Calm, shhh, calmhillbillieNovember 11 2006, 06:18:20 UTC
[low growl] *hackles up*
Yeah, I saw that "big legal bill of psychiatric patients' rights", hanging on the wall. When I pointed it out to this nurse who was not honoring any of them--I swear it was up for decoration--she told me in placating tones, "Ma'am, this is a mental health ward." ("Calm, shhh, calm") as if that absolved her of having to follow ANY rules, and as if the very idea of us crazies having any real "patients' rights" was patently ridiculous. I answered, "Yes, I know, and as a mental patient, those are my legal rights, right there!" but she was already walking away.
to be fair, her attitude was not different than any other staff there. Somethig zombie-esque about the whole thing, now that you mention it.
Like I said, they pretty much do what they want. Who's to stop them? Who is there to hear you if you protest?
I am all too aware of the "right to keep your clothing"..I remember that one because it was the first one violated. They put you in those turquoise scrubs, and that's when the transformation begins. From full human being with rights, into a ..something. With no rights. Trust me on this; I speak from experience. I wasn't hallucinating (as far as I know, and as far as my psych doc knows, I never do). I wasn't on anything. I remember many details from that night quite clearly.
I went in asking for help.
After about six hours, all I wanted was out. And that proved problematic.
Yes, you have the right to keep your own clothes. You have the right to meaningful activities. You have the right to open communication with your family.
Our meaningful activity seemed to consist of being doped up and getting to watch movies on TV. My clothes and even my personal water bottle were in a bag for safekeeping, to which I did not have access. My family..well I covered that in the other letter.
I'm glad you gave me the information.
I'll keep it in reserve, just in case.
MediCal? Then you are getting State coverage, m'dear.
Be on your guard.
I do hope your experience is different than mine.
Nevertheless, please remember the things I have told you.
I know I said a lot, but I also know that some details will pop out at you, should you experience them yourself.
This above all: do not not not not say anything that can be interpreted as self-destructive or self-harm.
Here's what I had said: that I was experiencing intractable pain, and now depression, especially at night..I just felt so hopeless because it seemed there wasn't any treatment for my pain..and I that couldn't stand to live like this any more.
They heard "I can't stand to live..." out of context, and nothing else after that. I realized later.
And that was that. Oh, not right away. First the sympathetic nurses, the tests, BP, urinalysis, the questions, the attentiveness, the usual..
Then they put you in these blue-ish sctrubs, kinda like you'd be put into a hospital gown if you were about to get regular medical attention..and it doesn't seem that different..
but that's when you need to watch out and keep your self to yourself, Jack.
I'll look foolish if I'm entirely wrong about all this, but I'd rather look fooolish than turn out to be right, and have kept silent.
Re: Calm, shhh, calmknifesmileNovember 11 2006, 21:05:21 UTC
Honestly, I think our experiences will end up being very different due to one particular bullet point -- I do experience audial hallucinations (NOT voices) and when you combine that with my anger issues and APD violence fascination, you get 'he says he's hearing voices telling him to kill'. That's what they told Mom on the phone the other day.
e.e
Noooooo.
So honestly I think that's where some of the condescension came from. You were the safe kind of crazy. I'm the dangerous kind of crazy. *eyeroll* In any event, the place I went wasn't part of the hospital itself and I doubt I'll end up in some larger hopsital's psych ward. There's lots of dedicated services specifically for mental health up here. Location is relevant too -- you were in Arrowhead, you said? Bay Area's not exactly a mecca but it's been improving a lot. Lots of individual dedicated places.
And if absolutely *nothing* else, my psychologist will be wanting to talk to me, and they can either set both her AND my mom off, or let one of them in. Which, if things are going badly, will be my ticket out.
And if they keep me against my will in a voluntary admission, you'd better believe there's going to be all kinds of legal trouble when I get out, too. Hell, probably before it if Mom tries to get me out and they won't let her in to me.
The people at CRISIS were nice, organized, and obeyed the bill thing, at least so far as I could tell. There was a strange insistence on waking up at a normal hour and brushing one's teeth, but otherwise... frankly, if they'd had anything but psych medicine in stock, I probably would have stayed there longer.
*hackles up*
Yeah, I saw that "big legal bill of psychiatric patients' rights", hanging on the wall.
When I pointed it out to this nurse who was not honoring any of them--I swear it was up for decoration--she told me in placating tones, "Ma'am, this is a mental health ward."
("Calm, shhh, calm")
as if that absolved her of having to follow ANY rules, and as if the very idea of us crazies having any real "patients' rights" was patently ridiculous.
I answered, "Yes, I know, and as a mental patient, those are my legal rights, right there!"
but she was already walking away.
to be fair, her attitude was not different than any other staff there.
Somethig zombie-esque about the whole thing, now that you mention it.
Like I said, they pretty much do what they want.
Who's to stop them?
Who is there to hear you if you protest?
I am all too aware of the "right to keep your clothing"..I remember that one because it was the first one violated.
They put you in those turquoise scrubs, and that's when the transformation begins.
From full human being with rights, into a ..something.
With no rights.
Trust me on this; I speak from experience.
I wasn't hallucinating (as far as I know, and as far as my psych doc knows, I never do).
I wasn't on anything.
I remember many details from that night quite clearly.
I went in asking for help.
After about six hours, all I wanted was out.
And that proved problematic.
Yes, you have the right to keep your own clothes.
You have the right to meaningful activities.
You have the right to open communication with your family.
Our meaningful activity seemed to consist of being doped up and getting to watch movies on TV.
My clothes and even my personal water bottle were in a bag for safekeeping, to which I did not have access.
My family..well I covered that in the other letter.
I'm glad you gave me the information.
I'll keep it in reserve, just in case.
MediCal? Then you are getting State coverage, m'dear.
Be on your guard.
I do hope your experience is different than mine.
Nevertheless, please remember the things I have told you.
I know I said a lot, but I also know that some details will pop out at you, should you experience them yourself.
This above all: do not not not not say anything that can be interpreted as self-destructive or self-harm.
Here's what I had said: that I was experiencing intractable pain, and now depression, especially at night..I just felt so hopeless because it seemed there wasn't any treatment for my pain..and I that couldn't stand to live like this any more.
They heard "I can't stand to live..."
out of context, and nothing else after that.
I realized later.
And that was that.
Oh, not right away.
First the sympathetic nurses, the tests, BP, urinalysis, the questions, the attentiveness, the usual..
Then they put you in these blue-ish sctrubs, kinda like you'd be put into a hospital gown if you were about to get regular medical attention..and it doesn't seem that different..
but that's when you need to watch out and keep your self to yourself, Jack.
I'll look foolish if I'm entirely wrong about all this,
but I'd rather look fooolish
than turn out to be right, and have kept silent.
Reply
e.e
Noooooo.
So honestly I think that's where some of the condescension came from. You were the safe kind of crazy. I'm the dangerous kind of crazy. *eyeroll* In any event, the place I went wasn't part of the hospital itself and I doubt I'll end up in some larger hopsital's psych ward. There's lots of dedicated services specifically for mental health up here. Location is relevant too -- you were in Arrowhead, you said? Bay Area's not exactly a mecca but it's been improving a lot. Lots of individual dedicated places.
And if absolutely *nothing* else, my psychologist will be wanting to talk to me, and they can either set both her AND my mom off, or let one of them in. Which, if things are going badly, will be my ticket out.
And if they keep me against my will in a voluntary admission, you'd better believe there's going to be all kinds of legal trouble when I get out, too. Hell, probably before it if Mom tries to get me out and they won't let her in to me.
The people at CRISIS were nice, organized, and obeyed the bill thing, at least so far as I could tell. There was a strange insistence on waking up at a normal hour and brushing one's teeth, but otherwise... frankly, if they'd had anything but psych medicine in stock, I probably would have stayed there longer.
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