Some non-thoughts on the holidays
Put aside Thanksgiving for the duration of this discussion. Thanksgiving is probably the last holiday I really cherish, though I didn't have much chance to really "celebrate" it this year.
Regardless, one of the possible side effects of not having a TV for a couple of years now has been my change in attitude towards 'annoying' holidays, in this case, Christmas and Valentine's Day. Though it is impossible to avoid hearing about these two annual events, not being exposed to the overt and more subtle uses of advertising used to propagate the more despicable facets of these holidays has greatly lessened my ill-will towards them.
Next assumption: while I recognize that Christmas and even V-Day have positive aspects, I'm only ranting about what I see as the negative here.
Let's start with Valentine's. Fuck this holiday. One the one hand, it sends the message that "normal" is being with someone, and if you're alone on this most romantic of days, then you are sub-normal. Not only is this bullshit, but enough people already feel like shit due to how lonesome they are, and they fantasize about having someone to share an intimate moment with. They don't need jackass advertisers and retailers shoving this horseshit down their throats.
On the other hand, if you do have someone, then sick-ass capitalism will tell you that your love can be measured directly by how much you spend on them. Oh sure, "the thought counts", but not so much as the money. "Diamonds: isn't she worth it? You're fucking pathetic unless you get her a big-ass ring or some diamond earrings, you sack of shit." (Yes, I'm using male pronouns here, mainly because that's how I've experienced it. Women, feel free to contribute here or elsewhere. I encourage it.) And, ya know, it's not like Americans have a problem with Not Saving and instead Spending Money On Credit.
And yeah, just thinking about it like this, the rage is still there. (The Ragetm is always there.) But without the ever-present barrage of bullshit from TV starting the week after New Years Tax sales are over lasting through Mardi Gras specials, it's much less omnipresent. The past two years, I've basically forgotten about it until it happened. I'm sure being single those two years helped, but I wasn't "caught unaware" any other year I'd been single (and there'd been plenty).
And Christmas. Until I moved thousands of miles away from my close friends, Christmas was just that time when everyone I knew went away to be with their families, and I was alone. I stopped going home for the holidays years ago. First, when my parents were still in the RGV and I didn't have a car. Then, just because fuck it. The past couple of years in Austin, I went to Mason a couple of times, and so long as my brother didn't show up, things were fairly peaceful. But time with the family stresses me out more than anything else.
And yeah, same as Valentine's, I hate the consumer-frenzy aspect of Christmas. Only more so because with Christmas, it's multiplied by five billion on steroids. And unlike with Valentine's, there's no reason I'd want to celebrate it anymore. At least with Valentine's, I might have a girlfriend who'd want to celebrate. But I'm not Christian, nor am I Pagan. I don't celebrate Hanukkah nor Kwanzaa. No winter solstice holiday for me.
So yeah, it was just that time of the year when all my friends would go away. Christmas was nothing but lonely time for me.
This year, of course, that's become an "all-the-time" thing, so Christmas has even lost *that* special meaning.
In other news, I miss going to therapy. I couldn't tell you if I was getting anything concrete from my sessions, but I greatly enjoyed them. I started thinking of this recently while listening to Dar Williams' "What Do You Hear In These Sounds". There's not much to this tangent, really. I just miss it. I kind of wish I had insurance again.
*sigh* At most, a fortnight left in this house. No more than a fortnight until I have my own little cave.
In distraction news, I drove out in the snow today. I took it slow. It's easier than driving on ice, which is something I got practice with while in Austin. I went to Tom's Pancake House, where I was in fact sitting in a corner by a window, but there was a distinct lack of Suzanne Vega. The food was about what you would expect. And what I mean by that was, as it was breakfast food, it was fucking awesome. It's really hard to disappoint me with breakfast food. Bacon, eggs and pancakes? Delicious!
Afterwards, I found a Best Buy. Picked up Season 2 of the Boondocks on sale, as well as a cheap copy of season 2 of Survivorman (aka, better than "Man vs. Wild").
And now, I dunno. I'm doing what I find myself often doing on the weekends these days: waiting to get tired. If I think about that too hard, I get really depressed. I just want time to progress faster as I'm doing nothing now. I want to reach the end of this. I am only wasting my days, my hours, my life. Of course, thoughts like these are the last thing that will help me achieve sleep. Oh well. After last week, I've proven to myself that I can do my bullshit job with little effort and still be exemplary.
After I move, I look into the local chess clubs. Maybe a sci-fi/fantasy reading group, if I can find one. Something to take my mind off of how pathetic my existence is, and how alone I feel so damn often.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for anymore / I just know that I'm harder to console.
Regardless, one of the possible side effects of not having a TV for a couple of years now has been my change in attitude towards 'annoying' holidays, in this case, Christmas and Valentine's Day. Though it is impossible to avoid hearing about these two annual events, not being exposed to the overt and more subtle uses of advertising used to propagate the more despicable facets of these holidays has greatly lessened my ill-will towards them.
Next assumption: while I recognize that Christmas and even V-Day have positive aspects, I'm only ranting about what I see as the negative here.
Let's start with Valentine's. Fuck this holiday. One the one hand, it sends the message that "normal" is being with someone, and if you're alone on this most romantic of days, then you are sub-normal. Not only is this bullshit, but enough people already feel like shit due to how lonesome they are, and they fantasize about having someone to share an intimate moment with. They don't need jackass advertisers and retailers shoving this horseshit down their throats.
On the other hand, if you do have someone, then sick-ass capitalism will tell you that your love can be measured directly by how much you spend on them. Oh sure, "the thought counts", but not so much as the money. "Diamonds: isn't she worth it? You're fucking pathetic unless you get her a big-ass ring or some diamond earrings, you sack of shit." (Yes, I'm using male pronouns here, mainly because that's how I've experienced it. Women, feel free to contribute here or elsewhere. I encourage it.) And, ya know, it's not like Americans have a problem with Not Saving and instead Spending Money On Credit.
And yeah, just thinking about it like this, the rage is still there. (The Ragetm is always there.) But without the ever-present barrage of bullshit from TV starting the week after New Years Tax sales are over lasting through Mardi Gras specials, it's much less omnipresent. The past two years, I've basically forgotten about it until it happened. I'm sure being single those two years helped, but I wasn't "caught unaware" any other year I'd been single (and there'd been plenty).
And Christmas. Until I moved thousands of miles away from my close friends, Christmas was just that time when everyone I knew went away to be with their families, and I was alone. I stopped going home for the holidays years ago. First, when my parents were still in the RGV and I didn't have a car. Then, just because fuck it. The past couple of years in Austin, I went to Mason a couple of times, and so long as my brother didn't show up, things were fairly peaceful. But time with the family stresses me out more than anything else.
And yeah, same as Valentine's, I hate the consumer-frenzy aspect of Christmas. Only more so because with Christmas, it's multiplied by five billion on steroids. And unlike with Valentine's, there's no reason I'd want to celebrate it anymore. At least with Valentine's, I might have a girlfriend who'd want to celebrate. But I'm not Christian, nor am I Pagan. I don't celebrate Hanukkah nor Kwanzaa. No winter solstice holiday for me.
So yeah, it was just that time of the year when all my friends would go away. Christmas was nothing but lonely time for me.
This year, of course, that's become an "all-the-time" thing, so Christmas has even lost *that* special meaning.
In other news, I miss going to therapy. I couldn't tell you if I was getting anything concrete from my sessions, but I greatly enjoyed them. I started thinking of this recently while listening to Dar Williams' "What Do You Hear In These Sounds". There's not much to this tangent, really. I just miss it. I kind of wish I had insurance again.
*sigh* At most, a fortnight left in this house. No more than a fortnight until I have my own little cave.
In distraction news, I drove out in the snow today. I took it slow. It's easier than driving on ice, which is something I got practice with while in Austin. I went to Tom's Pancake House, where I was in fact sitting in a corner by a window, but there was a distinct lack of Suzanne Vega. The food was about what you would expect. And what I mean by that was, as it was breakfast food, it was fucking awesome. It's really hard to disappoint me with breakfast food. Bacon, eggs and pancakes? Delicious!
Afterwards, I found a Best Buy. Picked up Season 2 of the Boondocks on sale, as well as a cheap copy of season 2 of Survivorman (aka, better than "Man vs. Wild").
And now, I dunno. I'm doing what I find myself often doing on the weekends these days: waiting to get tired. If I think about that too hard, I get really depressed. I just want time to progress faster as I'm doing nothing now. I want to reach the end of this. I am only wasting my days, my hours, my life. Of course, thoughts like these are the last thing that will help me achieve sleep. Oh well. After last week, I've proven to myself that I can do my bullshit job with little effort and still be exemplary.
After I move, I look into the local chess clubs. Maybe a sci-fi/fantasy reading group, if I can find one. Something to take my mind off of how pathetic my existence is, and how alone I feel so damn often.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for anymore / I just know that I'm harder to console.