured and tortured by individuals who opposed his task. Ditzy was one of the soldiers who rescued him.”
Ditzy took up the story. “We look after him and keep his secret because it was one of our side who betrayed him.”
Cutter nodded. “And so, you just let him go on believing he lives with a squirrel? Couldn't a therapist help him?”
“We hope so, Nick.” Claudia glanced back towards Lester's flat. “It is finding one we trust and who James will talk too. Please, Nick, don't mention it to anyone.”
Cutter sighed as he looked at them. Could he just let it go? Should he? Lester was a pencil-pushing pain in the arse, but... he nodded. “OK.” At Claudia's and Ditzy's relieved sighs, Cutter added, “But I'm keeping an eye on him.”
“Of course,” Claudia said. “He really is harmless, Nick.”
“We'll see,” Cutter muttered, although he had to admit that, apart from 'Anthony', Lester seemed perfectly capable of living in the real world. After all, better the devil you know, even if he was bonkers, than the one you didn't.