9 (and a 1/2) sides of the coin

[knigazhalob]

side 1

you are magical sexy and elegant

I adore you

side 2

you suffocate my spirit

side 3

you don't mean to do it
you probably don't even know you're doing it

perhaps what I think of as my spirit
you see as silly unnecessary ambitions

side 4

perhaps you're right

but…
i cannot live in civilization and be a divine elf at all times!!
I have to be human
I have to identify myself with my ambitions
and get wrapped up in smaller things in life
and when you dismiss my smaller things you dismiss me

when you don't see any purpose or point or beauty in my music, my thoughts, my cooking, my art
I feel useless
and I don't want to wash and I don't want to dance and I don't want to brush
my hair and I don't want to make any music or write poetry
and I feel completely dead

side 5

you are brilliant
maybe you do love me!
because you don't love me for any of those thing things things
I can do do do

you love me

and you wish I would get that through my silly head

side 6

but I don't get it
not yet
and you have to respect that
and you have to be gentle with that

I am not as ascetic as you are
if you need to disidentify with everything that's not you
in order to be free that's ok
but I'm just having fun with my illusions

so let me
otherwise I will run away
forever

side 7

you're ok with that
(forever doesn't last forever, right?)

side 8

that's cool

but if you do want to hang out
please

make rooooooom for the human in me

for every fashion and music and art faux pas
for every ambition for every imperfection
I need room

side 9

of course that's the hardest task of all
perhaps THE task

we all can love god and perfection in ourselves and one another
that's default

but who will love the awkward, lazy, sleepy, IMPERFECT human???

can you do it? can you love it ALL?

side 9 ½

kiss u kiss