(no subject)
Title: To Travel the Ocean Blue
Ryan and Seth have a history. A long one that only they know about. But no one's going to tell it because Ryan's in a coma and Seth's about to kill himself. If Seth lives and Ryan wakes up only then will their story be told. But only if.
Angst and Romance. Ryan/Seth
Chapter One:The End is Where we Begin
Author: Knightdawn
A epic of sorts and has been my baby for many weeks. I really hope people will like this even if it is slightly naive.
It's clear to Seth now that he needs to let go.
He needs to relax and let everything work itself out.
Because he's fed up of the strong lattees, the quick five minute sleeps in tiny chairs, fast food breakfast, lunches and dinners and the eyes that are closed everytime he comes back from the bathroom; visits are quick and forced so he doesn't miss anything.
He's fed up of thinking about cutting his hair because its covering his eyelids.
He's fed up of smelling like disenfectant and hospitals.
He's fed up of coming home and missing the hospital, and he's bed next to Ryan.
He's fed up with everything but most of all he's fed up that Ryan's eyes aren't opening and that hope is slowly slipping away from him.
So he's going to end it all tonight.
He's going to ring his parents and tell them he does loves them contrary to popular belief.
He's going to visit Summer's boutique and tell her he will miss her witty banter with him.
And last, because these are the only people he talks to, he will visit Ryan and give him a kiss and tell him he loves him which everyone knows especially
Ryan because he hears it all the time.
Then he will go home, and turn all the lights out and shut all the curtains so he can get in the zone and then work out how.
He faints at the sight of blood so cutting is out of the question, he doesn't want to die squirming in mid air so hanging is out, he doesn't own a gun and would probably miss if he tried to shoot himself.
He turns the gas cooker on and then waits.
This is okay.
He feels a little drowsy but that's okay.
His throat feels thick like its closing and he is slowly slipping into black.
He slips from the kitchen chair and lies on the cold floor, curled up.
In the last seconds he holds out his hand to someone because he can see blue and he's pretty sure it's Ryan's eyes.
He tells him to come with him and a hand closes over his.
"No," It says. "Come with me."
And then all the blue becomes the ocean and he's pretty sure this is heaven because he feels nothing.
But if he had been paying attention he wouldn't have felt his heart miss a beat because in a darkly lite hospital room eyelids flickered open and blue eyes registered the ceiling and then closed again.
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Seth. Three Years Before.
When Ryan walked into Seth's living room that morning, Seth tells himself
he's not gay though the voice is very small.
He's sitting on the floor, propped up against the couch, fighting off pirates on playstation when the blonde boy, probably shorter then Seth, walks through the french doors from the poolhouse wearing jeans and a white wifebeater that he's obviously slept in.
"Hi," the blonde boy says as casually as possible but he sounds weary and nervous.
"I'm Ryan." He adds.
"I know who you are," Seth snaps bitterly because he's afraid of the feelings
this boy is stirring up in him.
His dad had informed him of who this was the night before.
"He's a client Seth, he needs a place to stay because his mum kicked him out. I think you might get along."
Seth had smirked. "What, me and a thief? I'm surprised you even want me to hang out with him. A yes to a thief but a no to Orange County brats."
His dad, Sandy, is a lawyer, but works in the PD's office for a quarter of the pay he would work anywhere else, helping kids stay out of Juvie. It's only Seth's mum, Kirsten, who keeps them living in a mansion on a hill with all the perks that come with being rich, white boy.
"I guess you're Seth." The boy states, shifting nervously where he stands and Seth can only nod as he tries to swallow away all his feelings and the tiny bit of vomit which is pretty sure it wants to escape.
"Can I sit?" Ryan asks and without waiting for an answer he flops down next to Seth and smiles at him before turning his attention to the game he is playing.
At this proximity Seth can see that Ryan's eyes are the same colour as the ocean he escapes on and that is the moment he falls in love with him.
He sits next to Ryan's muscular, scarred figure, counting the seconds between each intake of breath the blue eyed boy takes while absently fighting off pirates on and off screen.
He offers Ryan the controls after a while and the only talking done is Seth pointing out the controls and what to do.
He slowly begins to settle down, his heart is still jumpy but it doesn't feel like he's bouncing on a trampoline anymore, but he can't help his eye wandering over Ryan's bulging arm muscle, nor his scarred, worker tanned skin or his pants. Especially his pants.
"So," Seth says because Ryan's got the control of the game and all is to silent to be comfortable. "My dad didn't tell me much about you. Why did you break into that shop?"
It just slipped out, Seth would swear it, but Ryan's busy fingers are now still and he just got his head chopped off by a giant pirate and his sword.
He turns and looks at Seth, shocked by the question and Seth watches as a light seems to switch off behind the bright, sparkly eyes and he looks...dead.
"We thought it was a good idea."
"We?" Asks Seth when they're interrupted suddenly by the front door closing, and in walks Sandy with groceries under each arm and a smile upon his face.
"Well I see you too have met?" He says, not noticing the thick tensity between them and beside Seth, Ryan breathes a sigh of relief.
"Have you eaten Ryan?" Sandy asks and Ryan shakes his head.
"Come on then. I'm surprised Seth hasn't accomodated you properly."
Sandy walks through to the kitchen and Ryan follows silently.
Seth watches curiously, as Ryan turns around just once and looks at Seth as if to imprint him into his mind but Seth sees Ryan's eyes behind his blonde bangs and realizes the light has been switched back on.
Heart beating wildly, and breathing deep medative breathes, Seth gets up and goes to his bedroom to get changed.
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Seth opens his eyes in an ambulance and as he does all feeling returns.
Noises of people talking and a siren screaming panic Seth and he tries to sit up.
He has an oxygen mask on and he feels dizzy.
People push him back down and strap something over his body and afterwards he can't move again.
A dark haired girl whose name is Summer is sitting beside him, holding his hand and crying.
"Why?" She whispers and Seth begins to feel tears about to burst from his own eyes. "Why do that Seth?"
Seth wants to answer because he has a perfectly good reason but decides against it and drifts off back to his dreams.
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Seth. Three Years Before.
Later that day, after bed and pyjamas are traded for a shower and jeans and a t-shirt, Seth makes the venture downstairs.
He does so nervously and contiensously, one hand on the banner like the princess of a movie when she goes down to meet her prince charming.
And the entire time Seth is trying to convince himself that he's not gay and that he is not in love with Ryan, heart flutter, because:
A) he actually has a crush on Summer Roberts who is very much a girl.
and B) he doesn't believe in love at first sight.
In the kitchen he can hear his mum and dad talking and stops to eavesdrop.
"He can't stay here Sandy. I don't want our son associating with a criminal."
"He has no where else to go Kirsten. His mum kicked him out and do you know where that bruise came from, her boyfriend. Social Services will be open again on Monday, until then he has to stay here."
"He's not your responsibility."
"Actually he is Kirsten. I don't take kids out of lock up to have them put back in there a few weeks later and that is where Ryan is going unless we help him. Do you trust me?"
Before Seth finds out the verdict he sees Ryan leaving the pool house and decides to save him because he knows where this is leading to and he doesn't think Ryan needs extra baggage to carry.
He leaps down the stairs and flies out the door almost smashing straight into him.
"Hi," he says breathlessly because he's forgotten how much like the ocean Ryan's eyes look.
"Hi." Ryan says staring at him strangely.
"Do you want to come with me? I'm going to the pier."
Ryan looks around for a second as if the answer is going to make FBI agents jump out of the bushes and yell 'freeze!'
"Okay." He says finally and Seth lets go of air he was holding.
"Awesome. You can take your bike if you want. I'll skateboard."
They zoom all the way down to the pier and then along it smiling widely and carelessly and right at the moment Seth has no care in the world.
The air is ripping through his hair and in front of him the same is happening to Ryan and he looks even better.
Seth whistles at Ryan and he turns his head to look.
Seth points to the diner and looks speculative.
Ryan nods and Seth smiles more then before as does Ryan.
They stop and lock up their stuff silently, breathless from the exertion.
"Seth before we go in," Ryan starts and Seth stops just before entering the diner. "I kind of don't have any money."
Seth shrugs. "Didn't think so, that's why I'm paying."
"Are you sure?" Ryan asks and Seth frowns confused. "I mean, your dad has done more then enough for me and I don't know when I'll be able to pay you back. I don't want to be a burden."
For the first time, Seth sees a slight weariness behind Ryan's eyes and he finds it strange that he hadn't seen it when they first met. Wouldn't Ryan have regarded him cautiously right at the beginning and yet he was only just seeing it now.
"It's fine Ryan and I don't think dad expects you to pay him back either.
Come on."
He enters the diner and for Ryan's sake is casual and doesn't bring up conversations of money or his past.
But he talks about his life, Summer Roberts and the other Newport Bubblers.
He jokes and smiles at Ryan's easy laugh and observant, quiet nature.
He's never had anyone to talk to before, apart from an assortment toys over the years, but it's nice to have someone listening thoughtfully.
Everything is perfect until Luke turns up with his water polo comrades and Seth sees a different side of Ryan Atwood.
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Seth wants to stay asleep.
He wants to sleep forever which was his plan all along until somebody came and ruined it all.
But someone is shaking him awake and asking him who the current president is.
"Georgina Kelly." He answers because he remembers voting for the first woman president with Ryan.
"How old are you?"
"19." He answers because he remembers it's Ryan's birthday in two weeks and
he's older then him.
"What is your name?"
"Seth Ezekiel Kay." He answers because he remembers Ryan saying it to him and wishing he would say it again.
"I didn't know that was your middle name." A high pitched voice says and Seth suddenly realizes it's Summer.
He opens his eyes quickly and comes face to face with a very angry woman.
"Why didn't you tell me?" She squeaks loudly.
Seth is astounded and too shocked to answer.
"Because...you never asked." He finally manages to splutter.
"You could have told me." She says and its then that he sees that she's
crying and she turns away in shame.
"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm sorry. I should have told you."
"It's not that stupid." Her back is quivering with emotion. "You tried
to...to kill yourself. You tried...tried to die Seth."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"Stop saying that. Stop saying your sorry."
"Sorry."
She laughed and then turned around and hit him.
"Bastard. Just wait till I tell your parents."
And then she left, before he could stop her and tell her not to.
Before he could tell her he didn't want to be alone.
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Seth. Three Years Ago.
"Hey look, queer got a date." Luke shouts across the diner as soon as he enters followed by his three goons.
Seth watches as Ryan looks around instantly sensing it was projected at them.
Seth blushed bright red and looked down at his empty plate.
He doesn't want Ryan to see he's the school geek, although he's probably already worked that out by himself.
He just wished Luke wouldn't bring up the whole queer thing. Not right now.
"Whose your boyfriend queer?" Luke sneers now right between Ryan and Seth smirking at them.
Seth looked across at Ryan and saw the light disappear once again.
He feels something shift under the table and suddenly Ryan's standing up.
"Do you have a problem?" Ryan asks through gritted teeth, his hands clenched into powerful fists.
"Yeah, I do." Luke says and Ryan steps out from the table.
Seth stood up quickly ready to break anything up, but a goonie steps up to him ready to take him on.
"Why are you wining and dining Seth Cohen in my diner?"
"I'm sorry," Ryan says and steps up to Luke so that their only inches apart and sizing each other up. "I'll try not to step into your territory or steal your boyfriends."
Suddenly Luke strikes out and hits Ryan square on the check but Ryan retaliated quickly without stopping for pain.
He kicked Luke right where it really hurts and punched him back, straight in the noise so that blood squirted all over Seth's t-shirt.
Within seconds Ryan grabbed Seth and pulled him out of the chaotic diner and they raced away from the chasing waterpolo players laughing.
Once they realised they were away, they stopped, still laughing, in an deserted alley.
"Wow." Seth said. "No ones ever done that for me before."
Ryan looked up from where he was nursing a bruised knuckle but he was smiling.
"What," he said. "Beaten up the local, rich jerk and waterpolo player?"
"Yeah," Seth replied. "Exactly that."
And then, as fast as Ryan had retaliated to Luke's punch, Seth pushed Ryan up against the wall and kissed him filled with all the anger he felt against Luke and all the love he felt for Ryan.
Breathlessly they pulled apart.
"Sorry." Seth said and pulled back. "I'm sorry that was stupid I shouldn't ha-"
"No that's alright." Ryan says and then their kissing again.
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Seth opened his eyes and they were filled with tears.
He wished he didn't have to remember.
He wished he didn't have to live.
He wished, with all his heart, and all his mind, and all his soul that Ryan would just wake up because he needed him so much.
He needs to see Ryan's blue eyes open and smile at him with all the words in the world because that's what Ryan did.
He didn't talk, he just opened his eyes, or blinked and Seth would understand.
Every tear that Seth shed was for Ryan.
And in a room, not two floors above him, another boy, same age but with blonde hair, opened his blue eyes.
Again.
And no one saw.
Ryan and Seth have a history. A long one that only they know about. But no one's going to tell it because Ryan's in a coma and Seth's about to kill himself. If Seth lives and Ryan wakes up only then will their story be told. But only if.
Angst and Romance. Ryan/Seth
Chapter One:The End is Where we Begin
Author: Knightdawn
A epic of sorts and has been my baby for many weeks. I really hope people will like this even if it is slightly naive.
It's clear to Seth now that he needs to let go.
He needs to relax and let everything work itself out.
Because he's fed up of the strong lattees, the quick five minute sleeps in tiny chairs, fast food breakfast, lunches and dinners and the eyes that are closed everytime he comes back from the bathroom; visits are quick and forced so he doesn't miss anything.
He's fed up of thinking about cutting his hair because its covering his eyelids.
He's fed up of smelling like disenfectant and hospitals.
He's fed up of coming home and missing the hospital, and he's bed next to Ryan.
He's fed up with everything but most of all he's fed up that Ryan's eyes aren't opening and that hope is slowly slipping away from him.
So he's going to end it all tonight.
He's going to ring his parents and tell them he does loves them contrary to popular belief.
He's going to visit Summer's boutique and tell her he will miss her witty banter with him.
And last, because these are the only people he talks to, he will visit Ryan and give him a kiss and tell him he loves him which everyone knows especially
Ryan because he hears it all the time.
Then he will go home, and turn all the lights out and shut all the curtains so he can get in the zone and then work out how.
He faints at the sight of blood so cutting is out of the question, he doesn't want to die squirming in mid air so hanging is out, he doesn't own a gun and would probably miss if he tried to shoot himself.
He turns the gas cooker on and then waits.
This is okay.
He feels a little drowsy but that's okay.
His throat feels thick like its closing and he is slowly slipping into black.
He slips from the kitchen chair and lies on the cold floor, curled up.
In the last seconds he holds out his hand to someone because he can see blue and he's pretty sure it's Ryan's eyes.
He tells him to come with him and a hand closes over his.
"No," It says. "Come with me."
And then all the blue becomes the ocean and he's pretty sure this is heaven because he feels nothing.
But if he had been paying attention he wouldn't have felt his heart miss a beat because in a darkly lite hospital room eyelids flickered open and blue eyes registered the ceiling and then closed again.
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Seth. Three Years Before.
When Ryan walked into Seth's living room that morning, Seth tells himself
he's not gay though the voice is very small.
He's sitting on the floor, propped up against the couch, fighting off pirates on playstation when the blonde boy, probably shorter then Seth, walks through the french doors from the poolhouse wearing jeans and a white wifebeater that he's obviously slept in.
"Hi," the blonde boy says as casually as possible but he sounds weary and nervous.
"I'm Ryan." He adds.
"I know who you are," Seth snaps bitterly because he's afraid of the feelings
this boy is stirring up in him.
His dad had informed him of who this was the night before.
"He's a client Seth, he needs a place to stay because his mum kicked him out. I think you might get along."
Seth had smirked. "What, me and a thief? I'm surprised you even want me to hang out with him. A yes to a thief but a no to Orange County brats."
His dad, Sandy, is a lawyer, but works in the PD's office for a quarter of the pay he would work anywhere else, helping kids stay out of Juvie. It's only Seth's mum, Kirsten, who keeps them living in a mansion on a hill with all the perks that come with being rich, white boy.
"I guess you're Seth." The boy states, shifting nervously where he stands and Seth can only nod as he tries to swallow away all his feelings and the tiny bit of vomit which is pretty sure it wants to escape.
"Can I sit?" Ryan asks and without waiting for an answer he flops down next to Seth and smiles at him before turning his attention to the game he is playing.
At this proximity Seth can see that Ryan's eyes are the same colour as the ocean he escapes on and that is the moment he falls in love with him.
He sits next to Ryan's muscular, scarred figure, counting the seconds between each intake of breath the blue eyed boy takes while absently fighting off pirates on and off screen.
He offers Ryan the controls after a while and the only talking done is Seth pointing out the controls and what to do.
He slowly begins to settle down, his heart is still jumpy but it doesn't feel like he's bouncing on a trampoline anymore, but he can't help his eye wandering over Ryan's bulging arm muscle, nor his scarred, worker tanned skin or his pants. Especially his pants.
"So," Seth says because Ryan's got the control of the game and all is to silent to be comfortable. "My dad didn't tell me much about you. Why did you break into that shop?"
It just slipped out, Seth would swear it, but Ryan's busy fingers are now still and he just got his head chopped off by a giant pirate and his sword.
He turns and looks at Seth, shocked by the question and Seth watches as a light seems to switch off behind the bright, sparkly eyes and he looks...dead.
"We thought it was a good idea."
"We?" Asks Seth when they're interrupted suddenly by the front door closing, and in walks Sandy with groceries under each arm and a smile upon his face.
"Well I see you too have met?" He says, not noticing the thick tensity between them and beside Seth, Ryan breathes a sigh of relief.
"Have you eaten Ryan?" Sandy asks and Ryan shakes his head.
"Come on then. I'm surprised Seth hasn't accomodated you properly."
Sandy walks through to the kitchen and Ryan follows silently.
Seth watches curiously, as Ryan turns around just once and looks at Seth as if to imprint him into his mind but Seth sees Ryan's eyes behind his blonde bangs and realizes the light has been switched back on.
Heart beating wildly, and breathing deep medative breathes, Seth gets up and goes to his bedroom to get changed.
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Seth opens his eyes in an ambulance and as he does all feeling returns.
Noises of people talking and a siren screaming panic Seth and he tries to sit up.
He has an oxygen mask on and he feels dizzy.
People push him back down and strap something over his body and afterwards he can't move again.
A dark haired girl whose name is Summer is sitting beside him, holding his hand and crying.
"Why?" She whispers and Seth begins to feel tears about to burst from his own eyes. "Why do that Seth?"
Seth wants to answer because he has a perfectly good reason but decides against it and drifts off back to his dreams.
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Seth. Three Years Before.
Later that day, after bed and pyjamas are traded for a shower and jeans and a t-shirt, Seth makes the venture downstairs.
He does so nervously and contiensously, one hand on the banner like the princess of a movie when she goes down to meet her prince charming.
And the entire time Seth is trying to convince himself that he's not gay and that he is not in love with Ryan, heart flutter, because:
A) he actually has a crush on Summer Roberts who is very much a girl.
and B) he doesn't believe in love at first sight.
In the kitchen he can hear his mum and dad talking and stops to eavesdrop.
"He can't stay here Sandy. I don't want our son associating with a criminal."
"He has no where else to go Kirsten. His mum kicked him out and do you know where that bruise came from, her boyfriend. Social Services will be open again on Monday, until then he has to stay here."
"He's not your responsibility."
"Actually he is Kirsten. I don't take kids out of lock up to have them put back in there a few weeks later and that is where Ryan is going unless we help him. Do you trust me?"
Before Seth finds out the verdict he sees Ryan leaving the pool house and decides to save him because he knows where this is leading to and he doesn't think Ryan needs extra baggage to carry.
He leaps down the stairs and flies out the door almost smashing straight into him.
"Hi," he says breathlessly because he's forgotten how much like the ocean Ryan's eyes look.
"Hi." Ryan says staring at him strangely.
"Do you want to come with me? I'm going to the pier."
Ryan looks around for a second as if the answer is going to make FBI agents jump out of the bushes and yell 'freeze!'
"Okay." He says finally and Seth lets go of air he was holding.
"Awesome. You can take your bike if you want. I'll skateboard."
They zoom all the way down to the pier and then along it smiling widely and carelessly and right at the moment Seth has no care in the world.
The air is ripping through his hair and in front of him the same is happening to Ryan and he looks even better.
Seth whistles at Ryan and he turns his head to look.
Seth points to the diner and looks speculative.
Ryan nods and Seth smiles more then before as does Ryan.
They stop and lock up their stuff silently, breathless from the exertion.
"Seth before we go in," Ryan starts and Seth stops just before entering the diner. "I kind of don't have any money."
Seth shrugs. "Didn't think so, that's why I'm paying."
"Are you sure?" Ryan asks and Seth frowns confused. "I mean, your dad has done more then enough for me and I don't know when I'll be able to pay you back. I don't want to be a burden."
For the first time, Seth sees a slight weariness behind Ryan's eyes and he finds it strange that he hadn't seen it when they first met. Wouldn't Ryan have regarded him cautiously right at the beginning and yet he was only just seeing it now.
"It's fine Ryan and I don't think dad expects you to pay him back either.
Come on."
He enters the diner and for Ryan's sake is casual and doesn't bring up conversations of money or his past.
But he talks about his life, Summer Roberts and the other Newport Bubblers.
He jokes and smiles at Ryan's easy laugh and observant, quiet nature.
He's never had anyone to talk to before, apart from an assortment toys over the years, but it's nice to have someone listening thoughtfully.
Everything is perfect until Luke turns up with his water polo comrades and Seth sees a different side of Ryan Atwood.
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Seth wants to stay asleep.
He wants to sleep forever which was his plan all along until somebody came and ruined it all.
But someone is shaking him awake and asking him who the current president is.
"Georgina Kelly." He answers because he remembers voting for the first woman president with Ryan.
"How old are you?"
"19." He answers because he remembers it's Ryan's birthday in two weeks and
he's older then him.
"What is your name?"
"Seth Ezekiel Kay." He answers because he remembers Ryan saying it to him and wishing he would say it again.
"I didn't know that was your middle name." A high pitched voice says and Seth suddenly realizes it's Summer.
He opens his eyes quickly and comes face to face with a very angry woman.
"Why didn't you tell me?" She squeaks loudly.
Seth is astounded and too shocked to answer.
"Because...you never asked." He finally manages to splutter.
"You could have told me." She says and its then that he sees that she's
crying and she turns away in shame.
"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm sorry. I should have told you."
"It's not that stupid." Her back is quivering with emotion. "You tried
to...to kill yourself. You tried...tried to die Seth."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"Stop saying that. Stop saying your sorry."
"Sorry."
She laughed and then turned around and hit him.
"Bastard. Just wait till I tell your parents."
And then she left, before he could stop her and tell her not to.
Before he could tell her he didn't want to be alone.
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Seth. Three Years Ago.
"Hey look, queer got a date." Luke shouts across the diner as soon as he enters followed by his three goons.
Seth watches as Ryan looks around instantly sensing it was projected at them.
Seth blushed bright red and looked down at his empty plate.
He doesn't want Ryan to see he's the school geek, although he's probably already worked that out by himself.
He just wished Luke wouldn't bring up the whole queer thing. Not right now.
"Whose your boyfriend queer?" Luke sneers now right between Ryan and Seth smirking at them.
Seth looked across at Ryan and saw the light disappear once again.
He feels something shift under the table and suddenly Ryan's standing up.
"Do you have a problem?" Ryan asks through gritted teeth, his hands clenched into powerful fists.
"Yeah, I do." Luke says and Ryan steps out from the table.
Seth stood up quickly ready to break anything up, but a goonie steps up to him ready to take him on.
"Why are you wining and dining Seth Cohen in my diner?"
"I'm sorry," Ryan says and steps up to Luke so that their only inches apart and sizing each other up. "I'll try not to step into your territory or steal your boyfriends."
Suddenly Luke strikes out and hits Ryan square on the check but Ryan retaliated quickly without stopping for pain.
He kicked Luke right where it really hurts and punched him back, straight in the noise so that blood squirted all over Seth's t-shirt.
Within seconds Ryan grabbed Seth and pulled him out of the chaotic diner and they raced away from the chasing waterpolo players laughing.
Once they realised they were away, they stopped, still laughing, in an deserted alley.
"Wow." Seth said. "No ones ever done that for me before."
Ryan looked up from where he was nursing a bruised knuckle but he was smiling.
"What," he said. "Beaten up the local, rich jerk and waterpolo player?"
"Yeah," Seth replied. "Exactly that."
And then, as fast as Ryan had retaliated to Luke's punch, Seth pushed Ryan up against the wall and kissed him filled with all the anger he felt against Luke and all the love he felt for Ryan.
Breathlessly they pulled apart.
"Sorry." Seth said and pulled back. "I'm sorry that was stupid I shouldn't ha-"
"No that's alright." Ryan says and then their kissing again.
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Seth opened his eyes and they were filled with tears.
He wished he didn't have to remember.
He wished he didn't have to live.
He wished, with all his heart, and all his mind, and all his soul that Ryan would just wake up because he needed him so much.
He needs to see Ryan's blue eyes open and smile at him with all the words in the world because that's what Ryan did.
He didn't talk, he just opened his eyes, or blinked and Seth would understand.
Every tear that Seth shed was for Ryan.
And in a room, not two floors above him, another boy, same age but with blonde hair, opened his blue eyes.
Again.
And no one saw.