the little big one-eight
I don't know if I am all that excited about my 18th birthday in two days...if feels like I should have celebrated the little, big one-eight five years ago. Everyone says that I am "an old soul in a young body." But in reality, I am young at heart and at soul. My mind may think like a thirty-year-old, but it still knows how to have fun. It still knows fear, love, right, and wrong. I am not excited because I don't want to grow up...people say, "You're only becoming an adult. You have a long way to go." That's the reason I don't want this birthday to happen. I don't want to become an adult. I don't want those big responsibilities, the big bills, or the big burden that has yet to come. I want to stay young, because I feel like I didn't really know how to be a kid until recently...for me, this summer is what every kid should experience in his pr her life; traveling, exploring, climbing, staying up all night, swimming, doing things for the first time ever, becoming one with Mother Nature. Well, actually becoming one with God. He's the one who made it all.
I guess my biggest fear is not being able to live life freely, because things change. And friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody. That's my theory.
Anyway, I was watching a really great movie called "Nuremberg". (If you have not seen it, you need to.) It's about the war crime trials following the defeat of the Nazi Germany in World War II. It was just absolutely crazy how some of these Nazi leaders had no idea about the concentration camps and what went on in them...the starvation, the experiements done of people, the gas chambers, etc. Some leaders said it was "uncalled for" and others said "whatever it takes to get rid of all of them". Some leaders hated themselves when they saw videos of the camps. Others stood by Hitler like he was doing the right thing. It amazed me how these men were loyal to Hitler no matter what...He gave an order and they obeyed him without questions...without thinking.
Why is it that these men were loyal to someone who would kill fifty of his own men to live another day and I cannot stay loyal to my God that only wants to better my life and this world? Even though the leaders had loyalty in the wrong person, I want it. I want that obedience. Not to Hitler, not to Satan, or this world, but to the one I call God. The one that created the trees and rivers and skies that I love so much.
It's crazy how much i confess to a damn computer than to a living, breathing, human being, isn't it?
I guess my biggest fear is not being able to live life freely, because things change. And friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody. That's my theory.
Anyway, I was watching a really great movie called "Nuremberg". (If you have not seen it, you need to.) It's about the war crime trials following the defeat of the Nazi Germany in World War II. It was just absolutely crazy how some of these Nazi leaders had no idea about the concentration camps and what went on in them...the starvation, the experiements done of people, the gas chambers, etc. Some leaders said it was "uncalled for" and others said "whatever it takes to get rid of all of them". Some leaders hated themselves when they saw videos of the camps. Others stood by Hitler like he was doing the right thing. It amazed me how these men were loyal to Hitler no matter what...He gave an order and they obeyed him without questions...without thinking.
Why is it that these men were loyal to someone who would kill fifty of his own men to live another day and I cannot stay loyal to my God that only wants to better my life and this world? Even though the leaders had loyalty in the wrong person, I want it. I want that obedience. Not to Hitler, not to Satan, or this world, but to the one I call God. The one that created the trees and rivers and skies that I love so much.
It's crazy how much i confess to a damn computer than to a living, breathing, human being, isn't it?