(no subject)
Good god, I am so weary of being single. Don't get me wrong, most of the time, I'm fine. I'm pretty good at forgetting stuff even when I'm not trying. But then there's a couple days, like the last few, that unkindly remind me of what I'm missing out on.
3 days ago I was reading on the mall when this couple came with a blanket and sat down near me. Ostensibly to read textbooks, but it was really just an excuse to flirt and cuddle. Normally this doesn't bother me at all. I believe that public displays of affection should be belligerent and numerous. But that day it really bugged me. It wasn't that I was envious that they were a couple. It was that it was chilly out, and I was cold. And they were warm together. And I haven't been able to get that sensation out of my head.
I am so fucking sick of being cold. But I am happy. This is a very bizarre feeling for me. Most of the time, happiness and warmth go hand-in-hand. This is the first time it's been half-n-half. And I'm not using "warmth" only as a euphemism for relationships. I've felt the "warm" sensation many times when I've been single. Its just that I haven't been able to puzzle out how I seize it. (other than via relationship)
It is incredibly annoying that when I seize warmth, happiness evaporates. And when I seize happiness, warmth evaporates.
I wish I could put these feelings into words that make more sense.
I am so tired of sleeping alone.
3 days ago I was reading on the mall when this couple came with a blanket and sat down near me. Ostensibly to read textbooks, but it was really just an excuse to flirt and cuddle. Normally this doesn't bother me at all. I believe that public displays of affection should be belligerent and numerous. But that day it really bugged me. It wasn't that I was envious that they were a couple. It was that it was chilly out, and I was cold. And they were warm together. And I haven't been able to get that sensation out of my head.
I am so fucking sick of being cold. But I am happy. This is a very bizarre feeling for me. Most of the time, happiness and warmth go hand-in-hand. This is the first time it's been half-n-half. And I'm not using "warmth" only as a euphemism for relationships. I've felt the "warm" sensation many times when I've been single. Its just that I haven't been able to puzzle out how I seize it. (other than via relationship)
It is incredibly annoying that when I seize warmth, happiness evaporates. And when I seize happiness, warmth evaporates.
I wish I could put these feelings into words that make more sense.
I am so tired of sleeping alone.