West of the Moon, East of the Sun (Part III/Chapter 72/?)
Title: West of the Moon, East of the Sun
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Season: An alternate Season 5. Glory and Dawn (and any other characters connected specifically to that arc) do not exist in this universe. Story picks up almost immediately following the Season 4 finale "Restless"
Rating: Mature
Pairings: Buffy/Spike (eventually)
Warnings: Buffy/Other, Spike/Other, coarse language, sexual situations, POV fic, (canon) character death, rape (implied)
Summary: During the day, Buffy struggles with the life of being a teenage girl and the Slayer, juggling friends, family, insecure boyfriends, college, irritating vampires, and saving the world. Her nights, however, are spent dreaming of a pitch dark room, a big bed, and a strangely silent vampire whose face she cannot see...
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and associated properties belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. I'm just playing in their sandbox.
Beta: Phuriedae and Science
Banner image: by Phuriedae
Author's Notes: I'd warn for violence, but... we're kinda at the big battle scene. Violence is sort of the name of the game.
Chapter 72
Pain
Spike leads us through the sewers, with Bear trotting at his heels. Their pale hair gleams faintly in the light from my necklace. Giles and Lydia follow him. Behind them, Willow and Tara have their hands clasped, and they're murmuring together so softly that the sound of the water rushing by covers it. I'm bringing up the rear, Olaf's hammer a heavy weight in my hands.
Somewhere above us, Xander, Anya, and Whistler are hopefully setting up for their part of the plan.
I feel like I always do right before a possibly major apocalypse: tense, nervous, my muscles tight and ready to go. Only, I'm not alone. I've never truly been alone. The first time, going up against the Master, was the closest I ever got to it. I had Spike and Xander backing me up when I fought Angelus. The whole gang was there when we took on the Mayor, plus the entire senior class. And last year... last year I was joined with my friends.
My family.
It gives me hope, makes me feel strong.
That part of me that's connected to Spike feels him respond in kind. Together, we're going to bring this bitch down and send her back to Hell where she belongs.
"Down here," Spike says, ducking through a crack in the sewer wall. Thankfully we get to leave the stinkies behind. It's dark down here, aside from the bobbing light from my necklace. In the rock I can see old bits of bones.
"Is this a cemetery?" I hear Lydia whisper to Giles up ahead.
"Not exactly," Giles says. "I don't think these are human."
A misshapen skull leers out of the rock as we pass. Ew.
Sunnydale: built on rock and bones. Features: excellent school system, lush parks, picturesque cemeteries, and one Hellmouth. Come for the sunshine and affordable real estate, stay for the Apocalypse.
***
The tunnels eventually dump us out into what I assume is the hospital basement. I'm not getting any demon tingles yet, which could be a good thing or a bad thing. Good cause, hey, not down here with us. Bad because it means that the dinner buffet may have already started.
We follow the signs down long hallways dimly lit with emergency lighting until we reach the stairwell access, where we gather in a circle.
"Willow? Tara? You guys ready?" I ask.
They both take deep breaths and look at each other. "Yeah," Willow says. "We can do this." They close their eyes and start to chant. Spike and I meet each other's eyes and grin.
How do you fight a shadow?
You turn off the lights.
***
Once the spell is finished, we creep up the stairs to the main floor. The power here is out, too. Only emergency lights are on, and some of them flicker alarmingly. It's colder here, my breath fogs in front of my face as if we're outdoors and not in the middle of the hospital. Somewhere in the distance, I hear whimpering, and a scream.
"Looks like the party started without us," Spike says.
The corridors are deserted, but we still sneak down them. "Where is everybody?" I ask.
Spike lifts his head, sniffing their air and listening. "Lots of people barricaded in rooms, seems like most of them are up a floor, in one big group. Stinks of demons in here."
"The cafeteria," I say, thinking. It's the only place in the hospital big enough to hold a ton of people. We head in that direction, looking for a stairwell to take us up. Spike is bristling with frustration.
"I hate this," he mutters. "Sneakin' about. Let's just go."
"Not yet," I tell him, even though I'm feeling just as impatient. "Plan, remember?"
"Never did well with plans," he grumbles.
"Stairs," Giles says, pointing. We head up.
When we open the door to the second floor, things are worse. Lights are broken, furniture is overturned and demons are milling around in the corridors. Down the hall I hear thuds, like someone is trying to batter down a door.
"Into the hallway, up against the wall," I say, then go through first. The others quickly follow. Even Bear presses up against Spike's legs, out of the way.
None of the demons in the hallway pay even the slightest bit of attention to us.
Go Willow and Tara.
I flash them a quick grin. Only Willow manages to smile back, but it's tight and nervous. I know how she feels. It's one thing to trust a "Don't Look Here" spell when it's cast just on me... but now I'm trusting it to cloak all of us. There are enough of those evil demon elves, and several Lei-Ach demons wandering around to make a fight in close quarters like this a really bad idea.
We need to get the demons out of here.
"Come on, Xander," I growl.
At that moment, the sound of an explosion rocks the building.
"About bloody time," Giles says, surprising me. Spike smirks.
Every demon in the hallway turns toward the sound. Then there's a second explosion, which rattles the hospital so hard I can feel my teeth clack together. Most of the demons head for the stairs. They snarl and growl as they thunder past, jostling us a little but otherwise not even glancing in our direction.
"Let's go," I say, when there's only a handful left down at the end of the corridor, trying to break down the door to the cafeteria.
We fan out into the hallway, Spike, Bear, and I in front, with Giles and Lydia flanking us, crossbows ready. The demons at the end of the hall don't seem to notice as we head toward them. Not until we're on them, and then it's far too late.
Spike snaps the neck of the first demon he passes, while I slide my sword through the neck of another. Bear pulls down what looks like another Mara demon, savaging it with fangs that are almost as long as my fingers.
That gets the attention of the rest of them, but when they turn to face us they seem confused. I can practically feel Spike grinning as he launches himself at the next one. It's not a fair fight, but we don't have time for fair.
Then it's over-at least here, by this door.
There's a weird surge, then, and the emergency lights flicker ominously. For a moment my vision goes dark, and I feel a stabbing pain in my chest. A sob tears my throat as the pain hits, vibrating through me like a physical ache.
Dad leaving, putting his suitcases in the car...
Angel mocking me, telling me how awful I was...
Giles drugging me, removing my powers...
Angel biting into my throat...
Mom, lying on the couch, her eyes open and staring blindly at the ceiling...
A stake through my gut and death in the eyes of a vampire...
Riley in the helicopter flying away...
Angel disappearing into the smoke...
Mom laying in her coffin...
Spike...
And then Spike's there, his love pushing it away, flooding me, filling me up. I come back to myself with a gasp as the pain dissipates.
All over the hospital, screams are ripping through the darkness, most of them coming from the other side of the door. A few of them come from my friends. Willow mutters a harsh word, and then it seems to pass, their faces clearing.
"Okay," she pants. "That was not fun."
"What did you do?" Giles asks, his voice hoarse.
"Protection spell," Willow says, her voice strained. "I set it up earlier, in case... in case we needed it. I can't... it's too much to do the whole hospital, though."
Spike's eyes flicker yellow. "You're bleeding," he says.
Willow swipes at the blood trickling from her nose. "Oh," she says. "It's... it's fine. It was just... more than I thought it'd be."
Tara looks concerned.
There's still some screaming and whimpering coming from behind the door. It takes me exactly two seconds to kick it open.
Several hundred pale faces turn to stare at us.
Or... not. They stare at the doors in panic and confusion, their gazes sliding right past us.
"Giles, Lydia," I say. "You know what to do. Keep them safe."
Lydia nods tightly, but Giles grips my arm for a moment.
"Be careful," he says to me.
"I will," I promise. Then Giles turns to Spike.
"I don't like you," he says. Spike raises his eyebrows. "But I would greatly appreciate it if you brought her back to me, alive and in one piece."
Oh.
"I swear," Spike says, totally serious.
They nod at one another, like men do when they're doing that manly communicating thing where they don't talk. Giles takes Lydia by the arm, and they slip into the cafeteria, then turn and shut the door behind them.
"Let's go," I say, turning away and heading for the stairs.
***
We're running now, Spike and I barely breaking a sweat, Bear's claws clicking on the concrete steps. Behind me I can hear Willow and Tara panting as they try to keep up. I'd forgotten how tall the hospital is, how many floors. It feels like it goes on forever, this long stairway. It doesn't go to heaven, 'cause we don't deal in that here.
Spike takes down the first demon just as I sense it, grabbing it and flipping it over the railing. It sounds like it falls for a long time but we're still close enough to hear the sickening crunch when it hits the bottom of the open stairwell.
There's another one of those weird surges, and more screams. Dimly I feel a flash of pain, but nothing like earlier. This is a sucker punch to the gut and the heart, there and then gone, and then Spike is filling me up again, his love stronger than the pain.
"What is that?" I ask.
"Louhi," Spike says, his voice grim. "She's feeding."
God. If that's how she feeds, and Spike was with her for months...
"Willow?" I ask, over my shoulder, still moving.
"We're good," she pants.
So we keep climbing.
Every so often a demon gets in the way, either lunging through an open doorway or clattering down the stairs. Still, they can't see us, not until it's too late. In close quarters like this, we're limited. Mostly we just end up tossing them over the rail. Spike has the railroad spike in his fist, though, and I've got one of my favorite daggers and Olaf's hammer. They're both crusted with blood and worse by the time we get to the top floor.
I slam the door open, and then we're in a wide hallway where the lights flicker overhead. Whimpers and moans and screams come from behind the double doors that line the hall. "This way," Spike says, nodding at a sign pointing toward the roof access and the helipad. "She'll be on the roof."
I remember her tower. Apparently she's got a thing for heights.
We're halfway down the hall when the lights flicker again and another surge hits, stronger this time. Up and down the corridor, behind the doors, people start screaming. Distantly I feel a throb of pain, but it's easier to suppress now. Behind me, Willow gasps, and Tara cries out.
"Buffy," Tara says.
Willow's panting hard, blood trickling from her nose, and her pupils are so big that her eyes look black. Bear growls at her. "Wills!" I say, grabbing her by the shoulders and giving her a hard shake. "What are you doing?"
"They're in so much pain," she whimpers. "I-I have to stop it."
"Willow, we don't have time. You can't protect them all right now. We have to go. We have to stop Louhi, then the pain will stop. But I can't do it without you," I tell her.
"Buffy," she says. "I can't... I have to..."
Spike snarls at her. "Do I need to go get a broken bottle, Red?" Willow's eyes shift to Spike. She shakes her head.
"No," she says, and some of the black bleeds out of her eyes. "No, I'm... you're right. We stop Louhi."
"Good," I tell her. "Let's go." Tara wraps an arm around Willow and adjusts the strap of the bag she's carrying. Her eyes look huge, and her face pale, but she seems to be holding up. It's Tara's first apocalypse, too. You don't get used to them.
We hurry down the hallway, trying to ignore the screams and whimpers all around us. Abruptly the hall ends in a set of double doors. Spike kicks them open and we spill into a big room full of medical equipment, beds, and doctors and nurses who are doing their best to work around their own pain to help the injured. The doors at the opposite end of the room lead to a ramp up, and they stand open, snow gusting in through them. All we have to do is cross the room.
Except in the middle of the room, waiting, his sword held loosely in his hand, is Jack Frost.
We skid to a halt.
"Vampire," Jack says, his eyes focusing on Spike. Then he shakes his head, frowning. His weird blue eyes drift over us before he finally manages to see me. He gives a dry, raspy laugh. "Slayer. How clever. She'll never see it coming." His dry voice and lack of inflection remind me of Oz.
"Sorta the idea," I say. "Guess you were expecting us?"
His eyes flick to the hammer in my hands.
"You got my invitation," he says. I frown, and something in my head clicks.
"You left the crystal in the magic shop," I say.
"Someone had to. That hammer may be what tips the scales," he says. "I'd have gotten you something classier but..."
"So... what? You've been secretly working against her all along?" I ask, confused.
"I thought she was my goddess, once," Jack says. "I was wrong. I loved her. The only thing she loved about me was how much pain she could cause me."
Inside me, I feel Spike's emotions clench, like a fist.
"So why keep working for her?" I ask.
"Because I'm not strong enough to defeat her on my own. She's had me for too long," he says. "I'm going to have to fight you, you know. It's nothing personal. It's simply what she expects me to do. I'd appreciate it if you didn't kill me."
"Fair deal," Spike growls from behind him. He punches him in the kidneys, and Jack reels, surprised. He shouldn't have taken his eyes off Spike. "How 'bout we just beat you black and blue instead?"
Jack whirls around, finally realizing his mistake as Spike lands another punch to his face. "You owe me," Spike says.
"I do," Jack says. His eyes blaze with blue frost.
And then the two of them tear into each other. They're a blur of black and white and blue, of fangs and claws and glowing demon eyes. For a moment I consider diving in, but I can feel what Spike's feeling right now and he says this is his fight. This is payback for the pain Jack put him through months ago, and all that time in the tower.
So I watch, because Spike doesn't need me to protect him.
Around us the doctors and nurses and patients are still bustling, trying to work, trying to heal, trying hard to ignore the growls and snarls and roars of the two monsters in their midst. Maybe the spell is helping, I don't know.
I can't take my eyes off them.
Spike's blows are vicious and powerful, the railroad spike almost a natural extension of his arm. Jack's sword is a blur of icy white, slashing out. Somehow Spike deflects every blow, slipping in under Jack's guard and tearing at him with fangs and iron.
But it's not enough. Jack doesn't take nearly the amount of damage he should. And Spike is getting frustrated. I can feel it.
I wish he'd stop playing around.
His head swivels to face me, even as he blocks a flurry of blows, the sound of ice and iron ringing out in the echo-y room. "Then toss me your bloody sword, luv," he growls.
Oh. Right. Jack can only be harmed by enchanted weapons.
The Slayer's sword makes a silver blur as it spins toward him. Spike neatly plucks it from the air, twirls it, spins just in time to meet a downward slash of Jack's icy blade. Then the sound of ice against steel rings out, over and over, as the fight picks up speed, now that the two of them are more even.
Jack may want us to defeat Louhi, but she either still has some power over him or he's that afraid Spike will kill him. Maybe a little of both.
Because he's beautiful and deadly, my vampire. I knew it once, before, in what I thought was a dream: it's a brutal dance, and he's a master at it. Jack... he doesn't stand a chance. Like the Slayer who gave me the sword, Spike turns the weapon into an extension of his arm. I once had to sword fight Angel, and Angel was fast... but Spike is faster. Where Angel relied on brute strength, Spike is clever. Each flick of the blade is sly, surprising Jack into attacks he never planned to make, openings he never would have given.
Then Jack's blade breaks beneath the sword, and Spike lashes out-once, twice, three times. Blue blood oozes from three parallel cuts on Jack's chest, then the demon drops to his knees, beaten.
"That was payback," Spike growls, leveling the sword at Jack's throat.
Jack closes his eyes.
Spike heaves a deep breath, then glances at me. His eyes are stormy, but I can feel him inside me, and he's perfect.
"And this-this is mercy," he says, withdrawing the sword. Jack's eyes open, staring up at Spike, bewildered. "I'm a little shaky on how it works, so don't be testing it, mate." Jack nods once, clutching at his wounds.
Then he smiles.
"She'll never see you coming," he says.
***
The open doors lead out to a covered area with a small building set in the corner. I guess it must be some sort of control tower for the helicopters. The landing pad is just beyond it, but the building blocks our view. Louhi is out there. I can almost feel her.
"Will that work?" I ask Willow, pointing at the building.
She nods, wrapping her coat around her tighter. It's so cold up here, and it'll be colder out in the open, on the roof. "It's close enough, and p-protected," she says.
"Okay, when she's distracted, then go," I say. Willow nods. Tara's face is white and frightened, but determined.
"Buffy," Willow says, and I know how she feels.
There's always the chance that this is the last one. Maybe not the last apocalypse ever, because as long as I live I'll make sure that doesn't happen... but it might be the last thing I do. The last thing she does, or Spike, or any of us.
We wrap our arms around each other. "I know," I tell her.
"Don't suppose you two would want to get all cuddly like that when this over?" Spike asks. "Possibly naked?"
"He's such a pig," I tell Willow.
"Actually," Tara says, her smile tight but grateful, "I'd like to see that, too."
We both turn to look at her. She just blushes and ducks her head. "Just... trying to take my mind off stuff," she says.
"Let's do this," I say, checking my weapons one more time.
Spike grabs my elbow, turns me to face him, then he kisses me. For a moment I forget about the cold and the snow and the fact that we might be less than twenty yards from the place where we'll die. I forget that the world might end tonight. For a moment, all there is is Spike.
Then he pulls back. "We're gonna have to try this sometime when we're not on a deadline, yeah?"
I laugh. "How about tomorrow?"
"Deal," he says. "This mean it's time for me to go play hero?"
"You already are," I say. "Or did you miss all that crap about being the Slayer's Knight?"
***
When Spike, Bear, and I step out onto the helicopter pad, the sky overhead is dark and heavy with clouds and the first flakes are starting to fall. It's cold here, the wind harsh and bitey. Like everything about Louhi, it's clearly meant to cause pain. There's not a lot of light up here, but with my nifty new vision, I don't actually need that much to see.
The demon-witch stands in the middle of the roof. Well, hovers, actually. She's drifting a few feet above the snow-crusted blacktop, her long hair drifting up over her head towards the sky in smoky tendrils. Her eyes are closed and she has her hands out, palms up, like she's enjoying the cold flakes stinging her skin.
She's also slightly taller than I remember. Or maybe that's just the drifty thing.
Another of those pulses shudders through the building. Distantly I can hear screaming and moaning again. This close to her the pain is worse, tearing into me like talons, only to suddenly be stopped again by Spike.
Her eyes open.
"Pretty vampire," she says, her gaze landing on Spike. "You have come back to me."
"Sorry, bitch," Spike says, slipping into game face. "'Fraid William's already been taken." Then he shrugs. "On second thought, I'm not sorry at all."
Louhi scowls and stretches out a long-taloned hand toward Spike-then she hisses, flinching back. Spike starts to circle around her.
"So," she says. "Your Slayer found you after all. And yet she sent you up here all alone to face me?"
"Who said I was alone?" Spike asks.
I hit her from behind with the hammer.
She shrieks with pain, spinning around to see what hit her.
"You!" she hisses, and when her gaze lands on me I suddenly freeze, unable to move as she heads toward me. Spike circles around behind her."I should have known you were here, meddling little Slayer. Haven't you learned anything?"
"Yeah," I say. "I learned a fun new game. You should try it. It's called Blindman's Bluff."
Spike hits her this time, with the sword he's still carrying. We figured that, while it might not hurt her, it'd probably distract her a little. We're all a little surprised when the sword slashes through her skin, drawing blood. She screams, spinning to face him again, and the wound heals almost instantly. Still, it did some damage.
"Or maybe it was Monkey in the Middle," Spike says, grinning at me. Two weapons are better than one. I can see she's frozen him to the spot this time, and lost track of me. I move around her again.
"What is this?" she hisses, swiveling her head, trying to find me.
Which is when Bear takes his turn, diving at her, snarling, and tearing at her with long white fangs. More blood. Let's make that three weapons-Bear not being mortal at all does a bit more damage than either of us. She brings up a hand and flings Bear away. He lands hard against the low wall around the roof, yelping slightly in pain. Then he picks himself right back up, his coal black eyes filled for the first time with pure hatred, saliva dribbling from his fangs.
I wait until Louhi's turning again, blindly, toward Spike, before I hit her again. She whirls, yowling like a cat and flying back from the force of the blow. "Don't you just hate it when there's something important right in front of your eyes and you can't see it?" I say when she pins me again.
"Oh, you think you're clever, do you?" she says, clutching her bleeding thigh and drifting slightly higher. Her white eyes burn with hatred and pain. "You think I'd be defeated so easily?"
Power surges around us, suddenly, and I gasp-
-My mother lying on the couch, gone and I never got to say goodbye and she's dead dead dead and I loved her so much and how did I never tell her that? And my father isn't returning my calls or coming to see me on the weekends anymore and I thought that he loved me but he didn't and I'm just another inconvenience in his life and I loved him and Giles betrayed me and drugged me and took away my powers and I trusted him how could he do that? and Angel is saying such cruel and awful things and I loved him and I thought he loved me and I have to kill him or the world will end I have to and I don't want to I love him but now he's got his soul again but I'm still hurting and he's walking away and the pain in me is so much how can I hurt this much? and Riley is gone now and I'll never be able to tell him that I was sorry and Spike is gone and it's all my fault because he loved me really really loved me and...
...He loves me. Spike loves me. He's here, and he's hurting because I'm hurting, deep down I can feel it, feel his pain, and I can feel him...
...losing Drusilla for the millionth time and Angel tearing him down for the thousandth time and one more girl rejecting him for the hundredth time and he's lost his mother, his mother only the once and it hurt him so much and then there are faces, hundreds of thousands of faces of people screaming and crying and begging and hurting hurting hurting and he's the cause of that hurt and that's what makes him a monster a monster that can't ever be loved ever be anything but hated and reviled such a dirty filthy loathsome thing that can't ever change...
...only he has changed and I know he's changed and I want to tell him that, tell him how much he is and I just want to wrap my arms around him and promise him that that it'll stop the pain will stop eventually and I love him and I'll always be with him always always and that love ...
Love is pain.
My eyes snap open.
Love is pain.
The Slayer forges strength from pain.
I am full of love.
I am full of pain.
I am strength.
"Too late," Louhi says.
She swells like a balloon somehow, her skin splitting and stretching and reforming into something awful and terrible to look at. Whatever beauty she'd worn like a mask is gone, and the face of the thing left behind is like the face I saw in my nightmare, only worse; a hundred-thousand times worse, craggy and covered in veins, with broken sharp teeth and white, white eyes and a weirdly distended jaw like a snake's with a flickering tongue. Her body stretches until she's bone thin, her skin stretched pale and transparent over her skeleton like some kind of fur-less anorexic thing. Bones burst from her shoulder blades, growing quickly with more of that too white, veiny skin stretching over them until she has massive bat-like wings. The knobs of her vertebrae become a bony spine between them. Her hands and feet elongate, the claws nearly as long as my hand and diamond sharp.
All in all, I'd say she definitely takes the prize for World's Ugliest Hell Bitch.
I dive for the hammer at the same time as she flaps her wings, lifting herself up from the roof and taking to the sky.
"Fuck," Spike mutters.
"Yeah," I say. "Why did we decide not to bring crossbows again?"
"Wouldn't work on her anyway," he says.
Up above us, Louhi is circling against the belly of the clouds, the tattered remains of her dress and her smoky hair trailing out behind her. She shrieks and does something with her hands...
"She can only focus on one of us at a time, right?" I ask.
"Right," Spike says.
We exchange a glance, and then he's off and running toward one end of the rooftop while I head for the other. Bear takes off in a third direction, all of us steering away from the little building where Willow and Tara have hopefully begun their spell.
On my heels, something explodes against the roof. Shards of ice fly up and sting the back of my coat, which is thick enough that most of them bounce right off. Great. Figures it would be me she'd focus on.
With her up in the sky she's got the advantage. If we could ground her somehow... But Wills and Tara are busy, and Spike and I are limited by the weapons we brought, and Xander...
Something fiery arcs up into the sky and explodes in a shower of colored sparks-fireworks. Yes! Xander found Spike's old cache of fireworks. Oh my god I love him!
Louhi does not. She shrieks in rage, swatting at the burning embers that have stuck to her skin. Another one shoots up from the opposite side of the hospital, exploding near her and forcing her to dive to avoid more sparks. They're being careful, I can see, trying not to shoot directly over the hospital, but it's limiting Louhi's ability to maneuver, forcing her lower. Another one goes off overhead.
Ohhh, pink. Pretty.
Louhi screams and tucks her wings in tight, heading for the rooftop again. She lands, heavily, raising her wings to protect herself. The building shudders under her weight and I realize she's a lot bigger than she was.
Good. More of her to hit.
I aim for a wing, and grin at the sound of bones crunching beneath the blow. She spins, unwieldy now that she's been grounded. I dive as she gathers more magic to hurl in my direction. More ice shatters around me just as I hear her shriek in pain again.
Looks like Spike took out the other wing.
We take turns, smashing at her with the hammer or slicing her with the sword every time her back is turned to one of us. Her wings end up helping us, keeping her from seeing behind her, giving us time to become invisible again. Still, she's big, and she's nasty, and stronger than she looks.
Faster, too.
Spike lets out a yell as she snags him with one massive claw, her razor talons tearing into his flesh. His pain echoes through me like a shot, and I nearly stumble. "Fools," Louhi hisses through five-inch fangs. Then I watch in horror as her wings snap out, the bones healing as she sucks the pain out of Spike.
I bring the hammer down hard, on her wrist. She lets go of him and he slumps to the ground. Bear darts in behind her, his fangs sinking into her hamstring hard enough to draw blood before she shakes him off. Then she rounds on me, limping.
"We can do this all day," she says, with a demonic grin. "The more you fight, the more pain you will be in, the more I can feeeeeed."
I hit her in the jaw with the hammer. "Try feeding with no teeth, bitch," I say. Then hit her in the face again. Black blood gushes from her mouth and nose. "You're gonna have to suck my pain through a straw."
When I go to hit her again, though, her fist catches the hammer, holding it in place. She snarls, showing me a gaping maw full of teeth like giant yellow splinters, some of which are broken now, and the rest are blood smeared. She laughs, and with a wrench she rips the hammer out of my hands and tosses it over the side of the roof, then back hands me hard.
She reaches for me, and I see Spike stagger to his feet from the corner of my eye. His eyes widen as he takes in the scene. Louhi's wings snap out, blocking my view. Spike roars, and then Louhi staggers for a moment, letting out a screech of pain. When she spins, I see why. The sword is sticking out of her back. It must've caught up on a rib bone, though. It's not that deep.
Still, it gives me an idea.
Snarling, Louhi limps toward Spike. I climb to my feet, then take a running start, vaulting up onto the demon queen's bony back. I grab on with my legs, fisting one hand at the base of her hair where it's not as smoky. She shrieks and launches herself skyward, trying to shake me off. She can't reach me, though, perched between her wings. I wrench the sword out of her back and slash at her wings. Still, it doesn't seem to slow her down, and she's healing right before my eyes.
"Give me that!" she screams, reaching back as I go to swing again. I manage to avoid her, but the sword isn't doing enough damage to keep her grounded. She flies higher, trying hard to shake me off, but I've got a death grip with my legs on one of her vertebrae and I'm right between her wings.
"You're going back to hell," I tell her.
"I'll take you and your vampire with me," she says.
To the east, the clouds begin to tear apart, and I realize that it's dawn. Sunlight streams through the open clouds, bathing the rooftop in light. I glance down and watch as Spike scrambles across the roof, heading for the shade of the overhang and the shadow of the control tower, Bear at his heels.
Around me pressure seems to be growing, and inside of me I feel Spike panicking. When I glance down at the roof, he's staring up at us in horror.
The spell. Oh, god, they've almost done it. I can feel the magic pulsing in the air. I can't be on her when the spell kicks in, but...
I look down. It's a long, long, long way to the rooftop. Longer still to the ground. From up here the world seems huge and the people in it tiny. There's a small battle being waged in the parking lot, and I know Xander, Anya and Whistler are down there, holding off the demons. Somewhere in the building Giles and Lydia are guarding the people inside. In the control tower, Willow and Tara are doing their thing; and on the rooftop, Spike stands alone in the shadows, his heart crying out to me.
From up here, everything is beneath me, and yet in that minute, with the sun pouring over it, I can't help but love it-this world and the people in it who fight and live and love and hurt and struggle and go through their days never knowing that some of us are out here, protecting them from the evils they can't even imagine; this world, full of love and pain that I was born to die protecting.
And yet, the faces of my friends are the ones I see the clearest: Giles, Xander, Willow, Tara, Anya and Spike. I love them, and they give me strength to go on fighting, no matter what... even to the end.
Guess today is it. I hadn't planned on it, but I knew it would happen, eventually.
And at least, at the end, I got to know what love is.
Somehow, despite the distance, I meet Spike's eyes.
I love you.
And with all the pain and love and strength in me, I plunge the sword deeply into Louhi's back, between her shoulder blades, through her chest and into her frozen heart.
She screams, and I gather my feet under me, pushing off of her as hard as I can.
Magic surges around us. And then several things happen all at once.
Louhi vanishes.
The clouds above us rip themselves apart.
Spike runs out into the sunlight, smoke already rising from him as the deadly rays sear his skin.
The edge of the rooftop rises up to meet me.
I close my eyes.
For a long, aching minute, time slows to molasses.
And then something hard, leathery, and on fire hits me like a wrecking ball, knocking me off trajectory and out over the parking lot.
Spike.
"Not today, Slayer," he rasps in my ear, turning us in midair.
The last thing I see are Spike's eyes staring into mine as we hit the ground and everything goes dark.
Chapter 73: Breathe
__________
Author's (Non-Spoilery Postscript):
If you kill me, you won't find out how it ends.
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Season: An alternate Season 5. Glory and Dawn (and any other characters connected specifically to that arc) do not exist in this universe. Story picks up almost immediately following the Season 4 finale "Restless"
Rating: Mature
Pairings: Buffy/Spike (eventually)
Warnings: Buffy/Other, Spike/Other, coarse language, sexual situations, POV fic, (canon) character death, rape (implied)
Summary: During the day, Buffy struggles with the life of being a teenage girl and the Slayer, juggling friends, family, insecure boyfriends, college, irritating vampires, and saving the world. Her nights, however, are spent dreaming of a pitch dark room, a big bed, and a strangely silent vampire whose face she cannot see...
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and associated properties belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. I'm just playing in their sandbox.
Beta: Phuriedae and Science
Banner image: by Phuriedae
Author's Notes: I'd warn for violence, but... we're kinda at the big battle scene. Violence is sort of the name of the game.
Chapter 72
Pain
Spike leads us through the sewers, with Bear trotting at his heels. Their pale hair gleams faintly in the light from my necklace. Giles and Lydia follow him. Behind them, Willow and Tara have their hands clasped, and they're murmuring together so softly that the sound of the water rushing by covers it. I'm bringing up the rear, Olaf's hammer a heavy weight in my hands.
Somewhere above us, Xander, Anya, and Whistler are hopefully setting up for their part of the plan.
I feel like I always do right before a possibly major apocalypse: tense, nervous, my muscles tight and ready to go. Only, I'm not alone. I've never truly been alone. The first time, going up against the Master, was the closest I ever got to it. I had Spike and Xander backing me up when I fought Angelus. The whole gang was there when we took on the Mayor, plus the entire senior class. And last year... last year I was joined with my friends.
My family.
It gives me hope, makes me feel strong.
That part of me that's connected to Spike feels him respond in kind. Together, we're going to bring this bitch down and send her back to Hell where she belongs.
"Down here," Spike says, ducking through a crack in the sewer wall. Thankfully we get to leave the stinkies behind. It's dark down here, aside from the bobbing light from my necklace. In the rock I can see old bits of bones.
"Is this a cemetery?" I hear Lydia whisper to Giles up ahead.
"Not exactly," Giles says. "I don't think these are human."
A misshapen skull leers out of the rock as we pass. Ew.
Sunnydale: built on rock and bones. Features: excellent school system, lush parks, picturesque cemeteries, and one Hellmouth. Come for the sunshine and affordable real estate, stay for the Apocalypse.
***
The tunnels eventually dump us out into what I assume is the hospital basement. I'm not getting any demon tingles yet, which could be a good thing or a bad thing. Good cause, hey, not down here with us. Bad because it means that the dinner buffet may have already started.
We follow the signs down long hallways dimly lit with emergency lighting until we reach the stairwell access, where we gather in a circle.
"Willow? Tara? You guys ready?" I ask.
They both take deep breaths and look at each other. "Yeah," Willow says. "We can do this." They close their eyes and start to chant. Spike and I meet each other's eyes and grin.
How do you fight a shadow?
You turn off the lights.
***
Once the spell is finished, we creep up the stairs to the main floor. The power here is out, too. Only emergency lights are on, and some of them flicker alarmingly. It's colder here, my breath fogs in front of my face as if we're outdoors and not in the middle of the hospital. Somewhere in the distance, I hear whimpering, and a scream.
"Looks like the party started without us," Spike says.
The corridors are deserted, but we still sneak down them. "Where is everybody?" I ask.
Spike lifts his head, sniffing their air and listening. "Lots of people barricaded in rooms, seems like most of them are up a floor, in one big group. Stinks of demons in here."
"The cafeteria," I say, thinking. It's the only place in the hospital big enough to hold a ton of people. We head in that direction, looking for a stairwell to take us up. Spike is bristling with frustration.
"I hate this," he mutters. "Sneakin' about. Let's just go."
"Not yet," I tell him, even though I'm feeling just as impatient. "Plan, remember?"
"Never did well with plans," he grumbles.
"Stairs," Giles says, pointing. We head up.
When we open the door to the second floor, things are worse. Lights are broken, furniture is overturned and demons are milling around in the corridors. Down the hall I hear thuds, like someone is trying to batter down a door.
"Into the hallway, up against the wall," I say, then go through first. The others quickly follow. Even Bear presses up against Spike's legs, out of the way.
None of the demons in the hallway pay even the slightest bit of attention to us.
Go Willow and Tara.
I flash them a quick grin. Only Willow manages to smile back, but it's tight and nervous. I know how she feels. It's one thing to trust a "Don't Look Here" spell when it's cast just on me... but now I'm trusting it to cloak all of us. There are enough of those evil demon elves, and several Lei-Ach demons wandering around to make a fight in close quarters like this a really bad idea.
We need to get the demons out of here.
"Come on, Xander," I growl.
At that moment, the sound of an explosion rocks the building.
"About bloody time," Giles says, surprising me. Spike smirks.
Every demon in the hallway turns toward the sound. Then there's a second explosion, which rattles the hospital so hard I can feel my teeth clack together. Most of the demons head for the stairs. They snarl and growl as they thunder past, jostling us a little but otherwise not even glancing in our direction.
"Let's go," I say, when there's only a handful left down at the end of the corridor, trying to break down the door to the cafeteria.
We fan out into the hallway, Spike, Bear, and I in front, with Giles and Lydia flanking us, crossbows ready. The demons at the end of the hall don't seem to notice as we head toward them. Not until we're on them, and then it's far too late.
Spike snaps the neck of the first demon he passes, while I slide my sword through the neck of another. Bear pulls down what looks like another Mara demon, savaging it with fangs that are almost as long as my fingers.
That gets the attention of the rest of them, but when they turn to face us they seem confused. I can practically feel Spike grinning as he launches himself at the next one. It's not a fair fight, but we don't have time for fair.
Then it's over-at least here, by this door.
There's a weird surge, then, and the emergency lights flicker ominously. For a moment my vision goes dark, and I feel a stabbing pain in my chest. A sob tears my throat as the pain hits, vibrating through me like a physical ache.
Dad leaving, putting his suitcases in the car...
Angel mocking me, telling me how awful I was...
Giles drugging me, removing my powers...
Angel biting into my throat...
Mom, lying on the couch, her eyes open and staring blindly at the ceiling...
A stake through my gut and death in the eyes of a vampire...
Riley in the helicopter flying away...
Angel disappearing into the smoke...
Mom laying in her coffin...
Spike...
And then Spike's there, his love pushing it away, flooding me, filling me up. I come back to myself with a gasp as the pain dissipates.
All over the hospital, screams are ripping through the darkness, most of them coming from the other side of the door. A few of them come from my friends. Willow mutters a harsh word, and then it seems to pass, their faces clearing.
"Okay," she pants. "That was not fun."
"What did you do?" Giles asks, his voice hoarse.
"Protection spell," Willow says, her voice strained. "I set it up earlier, in case... in case we needed it. I can't... it's too much to do the whole hospital, though."
Spike's eyes flicker yellow. "You're bleeding," he says.
Willow swipes at the blood trickling from her nose. "Oh," she says. "It's... it's fine. It was just... more than I thought it'd be."
Tara looks concerned.
There's still some screaming and whimpering coming from behind the door. It takes me exactly two seconds to kick it open.
Several hundred pale faces turn to stare at us.
Or... not. They stare at the doors in panic and confusion, their gazes sliding right past us.
"Giles, Lydia," I say. "You know what to do. Keep them safe."
Lydia nods tightly, but Giles grips my arm for a moment.
"Be careful," he says to me.
"I will," I promise. Then Giles turns to Spike.
"I don't like you," he says. Spike raises his eyebrows. "But I would greatly appreciate it if you brought her back to me, alive and in one piece."
Oh.
"I swear," Spike says, totally serious.
They nod at one another, like men do when they're doing that manly communicating thing where they don't talk. Giles takes Lydia by the arm, and they slip into the cafeteria, then turn and shut the door behind them.
"Let's go," I say, turning away and heading for the stairs.
***
We're running now, Spike and I barely breaking a sweat, Bear's claws clicking on the concrete steps. Behind me I can hear Willow and Tara panting as they try to keep up. I'd forgotten how tall the hospital is, how many floors. It feels like it goes on forever, this long stairway. It doesn't go to heaven, 'cause we don't deal in that here.
Spike takes down the first demon just as I sense it, grabbing it and flipping it over the railing. It sounds like it falls for a long time but we're still close enough to hear the sickening crunch when it hits the bottom of the open stairwell.
There's another one of those weird surges, and more screams. Dimly I feel a flash of pain, but nothing like earlier. This is a sucker punch to the gut and the heart, there and then gone, and then Spike is filling me up again, his love stronger than the pain.
"What is that?" I ask.
"Louhi," Spike says, his voice grim. "She's feeding."
God. If that's how she feeds, and Spike was with her for months...
"Willow?" I ask, over my shoulder, still moving.
"We're good," she pants.
So we keep climbing.
Every so often a demon gets in the way, either lunging through an open doorway or clattering down the stairs. Still, they can't see us, not until it's too late. In close quarters like this, we're limited. Mostly we just end up tossing them over the rail. Spike has the railroad spike in his fist, though, and I've got one of my favorite daggers and Olaf's hammer. They're both crusted with blood and worse by the time we get to the top floor.
I slam the door open, and then we're in a wide hallway where the lights flicker overhead. Whimpers and moans and screams come from behind the double doors that line the hall. "This way," Spike says, nodding at a sign pointing toward the roof access and the helipad. "She'll be on the roof."
I remember her tower. Apparently she's got a thing for heights.
We're halfway down the hall when the lights flicker again and another surge hits, stronger this time. Up and down the corridor, behind the doors, people start screaming. Distantly I feel a throb of pain, but it's easier to suppress now. Behind me, Willow gasps, and Tara cries out.
"Buffy," Tara says.
Willow's panting hard, blood trickling from her nose, and her pupils are so big that her eyes look black. Bear growls at her. "Wills!" I say, grabbing her by the shoulders and giving her a hard shake. "What are you doing?"
"They're in so much pain," she whimpers. "I-I have to stop it."
"Willow, we don't have time. You can't protect them all right now. We have to go. We have to stop Louhi, then the pain will stop. But I can't do it without you," I tell her.
"Buffy," she says. "I can't... I have to..."
Spike snarls at her. "Do I need to go get a broken bottle, Red?" Willow's eyes shift to Spike. She shakes her head.
"No," she says, and some of the black bleeds out of her eyes. "No, I'm... you're right. We stop Louhi."
"Good," I tell her. "Let's go." Tara wraps an arm around Willow and adjusts the strap of the bag she's carrying. Her eyes look huge, and her face pale, but she seems to be holding up. It's Tara's first apocalypse, too. You don't get used to them.
We hurry down the hallway, trying to ignore the screams and whimpers all around us. Abruptly the hall ends in a set of double doors. Spike kicks them open and we spill into a big room full of medical equipment, beds, and doctors and nurses who are doing their best to work around their own pain to help the injured. The doors at the opposite end of the room lead to a ramp up, and they stand open, snow gusting in through them. All we have to do is cross the room.
Except in the middle of the room, waiting, his sword held loosely in his hand, is Jack Frost.
We skid to a halt.
"Vampire," Jack says, his eyes focusing on Spike. Then he shakes his head, frowning. His weird blue eyes drift over us before he finally manages to see me. He gives a dry, raspy laugh. "Slayer. How clever. She'll never see it coming." His dry voice and lack of inflection remind me of Oz.
"Sorta the idea," I say. "Guess you were expecting us?"
His eyes flick to the hammer in my hands.
"You got my invitation," he says. I frown, and something in my head clicks.
"You left the crystal in the magic shop," I say.
"Someone had to. That hammer may be what tips the scales," he says. "I'd have gotten you something classier but..."
"So... what? You've been secretly working against her all along?" I ask, confused.
"I thought she was my goddess, once," Jack says. "I was wrong. I loved her. The only thing she loved about me was how much pain she could cause me."
Inside me, I feel Spike's emotions clench, like a fist.
"So why keep working for her?" I ask.
"Because I'm not strong enough to defeat her on my own. She's had me for too long," he says. "I'm going to have to fight you, you know. It's nothing personal. It's simply what she expects me to do. I'd appreciate it if you didn't kill me."
"Fair deal," Spike growls from behind him. He punches him in the kidneys, and Jack reels, surprised. He shouldn't have taken his eyes off Spike. "How 'bout we just beat you black and blue instead?"
Jack whirls around, finally realizing his mistake as Spike lands another punch to his face. "You owe me," Spike says.
"I do," Jack says. His eyes blaze with blue frost.
And then the two of them tear into each other. They're a blur of black and white and blue, of fangs and claws and glowing demon eyes. For a moment I consider diving in, but I can feel what Spike's feeling right now and he says this is his fight. This is payback for the pain Jack put him through months ago, and all that time in the tower.
So I watch, because Spike doesn't need me to protect him.
Around us the doctors and nurses and patients are still bustling, trying to work, trying to heal, trying hard to ignore the growls and snarls and roars of the two monsters in their midst. Maybe the spell is helping, I don't know.
I can't take my eyes off them.
Spike's blows are vicious and powerful, the railroad spike almost a natural extension of his arm. Jack's sword is a blur of icy white, slashing out. Somehow Spike deflects every blow, slipping in under Jack's guard and tearing at him with fangs and iron.
But it's not enough. Jack doesn't take nearly the amount of damage he should. And Spike is getting frustrated. I can feel it.
I wish he'd stop playing around.
His head swivels to face me, even as he blocks a flurry of blows, the sound of ice and iron ringing out in the echo-y room. "Then toss me your bloody sword, luv," he growls.
Oh. Right. Jack can only be harmed by enchanted weapons.
The Slayer's sword makes a silver blur as it spins toward him. Spike neatly plucks it from the air, twirls it, spins just in time to meet a downward slash of Jack's icy blade. Then the sound of ice against steel rings out, over and over, as the fight picks up speed, now that the two of them are more even.
Jack may want us to defeat Louhi, but she either still has some power over him or he's that afraid Spike will kill him. Maybe a little of both.
Because he's beautiful and deadly, my vampire. I knew it once, before, in what I thought was a dream: it's a brutal dance, and he's a master at it. Jack... he doesn't stand a chance. Like the Slayer who gave me the sword, Spike turns the weapon into an extension of his arm. I once had to sword fight Angel, and Angel was fast... but Spike is faster. Where Angel relied on brute strength, Spike is clever. Each flick of the blade is sly, surprising Jack into attacks he never planned to make, openings he never would have given.
Then Jack's blade breaks beneath the sword, and Spike lashes out-once, twice, three times. Blue blood oozes from three parallel cuts on Jack's chest, then the demon drops to his knees, beaten.
"That was payback," Spike growls, leveling the sword at Jack's throat.
Jack closes his eyes.
Spike heaves a deep breath, then glances at me. His eyes are stormy, but I can feel him inside me, and he's perfect.
"And this-this is mercy," he says, withdrawing the sword. Jack's eyes open, staring up at Spike, bewildered. "I'm a little shaky on how it works, so don't be testing it, mate." Jack nods once, clutching at his wounds.
Then he smiles.
"She'll never see you coming," he says.
***
The open doors lead out to a covered area with a small building set in the corner. I guess it must be some sort of control tower for the helicopters. The landing pad is just beyond it, but the building blocks our view. Louhi is out there. I can almost feel her.
"Will that work?" I ask Willow, pointing at the building.
She nods, wrapping her coat around her tighter. It's so cold up here, and it'll be colder out in the open, on the roof. "It's close enough, and p-protected," she says.
"Okay, when she's distracted, then go," I say. Willow nods. Tara's face is white and frightened, but determined.
"Buffy," Willow says, and I know how she feels.
There's always the chance that this is the last one. Maybe not the last apocalypse ever, because as long as I live I'll make sure that doesn't happen... but it might be the last thing I do. The last thing she does, or Spike, or any of us.
We wrap our arms around each other. "I know," I tell her.
"Don't suppose you two would want to get all cuddly like that when this over?" Spike asks. "Possibly naked?"
"He's such a pig," I tell Willow.
"Actually," Tara says, her smile tight but grateful, "I'd like to see that, too."
We both turn to look at her. She just blushes and ducks her head. "Just... trying to take my mind off stuff," she says.
"Let's do this," I say, checking my weapons one more time.
Spike grabs my elbow, turns me to face him, then he kisses me. For a moment I forget about the cold and the snow and the fact that we might be less than twenty yards from the place where we'll die. I forget that the world might end tonight. For a moment, all there is is Spike.
Then he pulls back. "We're gonna have to try this sometime when we're not on a deadline, yeah?"
I laugh. "How about tomorrow?"
"Deal," he says. "This mean it's time for me to go play hero?"
"You already are," I say. "Or did you miss all that crap about being the Slayer's Knight?"
***
When Spike, Bear, and I step out onto the helicopter pad, the sky overhead is dark and heavy with clouds and the first flakes are starting to fall. It's cold here, the wind harsh and bitey. Like everything about Louhi, it's clearly meant to cause pain. There's not a lot of light up here, but with my nifty new vision, I don't actually need that much to see.
The demon-witch stands in the middle of the roof. Well, hovers, actually. She's drifting a few feet above the snow-crusted blacktop, her long hair drifting up over her head towards the sky in smoky tendrils. Her eyes are closed and she has her hands out, palms up, like she's enjoying the cold flakes stinging her skin.
She's also slightly taller than I remember. Or maybe that's just the drifty thing.
Another of those pulses shudders through the building. Distantly I can hear screaming and moaning again. This close to her the pain is worse, tearing into me like talons, only to suddenly be stopped again by Spike.
Her eyes open.
"Pretty vampire," she says, her gaze landing on Spike. "You have come back to me."
"Sorry, bitch," Spike says, slipping into game face. "'Fraid William's already been taken." Then he shrugs. "On second thought, I'm not sorry at all."
Louhi scowls and stretches out a long-taloned hand toward Spike-then she hisses, flinching back. Spike starts to circle around her.
"So," she says. "Your Slayer found you after all. And yet she sent you up here all alone to face me?"
"Who said I was alone?" Spike asks.
I hit her from behind with the hammer.
She shrieks with pain, spinning around to see what hit her.
"You!" she hisses, and when her gaze lands on me I suddenly freeze, unable to move as she heads toward me. Spike circles around behind her."I should have known you were here, meddling little Slayer. Haven't you learned anything?"
"Yeah," I say. "I learned a fun new game. You should try it. It's called Blindman's Bluff."
Spike hits her this time, with the sword he's still carrying. We figured that, while it might not hurt her, it'd probably distract her a little. We're all a little surprised when the sword slashes through her skin, drawing blood. She screams, spinning to face him again, and the wound heals almost instantly. Still, it did some damage.
"Or maybe it was Monkey in the Middle," Spike says, grinning at me. Two weapons are better than one. I can see she's frozen him to the spot this time, and lost track of me. I move around her again.
"What is this?" she hisses, swiveling her head, trying to find me.
Which is when Bear takes his turn, diving at her, snarling, and tearing at her with long white fangs. More blood. Let's make that three weapons-Bear not being mortal at all does a bit more damage than either of us. She brings up a hand and flings Bear away. He lands hard against the low wall around the roof, yelping slightly in pain. Then he picks himself right back up, his coal black eyes filled for the first time with pure hatred, saliva dribbling from his fangs.
I wait until Louhi's turning again, blindly, toward Spike, before I hit her again. She whirls, yowling like a cat and flying back from the force of the blow. "Don't you just hate it when there's something important right in front of your eyes and you can't see it?" I say when she pins me again.
"Oh, you think you're clever, do you?" she says, clutching her bleeding thigh and drifting slightly higher. Her white eyes burn with hatred and pain. "You think I'd be defeated so easily?"
Power surges around us, suddenly, and I gasp-
-My mother lying on the couch, gone and I never got to say goodbye and she's dead dead dead and I loved her so much and how did I never tell her that? And my father isn't returning my calls or coming to see me on the weekends anymore and I thought that he loved me but he didn't and I'm just another inconvenience in his life and I loved him and Giles betrayed me and drugged me and took away my powers and I trusted him how could he do that? and Angel is saying such cruel and awful things and I loved him and I thought he loved me and I have to kill him or the world will end I have to and I don't want to I love him but now he's got his soul again but I'm still hurting and he's walking away and the pain in me is so much how can I hurt this much? and Riley is gone now and I'll never be able to tell him that I was sorry and Spike is gone and it's all my fault because he loved me really really loved me and...
...He loves me. Spike loves me. He's here, and he's hurting because I'm hurting, deep down I can feel it, feel his pain, and I can feel him...
...losing Drusilla for the millionth time and Angel tearing him down for the thousandth time and one more girl rejecting him for the hundredth time and he's lost his mother, his mother only the once and it hurt him so much and then there are faces, hundreds of thousands of faces of people screaming and crying and begging and hurting hurting hurting and he's the cause of that hurt and that's what makes him a monster a monster that can't ever be loved ever be anything but hated and reviled such a dirty filthy loathsome thing that can't ever change...
...only he has changed and I know he's changed and I want to tell him that, tell him how much he is and I just want to wrap my arms around him and promise him that that it'll stop the pain will stop eventually and I love him and I'll always be with him always always and that love ...
Love is pain.
My eyes snap open.
Love is pain.
The Slayer forges strength from pain.
I am full of love.
I am full of pain.
I am strength.
"Too late," Louhi says.
She swells like a balloon somehow, her skin splitting and stretching and reforming into something awful and terrible to look at. Whatever beauty she'd worn like a mask is gone, and the face of the thing left behind is like the face I saw in my nightmare, only worse; a hundred-thousand times worse, craggy and covered in veins, with broken sharp teeth and white, white eyes and a weirdly distended jaw like a snake's with a flickering tongue. Her body stretches until she's bone thin, her skin stretched pale and transparent over her skeleton like some kind of fur-less anorexic thing. Bones burst from her shoulder blades, growing quickly with more of that too white, veiny skin stretching over them until she has massive bat-like wings. The knobs of her vertebrae become a bony spine between them. Her hands and feet elongate, the claws nearly as long as my hand and diamond sharp.
All in all, I'd say she definitely takes the prize for World's Ugliest Hell Bitch.
I dive for the hammer at the same time as she flaps her wings, lifting herself up from the roof and taking to the sky.
"Fuck," Spike mutters.
"Yeah," I say. "Why did we decide not to bring crossbows again?"
"Wouldn't work on her anyway," he says.
Up above us, Louhi is circling against the belly of the clouds, the tattered remains of her dress and her smoky hair trailing out behind her. She shrieks and does something with her hands...
"She can only focus on one of us at a time, right?" I ask.
"Right," Spike says.
We exchange a glance, and then he's off and running toward one end of the rooftop while I head for the other. Bear takes off in a third direction, all of us steering away from the little building where Willow and Tara have hopefully begun their spell.
On my heels, something explodes against the roof. Shards of ice fly up and sting the back of my coat, which is thick enough that most of them bounce right off. Great. Figures it would be me she'd focus on.
With her up in the sky she's got the advantage. If we could ground her somehow... But Wills and Tara are busy, and Spike and I are limited by the weapons we brought, and Xander...
Something fiery arcs up into the sky and explodes in a shower of colored sparks-fireworks. Yes! Xander found Spike's old cache of fireworks. Oh my god I love him!
Louhi does not. She shrieks in rage, swatting at the burning embers that have stuck to her skin. Another one shoots up from the opposite side of the hospital, exploding near her and forcing her to dive to avoid more sparks. They're being careful, I can see, trying not to shoot directly over the hospital, but it's limiting Louhi's ability to maneuver, forcing her lower. Another one goes off overhead.
Ohhh, pink. Pretty.
Louhi screams and tucks her wings in tight, heading for the rooftop again. She lands, heavily, raising her wings to protect herself. The building shudders under her weight and I realize she's a lot bigger than she was.
Good. More of her to hit.
I aim for a wing, and grin at the sound of bones crunching beneath the blow. She spins, unwieldy now that she's been grounded. I dive as she gathers more magic to hurl in my direction. More ice shatters around me just as I hear her shriek in pain again.
Looks like Spike took out the other wing.
We take turns, smashing at her with the hammer or slicing her with the sword every time her back is turned to one of us. Her wings end up helping us, keeping her from seeing behind her, giving us time to become invisible again. Still, she's big, and she's nasty, and stronger than she looks.
Faster, too.
Spike lets out a yell as she snags him with one massive claw, her razor talons tearing into his flesh. His pain echoes through me like a shot, and I nearly stumble. "Fools," Louhi hisses through five-inch fangs. Then I watch in horror as her wings snap out, the bones healing as she sucks the pain out of Spike.
I bring the hammer down hard, on her wrist. She lets go of him and he slumps to the ground. Bear darts in behind her, his fangs sinking into her hamstring hard enough to draw blood before she shakes him off. Then she rounds on me, limping.
"We can do this all day," she says, with a demonic grin. "The more you fight, the more pain you will be in, the more I can feeeeeed."
I hit her in the jaw with the hammer. "Try feeding with no teeth, bitch," I say. Then hit her in the face again. Black blood gushes from her mouth and nose. "You're gonna have to suck my pain through a straw."
When I go to hit her again, though, her fist catches the hammer, holding it in place. She snarls, showing me a gaping maw full of teeth like giant yellow splinters, some of which are broken now, and the rest are blood smeared. She laughs, and with a wrench she rips the hammer out of my hands and tosses it over the side of the roof, then back hands me hard.
She reaches for me, and I see Spike stagger to his feet from the corner of my eye. His eyes widen as he takes in the scene. Louhi's wings snap out, blocking my view. Spike roars, and then Louhi staggers for a moment, letting out a screech of pain. When she spins, I see why. The sword is sticking out of her back. It must've caught up on a rib bone, though. It's not that deep.
Still, it gives me an idea.
Snarling, Louhi limps toward Spike. I climb to my feet, then take a running start, vaulting up onto the demon queen's bony back. I grab on with my legs, fisting one hand at the base of her hair where it's not as smoky. She shrieks and launches herself skyward, trying to shake me off. She can't reach me, though, perched between her wings. I wrench the sword out of her back and slash at her wings. Still, it doesn't seem to slow her down, and she's healing right before my eyes.
"Give me that!" she screams, reaching back as I go to swing again. I manage to avoid her, but the sword isn't doing enough damage to keep her grounded. She flies higher, trying hard to shake me off, but I've got a death grip with my legs on one of her vertebrae and I'm right between her wings.
"You're going back to hell," I tell her.
"I'll take you and your vampire with me," she says.
To the east, the clouds begin to tear apart, and I realize that it's dawn. Sunlight streams through the open clouds, bathing the rooftop in light. I glance down and watch as Spike scrambles across the roof, heading for the shade of the overhang and the shadow of the control tower, Bear at his heels.
Around me pressure seems to be growing, and inside of me I feel Spike panicking. When I glance down at the roof, he's staring up at us in horror.
The spell. Oh, god, they've almost done it. I can feel the magic pulsing in the air. I can't be on her when the spell kicks in, but...
I look down. It's a long, long, long way to the rooftop. Longer still to the ground. From up here the world seems huge and the people in it tiny. There's a small battle being waged in the parking lot, and I know Xander, Anya and Whistler are down there, holding off the demons. Somewhere in the building Giles and Lydia are guarding the people inside. In the control tower, Willow and Tara are doing their thing; and on the rooftop, Spike stands alone in the shadows, his heart crying out to me.
From up here, everything is beneath me, and yet in that minute, with the sun pouring over it, I can't help but love it-this world and the people in it who fight and live and love and hurt and struggle and go through their days never knowing that some of us are out here, protecting them from the evils they can't even imagine; this world, full of love and pain that I was born to die protecting.
And yet, the faces of my friends are the ones I see the clearest: Giles, Xander, Willow, Tara, Anya and Spike. I love them, and they give me strength to go on fighting, no matter what... even to the end.
Guess today is it. I hadn't planned on it, but I knew it would happen, eventually.
And at least, at the end, I got to know what love is.
Somehow, despite the distance, I meet Spike's eyes.
I love you.
And with all the pain and love and strength in me, I plunge the sword deeply into Louhi's back, between her shoulder blades, through her chest and into her frozen heart.
She screams, and I gather my feet under me, pushing off of her as hard as I can.
Magic surges around us. And then several things happen all at once.
Louhi vanishes.
The clouds above us rip themselves apart.
Spike runs out into the sunlight, smoke already rising from him as the deadly rays sear his skin.
The edge of the rooftop rises up to meet me.
I close my eyes.
For a long, aching minute, time slows to molasses.
And then something hard, leathery, and on fire hits me like a wrecking ball, knocking me off trajectory and out over the parking lot.
Spike.
"Not today, Slayer," he rasps in my ear, turning us in midair.
The last thing I see are Spike's eyes staring into mine as we hit the ground and everything goes dark.
Chapter 73: Breathe
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Author's (Non-Spoilery Postscript):
If you kill me, you won't find out how it ends.