Melancholy (I did say I was going to use it more . . .)
Why do I feel empty all of the time lately? Whatever I do, I just can't seem to be truly happy. I usualy feel like I am going to cry at any moment of the day. I am just so stressed with my job, classes and the student teaching that is upon me that I feel overwhelmed. My cooperating teacher did tell me a few weeks ago that this was the hardest year I was ever going to have. She said that it would be physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually draining. I had mixed feelings to this. One side of me was relieved that she has seen this before in her student teachers and I was not alone in my stress. On the other hand, this statement just made me feel more stressed out; it is going to get worse.
Adding to my stress is the feeling of being alone and an outcast. I really don't fit in anywhere anymore. Andrea was right; I do flourish in a large staff. I need a group to ba a part of and fall back on when I need to. I don't have that anymore and it is not good. I know I should go to Holes and be with them more, but it is awkward to just go over there and stalk out people. And when I am with them, like at our staff meetings, I revert to my old Katie ways and play the shy wall-flower. I don't fit in with other staffs because they are a unit and don't want others invading their space. I'm not really good friends with anyone in my bock of classes. I have the few people that I talk to during class and do projects with, but we never hang out outside of school. I really should, because only they can understand what I am going through and how I feel about everything. I need to figure out something, because I can't keep on feeling like this for the rest of the year.
Adding to my stress is the feeling of being alone and an outcast. I really don't fit in anywhere anymore. Andrea was right; I do flourish in a large staff. I need a group to ba a part of and fall back on when I need to. I don't have that anymore and it is not good. I know I should go to Holes and be with them more, but it is awkward to just go over there and stalk out people. And when I am with them, like at our staff meetings, I revert to my old Katie ways and play the shy wall-flower. I don't fit in with other staffs because they are a unit and don't want others invading their space. I'm not really good friends with anyone in my bock of classes. I have the few people that I talk to during class and do projects with, but we never hang out outside of school. I really should, because only they can understand what I am going through and how I feel about everything. I need to figure out something, because I can't keep on feeling like this for the rest of the year.