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[knfecutfashion]

4:56- School wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be when I woke up this morning. I woke up feeling horrible; not physically, but emotionally. The word "self-hate" kept running through my head. Then, I got on the bus (which happened to be like 10 minutes late and it was freezing outside) and I listened to The Postal Service and it made me feel surprisingly better. The Postal Service usually puts me in an emo mood, but this morning it made me more optimistic about things. I tried not thinking about him at all today. I thought about this other cute boy instead. Eh. I wish I just didn't have to think about boys at all; I wish they never crossed my mind; I wish they were unimportant. I also wish my friend would stop being so weird. I need her right now and all she's been doing lately is sleeping and wallowing around in her own self-pity. I tried helping her feel better and she just yelled at me for being too positive. Ugh. And now when I try and talk to her about my problems she just says really weird things that confuse me and make me sick. Tonight, I think I'm going to watch my Family Guy DVDs since I barely ever watch that show on TV anymore. Maybe I'll go to my sister's band concert, too. Errrkjdafoiwjelkdsjfowiejlskdjfwoeij. Life should be happier and less confusing.

10:32- I'm crying. I hate this. Um, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay... yeah right. I couldn't even say the sentence out loud without choking up. Alright, nevermind. This is stupid. I'm stupid. Everything is stupid. I need to get away from this, from you.

11:12- From now on I'm not going to go out of my way trying to please you. Somethings wrong with me right now. Something is like attacking my stomach/heart area and dragging me down and I feel absolutely horrible. I feel like shit. I need help, no?