this is for real
i am not writing this to whine, or complain, or anything else i tend to do here. in fact, the past two days have been amazing. but amazingness with a boy other than kevin leaves me slightly confused, and right now i am looking for honest, friendly advice. or insight.
most of you on my friends page know of my current situation with kevin. or know of it to some degree. if not, this need not apply to you. anyhow, as you have all (hopefully) read, i met a boy. and he is spectacular. the connection was instant which is quite new to me. i mean, i have a crush on most every boy i meet, but it's not the same in this situation. i don't think it's a crush, i think it is like. this leaves me terribly confused with my relationship with kevin, who, up until now, was the only boy i'd really give the time of day to for the last year. i'm new to the dating world now, or at least that's how i feel, even though kevin and i were never really dating. i still kept myself free. for him.
i guess what i am asking is, is this okay? i mean, i know it is. i think it is. me liking a boy, who likes me back just the same. i have been telling myself for the past several months that i've lived in providence that now that i am not living with kevin, i really should start doing more things to make myself happy, rather than always trying to make him happy, and that i should move on for the time being. since kevin says he can't have a relationship with me now, which only makes sense living two hours apart and neither one of us having a car, i should explore new things, right? i am tired of sitting at home sad because he won't call me, and he doesn't really try to cheer me up when im bummed out, either. it just seems the closer i get myself to him, the further he pushes himself from me.
i know this post is pointless, but i'm really afraid of what might happen to my relationship with kevin, and i am also afraid my moving on will trigger him to get jealous and start being there for me the way i've been waiting forever for him to be and i don't know how i'll react to that. but i think for the first time in a long time (or ever), i am more afraid of what might happen to me if i keep this up much longer. i guess i'm just here looking for some friendly assurance.
i am going to the cape tomorrow night to hang out. i think that will help me see what i need to do. please, if you understand any of this, let me know what you think.
thanks. i ♥ my friends.
most of you on my friends page know of my current situation with kevin. or know of it to some degree. if not, this need not apply to you. anyhow, as you have all (hopefully) read, i met a boy. and he is spectacular. the connection was instant which is quite new to me. i mean, i have a crush on most every boy i meet, but it's not the same in this situation. i don't think it's a crush, i think it is like. this leaves me terribly confused with my relationship with kevin, who, up until now, was the only boy i'd really give the time of day to for the last year. i'm new to the dating world now, or at least that's how i feel, even though kevin and i were never really dating. i still kept myself free. for him.
i guess what i am asking is, is this okay? i mean, i know it is. i think it is. me liking a boy, who likes me back just the same. i have been telling myself for the past several months that i've lived in providence that now that i am not living with kevin, i really should start doing more things to make myself happy, rather than always trying to make him happy, and that i should move on for the time being. since kevin says he can't have a relationship with me now, which only makes sense living two hours apart and neither one of us having a car, i should explore new things, right? i am tired of sitting at home sad because he won't call me, and he doesn't really try to cheer me up when im bummed out, either. it just seems the closer i get myself to him, the further he pushes himself from me.
i know this post is pointless, but i'm really afraid of what might happen to my relationship with kevin, and i am also afraid my moving on will trigger him to get jealous and start being there for me the way i've been waiting forever for him to be and i don't know how i'll react to that. but i think for the first time in a long time (or ever), i am more afraid of what might happen to me if i keep this up much longer. i guess i'm just here looking for some friendly assurance.
i am going to the cape tomorrow night to hang out. i think that will help me see what i need to do. please, if you understand any of this, let me know what you think.
thanks. i ♥ my friends.