(no subject)
Last week I started talking to Nat, My ex best friend who made my 1st love, Dave, kill himself. We've decided to try and move on from whats happened in the past and we're slowly becoming friends again. You see, I met Dave in 2003. He was 14 at this time and he was by far the most amazing person i'd ever met. We started dating and I slowly fell in love with him. I can't remember exactly what happened but for some reason, we broke up. I didn't want to break up with him but it wasn't really up to me. About a week after he broke up with me, my best friend at the time announced that she was dating him. She knew full well how much I cared for him and so I stopped talking to her. I tried to stay in contact with Dave but Nat was very over protective of him. She didn't really care about him though, She just wanted to fuck with his head. She'd done this to alot of boys before and they'd all gotten out of it fine but Dave fell in love with her. She kept fucking with his head to the point where he was so afraid of losing her, he figured she was the only thing he had to live for. When she eventually ended it, Dave tried to kill himself by slicing his wrists. He failed and went to hospital. No one turned around and said 'hey, this kids not happy. maybe we should help him' instead they just let him go. A few days later he tried again. He succeeded this time. It was November 14th 2003. I wasn't told about any of this until a week later. Because of this, I didn't get to go to his funeral. I didn't get so say goodbye. For about a year after this happened, Dave was always on my mind, he never left. Then, I got rid of anything that reminded me of him, including photos. I pushed him to the back of my mind and tried to move on. Lately I've been getting dreams about him where I see him, everyting's fine and then all of a sudden his whole body turns blue and he stops moving. I've been walking around perth and I'd think that I'd see him somewhere walking around or in a shop. Last week I got a photo of him back through Nat. It was the 1st time I'd seen a photo of him in over a year. All the feelings for him have come back, I don't know how to cope. I just wish I could hold him again, just one last time. I wish it could've ended better, I wish I told him how I felt. He was my 1st love and most likely my last. I've tried to love someone after dave but it's never really worked. I think that I subconsciously won't allow myself to feel for someone so much because of what happened the last time. I miss dave. I love him. I always loved him.