I should know better
Okay, so both Kemp and I are feeling down about moving + infertility crap. We have this new house, which we absolutely adore, and it's huge. And it has a pond. And a treehouse. And then we had a lovely housewarming party, with Kemp's little cousins, who we love. So we're getting to host for lovely kids and get to watch them play with our cats and ask questions and just generally be the wonderful children that they are.
It hits afterward, that we won't get to have that for us. It's hard, and sad, and cryworthy. I can handle that.
Today, I do something stupid. I've done this before, looking up the requirements for foster parenting and adoption and what kids are available.
I should not do this. We are not ready for this. It is a big commitment, and one that we are not prepared to make, let alone enter into serious discussion about. It is not the time, but I do it anyway. And now I'm more depressed...because, I don't know, because it isn't a good time financially or psychologically, because we aren't on the same page about it, because here are all these kids that need places and fate wasn't there for them and I would have been there for my kid and their parents might have completely unappreciated what they had... Stupid run-on emotive sentences. Too much emotion; not enough coherence.
Anyway, I know better than to look up that stuff, 'cause I know it doesn't help solve my being depressed. I should concentrate on what I have. But sometimes I'm not that bright. Ugh, I had two kids die and now I'm all lame. *sigh*
It hits afterward, that we won't get to have that for us. It's hard, and sad, and cryworthy. I can handle that.
Today, I do something stupid. I've done this before, looking up the requirements for foster parenting and adoption and what kids are available.
I should not do this. We are not ready for this. It is a big commitment, and one that we are not prepared to make, let alone enter into serious discussion about. It is not the time, but I do it anyway. And now I'm more depressed...because, I don't know, because it isn't a good time financially or psychologically, because we aren't on the same page about it, because here are all these kids that need places and fate wasn't there for them and I would have been there for my kid and their parents might have completely unappreciated what they had... Stupid run-on emotive sentences. Too much emotion; not enough coherence.
Anyway, I know better than to look up that stuff, 'cause I know it doesn't help solve my being depressed. I should concentrate on what I have. But sometimes I'm not that bright. Ugh, I had two kids die and now I'm all lame. *sigh*