I love you
The words have been said... We tried to just read it, and it worked for a while... then it became insufficient, too hard.
I'm the king of slow relationships, maybe because I didn't really want to be with the others whole-heartedly? My mind was always searching elsewhere, to right the wrongdoings of my past, I should have never dated anyone of them... Regardless of all my efforts to try to be great and try to make it right and work... they didn't deserve to be treated the way they were, which was halfway ignored.
I'm dont ignore Brandy, she's got my complete and utter attention. Which can be scary and intimidating all at the same time, I want to her to be happy...
I love her.
But thats where it gets scary; where it can get really really really really really scary and a relationship zone I've never experienced... the moment she knows how much power she's got over me.
with a flick of the finger, or a small request.... She can demand my company in Texas, and I'd go. I'd simply pack up everything accordingly, and I'd Go.
Scary, terrifying, really fucking terrifying... I'd just go if she asked and thats all she needs to do... its a small talk to me and tell me to come to her, and that'll be enough for me to be with her.
We've got this plan, for her to move, and she's got the pending court date next month and its weighing heavily over her head... Its right around the corner, we've been having conversations about her gypsy style, and how much its a part of her personality.
Eleven minutes, I got this a few days ago.... She asked me to get it, and I got it. Uncharacteristic, granted its what most gentleman do... but typically with the other being here its easier, she's not... she's 1800 miles away, but the way we talk to each other, it feels like we're sitting next to each other every night, laughing and enjoying our stellar company.
Eleven Minutes, its started off very interesting, I love the writing style, I could understand why this is a landmark story for her. Maria is troubled, and she's a wandering soul, her diary entries hit me the hardest.... I know i'm going to relate to this story in more ways than one.
This relationship, we are in and enjoying is rapidly going thru its paces... Its scaring me a little bit... Some of the things we want/need to do need more prep time. Irrational, unprepared decisions is nothing I want to part-take in, but this is Brandy Montgomery, and these are her desires and her wants/requests... Her happiness is on the line.
We talk about Washington, we talk about moving up here and that its whats best. Personally I dont know, I haven't really been honest and told her how much I hate Washington and how this area has nothing more to give me and my life. But she needs her family, and Bree needs her family too... I want to take a risk, I never have tried the gypsy thing, but I know I couldn't do it alone. I'd be too scared, I'm a smart person with lots of drive, but I'm a terrible single and an extreme co-dependent when it comes to a decision like that.
I couldn't do it alone, and I know Brandy would be by my side. She wouldn't let me feel alone for one second.
Washington... it'll always be here, but its lost its "home" feeling, I dont know what "home" is. I'm surrounded by people who are happy because they have their match, their soul mate, I'll admit that I'm jealous... I'm 29 and I've been searching for that since I left the parents house, and the only thing I can take out of my efforts and experiences is that I'm cursed.... Brandy's haunted me for throughout the years and that I settled for a fake happiness... I look at Brandy over videos or photos or her messages sent, I haven't even touched her yet, and I'm happier than I've ever been with those simple things.
The Plan, one could believe in it... I dont think Brandy is completely sold on changing EVERYTHING. Thats really soon, really really quickly, Sept is right around the corner. We're out of our freaking minds.
Why cant this be easier? Can I just pray to god and request more time... Theres a part of me that wants to spend the rest of my life with her... but the rest of my life doesn't need to begin next week....
I want to enjoy this, make her smile, I want to forever date her and make her feel special. Bree deserves the world and a better father, I truly believe in my entire existence, my entire learning process leading up to finding Brandy has prepared me for Bree. I want to wake up in the morning for them, make them proud and provide for them in the best way possible...
She keeps telling me, "you're gonna have a family overnight" she's giving me hints, Brandy is a very smart girl, and no one gives her enough credit. I know that statement is real, and I brush it off... because, yes I want it, yes its overnight... Yes I've been yearning for this far longer than any other 29 yr old peer I know. But, Romance... I'm good at it, Romance is very enjoyable and a very overlooked aspect of a relationship. A family overnight vs. Romance, thats the real battle
God, I need more time, I dont want this to fail, nor do I want her to feel like I'm not ready for anything she wants to throw at me. I just want to experience everything correctly, be ready for whatever may be thrown my way. I dont want to be irrational and over confident, I want to be the love of her life because of what I do for her, how I make her feel, how she can trust me, how I treat her... not because of what I can provide for her.
I'm the king of slow relationships, theres a part of me that enjoys that we talk long distance for the first 3 months before I see her, that was my attempt of slow to start of with... but our personalities have definitely put a strain on this process because of how much we need each other in our lives. We're both terrible singles, Brandy needs love and I need it more.
I dont know how to fix this very hard dilemma, I dont even know how to bring it up. I'll just wait it out, if God is really watching over this situation then he'll make it right... thats what faith is all about right? letting go and letting life take its course and placing all the stress and all the worries in mother time and mother nature?
Everything will unfold... Brandy worries that her family wont really be there, because they never really have nor cooperated like other families do... All I want is to be the glue that keeps her family together, I want to be in their lives so bad. I need that motivation to wake up in the morning, that'll be the greatest gift I can ever receive. Glue is not exclusive to Washington.
I hope Brandy knows I've been posting on livejournal, so she can get into my head deeper... she's already there and its very eerie, but there are just somethings I'm too scared to admit because I dont want her to feel that I cant handle things, or I'm un-confident. Its a flaw of mine.
Please God, someone, anyone reading this... Watch over me, I've never been so happy and scared at the same time. I've got this overwhelming fear that I'm going to fuck this up, I've tried on numerous occasions to be happy, and when I feel like I am getting there, its seriously overnight... something out of my control happens and I LOSE EVERYTHING and I'm left picking up the parts and doing damage control.
Life is never easy, I just want to catch one break. Brandy Montgomery Rogers has shown me a new happiness, a new hope. I'm just scared, I'm so fucking scared because I listen to her all the time, even during her worst hours...
Maybe Brandy is that lucky break I've been wanting for so long. Her words are so touching and honest, I love her with every inch of my body. The kiss at the airport is the only thing on my mind, it'll be most of the greatest feelings of my life.
I'm the king of slow relationships, maybe because I didn't really want to be with the others whole-heartedly? My mind was always searching elsewhere, to right the wrongdoings of my past, I should have never dated anyone of them... Regardless of all my efforts to try to be great and try to make it right and work... they didn't deserve to be treated the way they were, which was halfway ignored.
I'm dont ignore Brandy, she's got my complete and utter attention. Which can be scary and intimidating all at the same time, I want to her to be happy...
I love her.
But thats where it gets scary; where it can get really really really really really scary and a relationship zone I've never experienced... the moment she knows how much power she's got over me.
with a flick of the finger, or a small request.... She can demand my company in Texas, and I'd go. I'd simply pack up everything accordingly, and I'd Go.
Scary, terrifying, really fucking terrifying... I'd just go if she asked and thats all she needs to do... its a small talk to me and tell me to come to her, and that'll be enough for me to be with her.
We've got this plan, for her to move, and she's got the pending court date next month and its weighing heavily over her head... Its right around the corner, we've been having conversations about her gypsy style, and how much its a part of her personality.
Eleven minutes, I got this a few days ago.... She asked me to get it, and I got it. Uncharacteristic, granted its what most gentleman do... but typically with the other being here its easier, she's not... she's 1800 miles away, but the way we talk to each other, it feels like we're sitting next to each other every night, laughing and enjoying our stellar company.
Eleven Minutes, its started off very interesting, I love the writing style, I could understand why this is a landmark story for her. Maria is troubled, and she's a wandering soul, her diary entries hit me the hardest.... I know i'm going to relate to this story in more ways than one.
This relationship, we are in and enjoying is rapidly going thru its paces... Its scaring me a little bit... Some of the things we want/need to do need more prep time. Irrational, unprepared decisions is nothing I want to part-take in, but this is Brandy Montgomery, and these are her desires and her wants/requests... Her happiness is on the line.
We talk about Washington, we talk about moving up here and that its whats best. Personally I dont know, I haven't really been honest and told her how much I hate Washington and how this area has nothing more to give me and my life. But she needs her family, and Bree needs her family too... I want to take a risk, I never have tried the gypsy thing, but I know I couldn't do it alone. I'd be too scared, I'm a smart person with lots of drive, but I'm a terrible single and an extreme co-dependent when it comes to a decision like that.
I couldn't do it alone, and I know Brandy would be by my side. She wouldn't let me feel alone for one second.
Washington... it'll always be here, but its lost its "home" feeling, I dont know what "home" is. I'm surrounded by people who are happy because they have their match, their soul mate, I'll admit that I'm jealous... I'm 29 and I've been searching for that since I left the parents house, and the only thing I can take out of my efforts and experiences is that I'm cursed.... Brandy's haunted me for throughout the years and that I settled for a fake happiness... I look at Brandy over videos or photos or her messages sent, I haven't even touched her yet, and I'm happier than I've ever been with those simple things.
The Plan, one could believe in it... I dont think Brandy is completely sold on changing EVERYTHING. Thats really soon, really really quickly, Sept is right around the corner. We're out of our freaking minds.
Why cant this be easier? Can I just pray to god and request more time... Theres a part of me that wants to spend the rest of my life with her... but the rest of my life doesn't need to begin next week....
I want to enjoy this, make her smile, I want to forever date her and make her feel special. Bree deserves the world and a better father, I truly believe in my entire existence, my entire learning process leading up to finding Brandy has prepared me for Bree. I want to wake up in the morning for them, make them proud and provide for them in the best way possible...
She keeps telling me, "you're gonna have a family overnight" she's giving me hints, Brandy is a very smart girl, and no one gives her enough credit. I know that statement is real, and I brush it off... because, yes I want it, yes its overnight... Yes I've been yearning for this far longer than any other 29 yr old peer I know. But, Romance... I'm good at it, Romance is very enjoyable and a very overlooked aspect of a relationship. A family overnight vs. Romance, thats the real battle
God, I need more time, I dont want this to fail, nor do I want her to feel like I'm not ready for anything she wants to throw at me. I just want to experience everything correctly, be ready for whatever may be thrown my way. I dont want to be irrational and over confident, I want to be the love of her life because of what I do for her, how I make her feel, how she can trust me, how I treat her... not because of what I can provide for her.
I'm the king of slow relationships, theres a part of me that enjoys that we talk long distance for the first 3 months before I see her, that was my attempt of slow to start of with... but our personalities have definitely put a strain on this process because of how much we need each other in our lives. We're both terrible singles, Brandy needs love and I need it more.
I dont know how to fix this very hard dilemma, I dont even know how to bring it up. I'll just wait it out, if God is really watching over this situation then he'll make it right... thats what faith is all about right? letting go and letting life take its course and placing all the stress and all the worries in mother time and mother nature?
Everything will unfold... Brandy worries that her family wont really be there, because they never really have nor cooperated like other families do... All I want is to be the glue that keeps her family together, I want to be in their lives so bad. I need that motivation to wake up in the morning, that'll be the greatest gift I can ever receive. Glue is not exclusive to Washington.
I hope Brandy knows I've been posting on livejournal, so she can get into my head deeper... she's already there and its very eerie, but there are just somethings I'm too scared to admit because I dont want her to feel that I cant handle things, or I'm un-confident. Its a flaw of mine.
Please God, someone, anyone reading this... Watch over me, I've never been so happy and scared at the same time. I've got this overwhelming fear that I'm going to fuck this up, I've tried on numerous occasions to be happy, and when I feel like I am getting there, its seriously overnight... something out of my control happens and I LOSE EVERYTHING and I'm left picking up the parts and doing damage control.
Life is never easy, I just want to catch one break. Brandy Montgomery Rogers has shown me a new happiness, a new hope. I'm just scared, I'm so fucking scared because I listen to her all the time, even during her worst hours...
Maybe Brandy is that lucky break I've been wanting for so long. Her words are so touching and honest, I love her with every inch of my body. The kiss at the airport is the only thing on my mind, it'll be most of the greatest feelings of my life.