grah!
well it's been an interesting past three days since monday, none of which was spent at my own hom untill now.
I went to see michael in Getzville monday night. he didn't seem very well, emotionally, and I thought to myself I wouldn't be a good boyfriend if I didn't go see this man to cheer him up. So I went. Not out of duty, I sincerely wanted to see him, and at that point, it had become a tad dire.
He's a ball of stress, he is. I want to be supportive, but I don't know how else to than simply just to be there for him. is there more I can do? I'm not at liberty to do much of anything. I'm moving home: no place to offer him. I'm not sure he'd exactly accept that kind of help but i'd rather see him living with me than see him returning to a home that may possibly have a toxic effect on him, physically, emotionally, and mentally.
I also don't want him to leave buffalo. We just started dating, ya know? I think some good will come of it. well, maybe that's selfish.
I just feel like the universe is teasing me a bit. it just wiggles good things in front of my face and as soon as i go for it, Universe threatens to take it away.
karma? maybe...
as of current, he's not responding on aim, and that makes me a sad lad indeed. i was hoping to talk to him before I went to bed, but I guess that ain't happenin.
I guess I feel helpless. and a little useless.
He feels a little useless sometimes too. That bothers me.
Atleast his dream is already contributing to the world. His friends, his loved ones, they know and appreciate his music, more than he knows, i'm sure. He's a fantastic musician, wonderfully expressive, undeniably an intensely creative soul.
My dreams are a little lofty and spacey, but I'm hopeful. I can't hope for any other outcome but those.
I can't end up nothing. I think i'd die. I'd break.
music should change your bodily temperature. He does this.
I spent the night at this apartment in getzville, his friend jens. The next day, i met Jens gorgeous three year old, Zoe. She's positively darling. i might steal her.
later in the day we watched foxfire. I think i might have enjoyed it a tad more if there weren't babies climbing into boxs in front of the screen right at the scene i was anticipating the whole movie. never the les it was cute and zoe is amazing lol. That night I left, and I certainly didn't want to.
I have alot welling up, but i have no clear way to express it, I think. I don't know what else to do but just feel, i guess. why are words necessary? I don't know. people like words. I certainly do.
I feel so much, so fast... I feel like I just set myself up. There are so many what if's to go through to counter all this welling, but honestly, I'm not going to go through them at all. fuck the what ifs, I'm just gonna go with the flow.
ok, I'm dragging this subject through the mud and back.
moving on:
went to jessicas straight from his house: much fun was to be had. I always have a blast with jessica :D
we watched phat girlz; because I'm a fat black woman on the inside (why else would I have anita baker and fantasia on my itunes? lol)
went to work during that obscene wind crazyness. i felt like i was goin to get blown away at the bus stop! what the eff?!
i hope tomorrow isn't crazy windy either.... >.<
I think everyone in the music industry should have orchestral remakes of their songs. it's amazing listening to orchestral renditions of Utada Hikaru stuff....
brain = dead!
current mission: find three songs from the foxfire soundtrack! :D (2 out of 3, check! candlebox - You, and Wild Strawberries - I don't Wanna Think About it. trouble: (got it! thanks mienai :]) Kristin Hersh - Me and My Charm)
from foxfire novel:
"Whoever's reading this, if anyone is reading it: does it matter that our old selves are lost to us as surely as the past is lost, or is it enough to know yes we lived then, and we're living now, and the connection must be there?--like a river hundreds of miles long exists both at its source and at its mouth, simultaneously? "
I went to see michael in Getzville monday night. he didn't seem very well, emotionally, and I thought to myself I wouldn't be a good boyfriend if I didn't go see this man to cheer him up. So I went. Not out of duty, I sincerely wanted to see him, and at that point, it had become a tad dire.
He's a ball of stress, he is. I want to be supportive, but I don't know how else to than simply just to be there for him. is there more I can do? I'm not at liberty to do much of anything. I'm moving home: no place to offer him. I'm not sure he'd exactly accept that kind of help but i'd rather see him living with me than see him returning to a home that may possibly have a toxic effect on him, physically, emotionally, and mentally.
I also don't want him to leave buffalo. We just started dating, ya know? I think some good will come of it. well, maybe that's selfish.
I just feel like the universe is teasing me a bit. it just wiggles good things in front of my face and as soon as i go for it, Universe threatens to take it away.
karma? maybe...
as of current, he's not responding on aim, and that makes me a sad lad indeed. i was hoping to talk to him before I went to bed, but I guess that ain't happenin.
I guess I feel helpless. and a little useless.
He feels a little useless sometimes too. That bothers me.
Atleast his dream is already contributing to the world. His friends, his loved ones, they know and appreciate his music, more than he knows, i'm sure. He's a fantastic musician, wonderfully expressive, undeniably an intensely creative soul.
My dreams are a little lofty and spacey, but I'm hopeful. I can't hope for any other outcome but those.
I can't end up nothing. I think i'd die. I'd break.
music should change your bodily temperature. He does this.
I spent the night at this apartment in getzville, his friend jens. The next day, i met Jens gorgeous three year old, Zoe. She's positively darling. i might steal her.
later in the day we watched foxfire. I think i might have enjoyed it a tad more if there weren't babies climbing into boxs in front of the screen right at the scene i was anticipating the whole movie. never the les it was cute and zoe is amazing lol. That night I left, and I certainly didn't want to.
I have alot welling up, but i have no clear way to express it, I think. I don't know what else to do but just feel, i guess. why are words necessary? I don't know. people like words. I certainly do.
I feel so much, so fast... I feel like I just set myself up. There are so many what if's to go through to counter all this welling, but honestly, I'm not going to go through them at all. fuck the what ifs, I'm just gonna go with the flow.
ok, I'm dragging this subject through the mud and back.
moving on:
went to jessicas straight from his house: much fun was to be had. I always have a blast with jessica :D
we watched phat girlz; because I'm a fat black woman on the inside (why else would I have anita baker and fantasia on my itunes? lol)
went to work during that obscene wind crazyness. i felt like i was goin to get blown away at the bus stop! what the eff?!
i hope tomorrow isn't crazy windy either.... >.<
I think everyone in the music industry should have orchestral remakes of their songs. it's amazing listening to orchestral renditions of Utada Hikaru stuff....
brain = dead!
current mission: find three songs from the foxfire soundtrack! :D (2 out of 3, check! candlebox - You, and Wild Strawberries - I don't Wanna Think About it. trouble: (got it! thanks mienai :]) Kristin Hersh - Me and My Charm)
from foxfire novel:
"Whoever's reading this, if anyone is reading it: does it matter that our old selves are lost to us as surely as the past is lost, or is it enough to know yes we lived then, and we're living now, and the connection must be there?--like a river hundreds of miles long exists both at its source and at its mouth, simultaneously? "