Never Ever Bend to Squares
i need to let out some of my frustration which i shared with a few people and i am much happier.
im at a crossroad right now in my life. its similar to being a senior in high school and choosing a college but i suppose this crossroad is much more broader and hazy from where i am currently standing. see for the first time i do not have a clear plan of what i want to do which is very cumbersome to some, especially to my family members who constantly pry me with the question: "what you you want to do with your life?" this bothers me even more than the other ignorant statement that they make about france..."oh, you know they hate us over there."
i've come to realize in the past three years that most adults do not know what the fuck they are talking about. this does not exclusively apply to politics but i see more mistakes made in this area because i have a strong poli sci background. unfortunately my mom is under this catagory of people (not in the politics sense).
if you have not heard me complain about my mom then you obviously do not know me well. if you do not know, my mom is extremely neurotic and she feels this sense to shelter my brother and i from the outside world. i was lucky to break away and go to college four hours away. i still am bitter about the fact that i arrived a bit sheltered but i was able to change that quickly through meeting all kinds of people, ideas, and traveling. now miami is not the best place to unshelter a person but i feel that i made a huge leap since my arrival here and that my process will be more gradual than sudden.
my brother isn't as lucky as i am and i pity him but he has to make the steps to break away.
alright with this in mind, i am going over many options. i am considering doing the transatlantic seminar on the european union this summer. it counts as capstone credit and independent study. if i do this, then i must graduate in december 2007. if not, i will stay for the last two semesters of my senior year. fyi, i was considering russia and tanzania at one point but none of these programs could give me the work experience that i need to give me a stronger resume. tanzania was teaching english (which is not a strong background i have and it is not something i want to do in the future) and russia was merely a language program much like dijon. i have been looking for other programs but nothing would count towards my capstone and it is debatable weather it would count to my major because it is almost completely fulfilled. i also have to worry about deadlines which are approaching quickly.
when i told my mom about this, she completely rejected it for the reason of cost. however the program costs as much as 1 semester at miami (excluding books & my salary as an ra). i would be losing my spring semester to study this summer. she understood this but still rejected it and remedied it by saying that i could get an internship at home with an attorney instead. yet i do not know if i want to be a lawyer and if i did, i am not interested in local law, but international law (yet such firms are not found in akron, oh).
i also mentioned that i was considering joining the peace corps...big mistake. she called me back after our conversation and freaked out. part of this may have been hormonal (ooo menopause) and the rest is her neurotic nature and ignorance.
first she asked me if i was on drugs because i even considered the peace corps. i laughed so hard because i thought she was joking but she was completely serious! then she made some comment like " if you join the peace corps, they will send you to some god awful place like africa!" i wanted to smack her after saying that because she knows absolutely nothing about africa except what sensationalist news programs air about it. she does not understand that what you see on tv is hyped to appeal to the attention of its viewers and that one area that is getting a lot of news coverage such as the genocide in darfur or coups in the drc does not apply to the rest of the area. i tired to tell her this but failed to get through to her.
in my anger i did tell her that she was ignorant and close minded about making that comment because she had no basis for it. she just said it because she believes anything and everything that she sees and hears. she has no particular knowledge at all about africa.
after telling her this, she got even more angry and said that miami was the wrong place to send me. i just laughed because it couldnt be any further from the truth. she got even more furious and ended up hanging up on me.
i turned off my phone for the night so i could clear my mind and it is working.
eventually i will figure out what i want but it has to be myself who makes these decisions because they only apply to me.
these conflicts with my mom are not new. i've questioned her my entire life and yes, i am considered to "have a mouth on me" as she puts it. what's wrong with saying what you think when you don't agree? i am the devil compared to my angelic little brother which is something because we are both perfect compared to other peoples' kids. you can never make some people happy and that case goes to my mom as well. so guess what? i am not going to make her happy, i'm going to make myself happy first of all things.
she was unhappy about my decision to go to miami, but she later accepted it and the same will happen with this decision that i have to make.
im at a crossroad right now in my life. its similar to being a senior in high school and choosing a college but i suppose this crossroad is much more broader and hazy from where i am currently standing. see for the first time i do not have a clear plan of what i want to do which is very cumbersome to some, especially to my family members who constantly pry me with the question: "what you you want to do with your life?" this bothers me even more than the other ignorant statement that they make about france..."oh, you know they hate us over there."
i've come to realize in the past three years that most adults do not know what the fuck they are talking about. this does not exclusively apply to politics but i see more mistakes made in this area because i have a strong poli sci background. unfortunately my mom is under this catagory of people (not in the politics sense).
if you have not heard me complain about my mom then you obviously do not know me well. if you do not know, my mom is extremely neurotic and she feels this sense to shelter my brother and i from the outside world. i was lucky to break away and go to college four hours away. i still am bitter about the fact that i arrived a bit sheltered but i was able to change that quickly through meeting all kinds of people, ideas, and traveling. now miami is not the best place to unshelter a person but i feel that i made a huge leap since my arrival here and that my process will be more gradual than sudden.
my brother isn't as lucky as i am and i pity him but he has to make the steps to break away.
alright with this in mind, i am going over many options. i am considering doing the transatlantic seminar on the european union this summer. it counts as capstone credit and independent study. if i do this, then i must graduate in december 2007. if not, i will stay for the last two semesters of my senior year. fyi, i was considering russia and tanzania at one point but none of these programs could give me the work experience that i need to give me a stronger resume. tanzania was teaching english (which is not a strong background i have and it is not something i want to do in the future) and russia was merely a language program much like dijon. i have been looking for other programs but nothing would count towards my capstone and it is debatable weather it would count to my major because it is almost completely fulfilled. i also have to worry about deadlines which are approaching quickly.
when i told my mom about this, she completely rejected it for the reason of cost. however the program costs as much as 1 semester at miami (excluding books & my salary as an ra). i would be losing my spring semester to study this summer. she understood this but still rejected it and remedied it by saying that i could get an internship at home with an attorney instead. yet i do not know if i want to be a lawyer and if i did, i am not interested in local law, but international law (yet such firms are not found in akron, oh).
i also mentioned that i was considering joining the peace corps...big mistake. she called me back after our conversation and freaked out. part of this may have been hormonal (ooo menopause) and the rest is her neurotic nature and ignorance.
first she asked me if i was on drugs because i even considered the peace corps. i laughed so hard because i thought she was joking but she was completely serious! then she made some comment like " if you join the peace corps, they will send you to some god awful place like africa!" i wanted to smack her after saying that because she knows absolutely nothing about africa except what sensationalist news programs air about it. she does not understand that what you see on tv is hyped to appeal to the attention of its viewers and that one area that is getting a lot of news coverage such as the genocide in darfur or coups in the drc does not apply to the rest of the area. i tired to tell her this but failed to get through to her.
in my anger i did tell her that she was ignorant and close minded about making that comment because she had no basis for it. she just said it because she believes anything and everything that she sees and hears. she has no particular knowledge at all about africa.
after telling her this, she got even more angry and said that miami was the wrong place to send me. i just laughed because it couldnt be any further from the truth. she got even more furious and ended up hanging up on me.
i turned off my phone for the night so i could clear my mind and it is working.
eventually i will figure out what i want but it has to be myself who makes these decisions because they only apply to me.
these conflicts with my mom are not new. i've questioned her my entire life and yes, i am considered to "have a mouth on me" as she puts it. what's wrong with saying what you think when you don't agree? i am the devil compared to my angelic little brother which is something because we are both perfect compared to other peoples' kids. you can never make some people happy and that case goes to my mom as well. so guess what? i am not going to make her happy, i'm going to make myself happy first of all things.
she was unhappy about my decision to go to miami, but she later accepted it and the same will happen with this decision that i have to make.