Give me the strength to change...

[kmvm]

I hate men. I hate the fact that they are driven by sex. I also hate how most of my friends don't actually care about me. Some of them, even though they put effort into hanging out with me, would never understand some of my problems if I ever told them. They wouldn't want to. They would shrug and avoid the conversation, and go back to talking about unimportant things. Others aren't even that subtle. They ignore their promises, they cancel at the last minute, they don't think about how their actions might affect me. And still others just forget that I'm there. If you don't want me to call, just tell me, and I won't. I promise. I've begun to realize how few true friends I have. I have one. If that. And sometimes I think she would rather I just stop calling.

I don't see the point in anything anymore. I don't want to go to school anymore. I mean ever. That includes college. I don't want to talk to anyone. No one. Not family, not "friends", not anyone that pretends they care and then runs away when I call on them for help. I have no wish to talk to anyone who's betrayed my trust. I just want to die. Now. Sometimes I wish I had a gun, because with something that quick and easy, I would have been dead a long time ago.
And yes, I know I'll feel differently in the morning, or eventually, or whatever, but God, it sucks right now.

Speaking of God, right now that's the only thing keeping me going. The hope that this Easter, I'll be a full member of the Church. Faith seems like an invisible handhold, but somehow I've managed to find it.