roller coaster
There are times when the bullshit we are faced with every day piles up a little too high. That is when you have to take action. This week I have been on a mission to cleanse my life of all the bullshit that has been thrown my way. As each day passes I realize that I appreciate nothing more than clarity and straight forward people. Hey, Just be blunt and to the point. Tell me how it is. I am a big girl I don't need and sugar coated stuff...unless you are a guy and you want to charm me of course haha I don't think any girls mind that. But honestly, people really need to get over themselves and keep it real. No one does anyone favors by ambiguity.
Sometime last night some mood hit me that has made it impossible for me to mask my feelins on anything. And on top of that I just was not in a good mood. Many times when I am in a bad mood I suck it up and join in the convos and no one is wise to the fact that I would rather be by myself. Last night I just had to be straight up and say Peace out I am going home because I can't even fake conversation at the moment I am in such a pissy mood. I would really like to know how and why that happens though. How is it possible that out of nowhere I can be such a foul person? My guess is that I have some built up thoughts with a few emotions tagged to them. I have gotten a lot better about not holding things in...expressing myself in the moment. However NOBODY can express everything all the time. So even in my more laid back and up front way of life I still have the possiblity to burst a little. This however is just more sedated and thank God.
I told off Jonathan the other day for good. Well I actually told off his voicemail. Close enough though. That is what he has become to me now. This monotone drab voicemail. I told him that I was tired of making the effort to be his friend when he treats me the way he does. I told him that I wish he could have handled everything with more maturity and in a more adult manner. I wished him the best and said maybe I would talk to him sometime again maybe not, who knows. So now I am done with him. I cannot help but still feel confused though. How did things happen the way they did. I doubt I will ever know but maybe its just better that way. If I did actually understand him that would probably be more of a cause for concern.
I also called David and left him a message. I basically told him that I am coming to New York whether I see him or not and I would like for him to call me and let me know which one he prefers. We will see what happens, I have yet to form an opinion on it and I don't really plan on having one until I talk to him. No matter the circumstances I absolutely cannot wait to go to New York...for some reason unkown to me the city has been calling to me for months and I think I will figure out why when I get there. SOOOOOO HAPPY.
Yes I have to stay at my house in Snellville tonight and drive back to Athens tomorrow for school and work thanks to my bitch sister. I love her to death and I am sure I will still look up to her until the day that I die but sometimes I would really love to slap some sense into that girl. Sometimes I cannot figure out how we came out of the same house. Oh well though...Forgive and forget what else can you do. I just have this feeling though that one day I am going to tell her everything that everyone wants to tell her that is gonna hurt her like hell but that she definitely needs to hear. My sister is one of the few people I have a really hard time standing up to and I have a feeling that day is rapidly approaching. Eh I am sure it will be good for her.
One of the best things I have ever felt I experienced last night. I have no clue what I am doing, what I will be doing, what might happen to me but the one thing I know is that I will be fine. For the first time in my adult life I am completely alone as far as guys are concerned and I have hit the point of knowing that I don't need anything but myself to get what I want and need.
Sometime last night some mood hit me that has made it impossible for me to mask my feelins on anything. And on top of that I just was not in a good mood. Many times when I am in a bad mood I suck it up and join in the convos and no one is wise to the fact that I would rather be by myself. Last night I just had to be straight up and say Peace out I am going home because I can't even fake conversation at the moment I am in such a pissy mood. I would really like to know how and why that happens though. How is it possible that out of nowhere I can be such a foul person? My guess is that I have some built up thoughts with a few emotions tagged to them. I have gotten a lot better about not holding things in...expressing myself in the moment. However NOBODY can express everything all the time. So even in my more laid back and up front way of life I still have the possiblity to burst a little. This however is just more sedated and thank God.
I told off Jonathan the other day for good. Well I actually told off his voicemail. Close enough though. That is what he has become to me now. This monotone drab voicemail. I told him that I was tired of making the effort to be his friend when he treats me the way he does. I told him that I wish he could have handled everything with more maturity and in a more adult manner. I wished him the best and said maybe I would talk to him sometime again maybe not, who knows. So now I am done with him. I cannot help but still feel confused though. How did things happen the way they did. I doubt I will ever know but maybe its just better that way. If I did actually understand him that would probably be more of a cause for concern.
I also called David and left him a message. I basically told him that I am coming to New York whether I see him or not and I would like for him to call me and let me know which one he prefers. We will see what happens, I have yet to form an opinion on it and I don't really plan on having one until I talk to him. No matter the circumstances I absolutely cannot wait to go to New York...for some reason unkown to me the city has been calling to me for months and I think I will figure out why when I get there. SOOOOOO HAPPY.
Yes I have to stay at my house in Snellville tonight and drive back to Athens tomorrow for school and work thanks to my bitch sister. I love her to death and I am sure I will still look up to her until the day that I die but sometimes I would really love to slap some sense into that girl. Sometimes I cannot figure out how we came out of the same house. Oh well though...Forgive and forget what else can you do. I just have this feeling though that one day I am going to tell her everything that everyone wants to tell her that is gonna hurt her like hell but that she definitely needs to hear. My sister is one of the few people I have a really hard time standing up to and I have a feeling that day is rapidly approaching. Eh I am sure it will be good for her.
One of the best things I have ever felt I experienced last night. I have no clue what I am doing, what I will be doing, what might happen to me but the one thing I know is that I will be fine. For the first time in my adult life I am completely alone as far as guys are concerned and I have hit the point of knowing that I don't need anything but myself to get what I want and need.