Firsts

[kmvm]

I've decided that the idea of a live journal is an interesting phenomenon in that the writer must create a balance between what she wants the world to know and what she wishes the world could know. Those who have livejournals understand that what they write is, theoretically, open to everyone. But chances are only a few people, if that, will ever see what we write. So do I record what I want the average person to know? Or do I bare my soul to the world? Hopefully a delicate compromise can be achieved. Of course, the element of chance that decides who reads my new live journal will always play a subconscious role in deciding what to write. Even if I do say something that I would not normally tell my friends, those serendipitous readers that happen upon my musings must consider whether I write because I secretly hope that the subject(s) of my hopes/desires/pain might someday coincidentally happen upon them. Then I would not be to blame; the awkwardness of certain conversational topics would be completely bypassed, and all parties would know the nature of my feelings, without any direct action of mine. The things we do to avoid our irrational fears.

So this is my idea of taking a chance. The new trend in my grade has opened up possibilities of spilling my heart to an uncaring world, and deluding myself into thinking that it might change something.