I don't know you that well just yet, so that gives me some perspective here. Let me tell you what I see.
First up, to me, suicide as stupid and cowardly. Anyone can end their problems by killing themselves. But to solve those problems? To conquer them and surpass them? To look back when you're done and see what you've accomplished? THAT is power. THAT is something to be proud of. THAT is the path of someone who is worthy.
Your post implies that your problems center around money. And look what else you say--you're going job hunting. That sounds like trying to solve and conquer your problem to me. You also know what you do wrong, what holds your job hunting back. So fix it. You interview badly? Google interview tips and do some studying. Practice by having friends interview you. Go to interviews and practice for real. Put some effort into it and see what happens.
And if you have the offer of a place to stay, then use it. So what if your pride takes a blow? Pride can be rebuilt. Staying with a friend for cheap does not mean you've failed. It means you're smart enough to see what needs to be done to remedy your situation.
You know what really means you failed???? KILLING YOURSELF. See my 2nd paragraph above.
Please consider yourself slapped on the cheek. Humph!
I've actually struggled with depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation for years. My problems really don't center on money. Well, right now they do, but there are much deeper-seeded problems.
Now, honestly, I don't expect you to read all of that. And really, it's boring, depressing crap, so I don't even encourage you to. But if you want to know, "What the hell is wrong with this dude?", that's the best place to start.
First up, to me, suicide as stupid and cowardly. Anyone can end their problems by killing themselves. But to solve those problems? To conquer them and surpass them? To look back when you're done and see what you've accomplished? THAT is power. THAT is something to be proud of. THAT is the path of someone who is worthy.
Your post implies that your problems center around money. And look what else you say--you're going job hunting. That sounds like trying to solve and conquer your problem to me. You also know what you do wrong, what holds your job hunting back. So fix it. You interview badly? Google interview tips and do some studying. Practice by having friends interview you. Go to interviews and practice for real. Put some effort into it and see what happens.
And if you have the offer of a place to stay, then use it. So what if your pride takes a blow? Pride can be rebuilt. Staying with a friend for cheap does not mean you've failed. It means you're smart enough to see what needs to be done to remedy your situation.
You know what really means you failed???? KILLING YOURSELF. See my 2nd paragraph above.
Please consider yourself slapped on the cheek. Humph!
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On the off-chance that you're curious, here is some suggested reading from my LJ starting in November when I started openly discussing my feelings and thoughts regarding suicide:
Two posts from 11/10/2008
11/13/2008
11/25/2008
12/19/2008
12/22/2008
Now, honestly, I don't expect you to read all of that. And really, it's boring, depressing crap, so I don't even encourage you to. But if you want to know, "What the hell is wrong with this dude?", that's the best place to start.
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