Breath.
Well, school has started, and here I am: Journaling, while I should be reading, writing, answering, recording... But I need to, for myself. I need to sort it out so that it's not following me around in my mind during my studies and at work.
There's only a minor 'it', but it's potentially very stressful. Mr. M may be coming to live with Mr. P and I. While it isn't ideal, and i still have old barriers/hurts/emotional triggers with him, he has improved quite a bit. In more ways than I can really express, compared to the past. I know that I'm going to have to really set my limits and personal boundaries with him, not for his sake, but for mine. I'm no push-over like I once was. It's just his other living arrangement is truly terrible and is going to send him right back into the downward spiral he's trying to get out of. He needs to build his confidence so he can get a job, and then a place of his own, and if he's lucky, someone to love. But, he's going in the complete opposite order, and I know what it will lead to - moving in with some poor schmuck who has no clue, who he makes into his savior and then he just lets it all go and is supported by him... and then starts to feel like shit, and starts blaming this poor guy for all his problems instead of dealing with them, like an adult... but that's just me being pessimistic. M really does wanna do the right thing, in his heart, he really does. It's all he talks about, he's just gotta get it out of his head that a relationship will fix his life. I am frustrate.
end grumblies.
Also, I'm having a bit of academic anxiety, more this semester, than last. I feel like if I had a few reminders here and there from The Universe that it's all within my grasp, and that I am perfectly capable, disciplined, and talented enough to get it all done, on time and at quality standards, then I would be less stressed. But.. it's two weeks in already. I will have plenty of time to get myself on the ball. ;) Thank you, in advance, Universe. I know that You love me, because I love You.
end anxiousfaces.
On the eighteenth, I went to go see Tycho ( http://soundcloud.com/tycho/ ) with Tanya, and it was completely amazing..! C: I was not familiar with ALL of his music, but I knew a few, so a lot of it was totally new for me... I had a great time, just danced and danced the whole time! >X] A freeing experience... It made me feel expansive.
The other night, I ended up going out with a workmate, Corina (who shall be C), and while I was pretty low key for the first half, when we walked into Nietzsche's, I noticed that my friend's band was playing! So I livened up a bit and rocked it out, and ended up going one other place before heading to the Pink for last call... where I, of course, saw a few people I knew. (Who doesn't see people they know at last call at the Pink?? I mean, really. You could be from Tokyo and see someone you know there.) I kept it under control, so when I got home, all was well. I ended up having a good long philosophical conversation with M about various things... getting on his ass about all of his negative self-talk... It was a positive experience for us, as not ex's, but friends. I no longer refer to him as an ex... even though he is. But He's my friend, now. And I love and appreciate him in different ways now, and I am mostly comfortable with it, except for a few times when some of his habits just... >_>;;; It was a good night, suffice it to say...ñ_ñ
Tonight was good, also... I went to our employee winter party at the Country Club of Buffalo. It was pretty snazzy, but it's not as nice as the Buffalo Club, where I work... Not like I'm pretentious about it, it's just a fact. The design and architecture of the B-Club is much more decadent and antique, that's all. I didn't win and of the raffles or bingo... :C But I expected not to win, I never really do. The food was okay, I danced at the end... :p I dunno, I'm just babbling at this point. Until next time, self-expression-word-box!
<3Robert
I'll leave off with my mandatory poetry :) I'm really feelin' it.
_____
Rise
Rise.
Rise, you exploding, neon gaseous
radiant, beauty
Rise, you sun.
Fly across my sky with your
chariot,
flaming tresses kissing
the great blue.
I am
a witness,
I see the white frigidness
of my small locale
reflecting you at unbearably
bright
levels
Yet my eyes remain fiercely open, drinking your
visage
feeling your celestial love
the particles inside of my heart
which match with
particles inside of
your burning core
feel resoundingly
at peace.
___
I think I got a another one in there..?
Rectangle Spectangle.
Your moon is my sun.
dark curls bouncing,
we move amidst
the surging lights
our skin
echoing the vibrations
of bass
For a night, we share
a life-line
One thread from,
heart to heart
screaming:
B E K I N E T I C !
A C T ! M O T I O N !
So it finds devotion
in we,
who chase that glow
who become lost in the over
flow of electronic sound
showers, the tones
find colors and galaxies
inside of my mind's eye
We have become energy
manifest.
Bespectacled one,
I find you in the deepest
parts of my heart.
There's only a minor 'it', but it's potentially very stressful. Mr. M may be coming to live with Mr. P and I. While it isn't ideal, and i still have old barriers/hurts/emotional triggers with him, he has improved quite a bit. In more ways than I can really express, compared to the past. I know that I'm going to have to really set my limits and personal boundaries with him, not for his sake, but for mine. I'm no push-over like I once was. It's just his other living arrangement is truly terrible and is going to send him right back into the downward spiral he's trying to get out of. He needs to build his confidence so he can get a job, and then a place of his own, and if he's lucky, someone to love. But, he's going in the complete opposite order, and I know what it will lead to - moving in with some poor schmuck who has no clue, who he makes into his savior and then he just lets it all go and is supported by him... and then starts to feel like shit, and starts blaming this poor guy for all his problems instead of dealing with them, like an adult... but that's just me being pessimistic. M really does wanna do the right thing, in his heart, he really does. It's all he talks about, he's just gotta get it out of his head that a relationship will fix his life. I am frustrate.
end grumblies.
Also, I'm having a bit of academic anxiety, more this semester, than last. I feel like if I had a few reminders here and there from The Universe that it's all within my grasp, and that I am perfectly capable, disciplined, and talented enough to get it all done, on time and at quality standards, then I would be less stressed. But.. it's two weeks in already. I will have plenty of time to get myself on the ball. ;) Thank you, in advance, Universe. I know that You love me, because I love You.
end anxiousfaces.
On the eighteenth, I went to go see Tycho ( http://soundcloud.com/tycho/ ) with Tanya, and it was completely amazing..! C: I was not familiar with ALL of his music, but I knew a few, so a lot of it was totally new for me... I had a great time, just danced and danced the whole time! >X] A freeing experience... It made me feel expansive.
The other night, I ended up going out with a workmate, Corina (who shall be C), and while I was pretty low key for the first half, when we walked into Nietzsche's, I noticed that my friend's band was playing! So I livened up a bit and rocked it out, and ended up going one other place before heading to the Pink for last call... where I, of course, saw a few people I knew. (Who doesn't see people they know at last call at the Pink?? I mean, really. You could be from Tokyo and see someone you know there.) I kept it under control, so when I got home, all was well. I ended up having a good long philosophical conversation with M about various things... getting on his ass about all of his negative self-talk... It was a positive experience for us, as not ex's, but friends. I no longer refer to him as an ex... even though he is. But He's my friend, now. And I love and appreciate him in different ways now, and I am mostly comfortable with it, except for a few times when some of his habits just... >_>;;; It was a good night, suffice it to say...ñ_ñ
Tonight was good, also... I went to our employee winter party at the Country Club of Buffalo. It was pretty snazzy, but it's not as nice as the Buffalo Club, where I work... Not like I'm pretentious about it, it's just a fact. The design and architecture of the B-Club is much more decadent and antique, that's all. I didn't win and of the raffles or bingo... :C But I expected not to win, I never really do. The food was okay, I danced at the end... :p I dunno, I'm just babbling at this point. Until next time, self-expression-word-box!
<3Robert
I'll leave off with my mandatory poetry :) I'm really feelin' it.
_____
Rise
Rise.
Rise, you exploding, neon gaseous
radiant, beauty
Rise, you sun.
Fly across my sky with your
chariot,
flaming tresses kissing
the great blue.
I am
a witness,
I see the white frigidness
of my small locale
reflecting you at unbearably
bright
levels
Yet my eyes remain fiercely open, drinking your
visage
feeling your celestial love
the particles inside of my heart
which match with
particles inside of
your burning core
feel resoundingly
at peace.
___
I think I got a another one in there..?
Rectangle Spectangle.
Your moon is my sun.
dark curls bouncing,
we move amidst
the surging lights
our skin
echoing the vibrations
of bass
For a night, we share
a life-line
One thread from,
heart to heart
screaming:
B E K I N E T I C !
A C T ! M O T I O N !
So it finds devotion
in we,
who chase that glow
who become lost in the over
flow of electronic sound
showers, the tones
find colors and galaxies
inside of my mind's eye
We have become energy
manifest.
Bespectacled one,
I find you in the deepest
parts of my heart.