Should have been written in my real journal....whatever
My mom told me recently that she worries that I'm easily influenced, specifically referencing my last housing exploits, and that I should be careful in relationships. It hurt to hear that, we all like to believe we're strong, but she's a bit right. I come with open expectations to most situations and get trampled from time to time. It's either that or be an asshole who can't give anyone an inch. I don't have much of a middle ground, although I've really tried.
Hence me joking that I'm a delicate little flower.
I know when I'm getting into situations that aren't for me or really compromise my values, but how I handle that, let my opinions be know and NOT get ridiculed (a type of trial by fire administered by the group)m is another thing. The shit that people talk on you floats around your name for ages. People don't forget.
So I go quiet. Or I leave. Or I say something and am not witty enough to banter with someone's bullshit (once again, I've tried to win at these fucking games , but at this point, one had better say something slayingly witty or else you're done for. I've found that it's better not say anything at this point). Hate being bad at these games.
On the upside of being "open to interpretation" (that's what I call my state of being), I can really go with the flow of a situation, access the players, and hopefully create something that is mutual and interesting. That's always my goal and what I think the point of hanging out with other people. So I suppose in pursuit of that goal, I'm gonna lose big at times.
But really, I'm not doing bad. My current friends have the same rules to the friend game and we have the most amazing times. Now if I could be in a bands will of them (there are about 7-10 people), my life would be perfect. All but 2 don't play instruments, so that's out of the question. But damn, imagine the damage we could do if they could play.