Goddamn I love me!
As the end of the semester is finally here I am more done with school than I have ever been. This has been one hell of a semester; it really can't end soon enough.
My history classes kicked my ass as far as work is concerned, but I guess I know the real deal now. I have absolutely fallen in love with my drama major and I get more and more excited as each day passes to do more in this department.
As far as my personal life is concerned, I didn't realize that this much could happen in one semester. And even more shockingly, how the fuck have I managed to stay in school? I believe that ex boyfriends a certain form of the devil. Not that I particularly hate any of my ex boyfriends but DAMN. Scott I will always care about deeply and hold close to my heart. We are over but I think we are approaching the place in life where we can actually be friends and appreciate each other as people. Blake and I don't talk any more which I have not decided to be a good or bad thing. Probably good. Tom is Tom, honestly what the fuck can you say about that kid. He amuses me, I enjoy his company for the most part but he is more frusterating than anyone should be in such a weird way. I can never tell what the hell he is thinking. One moment he acts like he has never gotten over me, the next minute he could care less. Guess thats just a clue as to why we didn't work. Jonathan...gosh where do I start? I have not been this hurt by someone since Scott. Granted Scott hurt me way more but I had about 16 more months with Scott as well. I am not sure how I got into Jonathan as quickly as I did...well that's not completely true its just another story. I don't get him though. He wants to be friends he does and says weird but nice things but then acts like a complete dick to me...and I can't seem to let go. Not that I necessarily want to get back together. More than anything I just want to be happy and I think the only way I can do that at the moment is to be by myself...but I miss things sometimes. Watching 24 and cuddling, cuddling in general, the way he woulld ask me if I was his baby girl, all the stupid things we had. Lord knows there was enough. Perhaps my life was too consumed with him but I was happy...so I guess I am in this state of confusion. I guess I just want to know what he is thinking cuz he sure as fuck won't tell me. And honestly after going through all the pain of everything that happened with Scott there is nothing that I cannot handle when it comes to another guy. Maybe Jonathan and I were not meant to be together but I honestly would like to be friends if nothing else. I put so much into him and I am not used to not having him around. Im ok...but not completely. I guess thats just how it goes.
But with all this catastrophe with exes and all the other guys in between, I made a promise to myself. I will not be involved with a guy unless I truly like him and cant help myself but to be with him. Other than that I am focused on myself, having fun and school. I want to graduate and become financially independent and stable as soon as I can. I am finished with bullshit...there must be a real place for me somewhere.
My history classes kicked my ass as far as work is concerned, but I guess I know the real deal now. I have absolutely fallen in love with my drama major and I get more and more excited as each day passes to do more in this department.
As far as my personal life is concerned, I didn't realize that this much could happen in one semester. And even more shockingly, how the fuck have I managed to stay in school? I believe that ex boyfriends a certain form of the devil. Not that I particularly hate any of my ex boyfriends but DAMN. Scott I will always care about deeply and hold close to my heart. We are over but I think we are approaching the place in life where we can actually be friends and appreciate each other as people. Blake and I don't talk any more which I have not decided to be a good or bad thing. Probably good. Tom is Tom, honestly what the fuck can you say about that kid. He amuses me, I enjoy his company for the most part but he is more frusterating than anyone should be in such a weird way. I can never tell what the hell he is thinking. One moment he acts like he has never gotten over me, the next minute he could care less. Guess thats just a clue as to why we didn't work. Jonathan...gosh where do I start? I have not been this hurt by someone since Scott. Granted Scott hurt me way more but I had about 16 more months with Scott as well. I am not sure how I got into Jonathan as quickly as I did...well that's not completely true its just another story. I don't get him though. He wants to be friends he does and says weird but nice things but then acts like a complete dick to me...and I can't seem to let go. Not that I necessarily want to get back together. More than anything I just want to be happy and I think the only way I can do that at the moment is to be by myself...but I miss things sometimes. Watching 24 and cuddling, cuddling in general, the way he woulld ask me if I was his baby girl, all the stupid things we had. Lord knows there was enough. Perhaps my life was too consumed with him but I was happy...so I guess I am in this state of confusion. I guess I just want to know what he is thinking cuz he sure as fuck won't tell me. And honestly after going through all the pain of everything that happened with Scott there is nothing that I cannot handle when it comes to another guy. Maybe Jonathan and I were not meant to be together but I honestly would like to be friends if nothing else. I put so much into him and I am not used to not having him around. Im ok...but not completely. I guess thats just how it goes.
But with all this catastrophe with exes and all the other guys in between, I made a promise to myself. I will not be involved with a guy unless I truly like him and cant help myself but to be with him. Other than that I am focused on myself, having fun and school. I want to graduate and become financially independent and stable as soon as I can. I am finished with bullshit...there must be a real place for me somewhere.