14 [Voice]
[Silence for a solid two minutes, until Jo speaks in an unusually soft tone. As if she actually doesn't want to be on the network at all, but she has to at least try to get some answers. It's the hunter in her -- search for any and all possibilities before settling on the final solution. Not everything is a demonic ghost in the dark, right? Right.]
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On the other, this place is dangerous and Sam had been exposed to demon blood, and he was at risk, potentially, from Lucifer. Now he's home, and away from all of this, so there's some feeling that this is a good thing.
Too bad it's hard to remind himself of it through the sense of loss.]
He's where he should be, Jo.
[And maybe, if his and Gabriel's plan works, that place will be a better one than it is now.]
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And while she doesn't say any of that, it's evident by how she clenches her jaw that she's struggling not to snap at him, at the comment -- because Jo just said the same thing. Sam's where he should be. He's got to do what he has to do. Everyone leaves Adstringendum, right? -- or, that's what she's been told. She's never had to... lose someone before. Her family's just always been here, since her first day. And she's even expanded upon it.
How dare the Animus rip one of the most important members from the delicate balance without her goddamn permission.]
Yeah. Home.
[Where Cas is mostly crazy, Dean's probably on his last leg of sanity, and Jo's dead. Home's a fantastic place to be.]
Where are you?
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He hasn't lost anyone from this place yet that he cares about, except for one: Balthazar. And there are many moments when he wishes his brother was still here. It's difficult to be trapped in this world, with no control over who comes and goes, when every moment could be the last you see your friends whether by their departure or yours.
He's just quiet, watching Jo on the feed, noticing as her expressions shift and trying to place them with the correct emotions. He's getting better, but it's still not something he can do just yet.]
The Temple.
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[Jo doesn't know how to deal with this feeling of anger and horrific sadness. Normally, she'd shrug it off, deal with it, and move on, but she can't.
Unless Sam Winchester comes back to Adstringendum, Jo will never see him again. And that particular realization is so painful that she feels like she can't breathe if she dwells on it for too long. Cas, Dean -- they'll see Sammy again, help him through whatever shit he needs to deal with, they'll stick together until the very end, but Jo's story ended a long time ago. And she thought she had dealt with it and accepted that, but faced down the barrel of the gun, Jo suddenly feels panicked. It isn't enough time.
It's hard to believe those two boys waltzed into their lives a couple years ago and Jo loved them that much.
-- loves. Never past tense.
She closes her eyes for a moment to let out a long breath, to steel her nerves.]
'cause -- just stay there.
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Alright, Jo.
[He understands, at least, the desire to feel close to others after a loss. Even if Sam isn't truly lost, he might as well to be them, as they are now, unless he returns. And Castiel isn't sure he wants him to. It wouldn't be fair to Sam.]
I will be here when you arrive.
[And actually he'll be waiting on the steps outside the Temple, as he usually does when people come to meet him, watching for her.]
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Jo drops down next to Cas on the steps when she gets there, settling her shotgun in her lap, the barrel facing away from Castiel, staring ahead almost blankly.]
Dean's gonna lose it.
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And then there she is. He glances over at her when she sits down.]
What should we do?
[Because what she said is true and he knows it, no need to even discuss it. And he wants to help as much as possible but he doesn't know the first thing about doing so in a situation like this.]
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[Jo rubs her eyes for a minute, elbows on her eyes, suddenly exhausted.]
I really... don't know, Cas, Sammy was taking demon blood and the Animus just took him away, what if he's like that when he gets home? What the hell is Dean gonna do? Did --
[She runs her fingers through her hair.]
He -- did he have to do that by himself, last time, go through that? Dean.
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[Off of the demon blood, the Wall intact from the damage it surely incurred while here. He should be okay, and certainly better off that he was in the city.
At her question, he's quiet. The first time... The first time he doesn't want to think about. He'd ruined that detox, after all, by releasing Sam from the panic room. But the second time, after Famine...]
Not the last time. We were together.
[And he'd stayed, to make certain they both got through it, before taking off again in what he now knew to have been a pointless search for his Father.]
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[Jo presses her fingers to her lips before cupping her hands over her mouth, her fingers pressing into the bridge of her nose as she closes her eyes. When she speaks, it's muffled.]
He could've called me. I would've been there.
[And it's just hitting her, now, that when they all go back home, when Dean has to deal with Cas losing his mind -- she won't even have the option to not show up to help. She's trapped upstairs. In her own proverbial cage.]
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Yes.
I don't know why he didn't call you; you would have to ask him. But Dean rarely asks for help.
[They were all loners in their own ways, even if they were always willing to be there for each other. No one asks for help, even when the consequences are disastrous because of it.]
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[They all should. Every last one of them. Sam, Dean, Cas -- all of them could've picked up a phone and given the Harvelles a call when they were needed, but no -- the only call Jo got was from a heartbroken Sam babbling drunkenly to her that Dean was dead. Trapped in Hell. Locked away.
She's silent, for a long moment, as she closes her eyes to remember that day. It had been a horrible one. Because what could she do? It's not like she could get Dean's soul back -- and she had been halfway to a crossroads when Ellen had dragged her sorry ass back to the motel where she had found Jo, when she got the news. No, she was stuck. And Sam -- Sam, who was gone forever now -- had only called to let her know. Not to ask for help. Because God knows that if Sam Winchester had asked Jo Harvelle to work with him to get Dean's soul back, Jo would've kicked down the doors of Hell herself to do it, without a second thought.
Luckily, Cas had done it for her. He was actually successful.]
I want to kill them both sometimes.
[ ( ... )
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